16: AIDEN
The diner in Kingstone was set up to look like an old-fashioned soda fountain and ice cream shop, with crimson booths and a stained-glass sign behind the cash register reading SWEETS FOR SWEETHEARTS.
Of course Neil would pick a place like this, Aiden thought with scorn. Classic Neil.
“I picked the place,” said Harvard quietly. “I think it’s cute. Do you think Neil will like it?”
Now that Aiden looked at it again, the place was totally cute. Not that Neil would appreciate it, Aiden was sure.
He had to stop thinking this way. The diner was nice. They would have a nice time. Harvard would be happy.
“Of course Neil will like it.” Aiden’s voice rang with sincerity. Neil got to be on a date with Harvard here, after all. “Who wouldn’t like it?”
“Perfect place to have a milkshake,” chimed in Aiden’s date.
“Nobody asked you,” Aiden said with a charming smile. He’d learned that if he employed the smile, he could say absolutely anything he wanted and his dates would interpret it as flirting.
The date supported this thesis by winking at Aiden. Then he reached for Aiden’s hand. Aiden pulled away sharply. He was about to meet Neil, and he needed his hands free. He had to be ready for anything.
Neil was already sitting in a booth. God, Aiden hated the punctual.
“Hey, Neil,” called out Harvard, and gave Neil a little wave.
Aiden was tempted to step in front of Harvard so Neil wouldn’t get to see it, but that would be pointless. The wave would still be meant for Neil. Aiden couldn’t keep it for himself.
Harvard had said, I’m asking for this. Not for Aiden to be with him, but for Aiden to help him be with Neil. This was what Harvard wanted. Instead of blocking the wave, Aiden followed up Harvard’s wave with his most charming smile, aimed in the same direction.
“Hey,” said Aiden. “Neil, is it?”
Neil smiled back. God, Aiden hated teeth.
“Uh, wow,” he said. “You must be Aiden.”
There was a lilt to the wow, which made Aiden think Neil was surprised that Aiden was hot. Why would Neil be surprised that Aiden was hot? It was an internationally recognized fact.
Had Harvard described Aiden as hideous? Surely Harvard wouldn’t do that.
Was Neil surprised to find himself attracted to Aiden? Better men than Neil found themselves in this situation all the time.
Aiden tried to regard Neil dispassionately. He supposed Neil was okay-looking. Tall, hair that was untidy in a way some might find vaguely charming. Vacant eyes, Aiden decided, giving up on dispassion and turning to viciousness. Aiden might while away a Tuesday night with a guy like Neil, but he’d save Fridays and Saturdays for someone more compelling. Why was Harvard wasting his time with a Tuesday-night guy?
Aiden slid into the booth opposite Neil. Harvard and Aiden always sat on the same side of the table, but today it would be different. Harvard wanted it to be different.
Harvard also wanted his best friend and his boyfriend to get along. Aiden smiled with the concentrated intensity of a star, leaving Neil no choice but to be dazzled or go blind.
“Sorry we’re late,” said Aiden. “My fault. Always is.”
Neil sounded slightly dazed, as well he might. “That’s okay.”
Aiden’s face was beginning to hurt, but he had to keep the smile pinned in place. Harvard would now be sitting next to Neil. Aiden would be forced to watch it.
Then Harvard slid in next to Aiden.
Aiden was just turning to Harvard and beginning to smile for real, when Neil said, “Uh, Harvard?”
“Oh God, sorry!” exclaimed Harvard. “Force of habit.”
He slid out of Aiden’s side of the booth, abandoning Aiden with a stranger. The random date sat down, and Neil made an interrogative sound. “This is…?”
“This is, ah, my date,” said Aiden.
“Whose name is…,” prompted Neil.
“Blair,” Aiden answered.
Harvard coughed. Aiden glanced over at his date and Harvard, who were both shaking their heads.
“Huh,” said Aiden. “Brandon? Still no? Tip of my tongue.”
“This is your date whose name you don’t know?” asked Neil, blinking.
Aiden had been right to dislike Neil on sight. Neil was a judgmental and unkind person, but for Harvard’s sake, Aiden offered a sheepish shrug.
Harvard said quietly, “His name is Bruce.”
Aiden tried to be a carefree rogue, winking at Neil and then his random date. Usually, carefree roguery came to Aiden more easily. “Clark and I are more about the raw animal passion than the in-depth conversation.”
Random date seemed pleased to hear this. He moved in slightly closer to Aiden. Aiden felt crowded.
