I hurried on out through the estate, wanting to put as much distance between them and me. I walked past houses, seeing the lights on and the curtains pulled across. They’re all lovely and cosy in there now, well in out of this freezing cold.

A door suddenly opened and a man came out. I could hear shouting. ‘Daddy, I want to come!’ A little fella of about three came flying out the door in his pyjamas and slippers with his hands in the air, wanting to be lifted up and carried.

‘No, no! In you go.’ The daddy picked him up and flew him back into the hall.

‘Bring me back sweets, Daddy. I want a bar of chocolate!’ shouted a little girl of about five, standing in the kitchen staring out with her finger wrapped around her hair, curling it and holding a doll under the other arm. She was wearing a little red dressing gown with a long nightie hanging underneath. The mammy suddenly appeared and stopped next to her, looking out to see what was going on. She stared out watching, with a very annoyed look on her face, drying a pot in her hand. Then, suddenly, she gave an almighty roar, losing the rag. ‘Carl! Come in here this minute, Phillip! Will you ever go about your business and shut the bloody door? You are letting out all the heat, not to mention tormenting the kids.’

‘OK, I’m off!’ shouted the daddy, making to shut the door. ‘Kiss, kiss!’ screamed the little boy, putting up his mouth for a kiss.

‘Me! I want a kiss, too, Daddy!’ shouted the little girl, running down the hall.

‘Shut the door!’ screamed the mammy. The daddy flew in and shut the door then came flying back out again and headed for his car. I could hear the screams behind him.

Well, not everybody’s happy, judging by the looks of that mammy! I wonder when we ever know how well off we are? Here I am, running for me life away from them bleeding lunatics, and now I have to find meself somewhere to stay for the night. Jaysus! I hope it’s only for tonight! Please, God, help me to find a job as soon as possible, because right now, this very minute, I’m banjacksed! I would love to swap places with that woman. Well, maybe not! Then I would have to be her, ending up with a sour face on me and feeling very fed up by the looks of her! Anyway, there’s probably people out there this very minute who would give their eye teeth to be me right now. I’m young and healthy and have me whole life just starting off. Yeah, this is really just an adventure.

Yeah, I thought, trying to fool meself into thinking life is a bowl of cherries as I felt the freezing cold go right up through me. Right, I’m going to catch that bus into town then see what happens. I need to get in somewhere and get a bit of heat and something to eat then find me bearings. I still feel a bit shook up after me run-in with them bastards, not to mention the hunger. That’s not doing me much good at the minute. I feel a bit run-down from me week of starvation. Mad fucking bastards! They didn’t even bother to feed me. Jaysus! What did they think I was? A mangy fucking dog that could scrape around looking for a few scraps for meself? Yeah, that’s what I was doing. Jaysus! The world is full of madness! Oh, just let me get on that bus quick. I want to get out of this freezing cold and it really is getting pitch black out.

Me eyes peeled ahead past the fields covered in the white frost, making it look like snow. I could see the main road ahead and the street lamps lighting up the trees all along the road. I hurried on, wanting to get down to the bus stop.

Oh, this cold would put years on you. I stamped me feet up and down, slapping me arms to keep the heat in me. I don’t like it around here, I thought, looking along the dark road with the trees looking very bare hanging over the high walls. It’s very desolate. There’s nothing to see but the long road heading into the city, with walls on both sides and broken footpaths. This is really all country, except for the new estate over there. I’ll be glad to see the back of it.

Suddenly, me eyes landed on the bus flying towards me in the distance. Me heart gladdened. I grabbed up me suitcase and stood ready to stretch me hand out. I don’t want that bus flying past without me. Them drivers can be in a hurry and race past pretending they don’t see you. I watched it like a hawk, making sure to see if it was slowing down. Otherwise I’m getting ready to throw meself out into the middle of the road and make him stop!

I climbed on, making me way down the bus to the long seat. ‘Bus fares!’ the conductor shouted after me, putting his hand out, not wanting to walk down the empty bus after me. I turned and came back, sitting meself down on the long seat next to him, and pulled out me purse.

‘Tuppence, please, mister, into O’Connell Street.’ He rolled off the ticket out of the machine and handed it to me, letting it drop on the ground. I watched him sitting himself down on the seat opposite me and start counting his money. Aul fucker, I thought as I stooped down picking it up, not getting over the idea of him doing that. Walking off, letting me stoop down to pick it up without even saying a word of sorry. I was tempted to say something. No, save your breath. It’s just been one long day of putting up with ignorant people. I would be better to move away from him and have the bit of peace and quiet.

I lifted up me case and carried on down the empty bus, sitting meself on the last seat, and put me case up in front of me on the long seat. Right, I better put me pound note at the bottom of the case. Hide it there just in case I lose it. That money has to do me until I get another job. Right, how much have I got altogether? One pound two shillings and sevenpence. Jaysus! How long will that last me? I certainly can’t afford to pay for somewhere to stay, like a bed and breakfast. This money’s going to have to keep me going for food and newspapers and bus fares while I’m looking for a job. Right, I better spare it. I’m not going to break on that until I have to.

OK, here we are. I stood up, waiting for the bus to stop. Just as it pulled to a halt, I hesitated on the platform and looked up at the ugly mug of the aul fella, the conductor, who looked like he hated the whole world. He gave me a dirty look when he saw I was watching him, then walked halfway down to the platform and took a big snort of snot, and shot it out from the back of his throat, sending it flying out the door. Aaah, dirty aul sod! Me stomach turned, hearing the sound of him dragging it from his nose then back from behind his throat.

I watched, waiting for the bus to slow down, then said, seeing the bus coming to a stop, ‘Jaysus, mister! With that face a yours, I’d say you’ve been miserable from the day you were born. What happened? Did yer aul one not succeed in drowning yeh at birth? You’re the ugliest-looking fucker I ever met!’

‘Geroff me bus outa tha, yeh whore’s melt, yeh!’ he screamed, banging hell outa the bell, sending the bus flying off, with me cackling like a hyena and taking a flying leap onta the footpath with me case sailing through the air. I roared laughing, seeing the face on him snarling with the rage as he whipped his fist after me. Ha, the look of surprise on his face was worth it! He wasn’t expecting me to insult him. He thought he was getting away with making a fool outa me. Gobshite! I enjoyed that!

Oh, it’s nice to be back. I looked up and down O’Connell Street, seeing all the lights looking dim in the foggy night, with the icy-cold mist hanging around the air. It looked a bit deserted, with not too many people around. The shops were all closed up and the only lights showing were coming from the picture houses and the cafés. Gawd! It’s great to be free again, with no worries of living with people who don’t like you and are ready to eat the head offa yeh at the drop of a hat!

