Iwas just heading out the door on me afternoon off. I’m not due back at work until three o’clock tomorrow afternoon. ‘Wait!’ Molly shouted, coming down the stairs after me. ‘You are to give me your hall-door key.’
‘What? You must be joking! I need that to get in.’
‘No, Mrs Murphy said I’m to take it off you.’
‘Why? What business is it of yours or Mrs Murphy’s?’
‘You are too young, at sixteen years of age, to have a hall-door key.’
‘No, you’re not getting it. I’m working here like the rest of youse. What I do after that is nobody’s business.’
‘Give me the key,’ she said, holding out her hand, glaring at me.
‘How will I get in then?’
‘It’s OK. I’ll let you in, or someone else will. There’s plenty of people around at night to open the door.’
‘So you will let me in when I come back?’
‘Yes,’ she said, looking like she meant it.
‘Do you promise?’
‘Providing you are not back later then eleven!’
‘Oh, that’s all right then. The last bus is at eleven anyway, so I’m always back before that.’ I handed her the key, looking at the loss of it. She put it in the pocket of her blue work smock. I wore me ordinary clothes. I didn’t want to be reminded of wearing the working smock when I was in the convent.
‘Right, I’m off. Don’t forget to open the door for me tonight.’
‘Don’t be late!’ she shouted after me.
‘No, I’ll not be later then eleven o’clock.’
I took off, heading down the road to catch the bus into town.
I stepped off the bus and walked back to stand at the traffic lights on O’Connell Street, waiting to cross the road. Right, where will I go today? I’ll go up to Clerys and wander around the shop, maybe I’ll start buying meself a bit of make-up. I could buy some of that liquid eyeliner I see them all wearing. But it’s hard to put on, trying to get a straight line without getting it all over your eyes, and ending up looking like someone gave yeh a black eye. That’s no trouble, I can practise in me spare time before I wear it out. Great! I can even get some mascara to go with it. It will make me eyelashes look like brushes.
The lights changed, letting us get across. On second thoughts, I’ll head down Aston Quay, and go around by the seaman’s mission and get meself a plate of chips in the café down the road. I might even get a big ray! Yeah, fish and chips first. Lovely!
I took off, passing the big newsagent’s on the quays, when me eyes lit on two little young fellas and I whipped me head back staring at them. I couldn’t believe me eyes. There they were, mooching around the shop. ‘TEDDY! HARRY! What are youse doing here?’
‘Martha! It’s you! Where are yeh goin? Where did yeh come from?’ they roared, their eyes lighting up at the sight of me.
‘Jaysus! Where did youse come out of?’ I said, trying to get me breath back with the shock. Then grabbing a hold of them and squeezing the life out of them.
‘We’re doin nothin. Just goin fer a ramble,’ they said, lookin me up and down, with the lot of us all getting excited and delighted at seeing each other.
‘Where’s the ma? Are youse on yer own?’
‘Yeah, we are,’ Teddy said.
‘But how did youse do that? How did yeh get into town?’
‘We walked!’ Harry said, laughing and looking at Teddy.
‘Jaysus!’ I couldn’t take it in. ‘Come on. Come with me. I’m going to buy youse fish and chips. I want to know what you have been up to!’
‘Here, get that into you,’ I said, pushing the two plates down in front of them when the waitress landed the three plates of fish and chips on the table.
‘Anything else?’ the waitress said, holding up her notebook and pencil.
‘Yeah, give me a large pot of tea and two plates of bread and butter.’
‘Right, will that be all?’ she said, looking at me.
‘Yeah, thanks,’ I said, watching her write down what we had ordered, and putting the bill on the table. I looked at it. Twelve shillings and sixpence! Fuck. That’s a lot! Never mind. It’s worth every penny.
‘How did youse two get out of the house?’ I said, looking at them shovelling down the chips and picking up the fish with their two hands, and making short work of it.
‘We were supposed teh be gone teh school, Martha,’ Teddy said, nearly choking on his grub.
‘Take it easy. Don’t try teh eat it all at the same time,’ I said, looking at them, their faces bursting with the grub. I ate me fish and chips slowly, waiting for them to have their fill before I said another word. ‘Here, take half of that between the two of you,’ I said, dividing up most of me fish and chips, not feeling very hungry. I wanted them to have it. God knows when they will get another feed.
‘Are yeh sure yeh don’t want it, Martha?’ Teddy said, his eyes bulging at me plate, wanting it, but not wanting to deprive me.
‘Yeah, course I don’t. Go on, eat it up! Do yehs want more bread?’
‘Yeah! We do, don’t we, Teddy?’ Harry said, shaking his head with the woolly hat wrapped around it, covering his forehead.
‘Why are yeh wearing that hat, Harry?’
‘Cos he has sores, Martha! His head is covered in sores!’
‘Oh, my God! When did that happen?’
‘It’s been like tha fer weeks, Martha. Me ma’s puttin ointment on it. An he has teh keep it covered. Don’t yeh, Harry?’