“In-depth conversation… about names,” said Neil. “Also, his name is Bruce.”
“And your name is Neil,” said Aiden in a conciliatory fashion. “We’re all introduced. Fabulous to meet you, Neil.”
That was a shocking lie but told in a good cause. Neil leaned his shoulder into Harvard’s, smiling back at Aiden. Of course Neil was pleased with how his life was going.
“Likewise,” Neil told Aiden. “I’ve heard a lot about you. You and Harvard grew up in each other’s pockets, Harvard says.”
Harvard smiled.
“You’re like brothers, I guess,” Neil proceeded.
Harvard stopped smiling. Aiden bit his tongue. The taste of blood made him feel nauseous.
“Not really,” said Aiden’s random date. “My brother and I used to try to make each other eat dirt. Mom had to put us in time-out on opposite sides of the house. Aiden and Harvard are, like, inseparable. Everyone at Kings Row thought they were dating for, wow, the first five months of school.”
Harvard seemed surprised by this information. Neil seemed deeply displeased to hear it.
“When we want your input, we’ll ask for it, Peter!” snapped Aiden.
His random date stopped trying to slide his arm along the back of the booth behind Aiden’s shoulders, whistled under his breath, and took out his phone.
The server came to take their order. Harvard frowned at the menu.
Aiden relaxed, feeling on familiar ground. “Why do you always do this? You know you always look through every item on the menu and then pick the sweetest thing. French toast for him. Oh, and then let’s split the brownie sundae.”
Harvard smiled over the menu at Aiden. “Yeah, you’re right.”
“Oh cool,” said Aiden’s random date, still looking at his phone. “Bring three spoons.”
Aiden raised an eyebrow, slightly shocked by his date’s bad manners. “You can’t just share our dessert, Tony.”
“His name is Bruce!” Neil exclaimed in the tone of one sorely tested.
Aiden didn’t even know why Neil was annoyed this time. He was glaring from Harvard to Aiden, and back again. Aiden might well have done something wrong without noticing, but he was confident Harvard had done nothing wrong. Neil was being deeply unreasonable.
“Of course you can share the sundae, Bruce,” Harvard said. “Would you like a spoon, too, Neil?”
“I absolutely wouldn’t!”
Aiden was completely at a loss. Who hated brownie sundaes? What kind of person had Harvard brought into their lives?
Neil visibly made the decision to shake off his gloom, and gave Harvard a smile that made Aiden feel unwell. “Why don’t you share a dessert with me?”
“I already said I’d share a dessert with Aiden,” said Harvard, and then brightened. “I guess I could go for two halves of different desserts.…”
Neil looked dissatisfied with this genius solution. Harvard bit his lip. Aiden’s date was raising his eyebrows at his phone.
The server’s brow crumpled in confusion. “Sorry, how many spoons do you guys need?”
“Many spoons! We need so many spoons! Could you just bring us a lot of spoons and we’ll sort it out later?” Harvard sounded rather frayed.
Harvard never usually sounded frayed. Harvard’s patience was normally infinite.
Aiden had to salvage this double date somehow. He tried his charm offensive, though Neil seemed significantly less affected than he had been five minutes ago.
“Lots of desserts is always the answer, don’t you think, Neil? The great thing about mine and Charles Xavier’s relationship—”
“BRUCE!” snapped Neil.
“Leave me out of this,” muttered Aiden’s random date, texting away.
“The great thing about mine and Quill’s relationship is that he’s always so sweet.”
“Uh-huh,” said Aiden’s date.
“That’s what I think about Neil.” Harvard’s voice was lovely and soothing. “I guess I don’t know how he feels about me.”
Oh God, was this Harvard flirting? He was good at it. Aiden wanted to throw up. He kept smiling.
Neil relaxed, tipped his head, and regarded Harvard with a delighted proprietary air, as though he thought Harvard was really cute and belonged to him. “Oh, you’re all right.”
Neil leaned toward Harvard, and Harvard inclined his body slightly toward Neil’s.
Wow, get a room, thought Aiden. Then: Wait, please don’t.
Neil’s hand was clenched in a fist on the tabletop. Harvard reached out hesitantly and turned Neil’s hand palm up, lacing their fingers together. Neil nudged Harvard in a forgiving manner.
Aiden didn’t see why some couples had to revolt the populace with frenzied displays of public affection.
No, Harvard had a right to hold his boyfriend’s hand in public. Aiden supported him. Actually, Aiden liked displays of public affection himself. Aiden leaned sensuously into his date’s side and nibbled his date’s ear.
