Node: 011
There is nothing but what is and what comes. I walk through dreams. I walk in dreams. I am the dream.
Sierra and I leave Central before Matthew returns. We are the first to walk the long hall and greet the daylight. I’m so eager to be away from what may or may not happen that instead of waiting and listening at the doors I rush out. It’s a mistake, I realize, but I’ve already done it.
As I ran outside, I sense something and take a step backward. Movement catches my eye, but when I turn to look I see nothing. Glancing back, I expect Sierra to be beside me, but she isn’t. She’s waiting just inside the doorway.
I sigh in relief as I wave her back and probe with my eyes. Atop the tower, I think I see something, but only for a moment. Turning to Sierra, I notice at once that there’s something different about her today. It’s like there’s a light behind her eyes, almost as if she’s truly awake for the first time.
“The others?” she asks.
“Just us. The others are on their own today,” I say as I wave her out and we begin walking down a long shadow-shrouded path. Soon the stone ghosts are all around us, rising up into the sky.
As we walk, I can’t shake the sense that something’s not right. I glance back every now and again. Sometimes I think I see something or someone in the shadows but only for a moment.
Luke told me once that we can’t survive alone, but even if we could, we wouldn’t want to because humans need other humans. Without Central, we are nothing and have no purpose.
I shake my head. I shouldn’t be thinking like this. I have to stay focused.
“Sierra,” I say, “today is like yesterday. Something that you shouldn’t share with anyone.”
“I know,” she says, her eyes studying mine. “A surprise.”
Stopping midstride, I stare back at her. “The others wouldn’t understand. Matthew wouldn’t understand.”
“I know,” she repeats. Then I grab her hand and start running deeper and deeper into the center of it all. My thoughts clear as I run. Sometimes the ruins of the stone ghosts block our path and we must circle around before we can continue. Occasionally, at crossings, I see the morning sun on our right as I glance down the long, narrow openings between the stone ghosts.
Neither of us say anything about Celeste, but she is never far from my thoughts. I am breathless when we reach the open place. The place of the trees.
Sierra’s eyes go wide when she sees the trees spreading out before us in the midst of the stone ghosts. She rushes to touch one, running her hands along the thick bark. Soon she is wrapping her arms around the trunk of the tree and pressing her face up against it. Her eyes are full of light and she’s smiling.
Something inside of me doesn’t like this and I pull her away. The trees aren’t what I want to share with her. What I want to show her is high above us and so I turn and point up and up to the stone ghost beside us that towers over all the others.
“There,” I say, pointing to the top of the tower. “That’s where we’re going.”
Just then we hear something, far off through the trees. It sounds like the pitter-patter of a gentle rain. But when I hold my hand up, there are no raindrops.
Pushing Sierra behind me, I back away as the pitter-patter gets closer and closer. Growls and yellow eyes in shadows precede the high-pitched howls that tell me what comes. “Wolves, the wolves that live within the shadows of the trees.” I don’t have to tell Sierra to run. She’s running as fast as I’ve ever seen her run, faster even than yesterday.
The way to the front stairs of the tower is blocked, but I know there’s another way. We scramble around and through the ruins with the howls so close it seems the wolves are at our heels.
I don’t want to look back, but sometimes I do and catch glimpses of the wolves. Mostly they are indistinct, obscured by shadows, but sometimes they are clear and close. “Three at least, maybe more. Hurry!”
I push Sierra into an opening. Soon we are ascending stone stairs in dim light. The wolves have never before followed me up the stairs but I can hear them howling behind us.
Echoes make it hard to tell how close they are, so we climb and run, climb and run. We continue for as long as we can, until I’m certain the wolves have stopped coming after us. Even then though, they continue howling.
I settle into an easy pace because I know the climb will be a long one. Sierra looks uncertain, but I try to reassure her by squeezing her hand. “They’ve stopped. They’ll go back to the trees.”
The metal railing to our right is unreliable in places and missing in others. I keep Sierra away from it. Eventually, my legs tire and I see Sierra struggling to keep up. We stop to rest in a place marked with the numbers: 4 and 9.
