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By the time the men finally rejoined them, Heather was more than ready for them to do so. Though she loved being around Allison and Jocelyn, she wasn’t used to being considered an actual guest, and she still felt quite awkward. She also didn’t want to listen to any more advice and speculation about what was going on between her and Drake. She still wasn’t sure herself and needed some time to think about it all now that her life wasn’t in imminent danger.
Drake caught her eyes the moment he entered the room, and she could tell that he felt the same way and had endured many of the same questions as she had. Understanding surged between them, and for perhaps the first time in her life, she suddenly felt truly part of something. The time they’d shared together in that cellar had forced them to shed the social niceties and be completely real and honest with each other. They had become a team.
The thought fluttered through her mind, enticing and beautiful, until she remembered that she hadn’t truly been honest with him. In fact, the entire basis of their relationship had been a lie.
He crossed the room to her side and took the chair next to her, which she’d chosen specifically because they set a bit apart from the others. It wasn’t as though no one in the room could hear them, but if they pitched their voices low enough, the others would have to stop talking themselves and listen very carefully.
“How are you?” he asked softly, the moment he sat. “Did you get some rest?”
“I’m fine,” she responded, her voice just as low. “I slept the whole day away. How about you? You got even less sleep when we were in that cellar than I did.”
“I slept longer than I should have,” he said ruefully. “I only meant to rest an hour or two but I suppose it all caught up to me. I only joined the group a little while before you did.”
Silence fell between them but it wasn’t awkward. With him, she didn’t feel as though she needed to talk all the time.
She gazed at him out of the corner of her eye, while pretending to be interested in what the others were saying. They were talking about going to Sebastian and Jocelyn’s country estate for the summer, though Sebastian didn’t think he could get away from his job for very long and Allison was a bit concerned about being far from the city so close to when she should be giving birth.
It didn’t seem as though Drake was really listening to them either. He seemed just as aware of her as she was of him. She wondered if he was also remembering their kisses. The way he’d held her breasts in his hands as he kissed her hungrily. The way his powerful body had moved over and inside hers, bringing her to such ecstasy.
She loved his lips, she decided. It really wasn’t quite fair that a man should have such a lush, mobile mouth. He’d been born to grant sinful pleasure.
“I have so much to talk to you about,” he murmured. “But I feel like nothing I have to say to you can be said with an audience. Are you still going to meet me in the garden later?”
“Of course,” she breathed. “As soon as I can get away, I’ll find you there.”
A smile stretched that mouth she’d just been admiring, making him even more gorgeous. What she wouldn’t give to simply launch herself into his arms and kiss him until the whole world fell away. The future remained dark and cloudy, but when she looked into his eyes, she could almost believe that everything was going to work out.
She waited about half an hour more before standing up and yawning theatrically. “I’m still tired. I think I’ll retire for the night.”
Allison gave her a strange look that she didn’t want to even try to interpret but then nodded. “Have a good night. We’ll talk in the morning.”
Careful not to even glance in Drake’s direction, Heather said goodnight to the others and then headed up toward her room, still a bit confused about why she’d been given a guest room instead of sent back to the servants’ quarters where she belonged.
Once she shut her door safely behind her, all the stress and terror of the past few days caught up with her, and she collapsed across her bed, staring up at the ceiling as conflicting thoughts and emotions battled in her mind.
What am I doing?
Every time she wasn’t directly looking at Drake, the doubts assailed her, making her wonder if she’d lost her mind. Why hadn’t she been content with her life the way it was? She’d had things much better than most people of her station, and she should have been grateful that Allison had given her such a wonderful home. Instead, she seemed to always be burning for the things she could not have.
And Drake Blackstone was definitely one of the things she could never have.
With a groan, she forced herself up and stared at her wan face in the mirror, pinching her cheeks to try and bring some color back to them. Though it would be dark when she went outside to meet Drake, she wanted to look her best.
For the next half hour or so, she kept herself busy getting ready, but when even she couldn’t find anything else to do, she decided to steal down to the garden now. She simply couldn’t stand being cooped up in this house any longer. Perhaps her ordeal in the cellar had kept her from ever wanting to be in an enclosed space again. She yearned for some fresh air.
The Nesses’ garden was large and well-kept, with lovely little footpaths and a wide variety of trees and flowers. Tonight they looked somewhat sinister, the dark branches still mostly bare and reaching for the moonlit sky. Shivering, she pulled her wrap tighter around her shoulders, wishing she’d grabbed something heavier. Winter was lingering this year.
