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The days began to blur together after that. I learnt. I worked. I tried to forget what was outside, which was difficult when that was where I felt most free. The weeks warmed, like the colours of the flowers that popped up in the valley. Snowdrops and daffodils turned into bluebells and poppies.
I continued through the routine that grew for the hours I got to explore the cave systems. There were layers of living, and it somehow suited the society that I had found myself in. After a collection of community caverns, it opened up into a network of residences. I couldn’t work out how it might have looked from the woods but the more I thought about the outside, the more it felt like I was haunting a tomb. Regardless, I hadn’t come across a perimeter guard yet, and I thought asking about how far I was allowed to walk might result in shorter walks. Maybe I had been wandering a little far, but I hadn’t found any danger either.
After long stretches of people going about their daily chores, socialising or working, there was another layer of people doing the same thing outside the residential area, and then empty tunnels. When I first ventured into the darkness, the light from my lantern dancing on the rugged walls unnerved me, I kept expecting figures to jump out at me. Occasionally, other lanterns announced someone else nearby, often they were carrying mosses or old branches back.
Pelthas’ chambers unfurled before me like chapters in an ancient tome. Patterns of lichen clung to the stone like living tapestries and stalactites hung like chandeliers from the ceiling, their slow, patient growth a reminder of the millenniums that had passed here. The air was cool and tinged with earthiness.
Amidst the shadows, I came across a few relics. Not unlike the carvings at the entrance, I found weathered knots etched into the rock. As I looked at them, the light revealed a recessed statue at its heart, its intricate design faded but still spoke of craftsmanship. I’d traced the lines with my fingers and wondered which of the Seelie legends it had been.
Further in still, along a winding passageway, I encountered chambers with long-forgotten fragments of another life. A bronze-coloured torc, its once-polished surface now patinated with age. Rings and a knife haft adorned with dust filled plaits. Intricately carved bone. Whispered stories.
Many of the carved pathways I walked looked similar and were only distinguished by collapsed rocks or cracks of different coloured stone when the coloured symbols ran out. I began to tell by the light or mossy density how close to the outside I was and listened to when I needed to head back along the stony coast.
The weight of the community spirit still felt so exhausting that only after keeping my head down with my assigned task did I look up to observe others. When I was a comfortable distance away, I remembered some of my own substance. I felt that Áine wanted to care for me like one of her sisters, but that attention was more responsibly spent on her girls. Ruari and Emer had begun their younger commitments again; Emer stayed behind at our communal meeting space for class of some kind and Ruari restarted her training in tailoring, seemingly the next step in settling their people. I might have felt differently about what I needed if I had the open road ahead of me. I thought I might feel clearer when Eoghan arrived. At first, I wanted to talk to him about my position and just hear the voice of the outsider, but the longer it took for him to visit, the deeper my doubts grew about why I was there.
I was overlooking the assembly plaza when Áine found me, the man I’d wanted to see three months ago in her stride. The opening I stood on acted like a balcony, closest to the fissure that lit the chasm. Áine and Eoghan passed a group that were whittling cups and bowls, exchanging conversation in grunts. I’d grown used to the different races that made up Pelthas, but I was still often reminded to be careful about my body language.
“There you are,” Áine said cheerfully. “Look who’s arrived!”
“I saw you coming.” I smiled back, indicating over the ledge my arms rested upon, and greeted Eoghan. “I hope it hasn’t been too bad in the outside world.”
Áine turned and waved as she left.
Eoghan gave me an apprehensive look as he made the rest of his way over to me. “I’m afraid if you’re asking that, you might have been keeping your head in the ground.”
The irony wasn’t lost on me. All I’d wanted these past months was to get my head out of the ground. “Has it been that bad?”
He gave a grim nod, eyes cast down when he replied, “It appears the Unseelie have stepped up their attacks. I believe another gate was lost based on what communication I’ve had, they must be getting desperate.”
“My father’s?”
“Still safe, and I’d hope even the council would tell you otherwise if that were the case. Oona has been able to rally some of her pack to help.”
I didn’t hear much from the council. They checked in when they saw me but whatever discussions they kept saying we needed never seemed to be as important as the next matter that came up. I wanted to be in the know, aware of the little details, but every time I tried to ask other questions, guilt clawed its way up my throat, preventing me. They were organising a refugee camp and liaising with other sites, caring for an entire city in their guardianship. Who was I to ask for their attention?
“Is it strange to be back?” I asked. During my time, I’d discovered Eoghan used to be a member of the council and given his confidence in his decision to be courtless, I hadn’t been surprised. He knew how the system worked.