A missing section of the wall reveals how high we’ve climbed. Sierra is captivated by the view from these heights and she stares out at the ruins of the city as the wind whips at her long black hair. Stepping to her side, I point out the curious, green lady.
The green lady is far off in the distance, within the expanse. Though she’s partially buried, she’s a thing of beauty, with her head raised and her eyes staring up into the sky. In one hand, she holds a book—a book that I’ve always imagined is like the one Luke gave me for safekeeping. Her other hand is raised in the air and she’s holding something but I don’t know what it is. From this distance, the lady looks small but I know she isn’t, as Luke and I went to her one day to try to learn her secrets.
“Ready to continue?” I say, pointing up the stairs. When Sierra steps away from the opening, her cheeks are red from the coolness of the air. I touch her face with the back of my hand and smile, remembering how Luke touched my cheek in just this way.
For a time, it’s as if there are three of us climbing. I hear Luke’s footsteps as his voice rings in my ears. He’s telling me what we’ll do when we reach the top and I think that he’s playing with me because he does that sometimes. “When it comes, close your eyes and jump. Don’t think about it, just jump. You’re listening to me, aren’t you? This is very important, because if you hesitate you’ll miss it and then you’ll jump into empty air.”
He’s not talking about the trucks in the wastes. He’s talking about the trains that glide on air.
“Luke, I miss you,” I say, my words a half-voiced whisper. “You wanted me to not be like the others and I’m trying. I am. Come back so I can show you. I’ve changed. I see. I feel or at least I want to believe I do. If you were here, you’d know and then I’d know…”
Sierra’s eyes are on mine, I realize, but thankfully the wind has grown so loud and strong that my whispers are swallowed up. “Not much farther,” I say loudly, pointing to the faded 7 and 6 on the wall.
Sierra is struggling with her steps and I am too but it’s a good feeling, like when I’m running across the expanse with the trucks just ahead. If Luke were here, he’d be grinning and I’d be asking him why he’s grinning and he’d say, “Because I’m here, in this special place, with you. Because we both know what’s ahead and because we both know what we’re about to do.”
Sierra grabs my hand in both of hers and brings me back to the now. I realize I’m about to step into nothingness and pull back quickly. The wind is icy now and stronger, coming in gusts. I grip Sierra’s hand in mine as we turn to survey our surroundings.
I can feel her shiver as she stands beside me. We’ve reached the top and the only thing separating us from the emptiness is the broken platform we’ve climbed up onto. Parts of walls remain in a few places, but mostly the space around us is open.
The platform is very thick so even though I pick my way around gaping holes in the floor beneath us, I am confident of my steps. Sierra is less certain, I can tell, and she follows mostly because of the grip of my hand in hers.
As I turn to look toward Central, I hear a familiar sound and know it is good that I spent so much time watching Luke skulk around here. I rush over to the only place where a section of wall can conceal us from what approaches. I kneel down and Sierra crouches beside me.
“What type of machine?” Sierra asks.
“An airtrain.”
The train glides towards us on invisible rails, its lights flashing. As I toss Sierra my pack, I’m excited and it doesn’t matter that the ground is so far below us. Without hesitation, I stand and take a few steps back. As I run and throw myself into the jump, I am a bird without wings, dangling in the air. When I land on top of one of the train cars, I remember to allow my momentum to carry me on and down to my knees. I look back at Sierra as I am whisked away, knowing my lips are parted in a wide grin.
The wind whips at me and it’s difficult, but I stand and raise a hand in the air like the curious, green lady. Then I simply enjoy the ride, the rush of the air, as I sweep past the ruins of the broken city.
As I lean my head back and close my eyes, I feel the steady thrumming of the train. Sun and shadow alternately bathe my face. I begin to see things. A flutter of cloth. A whisper of raindrops. A tiny hand reaching up. Memories perhaps, though not mine.
It doesn’t take long for the train to complete its circuit and before long I am racing back toward Sierra. “Catch me,” I shout as I jump.