. Ray-kun,
I know you must be upset reading this because by the time you do I will be dead. But please try not to be too distressed – every life is different and they all end in different ways at different times. I’ll die earlier than I expected, but the time I had was good. And while I’d have preferred to live longer, my death isn’t a waste.
I suppose deep down I knew the path I was taking would lead to this, even if I didn’t admit it to myself. When I think why I followed it I think of principle, of not being walked over by others. And I think of justice, for my father and for myself. I suppose if you add them up they equate to honour and that seems a ridiculous reason to die, as though I’m living out a samurai drama from the past. Yet at the same time it’s the most logical of reasons, because if you don’t have any honour or codes to live by, what purpose is there to life?
As for my father, I won’t try to express the pain his actions caused me – although I’m grateful I had you to comfort me at the time. But beneath whatever he became, or maybe always was, traces of a decent man remained. He wrote me a letter, as I am doing to you now, so he could speak to me from beyond his grave. I won’t bore you with the details but he knew the magnitude of what he did. And while it was too late to make amends, he did what he could to belatedly redeem me from his sins.
For all his good or bad he was my father and I was his daughter and that bond can’t be broken or denied. To have him act as a father at the end, and know the man I’d loved still existed within him, helped bring me the peace I need now.
Most people don’t get to choose the manner of their death, so to be able to die with honour means in some ways I’m blessed. But my redemption isn’t complete – it only will be when past wrongs have been put right. I wanted to do this without involving you but I ran out of luck and I ran out of time. I suspect you may have suffered as a result and I’m truly sorry for that, Ray-kun – I hate the thought of you being hurt because of me.
But I think you appreciate the situation – I hope you do – and I know you’re capable of doing what needs to be done. Because you have the strength, the intelligence and the determination. You always did, you just didn’t know.
You reading this letter means you know what happened. I hope it also means you’ve found a way to understand. I’m so sorry I couldn’t find a way to explain earlier so our last memories could have been sweeter.
There are, though, still some details you won’t know.
Before my mother died, we used to go to a small chalet at the foot of Mount Fuji. I was too small to remember, but I have flashes of nostalgia that make me certain it was a happy time. I’m sure it was the same for my father because we never went again after my mother passed away.
When I found out what had happened to him and I got to the bottom of why, I went back. I knew he wouldn’t allow the events to go unavenged. Waiting for me was the letter I mentioned and the documents you will find enclosed with this.
There is a report on the Kamigawa Plant that reveals the safety issues that were identified before construction began. Onishi is on the circulation list. There’s also documentation on the money he amassed from the sale of the land and his financial stake in the plant. If you get these in the right hands he will be undone. He’ll be the first to fall but Yabu will be left exposed and he’ll soon be toppled as well.
Getting them in the right hands won’t be easy, though. Onishi is a powerful man and there are very few willing to stand against him. Unless you get the files to them, they won’t see the light of day and this will all have been a waste. I’m sorry to place such a burden on you but I ran out of time before I could find a suitable person to trust.
One possibility is Takata of the Takata-gumi – the man you helped me track down. His men were responsible for the death of my father but in a strange way he’s not guilty of the crime. I know that sounds odd, but my father’s murder was initiated many years ago – to blame Takata would be to blame the gun rather than the man with it in his hand. That doesn’t mean he can be trusted – despite his charm he’s an extremely dangerous man. But I don’t need to tell you this. I know you’ll make the right choice .
So now, instead of completing what I need to, I’m asking you to do it in my place. Because the net around me has closed quickly and I can only perform some last, hurried tasks before the Ginzo-kai track me down. Even getting this letter to you is complicated because I know they’ll have people checking your post.
I’m putting you in danger again. Doing so has been the hardest dilemma in the many I’ve recently faced. But in the end I decided to go with my instinct, and my instinct told me you’d do what I couldn’t and put the final pieces into place. Like a gaikokujin samurai. My gaikokujin samurai who I can’t wait to meet again.
So enough about danger and death – I was my happiest when I was with you so this letter should end with life and love. I loved you from the moment I saw you. I knew instantly you were the one for me. I think you loved me too – I hope you did – although perhaps you didn’t realise at the time.
I know sometimes you felt uncomfortable, as though you were the lucky one of us both. But it was never like that. You made up what was missing in me. When I was down you picked me up, and when I was up you made me fly higher still. You made me happy and you made me feel complete. I loved you and I love you and I always will.
Now I have to go. But there isn’t a goodbye for us, Ray-kun, so take this as a farewell. Because we will meet again and we’ll love each other just as we did. The same and much, much more.
Forever yours, your eternal love,
Tomoe