Right, what’s first? I think I’ll go around to the café and get a bag of chips to take away. That will be cheaper. I need to take it easy on me money. That should keep me going. Then I can come back here and be good to meself. I’ll go into Caffola’s and have a cup of coffee. That way I can eat me chips there in comfort, providing they don’t catch me.

I hurried up O’Connell Street with the hot chips under me arm. Gawd! I’m dying with the cold and hunger. I wonder where I’m going to go after this? Never mind. Get in out of the cold and have something to eat. I hurried on and flew in the door of Caffola’s. The place is half-empty! I could see only a few people sitting at the tables. Lovely! The table behind the door in the corner is empty. I rushed over and sat down, putting me case safe behind me in the corner, and waited for the girl to serve me. I better keep these chips hidden under the table until she’s gone. I can’t afford to get meself kicked outa here.

‘Yeah, eh, will you give me a white creamy coffee, please?’

‘Anythin else, love?’ she said, sticking the pencil back behind her ear.

‘No,’ I said, staring at it sitting there. I love the way they do that. It makes them look somehow important and very busy.

‘There yeh go,’ she said, coming back and landing a lovely cup of white frothy coffee in front of me.

‘Thanks, miss,’ I said, smiling up at her. I watched her making her way down to stand behind the counter again and stare out at the street. Lovely! I whipped up me chips and opened the paper, seeing them all soft and mashed-looking, with the vinegar dried in. It poured up me nostrils, making me belly rumble and me mouth water with the hunger. I dived on the chips and took a little sip of the coffee, wanting to spare it.

Oh, nobody could ask for more, the way I’m feeling so happy at the minute. Here I am eating at last and back in me favourite haunt, looking out at the world passing by and nobody to bother me. I gave a shiver with the delight and the lovely heat running through me.

Ah, that’s the last of them. I stared at the empty white paper with the little bits of fat sitting in the corners and dipped me finger in, catching them up and crackling them between me teeth, tasting the salt and vinegar. Pity! I’m still starving. I could eat another bag. But that’s me lot for tonight. I sipped on me coffee, making it last, and lit up a cigarette. Now what? Where am I going to go tonight? Who do I know that will take me in for just the one night? Dear God, help me to find a job tomorrow. I’m desperate now, God! I will have nowhere to sleep and no money in me pocket soon. Please, God, don’t let that happen to me.

Who can I go to? Sister Eleanor is definitely out for a start. Number one, she won’t hear of getting me another job after losing this one that was me last. When she says something, she means it. Anyway, even if she did get me a job, which she won’t, I wouldn’t ask her. Not on yer nelly!

That last job proved I was right all along. When aul ones hear you came out of a convent, they try to make an eejit outa you. They think you don’t know any better and they can do what they like with you because they know you have no one to back you up. No, I’m just going to have to get me own jobs from now on and not say a word about ever being in a convent. That’s too dangerous. That aul one and aul fella tonight tried to pull the wool over me eyes by threatening to get the police for me when I tried to leave. Another young one might have been frightened outa her life, but not me. I’m well-used to the police. God knows, I was in enough trouble with them, not to mention I know the law. You can’t get someone arrested for destroying their washing. On the other hand, that bastard the husband was on the right track with his I’m-making-threatening- behaviour. Yeah, they would listen to them saying that all right! They would question me, hear I’m from a convent, know I haven’t a hope in hell of having any comeback at them. They could even take me down to the station and make life difficult for me. Keep me there for hours. Maybe even ring the nuns saying I was in trouble. Or even charge me with threatening people. Them bastards could say what they like and be believed. He’s a civil servant and she’s a school teacher. Decent, respectable and law-abiding citizens . . . how are yeh? Respectable, me bleedin eye!

No, you don’t have to do anything to get into trouble. Just not come from a respectable background or just be let out of a convent! They know you have no one behind you. That’s all it takes.

Right, I was lucky to escape them. It won’t happen again. No more nuns! But I better watch meself. That was a warning. It is too easy for me to land in a trap at the minute. I’m still only sixteen. The world still thinks I am an easy mark. So, I better keep wide awake from now on.

I must have dozed off without realising. Me head shot up from the table with the noise around me. I had fallen asleep, plastered on the table with me head lying on me arms. I stared into the face of a fella with dirty black greasy hair, slicked back with olive oil. A woman with long black wavy thin hair was sitting next to him. ‘Were yeh asleep?’ he grinned, staring at me with shifty, sleevin little grey eyes that reminded me of a ferret watching me every move. I shot up in the seat, sitting up straight, and shook me head, trying to get me senses back. ‘What happened to yeh? Yeh look worn out! Have yeh no place teh stay?’ he said, flicking his head over to me suitcase, taking in I’m on the move.

I shook me head slightly, muttering, ‘I’m fine,’ then looked away, not wanting to make any conversation with him.

‘Listen, if yeh have nowhere teh stay, yeh can come back teh our place. We have plenty a room. Yeh can stay wit us!’

I looked across him, muttering, ‘I’m fine.’

‘No, honestly,’ he said, pushing to get me to come with them, ‘yer more then welcome. Come on, we don’t live far from here. Come on! Get yer case. Yeh can come with us now.’ He made a move, standing up and moving over towards me to pick up me case and get me moving.

‘No, it’s all right,’ I said. ‘I’m fine. I have somewhere to stay.’

‘Listen, you’ll be safe with us,’ he said. Totally ignoring what I’m saying, then sitting back down again and leaning across the table to talk into me face. I stared at him, seeing the desperate pleading in his eyes, not wanting to let go. ‘Won’t she, Mary?’ he shot at the woman, whipping his head around to demand she agree with him.

I looked at the woman, seeing her flick her eyes at me then turn away like she was saying, ‘That’s the last thing I want.’ Then she lowered her head, keeping her eyes down, much as to say, ‘But there’s nothing I can do about it. I have to accept it.’ She reminded me of my ma. That same beaten look. The look that said, ‘There’s nothing in this life for me. I just have to go along with this fella and do what I’m told. Otherwise, I really will have nothing. He’s better than nothing. Anyway, he owns me.’

‘No thanks!’ I said, standing up and looking him straight in the eye. ‘I’m OK. What gave you the idea I needed somewhere to stay? I’m off home now.’