“It’s far from what I used to know back home in Falias. Despite the harrowing situation, there’s a part of me that’s intrigued. I’ve read about Pelthas so often, the scholar in me can’t help but be curious.”
There was just a breath of quiet before the look I knew so well surfaced, familiar concern creasing his forehead. “And what about you? Are you settling in? Your vehicle is still safe, I passed it on the way in.”
My way out. I felt for Rosie’s key, still in my pocket, along with the brass shapes of my father’s key that I knew so well now. I’d only been able to hope it would still be there and a little of my uncertainty lifted at Eoghan’s words. Although I’d picked up a passing grasp of Sindaric, he spoke in English.
There were numerous other languages in the caverns that I just didn’t encounter often enough to learn. Whilst I’d been here, I was either fervently welcomed to the point I doubted their sincerity or ignored. It made me miss the life I’d had before my mother passed. I missed her unwavering acceptance. There were exceptions of course. Áine, Drust, some on the council, remained realistic with me, but was that just because anything they were expecting from me was overdue?
“I don’t know,” I said finally. “I know the situation can’t be helped, and I know I’m lucky to have somewhere safe, but I was backed into this too.” I watched the figures below, working, living, even though they’d escaped war, what else could they do? “How long are you here for?”
“I don’t think this is the life many of them would pick.” He rested his bones against the rock, both hands on his cane. “I can stay as long as I want to. The council has concluded that Lunete’s foretelling must have either been mistaken or, at the very least, not about me.”
“So you’re free to choose where you live?” I meant it as a happy statement, but he inclined his head.
“In a sense. It’s been quite strange seeing ghosts from my past. Lovely too, catching up with some of them. But I think I’m too old to be uprooted now. I’m happy with my little home. I just had to give it a go, like you here.”
“Who’s saying that?” I felt a little shame, annoyed at my response. Hadn’t I done everything I was asked to do so far?
“I meant no insult, only that if you need help, you need just ask.”
I shifted, half unsure how to respond, half inclined to let the comment pass as if I hadn’t heard it. A figure that I made out to be Áine left from the direction of the carved stairs, her chestnut hair striking even from the bun she wore. She weaved between the groups, casually pausing and greeting people as she passed. She stopped when she reached a space outside the cavern square.
“I’m not sure what I’ve done to upset Oona.” I turned back to him as he looked back to me as well.
“You’ve seen her?”
“Mostly from a distance. She didn’t like it when I tried to say hello.”
Eoghan was quiet for a second before clearing his throat. “I’m sure lots of things have changed around here recently. No one can say for certain, she’s on high alert.”
There was something in the way he glanced away that made me doubt what Eoghan meant. I didn’t want to think like that— like he was hiding things from me too. I’d waited patiently to talk to someone whose advice I thought I could listen to. Without him, I was closer to just existing for a little while and trying life again later.
“No updates on what the Unseelie might be doing?” he asked.
I shook my head, looking back out across the layers of caves, and thought it was curious that he thought I might have more information on that. “Not that I’ve heard. Áine tells me that a lot of their resources are put into protection at the moment, but much of their library had to stay behind of course, so that makes it especially difficult to research their theories. What about you? Any ideas?”
I found myself trying to find her again in the thinning crowd below. She wasn’t in the space from before but hadn’t gone far. She walked with another figure, towards one of the dining spaces. The shape and stride of her companion was familiar. I caught myself searching for his outline occasionally. I also knew Áine hadn’t mentioned that they were on another task together. I was much too far away to see their expressions or make out what they were talking about. Although I had more reason to see Drust by then, we still only checked in for practice and even that was less than it had been. He was quiet about his parents, but I gathered he’d heard from all the camps now. They were missing in Falias.
I had little success, or interest, in the simplest manipulation anyway. I didn’t know how to be a gatekeeper and, if I thought about committing to this one path, the lives I left unlived crowded my mind. Had Mum taken me away to let me pick a different life?
“It makes sense that they’ve stepped up their efforts; they either get more gates or more reaction.” Eoghan looked around casually as if checking for any listeners. “The Seelie have fought, but the time disturbance has inhibited their ability to travel too. They have no way of bridging worlds to the right time. They can plan all they like but they must wait for the Unseelie to act.”
It should have had more impact on me than it did. “That’s comforting.”
“I tell you these things to remind you of your choices, Morgan. You can still live outside of all this, but it can be a good life if you let it.”
I’d only wanted to get to know the other side of me, another piece of myself. Some of Mum’s stories had felt a little too real when I was growing up and the influences on my life had led me here. But I couldn’t help but feel it was still an act. In that moment, I asked myself if I thought I would survive outside all this, and wondered how long I would stay in Pelthas because of that?