His date almost dropped his phone.
“You just bit my ear much too hard!” exclaimed Aiden’s random date.
Aiden rolled his eyes. “Excuse me for being spontaneous and romantic, Thor!”
“Bruce,” murmured Harvard.
“I could actually get into being called Thor,” said Aiden’s random date. “However, I don’t want a pierced ear. Let’s be clear on that.”
The server brought their food and a dozen spoons. Neil glared at his club sandwich.
“Do you often have to remind Aiden of his dates’ names?” Neil asked.
“Doesn’t that bother you?”
“Not really,” said Harvard. “He always remembers mine.”
Aiden winked at him. “Do I, Harley?”
Harvard threw back his head and laughed. Suddenly, Aiden felt less sick. Harvard was regarding Aiden in his usual warm way, knowing Aiden was incorrigible and embracing that in an ocean of endless affection. With Harvard, and only with Harvard, sometimes being who Aiden was seemed like it could be enough. Aiden’s smile began, for the first time since they’d walked into the diner, to be real.
Until Aiden noticed Neil was looking at them both with that sour expression. Again.
“You know… I’m not feeling that well,” said Neil. “Maybe tonight’s a wash. We still on for bowling on Saturday?”
“Sure! Totally!” Harvard rushed to assure him. “Aiden, do you and Bruce want to come bowling on Saturday?”
Aiden’s random date gave a long, loud whistle.
The whistle was followed by a longer, somehow even louder silence.
“I’m leaving,” announced Neil.
He shoved Harvard, and when Harvard scrambled out of the booth, Neil darted for the door.
“Wait, no,” said Harvard. “Or at least… let me take you home. Neil!”
Harvard ran after him. Aiden wondered if he should go after Harvard, but his random date was in the way. The random date seemed absorbed by his phone, and not inclined to move.
After a time, Aiden began to drum his fingers against the surface of the table.
“Sooo,” said Aiden’s random date. “In love with Harvard, huh?”
“Why would you say that, Steve?” Aiden snarled.
“Because I’ve been here this whole time,” said the random date. “Though I feel people watching from space may also know. How long has that been going on?”
Aiden looked around for Harvard and saw only milkshakes.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Barry!”
“That long, huh?” said Aiden’s random date. “So everyone else at Kings Row got ‘drowning thoughts of your unattainable love in sexy debauchery,’ and I got ‘incredibly awkward double date’?” He sighed. “Figures.”
There was a pause. Aiden glanced over at Bruce’s profile. Bruce didn’t look up from his phone.
Aiden didn’t actively care about his dates, but he didn’t want them to have a genuinely terrible time. He didn’t want to hurt people like his dad did. Not really.
“Sorry,” mumbled Aiden.
“Oh, don’t be,” said Bruce in mellow tones, waving his phone to illustrate why. “I’ve been commenting live on this whole date as it unfolded. Got a lot of new followers.”
Aiden cracked a smile. “Good for you.”
“When life gives you lemons, post a bitter tirade on social media, I always say!” Bruce put away his phone. “Anyway, I figure you’ll pay for all of this when your roommate comes home after getting dumped.”
“He’s not getting dumped!”
“I’d give it fifty-fifty,” said Bruce. “Anyway, bye. It’s been real, Aiden. Real weird.”
“Later, Rocket,” Aiden said, and Bruce grinned. Aiden didn’t grin back. Aiden had been faking a smile throughout the double date. Aiden found that at the end of this disaster, he could no longer manage to even pretend.
Harvard had been dumped.
Aiden knew as soon as he walked in. For a tall, broad-shouldered guy, Harvard usually walked very softly, as though he didn’t wish to disturb the universe. It was only when he was weighted down with misery that his tread was heavy.
He came into their room and stood in the center of the floor, hands open and helpless. Harvard normally possessed great steadiness of purpose, but right now he looked as if he had no idea what to do.
Aiden stared at him, wracked with guilt. He’d always promised himself he would never hurt Harvard. Not Harvard. He truly did not want to hear what had happened.
Harvard stared at the floor. “Uh—I walked Neil home. Well, I more or less chased Neil home. He wouldn’t really look at or talk to me until we reached his porch. Once we were there, he told me… he wasn’t sure we were going to work out as a couple, and he was pretty sure I knew why.”
Aiden wasn’t any good at apologies, which was unfortunate, because he needed to come up with an abject one fast. Aiden didn’t have many rules he lived by, but this was one. He didn’t ever hurt Harvard. He wouldn’t do that.