‘Right,’ he said, jumping up, knowing I was trying to pull the wool over his eyes. ‘We’re leavin, too. Come on, Mary! We’ll walk this young girl to wherever she’s goin.’ I watched the way he said that to the woman. He said it like it was a threat, that she better buck herself up. He was going to get his hands on me and she better help, if she knew what was good for her. Oh, here we go! This bastard is not only shifty but he’s a dangerous shifty bastard. He’s not going to let me get out of his clutches, no matter where I walk now. He has me.

I walked off, heading down to the toilets, and lit up a cigarette, thinking if I walk out that door now, he’s going to follow me. Where can I run to? I have nowhere to go to. Even if I tell the waitresses here, what can they do? He will just lie in wait, watching to see where I go. Jesus! That suitcase is a dead giveaway. It tells people straight away at this hour of the night I am homeless.

Think! Right, I know what to do. I marched out and there they were, sitting at the table waiting for me with their coats on. ‘Right, are we ready?’ the little weasel said, taking it for granted I was just going to follow him. He was already acting like I belonged to him. Jaysus! The world is full of Jacksers. I know his game now. I have him worked out. He uses the woman as a blind, to put you at your ease that he’s a respectable married man, sitting with his wife. The pair of them are offering me, out of the kindness of their hearts, a bed for the night. So he can’t possibly do me any harm. What could be wrong with that? Yeah, plenty, mister. She does what she’s told. She’s a beaten woman. But he has plenty of uses for her. I recognise their type straight away. Yeah, I had more then me share of them as a child. He’s a fucking pimp. I have been around bad bastards long enough to recognise one when I see one. I am going to have to play cute.

‘You still here?’ I said, hauling meself back inta the seat and grinning at him.

‘Are yeh coming? Come on, it’s getting late out,’ he said, looking at me like he was losing patience with me.

‘Wha? Wha are yeh on about? Go where? Jaysus! Where did you come out of? Was I fuckin asleep?’ I said, staring at him waiting for an answer. He stared back at me, trying to make out the change in me. He hadn’t really heard me talk.

‘Yeah, yeh were,’ he said slowly, his mouth hanging open, trying to make out what was happening.

‘Where do yeh live?’ I asked him.

‘In Gardiner Street. It’s not too far from here,’ he said, looking confused. ‘We can walk it in five minutes.’

‘Listen, did yeh see a big fella with short blond mousey hair and a crooked nose,’ I laughed, ‘comin in here looking for anyone?’

‘No! Why?’

‘It’s me bleedin bruther! Me ma will fuckin be dug outa him when I tell her the poxy bastard left me sittin stranded here for the whole fuckin night. He left me here with a plate a bleedin fish and chips and tha was the last I saw a him. “I’m ony goin down teh Mooney’s pub for a quick one,” ’ I mimicked. ‘We just got back from England in the early hours a the mornin. He took me over there fer a weddin. Me sister just got married, she’s livin in Birmingham, an we’ve been doin the fuckin rounds all day! We’ve only been missin fer a week. But the carry on a him, goin around meetin up wit all the pals. Yeh would think the eejit was gone outa the country for years! Can yeh credit tha?’ I asked him, staring with me mouth hanging open. ‘I’ve probably missed the last bus back home now so the fucker is goin to have teh pay for a taxi. So tha should shut him up! Yeah, tha will put a stop teh his gallop, wit all the bleedin excuses that’s bound teh come pourin outa him. I’m ragin, I am! Wha deh yeh think about bleedin tha?’ I asked him again, staring with me eyes boring into him and me lips clamped together, breathing heavily through me nose, waiting for an answer.

I sat staring, watching his eyes staring out of his head then blinking like mad, trying to figure how he could have been so wrong about me. I looked so nice and innocent and all respectable, and stupid. Definitely fair game, with me sitting here with the suitcase, looking like a lamb waiting to go to the slaughter. Then along comes the likes of him, springing on me and trying to claim me for himself. No fucking chance, you little toerag. I’m going to eat you alive. Jaysus! He must have thought all his birthdays came on the one day when he clapped eyes on me. I can’t get over the cheek a him, picking on me!

‘Did you say Gardiner Street?’ I suddenly roared, interrupting him shaking his head, trying to agree me bruther was a bastard. ‘I know that place like the back of me hand. Do yeh know anyone livin in the buildins or Foley Street? Maybe me bruthers know yeh! Wha did yeh say yer name was?’ I asked him.

‘Listen,’ he suddenly said, wrapping his hand across his mouth like he just remembered something. ‘We have teh hurry, don’t we, Mary?’

‘Wha?’ she said, looking up at him with a glint in her eye, beginning to enjoy herself now I was no longer trouble for her and delighted he had made a fool of himself.

‘Come on, will yeh? Let’s get moving, for fuck’s sake,’ he growled, grabbing a handful of her coat by the shoulder and slapping her with his other hand to get her moving.

‘Ah, Jaysus! Are youse off, too?’ I moaned. ‘Will I tell Lasher, me bruther, yeh were askin after him?’ I roared, looking up at them wit me mouth hanging open, making meself look disappointed to see them going.

‘Nah, yer all right,’ he said, waving at me and rushing Mary out the door.

I waited a few minutes, giving them enough time to put distance between us. Then I got up, taking me suitcase, and walked slowly to the door. I opened it, looking out to see what he was up to. I watched the pair of them make their way along the street with their shoulders hunched and him with his hands pushed into his pockets. He wriggled his neck, trying to keep it from getting exposed to the icy-cold wind, letting it drop and get buried deep inside the collar of his overcoat. He rushed ahead of her, turning himself right down Talbot Street, leaving her to trail behind, taking little steps, rushing to catch up with him.

I walked on until I hit the corner and stopped to watch where he was going. He flew, rushing himself like mad and half drew his head back, telling her to hurry. He looked like he was worried someone might come after him. Accusing him of trying to molest the little sister of some hard men from the city centre.

Ah, that’s the last I’ll see of him. That little runt is in too much of a hurry to get himself home to Gardiner Street. He wants to get back while he’s still in one piece. No, he’s not going to hang around bothering me. I watched him flying off down the road. Yeah, that’s right, you little snot rag! Run back to your rats’ nest! You’re not getting an easy life at my expense. Fucker!

I turned back, heading across the road, and took off in the opposite direction. Hurrying down through the long empty streets, seeing the Liffey lying just in the distance. I turned right and the wind coming across the Liffey whipped me clean off me feet. Fuck! Jaysus! I caught me breath, whipping hold of me coat collar, and bent me head inta the wind. I pushed on, making me way down the quays along Bachelors Walk.