Toward the back of the garden was a secluded bench tucked behind a sheltering hedge. Perching on the edge, she listened intently for any sign of Drake, her heart pounding with the anticipation of being alone with him again. They’d been around far too many people today.
At last, she heard quiet footfalls coming her way, and she cleared her throat so he would know where to find her. He rounded the corner and immediately caught her up against him, his wonderful strong body warming her instantly, his scent already so dear and familiar.
“There are guards all over the place out here,” he murmured, tugging her into an even more secluded nook in the hedges. “I’m glad they’re here to keep you safe, but we should talk quietly so we’re not overheard.”
She nodded jerkily, feeling overwhelmed by the depth of the mess she’d managed to get herself into. Even though they’d escaped, Jacob and his men were still out there, and she wouldn’t be safe until Drake made certain they were all behind bars.
But Jacob would never go to jail without telling anyone who’d listen that she’d been involved. It seemed that no matter how she turned the whole thing over in her head, she couldn’t imagine a scenario where she got out of this unscathed. Perhaps she should just tell Drake about her involvement with the Citizens Committee tonight. He’d find out eventually, and when he did, he was bound to feel horribly betrayed.
But what were the odds that he’d understand? That he wouldn’t hate her once he found out the truth? She didn’t want to take that chance. She wanted to enjoy these last few days while she could.
For a moment, he just hugged her tightly, but then he let her go. “Have you had a chance to think about what we talked about earlier? Would you like to come stay with me for a while?”
“Yes,” she breathed, even though she knew it couldn’t end well. “I’d love that, Drake.”
“Good.” He sounded relieved, and though it was hard to see him clearly in the darkness, she thought he was smiling. “Your friends are worried about you. Worried about what might have happened between us. I know that you probably are too.”
She took another step back, suddenly wary. “What happened is none of their business,” she said, rubbing her hands against her arms, remembering with startling clarity how it felt to have this man inside her. “I don’t regret it,” she said fiercely, needing him to know that no matter what came of all of this, that had been the one good part. She wouldn’t have missed getting to know him despite all the heartache it would inevitably bring.
“I don’t regret it either,” he murmured, shoving his hands in his pockets. “I just need you to know that after all of this is over, after I see those bastards brought to justice, I will make this right.”
Her heart slammed into her throat, and she swallowed dryly. This wasn’t the first time he’d said that, but she had no idea what he meant by ‘making it right.’ “What are you saying?”
“I feel as though I took advantage... of you... of your fear. I should have been stronger, shouldn’t have given in to my desire.” He shook his head, then sighed grimly. “I wasn’t thinking of anything but how much I wanted you, and because of that... You could be with child, Heather.”
Her hand unconsciously went to her stomach, and tears stung her eyes. For so long, she’d dreamed of a family of her own, but this wasn’t how she’d wanted it. She didn’t want to repeat the cycle of her own life, giving birth to the bastard child of a highborn man who could never claim it.
His gaze followed the movement of her hand. “I would never make you go through that alone. I will take care of you. I promise.”
She laughed hollowly. “Are you asking me to be your mistress?”
He was a good man. A kind man. And he probably even thought he was doing the right thing now. But she knew all too well that his interest in her would fade, especially once she was swollen with his child and no longer attractive. Eventually, he would leave. They all did.
“No,” he said slowly, sounding very uncertain. “I’m not asking you to be my mistress, Heather. That’s not what I want at all. I’m asking you to be my wife.”
“Your wife?” She stared at him in mingled elation and dismay, certain she’d misheard him. “You must be joking.”
“I’m not.” He ran a hand through his inky hair, seeming uncomfortable and uncertain, emotions she knew he didn’t often feel. “I’ve ruined you, Heather. And I want to do right by you.”
Her heart broke a little at his sweetness, But she knew he didn’t want this. “When we met, you didn’t even think me worthy of being introduced to you,” she reminded him gently. “And now you’re going to marry me?” She shook her head. “Besides... you didn’t ruin me. I was... ruined before we ever met.”
A soft sound of denial escaped him, but then, to her surprise, he reached out and pulled her back against him. “I don’t like that word. I shouldn’t have used it. You’re not ruined, darling. You’re beautiful and perfect. I don’t care if I wasn’t your first. I would be honored to make you my wife.”