Except he had.
Neil had been really into Harvard until he met Aiden. It was clear Aiden hadn’t done a good enough job hiding his seething hatred, or his attachment to Harvard. Aiden’s date had figured out how Aiden felt, and Neil must have done so as well. This was all Aiden’s fault.
Into Aiden’s fraught silence, Harvard said, “I don’t know why, though. I told Neil I didn’t. He said that if I figured it out and wanted to see him again, then I could give him a call in a week. That seems like there’s hope, right? I got something badly wrong, but if I knew what it was, I could fix it.”
“Wait,” said Aiden. “What?”
Harvard looked up at the sound of Aiden’s voice, and frowned. “Do you think it was when I snapped at the server about spoons? I read that if you behave badly with the waitstaff when on a date, you’re showing your date who you really are. I should go back to the diner and apologize. I should bring her flowers.”
Aiden was off the hook. He didn’t know why some weird masochistic impulse was telling him to wriggle back onto it.
“You don’t think Neil might have made this dumbass decision because of me?”
“Because you can’t remember your dates’ names?” asked Harvard, a trace of warm amusement creeping into his voice. “You’re a menace, but no. I don’t see any reason why Neil would break up with me because of you. Neil was clear he was breaking up with me because of something to do with me.”
Bruce had been right about everything, except for one factor: Harvard was good, really good, in a way few people could understand. He would never blame Aiden for something if he could blame himself instead.
“God, I just don’t know how to date.” Harvard sighed. “If I’d dated some people before now, maybe I’d understand what to do. Is that why you date around a lot? So if you find someone you like, you won’t mess up?”
Aiden shook his head wordlessly. He hadn’t realized Harvard liked Neil so much.
“Is it all just practice? Like fencing? I don’t know why this is so difficult for me when it comes so easily to you,” said Harvard. “I don’t know what I’m doing, and I’m getting everything wrong.”
Aiden was lounging on the bed, fiddling with Harvard Paw as he sometimes did when he had the urge to go to Harvard or touch him. He patted Harvard Paw on the head. Seeing Harvard this upset made him miserable, too.
“It’s all right,” he told Harvard soothingly. “It is like fencing. Remember when we were little, how you used to have to go over everything the coach taught us with me all over again? You’d move slowly so I could copy you, and tell me what to do every step of the way, and I learned how to mimic every move until I could do it on my own. Dating will start coming naturally to you.”
“Well, it’s not like you can carefully guide me through all the motions of dating,” Harvard said ruefully. Then his tone changed, becoming the captain’s voice, the one he used when he started to see a plan forming. “I mean… could you?”
Their familiar room seemed to tilt right into an alternate dimension. Aiden thought for a dazed moment that perhaps he hadn’t heard Harvard right. Or possibly Aiden was having a hallucination. It had been a difficult day.
“What?”
“Could you teach me to date?”
Harvard was looking at him expectantly, as if he’d really asked Aiden that question. As if Aiden really had to answer.
Aiden said, “No!”
“Do you think I’m hopeless?” asked Harvard.
His shoulders slumped again, the light that had woken in him at the thought of a strategy extinguished. Aiden wanted to bring it back.
Aiden cleared his throat and said, “I don’t think you’re hopeless.”
A light flickered in Harvard’s face. “Then—couldn’t you help me?”
“I…,” said Aiden.
His heart was beating too hard, the continuous flutter of a trapped thing that couldn’t resign itself to captivity. It wouldn’t work, he told himself. But what if it could? No matter what Aiden sometimes imagined, he wouldn’t ever really try to date Harvard. Deep down, Aiden had always known that was a dream. He knew where romance always led: the sound of a slammed door and a sports car in a driveway. Trying to have everything meant losing it all.
They had to stay friends. If they were friends, they could be friends forever. Only… this might buy Aiden a little time, to get used to the idea of Harvard with someone else. To have something for himself. He couldn’t keep Harvard, but he could keep a memory.
This wouldn’t hurt Harvard. Aiden would be helping him. Harvard had asked him to. Anytime the practice dating started to feel too real, Aiden could remind himself that this was all for someone else. Harvard was only doing this to get Neil back. If that was what Harvard wanted, Aiden would get it for him.
Hardly letting himself think about what he was doing, Aiden nodded.
Harvard’s whisper was almost wondering. “Would you really?”
Aiden’s throat was dry, but he got the words out anyway. “I told you already: Whatever you ask me for, the answer is yes.”