Jaysus! Everything is locked up, I thought. Staring around, looking at the empty dark old Georgian houses that sold second-hand furniture alongside the old bookshops. It’s very lonely down this way. It’s even darker, with no lights from anywhere. The street lamps are far too wide apart from each other. Some of them are not even working. Where am I going to sit in for the night and get a bit of sleep?

Sleep? Forget that! I need to get in off the streets fast, before someone else tries to land their hands on me. Who would believe it? Here I am, walking along here in the dead of night with me suitcase in me hand. Looking like a lost culchie searching for me way back to the bog. Fer the lovin Jaysus, Martha! How thick can yeh get? Oh, I’m raging with meself. Imagine getting caught out like this! And the bloody freezing cold would rip yeh in two!

I could feel the icy wind whipping across from the river and running straight up through me. A car came towards me and started to slow down. I saw the driver lean his head down to get a look out at me. Help! Mammy! He’s stopping. I hurried past, leaving him stopped. Ah, no! Now he’s reversing.

Are you all right?’ an aul fella said, leaning across to whip down the window on the passenger side and leer out at me. I could see by the way his eyes was dancing up and down in his head, he wanted to get his hands on me. I gave a quick look straight at his eyes. No, run! He’s not offering charity! I said nothing, just flew meself over to the other side of the road and took off along the river. I heard the squealing of tyres and he shot across the road after me. I stopped dead to meet him head-on, and see what he was about.

‘Are you lost?’ he said, smiling. Looking at me like he would love to have me for his dinner!

‘Nah,’ I said easily. ‘Me bleedin bruther dumped me outa the car because he thought the coppers were followin him for havin no insurance on the car. He’s hidin down the road, waitin on me. He put me outa the car in case he got lagged! Nice a him, huh? Doesn’t want his little sister in any trouble! Me ma would only kill him, big an all as he is. I’m just back after me holidays! They had me in Mountjoy Prison for attemptin teh knife me aul fella. I was bunged up for threatening behaviour! That’s wha the coppers called it. Usin a lethal weapon, or somethin like tha, the charges was. But it was his word against mine. Me bruthers had a little word wit him, and he dropped the charges pronto! So they had teh let me go. Anyways, they couldn’t keep me there cos I’m only a minor! Do yeh want teh give us a lift in outa the cold, an we can go down an see if he’s still waitin on me? He’s goin teh be . . .’

Ah! He didn’t let me finish what I was going to say. I watched him whip the car back around the way he just came. The eyes were turning in the back of his head with the shock he just got. ‘Eh, mister! Where’re yeh runnin?’ I watched him burning the rubbers on the tyres of the car, he was in such a hurry to get back about his business.

‘He didn’t even bother teh say goodbye!’ I snorted to meself. Taking in icy-cold air right up through me nostrils. That was great gas! I laughed to meself, getting the picture again of your man’s face turning all colours in the dark. I stood, still staring after him, watching the car vanish into the distance over the Liffey on O’Connell Bridge. I felt like I could handle anything.

Right, that’s it! Enough of this, Martha. You can run outa luck, if you meet the wrong kind of bastard. So far you’ve been lucky. Them fellas are only chancers!

I took off running for all I was worth, looking for a place where I could sit in out of the cold and hide until the night was over. I flew on, trying to warm meself. But me legs feel like lead and I’m freezing to the bone. Jaysus! There’s nothing! No place I can hide. I need to sit down in a bit of heat and comfort and think up something.

More cars were driving slowly along the road, coming towards me then slowing down. Bleedin hell! I’ll just have to keep ducking and diving, flying from one side of the road to the other. I ran, running like a blue-arsed fly, trying to keep in the wrong direction to the way the cars were coming. ‘Where the fuck are they all coming out of?’ I puffed, slowing down to get me breath.

I stopped rushing altogether when I came towards the Four Courts. I stared at the great big columns and the high steps up to the inside, where the High Court is held. I looked up at the height of it as I hurried for the steps. Seeing the great big dome sitting on the top. Gawd! Mammy! I have somewhere to sit down at last. I dashed up the steps and hid meself behind one of the great big columns. Oh, that’s better. No one can see me here. But I can see who’s coming when I put me head around the corner. I shivered and pulled the collar of me coat tight, trying to wrap it across me neck.

Bloody hell! Why didn’t I think of something better than this before I fell asleep in that café? I think I had a plan! What was it? I don’t even remember falling asleep. Bloody gobshite! Imagine letting meself lie there, sleeping away, stretched across the table, making a holy show of meself! No wonder that crackpot thought you were an easy mark!

oh, bloody hell! I can’t think straight when this cold is going right up through me. Even me nerves are gone on edge. I’m thinking any minute now someone is going to jump out at me from behind that flower pot with the big bush sticking out. What am I going to do? What about a church? There’s plenty of them further down. Even Adam and Eve’s is just across the road . . .

No, they’re all well locked up by now! But I can’t stay on here. This stone-cold ground is making an ice block outa me arse. It’s cutting right up through me. I’m beginning to turn inta a stone statue, like the ones draped around this place. Ah, Jaysus! I feel like I’m a criminal on the run, with all this keeping ahead a the posse! Bleedin men! They’re good for nothing!

It feels like I’m in the jungle, running for me life because I’m the dinner. I started to think about the story of the big wolf blowing down the house on the little pigs. I might as well have had the same thing happen to me. Did the poor pigs get eaten or were they just left without a roof over their head? A cold fear started to fly through me at that sudden thought. That’s it. Now even the fairy tales I read as a child are beginning to picture in me head. I used to frighten the life outa meself looking at them pictures and trying to work out what was happening. Now they’re all coming back to haunt me.

Will yeh stop it? For the love a Jaysus! I’m frightening meself to death. Oh, Mammy! No, think of something good, yeah. Like I want to cry! No, cut out the snivelling. Some people love to see you crying! It makes them feel big. Some fella could come creeping along here any minute and catch me crying. He may well decide straight away I’m a stupid little softie. Then there’s no getting outa that.

OK, definitely no crying. So think of something else. The dome sitting on top of the building. It’s very high up! Come to think of it, I think they blew this place up during the War of Independence, them culchie eejits from the country! They came up here blowing up the place, saying they were having a war against the English! Yeah, that’s right. They blew this place up. And the only thing left standing was the dome sitting on the top. My Gawd! Imagine that. And it still stands here today. Right, if that thing up there can stay standing, so can I. It won’t kill me. The cold won’t either and I’m definitely not worried about some man coming and dragging me off and killing me! No, I can outrun most people. I’m very fast on me feet. I had to be when Jackser was always making his way to kill me. Yeah, I’m definitely very nippy on me pins. And usually I’m always wide awake. I can spot trouble coming a mile away!