“Oh, Drake,” she whispered, wanting so badly to take his words at face value and stunned by his easy acceptance of the fact that she hadn’t been a virgin. She wished more than anything that she could just accept his proposal, pretend that they could make things work, pretend that he loved her. But they’d only known each other a few days, even though it somehow seemed a lifetime. His honor was commendable, but she couldn’t ask him to destroy his reputation because they’d had sex when they’d feared they would never make it out of that cellar alive. She knew that eventually, he’d come to resent her, that he'd be ashamed of her.
She almost wished that he had asked her to be his mistress. Even that was probably more than she deserved but at least then she’d have been able to remain with him a little longer.
His men would undoubtedly catch up to Jacob soon, and her old lover would give her up in a minute to save his own skin. And once Drake realized that she’d had a part in this, that she’d been part of the explosion that had cost two lives... He would hate her then.
There was no possible way that her life could have the fairytale ending he was offering her right now.
“You don’t have to give me an answer yet.” Seeming to sense her inner turmoil, he pressed his lips tenderly to her temple. “It was foolish of me to bring this up tonight. We’ve both had a rough few days, and we shouldn’t be making any rash decisions. I just wanted you to know that I didn’t take what happened between us lightly.”
“Neither did I.” She sighed and gazed up at him, wishing she were someone else, someone who hadn’t already destroyed her life so completely. Because there was nothing in the world that she wanted more than to say yes. “I loved making love to you, Drake. It is the only thing that has made any sense to me since this all began.”
Tossing caution to the wind, she lifted up on her tiptoes and wrapped her arms around his neck. She could never be his wife, but perhaps she could steal a few more minutes in his arms. “Kiss me,” she breathed. “All I need in this moment is to be close to you again.”
He drew in a sharp breath, then wrapped his arms around her, lifting her up against him as his mouth came crashing down upon hers. The hunger in his kiss fed the desperation clawing deep within her. They kissed as though they might never see each other again, as though this was the last time they’d ever know this sweet pleasure.
Still holding her against him, he carried her over to the stone bench, his hands lifting her skirts so that she could straddle his lap as he sat. Not to be outdone, she struggled with the front of his trousers. He groaned and brushed her hands away, freeing his erection to the night air.
She wrapped one hand around him, stunned by his heat, by the silky heft of him. As she experimentally stroked him from base to tip, he broke the kiss long enough to gasp, “I love your hands on me.”
She stroked him again, and he groaned and buried his face in the crook of her neck. “Much more of that and I’ll come undone in your hand, darling.”
She laughed breathlessly, remembering how he’d touched her before coming inside her, the way he’d pleasured her so completely first. Could she do that for him? Were there different ways of making love than just the one they’d engaged in? She wanted to learn them all.
Before she could act upon her newfound power over him, he shifted so that his hot, heavy length was probing her entrance. “Take me inside you,” he whispered.
Shivering, she realized what he wanted and let him press inside her. She slowly sank down upon his length until he was seated deep inside her. Eyes wide, she stared at him in the dim light. “Oh, Drake.”
“Is this all right?” he asked, his voice rough. “Can you ride me, Heather?”
She nodded jerkily, still shocked by how full she felt, as if he’d filled every single lonely part of her. She slowly rocked against him, feeling embarrassed and uncomfortable at first, but then getting into a rhythm that rubbed that most sensitive spot just right, making that shimmering feeling start to build deep within her.
“That’s right, darling,” he breathed, his hands on her hips, guiding her as he moved against her, making all the feelings intensify to a fever pitch. Suddenly, heat burst within her, spreading from her center out in a fountain of pleasure even more intense than she’d felt the last time.
She fell forward against him, muffling her cry in his shoulder as he drove into her even faster. Suddenly he went rigid beneath her, choking back his own hoarse cry.
They clung together, still breathing heavily, and she pressed her face against his shirt, wondering what in the world she was doing. She certainly hadn’t meant to do this with him again tonight. But she also didn’t want to talk about the ridiculous idea of marrying him.
This was all there could be between them, and that was fine. She was a modern woman, and there was no reason why she couldn’t take a lover if she wanted one.
She would go with him to the house where he kept his mistresses, and as long as he was good to her, as long as he still wanted her, she would stay there with him. All she knew for certain was that she wasn’t ready to let him go.