‘Yeah!’ Harry said, shaking his head up and down. Smiling at me.
Fucking hell! Jaysus Christ almighty, I moaned to meself. That’s fucking sheer neglect. ‘So, come on, tell me. Why are yehs hanging around the town? What are youse doing out on your own?’
‘We were supposed teh be at school. But we’re not. We’re mitchin!’ Teddy said, looking at Harry wit a devilment look on his face. Then the two of them grinned at me.
‘Yeah, me da doesn’t know or he’d kill us. But we know he won’t find out this time cos he’s gone off drinkin wit the labour money.’
‘Yeah, he was drinkin yesterday. An this mornin he grabbed the money left in me ma’s purse, and ran off out the door sayin he was goin for a drink. Me ma went mad an started roarin an screamin. She sent us out after him teh get the money back but we watched him get on the bus an then we took off ourselves! Didn’t we, Harry?’
‘Yeah, we did!’ giggled Harry. ‘We walked inta town teh have a look aroun.’
‘But what happens when yeh go back home now? Won’t he find out then?’
‘No, he’ll be too drunk teh know!’
‘Yeah, cos he’ll be flat out on the sofa. So we can sneak back in!’ laughed Harry. ‘Yeah!’
‘But member the last time he caught us, Harry?’ Teddy said, with the fear of God coming across his face. Teddy shook his head at me, remembering. ‘He founded out we were mitchin, Martha. So we hid in the field down the road from the house. But he found us when we fell asleep in the night time. An he picked us up be our necks, an dragged us home like tha. Then he thrun us in the bath, an he got a rope an tied it aroun our necks and tied us tegether. Then he wrapped it aroun the tap in the bath and turned on the tap, makin the water pour out, an tried teh drown us! Our tongues were hangin out cos we were chokin and we went all black!’
‘Yeah, me ma said our faces turned all black. She was screamin, an we weren’t breathin no more! She stopped him. Yeah! Ony fer tha we woulda been dead. Yeah! We were nearly goners,’ Harry said, shaking his head, his eyes staring out of his skull, with his mind wandering back to that time of hell.
‘Oh, Jesus! What am I going to do with youse? He’ll kill you for good this time, if he finds out!’ Me heart was going like the clappers, looking at the two of them sitting there watching me, waiting to see what I could do next for them. ‘Listen, Teddy, Harry. Where’s Charlie?’
‘We don’t know! He just keeps runnin off from the house.’
‘What? Where is he now?’
‘We don’t know! Me da’s givin up lookin fer him. The first few times he ran away me da used teh go out an find him. He was hangin aroun the fields wit the big young ones. An me da bate the hell outa him. But Charlie doesn’t care. He just runs off again when me ma sends him for the messages!’ They laughed. ‘Yeah! Ever since you left, he was gettin inta trouble wit me da. He wanted him teh do all the things tha you did. But me da said he was too stupid. An he wouldn’t do anythin for them. He wouldn’t even go fer the bread up to the convents. So, the first time me da threw him outa the house he thought Charlie would come back. But he didn’t. So Charlie wouldn’t come back ever since. He likes teh stay away, so he does. An me da went mad. Cos he wanted him teh go fer the messages, an look after things the way you did, Martha. Yeah! But Charlie won’t do it. He doesn’t care how much me da kills him cos he knows he can run away. Yeah! So are we, aren’t we, Harry?’
‘Yeah, we don’t care neighter,’ Harry said, shaking his head and looking at Teddy. The two of them trying to make themselves brave.
‘No, come on. You’re going home. I’m putting the two of youse on the bus. You are too young to be on the streets! Are you listening to me?’
‘Yeah,’ they said, the light going out of their eyes. Not wanting to go back home.
‘Listen, my little darlings,’ I said, putting me hands across the table and stroking their little cheeks. ‘You have to go home to the ma. She’ll be worried sick looking for youse. The streets are very very dangerous! There’s people walking these streets who would grab hold of you and you’d never be seen again. They would murder you! Did you know that?’
‘Yeah!’ they said, the terrible thought just occurring to them now.
‘You have to wait another few years before you can live on your own. I’m big. I’m sixteen so I can go where I like now! It seems a long time for you to wait, I had to wait when I was your age. I thought the time would never come, but it did. You need to go to school every day and learn to read and write. Life is hard if you can’t write your name! Have youse learned to write yet?’
‘No, but we don’t like school.’
‘We can’t read nor write. An the master kills us. Doesn’t he, Harry?’
‘Yeah, I get kilt, too,’ Harry said, shaking his head, looking fearful.
‘Oh, Jaysus! Learn the letters and you can teach yourselves like I did! Do you know your letters?’
‘Yeah, we know the letters, don’t we, Harry?’
‘Yeah, we can say all the letters, Martha,’ Harry said, looking more happy.