Right, so! Just get through tonight. Then in the morning I can have a wash somewhere. I might just take meself down to the Gresham Hotel and wash in the toilets. Grand! Then go somewhere and have a lovely hot breakfast! Yeah, I’ll go up to Woolworths. That’s a great idea! Then I can look for a job. I’ll get the newspaper.

But if all else fails, where will I sleep tomorrow night? I’ll go down to the buildings. I could always ask someone down there to put me up for a few nights. Couldn’t I do that? No, I tried that years ago when me and the ma took off, leaving Jackser to mind himself, and we went to England. No, the poor people down there barely have enough room to swing a cat, never mind take in two more bodies!

So what then? A church! I can hide in the confessional box until they lock up the church. I wonder if that’s a good idea, hiding in a church for the night? The statues would be all staring down at me in the pitch black! I wonder if they leave the lights on? I could light the candles. Yeah, but then I would have to pay for them. It would be robbing God, if I didn’t pay up. So, as I’m not spending the last of me money on candles, where will I go? Jaysus! I’ll work that one out when I get a bit of heat into me and a bit of hot grub. Right, that’s settled.

I pulled the packet of cigarettes out of me pocket and lit one up. ‘Excuse me!’ I looked up, jumping with the fright at the voice coming out of nowhere. ‘Have yeh gor a light, love?’ I looked up into the face of a woman wearing a short mini-frock, with black knee boots and a white fun-fur jacket. Her dyed-black hair was standing three feet up in the air, it got so much back-combing.

Jaysus! You frightened the life outa me,’ I said, laughing. Handing her me cigarette to take a light because I wanted to spare the rest of me matches.

‘Wha are yeh doin here, sittin in the freezin cold?’ she said, leaning back her head and dragging the smoke all the way deep down inta her lungs. Then she sucked air up through her nose and looked at me. Waiting for me answer.

‘I have nowhere to go,’ I said, knowing I could trust her.

Aren’t you like meself? A Dubliner?’ she said, letting the last word rise inta the air.

‘Yeah, but I still have nowhere to go.’

‘Jaysus! That’s terrible. On a night like tonight of all nights. They say it’s goin teh snow.’

‘Is it?’ I asked her, seeing her slapping her arms to get a bit of heat, thinking snow would make things even worse. Now I would have to worry about leaving me footprints in the snow when I might have to run for me life, trying to escape some aul fella chasing me down the road. I could very easily be tracked to me hiding place. I was trying to picture that, with me nerves really beginning to get the better of me again.

‘Gawd! Do you know, I have been chased down that bleedin road by aul fellas in cars trying to pick me up!’ I said, looking at her, shocked.

‘Yeah, they see you as fresh! The fuckers are not coming around me at all tonight,’ she said, looking very sour and whipping her head up and down the road. I stared at her. It was just dawning on me now. Oh, Mammy! Your woman must be on the game! Now look what I’m after getting meself inta. Here I am, drawing even more attention to meself when they come looking for her! There are bound to be lines and lines of cars, all stopping to pick the pair of us up!

Mammy! Jaysus! God! Help! Oh, fuck! I felt me heart lepping in me chest with the sudden fright. I could feel the legs going from under me. Right, that’s it. I’m off. Jaysus! Just let me outa here!

‘Listen, goodbye now. I have to run. I just thought of something,’ I said, feeling me heart flying as I whipped up me suitcase and took off, taking the steps two at a time.

‘Here, wait!’ she said, waving at me. I looked back and waved, smiling back at her. ‘Go up to the bus station. You can kip down on the buses,’ she said.

‘Oh, yeah! Thanks very much. That’s a great idea,’ I said. Feeling delighted at the thought of getting in somewhere safe and warm. Then I felt bad at the idea of making her think I thought she was dirt. That’s not what worried me at all. I felt sorry for her. God help her. ‘Listen,’ I said, stopping to shout back at her, wanting her to know I thought she was very good. ‘Thanks very much, missus. I’m very grateful to you.’

‘No worry! You mind yerself now. An don’t stop teh talk teh any a them fellas in the cars,’ she shouted, giving me a warning, waving her finger at me.

‘Yeah, I knew that full already. Yeah, thanks very much again,’ I shouted, flying for all I was worth back up the road and heading for the bus depot.

I dragged me feet along the ground with the heavy suitcase pulling the arm outa me. That hill looks like it’s going to kill me. I dropped me head and pushed me legs, one foot in front of the other, and stopped on the bridge. I collapsed me arms, letting them fall with the exhaustion, leaning on the railings resting meself. Then stood, looking down into the canal. I stared at the brown, muddy-looking water, surrounded by all the old red-brick warehouses looking into it. I wonder what it would be like if I was to stand up here on the top and just let meself drop down? I could feel me head going under the water and not being able to get me breath. It would be suffocating for a few minutes. I wonder how long it takes before you die? I hate water! I’m afraid of me life of it, because I can’t swim.

Me head turned slowly around, landing on the big old building of the glass-bottle factory. I wonder how many people have come and gone through that factory. It’s been there for hundreds of years. At least one hundred anyway. Them people who first worked there long, long ago, they’re all now well dead and gone. I suppose they had their worries, too. I bet if they were given the chance to come back, they would probably take it. Even with all the fear and worry. All these old buildings were here long before I was born. Imagine life was going on before I got here! But these have seen their last days. Everything around here is lying idle, all run down. Just like meself.

Snowflakes started to fall, landing on me eyelashes. Jaysus! I hate this snow. It’s nothing like you see in the fancy photographs of long ago. With people wrapped up in scarves and hats and long coats with warm boots. All laughing and throwing snowballs at each other. This turns to slush, then freezes hard on the ground, until you have to take it easy walking or you slip on your back and break your bleedin neck.

It started to get heavier. I looked up at the sky turning all shades of blue, grey, and now black. All before me eyes as I watched it. Heavy white snowflakes was suffocating the air, making its way to land softly on the ground, covering it like a white sheet. There’s nothing to be seen but white. The air and ground is covered in it, including meself. Jaysus! I look like a moving snowman. And I’m covered in it.

I looked down at meself, seeing it sit on me shoulders and coat and brown bokety shoes. Me hair hung around me like a white stringy hat. Ah, what next? I’m plastered in white snow. Now I’m going to get me coat and shoes wet again. Fuck!

I walked on, making me way down the hill, heading for the bus depot. I hope nobody’s hanging around tonight. I want to get straight into a bus and try to get a bit of sleep. This snow is going to stick even heavier tonight. Maybe they won’t be moving the buses tomorrow. That means I won’t get run out by the cleaners when they start coming in the early hours of the morning to clean the buses.

