THE FOULRUNNING CADILLAC ARRIVED chugging into the town limits of Red Bluff, the car having struggled out of the Delta flatlands and into the Mississippi hill country, the ups and downs of the landscape pushing the roughriding vehicle beyond what was left of its capabilities. The engine finally died as they drove closer to the handful of streets that made up the downtown and the long car rolled to a stop at the edge of the post office parking lot. The smoke curling around the hood and then forming a sloppy cloud that was carried away by an early summer wind. A hiss from the engine. The smell of gasoline. The man and woman sat in the front seat and the boy sat in the back. Eyes out of open windows. Thin faces of submission.
“Where we at?” the woman said.
“Right here,” the man answered.
A woman in a dull blue uniform came out of the post office with a package under her arm. Paused and removed her glasses and looked at the car. No hubcaps. Small dents in the doors. The back fender held in place by a twisted coat hanger. The man leaned his head out of the window and snorted and spit. She shook her head and frowned and then walked across the parking lot and climbed into the boxlike postal vehicle and drove away.
“I’m hungry,” the woman in the car said. “What we got back there?”
The boy passed up a cupcake wrapped in cellophane. It was lopsided and the icing had melted against the wrapper but she took it and tore it open.
“Gimme a bite,” the man said. But she opened her mouth wide and stuck the entire cupcake inside, the chocolate squishing from the sides of her mouth as she chewed.
The boy got out. Then the man and woman did the same. They gathered at the front of the car, the hissing having died away. The man got down on his knees and looked underneath. A drip in the front and a drip in the back. Then he stood and without a word he started walking and the woman and boy followed. Three gangly figures. The woman’s clothes too big and the boy’s clothes too small and the man pulling at his chin and stroking a patchy beard. They moved like revenants along the sidewalk. Each with the same spindled limbs and sunken mouth and leathery skin. They passed a church. A feed store. A hardware store. And then empty buildings. For every storefront with an OPEN sign there were three more that provided only shells, the small town mired in the purgatory of what had been and was to come.
A bell jingled when they walked into the drugstore. The pharmacist in a white coat looked up from his perch in the back. A teenage girl with a ponytail sat on a stool behind the counter smacking gum and reading a magazine and when she smelled them she held her breath until they walked past and then she wrinkled her nose and fanned the magazine under it.
“You need some help?” the pharmacist called. His hair was thin and silver and glasses and pens stuck up from his coat pocket. None of them answered the pharmacist as they shuffled from aisle to aisle looking at batteries and cough drops. Wasting as much time as they could in the cool air. The drugstore was silent but for the moving of the pharmacist and the girl, and the woman whispered I wish I could lay down right here and go to sleep.
“Drugstores used to have ice cream and sandwiches,” the man said. “Y’all got that?”
“We do not,” the pharmacist said.
“How come?”
“Because we don’t.”
“They got sandwiches at the café,” the girl said. She set her magazine down and moved from behind the counter and to the door. Holding it open as if they had asked her to ready for their exit.
“You must be passing through,” the pharmacist said.
“Not no more,” the woman answered.
“Might turn out to be home,” the man said. His face dirty and he stared at the pharmacist with his black burrowed eyes as he walked along the middle aisle and closer to him. He mindlessly picked up a box of tissues and held it up and said how much for this.
“Café is right down that way,” the pharmacist said and he waved his hand toward the door. “You can’t eat a box of tissues.”
The man tossed the box on the floor. Grabbed another from the shelf and did the same. The woman was on one side of the store shoving a pack of clean underwear under her shirt and the boy was on the other side shoving candy bars down his pants.
“Leave them boxes right there,” the man proclaimed. “I’m gonna come back and get them after we get to this café y’all keep hollering about. I remember right where I left them. Don’t let nobody buy them out from under me.”
“Get on out of here,” the pharmacist said. He had slid a step to his right. Closer to the telephone. “I mean it.”
“So do I.”
The man then turned around and strolled along the middle aisle and toward the open door. The boy and woman met him there and as they left the drugstore the man poked his finger into the belly of the teenage girl who was still holding open the door and he said I think I’ll come on back here pretty soon and get another look at you.