God, where are you? Please help me to find a way to get back on me feet before it’s too late. I’m worried because the heart is going outa me. It feels like I’m going to be stuck walking the streets for ever. I’m not looking like meself. I know I’m looking worn out from the hunger, because I can’t buy much to eat and I hardly have any money left. Then, on top of that, I’m not getting much sleep and the terrible cold is killing me.

This is me second week now, walking the streets searching for work. You know yourself I’ve been looking very hard. Walking the feet offa meself, tramping the length and breadth of everywhere, but it’s all for nothing. I even banged on the doors of the bed and breakfasts, asking them will they give me food and a bed in exchange for me work. That didn’t bloody do any good! They took one look at the desperation on me face, seeing how rough I looked from all that sleeping out. Well, that was enough for them. They had all the information they needed to decide something must be wrong with me and slammed the door shut straight inta me face. One aul one stared at me for a few minutes. I held me breath, hoping I was getting somewhere. I gaped as she stared, letting her think about it. I could see her head flying with the thinking, the eyes hopping and blinking like mad, working on the lovely idea of getting me free. All for a bit of grub and a bed that wouldn’t a been used anyway.

‘No!’ she finally said, with her eyes closing down, pulling herself back from the door, getting ready to bang it. ‘No, you wouldn’t do me. I won’t bother. Goodbye now!’

I stood, not believing me ears. No? Not even for nothing? I went straight inta shock. The heart left me and sank right down inta me belly. Then I shouted. ‘No, wait, missus! Why not? I’m a hard worker!’ I ended up shouting at the door, as it slammed with a bang in me face. I stood staring at it for a few seconds while the information got through to me brain. Then I banged on the door again. ‘I’m not ready to give in,’ I muttered, straightening meself up, getting ready to talk her into it.

‘What do yeh want? I told you already I have no need of your sort!’

‘What sort is that, missus?’ I asked, with me voice squeaking at the insult she just gave me. The bleeding cheek a her, I thought, forgetting now I had been readying meself to try and talk her inta changing her mind. Instead, the rage and fear working itself up through me was making me lose the run of meself. Then I felt meself dropping, with the air going outa me. I could feel me heart sinking with the disappointment and fear of getting nothing. I just wanted to know where I was going wrong.

‘What’s wrong with me, missus? I’m nearly offering me work free! Missus, can’t you just tell me why?’ I asked her quietly, looking up at her.

‘It’s . . . you’re too young!’ she burst out, trying to work out why she didn’t want to take me. ‘Young ones are more trouble then they’re worth! I’m sorry,’ she snapped, ‘but me mind is made up! Now, I’m busy. I’ve wasted enough time.’ Then she was gone, slamming the door shut for the second time.

‘Aul fucker!’ I shouted at the door, nearly crying at the rage starting to fly around me chest. Then she opened the door again, and me heart leapt with the hope.

‘Now,’ she roared, ‘you just went and proved me right! Foul language and plenty of cheek, that’s all your sort has to offer. Now, get away from me door or I’ll call the police.’

‘Fucking aul hag! Stick yer poxy aul flea-ridden bed and breakfast up yer fat arse!’ I screamed, letting fly at the door. She didn’t come out again so I couldn’t really tell her what I thought about her. I looked around me with the rage, wanting to do something – make a holy show of her.

‘What’s wrong with the place?’

I looked up inta the face of a red-necked culchie appearing outa nowhere. He stopped next to me, and stood looking down at me from about six feet up inta the air. He looks like a long string of misery, I thought sourly, staring up and down the length of him, with the bony face and the dirty brown-pink nylon shirt that was too big for his red skinny neck. The red clashed with the pink. ‘Did ya just get hefted outa the place?’ he said, swinging his brown suitcase at the door then looking down at me with such a look on his face that told me everything I was going to tell him would be taken as gospel. In other words, a right gobshite.

‘Oh, my God!’ I gasped. ‘Whatever you do, don’t go in there. That aul one has a houseful of cats. She insists yeh let them sleep in the bed wit yeh! They run riot. Then, first thing in the morning, they even get to your plate of rashers before you do! That’s why we were having a shouting match. She threw me out after I complained about it. Not to mention the damp cold bed I had to sleep in last night,’ I huffed. Snorting out me disgust.

‘Shockin!’ he breathed, with the eyes hangin out of his head, listening to me every word.

‘Oh, yeah!’ I carried on, encouraged by his two ears wigging, taking in everything I was telling him. ‘And another thing! She charges seventeen shillings and sixpence!’

‘What? Not at all! Sure I’m just after turning down nine and six back up yonder!’ he gasped, waving his suitcase back up the road.

‘There yeh go!’ I shouted, waving me hands at him. ‘She’s a daylight robber!’ I roared, wagging me finger at the door.

‘Tis true for yeh! The Dublin people would rob yeh blind, if yeh didn’t hang onta deh shirt tails hangin outa yeh. Deh brother warned me right enough dis would happen. “Mick,” he said, “cow tail it outa dat city as fast as yeh can. Mind out for dem city young ones. Dey’ll rob the shirt offa yer back.”’

I hope he’s not including me. Maybe I can get him to buy me a nice hot meal, if I play me cards right. I shook me head, agreeing. With him shaking the side of his head like mad, not able to take in all the daylight robbery that was going on. Then sniffing air up through his nostrils like he was getting a bad smell. ‘Be Gawd! He was right, sure enough there,’ he said, thinking his brother very smart altogether, getting lost with a far-away look in his eye of sheer admiration for the brother. ‘On the other hand,’ he muttered, staring at me with the eyes hanging outa the back of his head, getting outa breath from all the bad news, ‘I’m told this one was good an aisey on the money,’ he said, looking confused, with a different thought entering his head.

Then he whipped out a dirty piece of paper and squinted at it. I had a look with him. It was written in pencil and I couldn’t make out the writing. ‘I writ all this back home. It’s a list of the clean an chaipe places dat are handy in Dublin,’ he said, looking down at me as the two of us gaped at the bit of paper.

‘Well, whoever it was that told you about this place was leading yeh astray. I’m telling you, you go in that door at yer peril! For sure, once that aul one gets her hands on your pockets yer done for! She will even charge yeh half a crown for the hot water. So you may as well forget about having your shave in the morning,’ I said, looking disgusted, craning me head up to look at him. ‘That aul one will lighten your pockets. Make no mistake about that,’ I said, shaking me head, feeling very satisfied I had done a good hatchet job on yer woman.

‘Oh, right so! I’ll give dat a miss,’ he said, picking up his suitcase, making to move off. ‘Well, it’s plenty more I have teh look at. I only want somewhere teh kip down for the one night and the bit of grub in the morning. Anything will do me,’ he said, nodding his head and setting his sights further down the road. ‘I suppose I’m looking teh make a bargain. I want teh pay as little as passable,’ he said, dropping his long skinny red neck inside his overcoat. He took off, letting his arse stick out, heading himself off down the road. I stared after him, thinking it’s not worth me while trying to butter him up to buy me something to eat. I’d love a plate of fish and chips but that fella is so mean he probably thinks he owes himself money, judging by that hungry look on his culchie mug.

Jaysus! If only I could land a job. But I’m too desperate-looking. It’s putting them off. They think I must be on the run from something or someone. Right, I better get a move on and start trying to find somewhere to get in out of the cold for the night.

Yeah, that was today, God. Now look at the state of me! I’m up the creek without a paddle! Will you please let me luck change? I need something to turn up for me soon. I have no one I can turn to. Do you know that? Is this your idea of a joke? In a way, I’m blaming you! Yeah, if I hadn’t gone down to the church to light a penny candle and have a little word with you, I wouldn’t a lost me money!

You know I only have the one shilling and thruppence left to keep me going. What will I do then? I’m not going back to robbing. I’m definitely not even thinking about that terrible idea. I can’t ask Sister Eleanor for help. She would only run me out the door. I’m left the convent now and that’s that! I can hear her saying, nearly crying with the torment she thinks I’m putting her through.

I even thought about going back to the ma. Just for a little while. That mad idea only lasted me a few seconds. I would sooner start robbing for meself then for them. So, as there doesn’t seem to be much left open to me, what am I going to do? Please tell me, God! Don’t let me down now, in me hour of need. I can even get meself picked up by the police. Yes, God! I’m getting very annoyed about this whole thing. You started it in the first place.

I could really begin to feel meself getting worked up, now that I knew who to blame. They could say I’m a vagrant because I’m beginning to look a bit in threadbare order. God, you know that could happen. They could easily get me bunged into a home, locked away, for being on the streets! They would say it’s for me own protection because I’m too young, yeah.

I was thinking about meself being called a vagrant. No, I’m not going to let that happen. I would really have to be one complete gobshite. I’m just really, really tired, that’s all. Me nerves are just running away with me. I’m only letting me mind wander, thinking of the worst things that can happen.

Then I had a thought. I have gone through much, much worse then this in me days on this earth. I’m still here now. Nothing that ever really frightened the life outa me or all the worry I had or all the terrible beatings I got, none of it killed me! No, I’m still here and it will get better. Just like before! I had happy times and hard times. That’s just the way life is. So I have happy times to look forward to. It always gets worse before it gets better, Martha. Doesn’t it, God?

To be honest, the only reason I’m still talking to you, God, is because I have no one else to talk to. I’m beginning to think a heart-to-heart talk with you only lands me in trouble. If only I had gone on about me business.

Anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah! Of course things are going to get better. ‘Yeah, they will,’ I whispered, staring at nothing. I could feel a terrible tiredness come over me again. ‘Course it does,’ I mumbled to meself, moving on again. ‘So now, take it easy. Yeah. Take it easy,’ I whispered, wanting to cheer meself up.

Suddenly, without warning, I felt a hot flush flying up me chest and I burst out crying. ‘Ma, I wish I had a mammy. I’m still not really grown up at all. I still want a mammy!’ I croaked, hearing the same voice I heard when I was only little and life got too much for me. I walked on, feeling the same as I did then, somehow like a little child again, lost and lonely.

I cried to meself as I made me way through the heavy snowflakes, smothering me from head to toe, making me feel cold and wet and miserable. Only God knows what I am going to do now or what will happen to me.

Please, God, stay with me. Don’t desert me now. That’s all I ask. I don’t really mean to be giving out to you. But I’m so worn out. I walked on, trying to hurry, watching me steps on the icy path, seeing it getting covered in thick snow. I feel like I’m rushing but I’m really going very slow. Ah, Mammy, I can hardly see with this snow. Gawd, it’s getting very heavy. It really is beginning to come down now.

I stared ahead, trying to judge the distance to the bus depot. I can hardly see where I’m going. Everything looks blacker, except for this thick snow swirling down around me. ‘Jaysus! Let me get in outa this!’ I snorted. This is madness. It feels like even the weather is out to get me.

I can’t believe I got meself into this mess. And worst of all, I haven’t even managed to get meself outa it! How in the name of Jaysus could anyone be so stupid? How could I have let this happen? To me of all people? I should have known better. Stupid cow! Martha, you are one bleedin thick eejit, make no mistake about that. No, I definitely haven’t been thinking this last while. Now look what you have done to yourself, wandering the streets like a lost fucking soul. Ah, fuck!

I felt a sudden hot rage flying through me. It shot up through me belly and surged through me chest, exploding itself inta me head, making me see all colours. I looked around me in an awful fury, seeing the heavy thick snow swirling and descending on me in buckets. Me head swung back, seeing I was the only one out in this godforsaken weather. Then, without warning, I threw back me head and took in an almighty lungful of air. I could hear it hissing up through me chest, rising itself right up to me neck. Then, not even thinking, I let go of me suitcase, letting it drop to the ground, and slowly threw back me shoulders and let rip, giving an unmerciful roar outa me.

‘FUCK OFFFFFF! FUCK THE WEATHER! FUCK THE NUNS, FUCK THEIR AUL DOMESTIC JOBS AND FUCK EVERYBODY! AND AUL ONES! ESPECIALLY THEM! AND AUL FELLAS! OH, YEAH, ESPECIALLY THEM AS WELL! I DON’T NEED ANY OF YOUSE! I’LL MAKE ME OWN WAY! GO TO HELL, THE LOT OF YEHS. AS FOR YOU, GOD, I DON’T NEED YOUR IDEA OF LOOKING AFTER ME. I’M FINISHED WITH YOU! IT’S OVER! I’M NEVER SPEAKING TO YOU EVER AGAIN! SO THERE! STICK THE WORLD RIGHT UP YOUR ARSE!’ Then I remembered one more. ‘I HOPE A BOMB DROPS ON THE HEADS OF ALL YOU FUCKIN ITALIANS!’