The woman was asleep across the backseat with her arm draped across her face. The man sat on the trunk smoking a cigarette, his eyes out into the twilight and his mind on the argument he and the woman had two days before. Their squatting time up in the farmhouse. A graybeard in overalls holding the shotgun on them and walking them to the property line. The woman holding the little boy and the man and the older boy with their hands held above their heads. Walking to the spot in the woods where they had hidden the car and getting in and driving down the dirt road as the shotgun fired a final warning into the air. Getting to a gas station and sitting there with the windows up while a slanting rain blew across the Delta and he gave the boy a dollar and said go inside and get us some canned meat and some Cokes. When the boy was gone the man said to her we can’t feed everybody. We got to cut loose. The little boy asleep in her arms. His mouth open and his lips dry. We can’t do this shit no more. It was rudimentary math to him. The simple equation of not enough to go around and too much weight to carry in this life and he had never trusted that any of his blood flowed through the child anyway.
That night he stared into the twilight and justified it all as he smoked a cigarette and listened to the crickets. He had known before he even brought up the idea that she would give in. That she’d agree. Had to lighten the load. And she had agreed, more easily than even he thought she would.
They had left the little boy in the afternoon. Naked but for his diaper. Dropping a backpack on the ground next to him stuffed with wadded shirts and diapers. Little green army men. A scrap of paper with his scribbled name. The woman knocking on the back door of the donation store and running around and getting in the car, not looking back at the child. A hand covering her eyes as they drove out of the parking lot. Before dark she was stabbed with regret, crying all night as they sat in the car. Parked down some backroad. The older boy unable to look at them knowing what they had done and climbing over a fence and walking out into a pasture and lying down in the wet grass. The storm having blown away and leaving a long dark sky and a thousand stars. And in the empty night the boy could still hear her crying. Sometimes in whimpers and sometimes in violent thrusts when she pounded her fist against the car and the man saying I don’t wanna hear it no more and she had taken the back of his hand across her face and then fought him until he got her pinned against the car window and he spoke calmly to her then. You’d better stop or I’ll kill you.
The man finally got her to be quiet by promising everything he had promised to begin with. The little boy will be safer somewhere else and we will get the hell out of here and go into Tennessee. I told you I got people up in Tennessee. We got a place we can stay and we can figure it all out then. She knew he was lying but believing him anyway as a way to suffer her guilt and then waking up in the Cadillac the next day and driving.
He didn’t expect to hear about it again and now here they were. Not even making it out of Mississippi. But they had done it. One less to worry about and he wished he could do the same for himself. Drop himself off at somebody’s door and let them find him. Take care of him. Feed him. Give him somewhere to sleep. But he was too mean and ugly and all he wanted was to strike back at the world. Get this goddamn car running and leave them here and I should’ve done that in the first place. Should’ve taken the little boy all by myself over to the Salvation Army store. Should’ve never let her go with me even though she begged to be the one to do it. To touch him last. Should’ve never gone back and got the big one. Should’ve gone alone and kept goddamn going and left them to figure out their own life.
The woman woke and climbed out of the backseat. Joined him and took a cigarette from the pack lying on the trunk. A kid on a bicycle came along the sidewalk. A dog with its tongue dragging followed behind. The man flicked away his cigarette and asked the kid if anything in this shithole town was open after dark and the kid pedaled on in silence. The boy had spent the day walking around the town and he had found a shopping cart and he rattled into the parking lot, the cart filled with aluminum cans, half a loaf of bread, a handful of paperback books. The man hopped down from the trunk. Took out the bread and nodded toward the books.
“You learn to read?” he asked the boy.
“Leave him alone,” the woman said.
The man pulled a piece of bread from the sack and shoved it in his mouth and when the woman reached for the sack, he snatched it away. She then picked up the pack of cigarettes and said you can kiss these goodbye and he changed his mind and passed her the bread. She took a slice for herself and gave one to the boy. It smelled funny but they were standing there in a triangle eating when the cruiser with the star on the side came along the street. The headlights like two bright eyes in the dustblue shift from day to night.