I stood dead still, watching and waiting. Nothing happened. I’m not struck stone dead. ‘Right, so that’s telling youse,’ I muttered, wondering if I left anyone out. Then I let meself go and listened, waiting just in case to see if anything really would happen. No, I’m still here. Nobody is rushing to get me locked up, either. I let out a huge sigh, feeling meself go limp.

‘Right, now, that’s telling them all! Yeah, I feel better after that,’ I muttered to meself, feeling me face starting to smile. I felt meself loosen all over and me shoulders drop. Then me head started to clear. I paused, holding me breath to take in all around me, hearing only the silence. Me eyes wandered over to the line of little cottages all snuggled together with the lights on and the curtains drawn, looking lovely and cosy with the roofs covered in snow. I stared up and down the deserted street, looking through a curtain of swirling snow. I could see flashes of dark blue and grey, dancing in and out with the warm yellow from the street lamps. Everywhere I looked was covered in snow. Then me eyes peeled up ahead to the bus garage, waiting, with the buses gone to bed for the night.

Everything is so quiet, so still, I thought, whispering to meself. It feels like the world is holding its breath, like I’m the only one out here wandering around. Then I started to laugh, seeing the state of meself. Here I am, standing out in the middle of a snowstorm in the pitch black night, soaking to the bloody skin, complete with me suitcase standing right beside me on the ground. Then, to cap it all, I’m roaring me head off like a mad woman. Yes, me little dew drop, this is where you have landed yourself up! No one could ever accuse you of not being stupid! Oh, no! And mad! I must take after me aunt Nelly. She was always throwing herself inta mad fits, too. Oh, Jaysus! You sure don’t do anything by halves. That’s for sure, Martha.

Well, that feels better, I sniffed to meself. I had done something mad, yeah, shouting at the weather like it was meant specially for me and roaring into thin air. That should get me locked up fast enough. Right, but I’m OK now. That did me good. It woke me up.

I need to think to get meself outa this mess. OK, start thinking for a change, because the older yer getting, the more stupid yer becoming. I walked on, coming into the yard of the bus station, and stopped at the entrance. I looked around to make sure no one was hanging around. Grand! It’s all deserted. Anyway, who would be thick enough to show their nose out on a night like tonight? You would, Martha. I felt a laugh coming up me at that thought. Yeah, I’m not fit to be let loose. I had one last look around before making a move for the buses. Good, there’s nobody around, not a sinner. Right, me luck’s in.

I could see the buses all standing beside each other, parked for the night. They were all covered in snow. Me heart lifted at the sight of them. OK, get moving. I hurried over before someone came out of the depot and ran me out. Me heart was clapping away, trying to hurry before I got caught. I passed by the first one, and made me way heading to the very back, where no one would catch me when they started to move out the buses in the morning or the cleaners started arriving. I could be up and gone as soon as I heard them making noise. Jaysus! They make enough noise to wake the dead, them cleaners, with their roaring and shouting at each other.

‘Come on, Mary!’

‘We’ll be in and out before we know where we are!’

‘How did the daughter’s weddin go?’

Jaysus! I don’t know where they get the energy that hour of the morning.

Here we are. I stepped up onta the platform, leaving the snow behind me. This bus will do me lovely. It’s grand and protected, with the other buses sheltering it. I staggered down the aisle and landed me suitcase on the floor, happy to get rid of the weight of it. Oh, this is grand. I could feel the comfort of having a roof over me head and all the warm, soft-looking seats making it nice and cosy.

I took off me wet coat, leaving it to dry on the seat in front of me, and opened me suitcase. Right, where’s me towel? I dried me hair and took off me wet shoes and tights and dried me feet. It’s a pity I haven’t got a blanket. I could always wander up to one of the hospitals and help meself to one! No, no robbing. Anyway, that’s all I would need to turn meself into a tramp, carrying me bleedin bed around with me! Stop your messing, Martha. This is the last time you end up sleeping like this.

I took out me good trench coat and lay down on the long seat, pulling it over me. Oh, my God, this is heaven. I sat up again and threw off me wet frock and pulled me feet under the coat then collapsed back down. Still not satisfied, I jumped up to grab the towel and put it under me head. I closed me eyes, feeling the exhaustion sink down along me body and curl out through me toes. Me eyes felt very heavy and I could feel meself sinking.

‘I better have a plan for tomorrow,’ I muttered, trying to work something out before I went out cold. First thing is, I have to get something to eat. That’s what has been the problem for the last two days. I haven’t eaten or had anything to drink. No wonder I’m banjacked and weak from the hunger, then wandering aimlessly around all day, ending up going nowhere. Right, tomorrow morning first thing I’m taking meself into Bewley’s café and sitting meself down where they serve you, in the toffs’ part. I’ll eat meself stupid by ordering everything they have on the menu. Then when she comes with the bill, I’ll say . . . eh, what will I say? I’ll say, ‘Missus, I forgot to bring me money. I’m very sorry about that but I’ll make it up to you. I’ll do all the washing up for the day, if you throw in dinner as well!’

Will that work? Of course, I could always nip out the door when they’re not looking! No, that’s taking me straight back where I started in the first place. I’m definitely not robbing. It’s too easy to go down that road, but there’s no way back. No, I’ll just face them head-on! I have no money and that’s that! Once I get a good sleep tonight, and I have a belly full of grub in me, I should start using me head again. I’ll be able to start thinking more clearly.

Sister Eleanor used to say I was very cunning, like a fox. But she wasn’t throwing bouquets at me. No, that was usually when I managed to pull the wool over her eyes. Then when she found out, that’s when she went mad. So, I better start being foxy again, using me noodle. I’m only hurting meself with all this truth I’m telling. For a start, I’m going to raise me age, say I’m eighteen. Hmm, I don’t think that’s any good. Some people accuse me of only looking twelve, because I’m a bit small for me age, I suppose.

Anyway, no more messing. This is serious business. I have to get meself off the streets! I need to find a job and that’s that. So that is exactly what I’m going to do. Of course there’s something for me out there! For the love a Jaysus, Martha, just go out and find it. Stop this dozy carry-on out of yeh. OK. Right!

I could feel the heat in me belly at the thought I was going to get somewhere. Yeah, lovely! I’m having a good sleep now and in the morning I’ll be up early, ripping and roaring to get going. I just needed to have a good talk with meself. I wasn’t getting anywhere because me heart and soul wasn’t in it. Now I’m ready to take on the world.

I took in a big sigh of contentment, letting meself drop off to sleep, knowing I can get anywhere I want in this life. Now that I have made me mind up that I’m definitely going to get a job, then I will get one. All I have to do now is go after it with a vengeance. Yeah, this world belongs to me, too!