‘Right then, reading is easy! Just spell them together, getting the sound then keep saying it, go around spelling everything you see. Break down the word, get the sound and soon you will be able to read. That’s how I learned. Now I want you to do that. Are you listening to me? Then school will be easier. Anyway, it gets you away from that aul fella. Right, will you promise me you will go to school?’
‘Yeah, we will,’ they said, shaking their heads, meaning it for the moment.
I paid the bill, looking at me change. Four shillings and sixpence.
‘Come on, let’s go and get the bus!’
‘Are you comin wit us, Martha?’ they said together, their eyes staring out of their heads with excitement.
‘No, what would I be doing going back there? Can you see me living with Jackser?’
‘No,’ they laughed, then their faces dropped.
‘We miss you, Martha,’ Harry said, with his little face looking very mournful. ‘Me ma is always talkin about all the stuff you used teh get!’
‘Yeah, me da really misses the money yeh used teh bring home,’ Teddy said, shaking his head at the memory, thinking about all the loss they had. ‘He’s always talkin about it. Yeah, yeh used teh bring us toys an everythin,’ he said, the pair of them agreeing with each other. Their heads hanging along the ground.
‘Ah, come on, you two. Your time will come! Then you will be able to leave and get yourselves a job. Now, isn’t this lovely, the way we met? Did you like your fish and chips, eating in that café? Wasn’t it great?’
‘Yeah, we never had anythin like tha before, did we, Harry?’
‘No! Tha was great, it was!’
‘OK, let’s rush up to Woolworths and buy cornets. Would yehs like that?’
‘Yeah! Yeah! Can we do it now, Martha?’
‘Course we can. Come on!’
We headed up Henry Street and went into Woolworths. ‘Give us two ninety-nines,’ I said, handing the girl two shillings and waiting for her to give us two creamy ice creams with two chocolate flakes stuck in the middle. ‘Right, boys. Here you are,’ I said, putting one each in their hands. ‘Come on! Take a bag and put a few sweets in and get yourselves a big bag of pick ’n’ mix each. Look, you can take your pick of all the sweets and put them in the bag. Here’s a shovel. Wait, I’ll do it meself. I’ll get yeh some of all of them, and I want to get a bag each for Dinah and Sally and Agnes. How are they?’ I asked smiling. ‘Are they oK?’
‘Yeah, they go teh your old school, Martha!’
‘Yeah,’ Harry said, getting all excited.
‘Shurrup, Harry! I’m tellin her,’ Teddy said, looking very annoyed at Harry.
‘Yeah,’ Harry said, smiling and looking at the ground, disappointed he couldn’t tell me.
‘Ah, Teddy! Let Harry tell me one bit then you can tell me the rest.’
‘But I want teh tell yeh! I was the first teh start talkin, Martha!’
‘Yeah, I’m dying to hear you, but I want to hear Harry first. Go on, Harry. Tell me what you were going to say.’
‘Dinah is goin teh yer old schule. An she’s makin her communion next year, so she is. An . . .’
‘It’s muy turn teh talk!’ roared Teddy, putting his hand over Harry’s face and mouth.
‘Fuck off!’ roared Harry, losing the rag.
‘Stop! No fightin or yehs are not gettin any a them sweets!’ I said. ‘Now be nice. Tell me, Teddy, what you were going to say.’ I heard meself getting back to me new voice. Forgetting meself for a minute, going back to me old way of speaking.
‘Yeah, she’s gone inta the first class, so she’ll be makin the communion next May. An Sally is in the high babbies an she’s goin teh be goin inta the first class next year. But Agnes won’t be goin teh schule yet cos she’s not big enough yet. An the new babby is a boy! Me da called him Gerry.’
‘Ah, is he lovely?’
‘Yeah, he has black hair, an me ma’s eyes.’
‘Yeah, me ma says they’re her eyes!’ shouted Harry.
‘But she’s not able fer him, Martha,’ Teddy said, looking pained in the face at this idea. ‘She’s complainin she’s tired all the time. She keeps him in the bed wit her. An me da goes mad! They’re always fightin an shoutin. We can’t get no sleep wit them at night time. Sure we don’t, Harry?’
‘No, they keep roarin an shoutin,’ Harry agreed.
‘Then he always goes out on the drinkin! We don’t care, do we, Harry?’
‘No, cos then he doesn’t be at home all day!’ Harry said, shaking his head, thinking that was a good thing.
‘No! But when he gets back then tha’s when all the killins does start,’ puffed Teddy, lookin shocked at the thought of it.
‘Yeah, there does be killins,’ said Harry quietly, shaking his head, thinking about it.
‘Bastards!’ I muttered.
‘Where are yeh livin, Martha? Mebbe we can come an stay wit you?’
‘Can we do tha? Yeah! Yeah! We want teh come teh live wit you, Martha!’
‘Jaysus!’ I said, scratching the hat off me head. ‘Believe me, if I could, I would do it this minute! But I have nowhere to take youse. I share a room wit another one, an aul one from the country. She thinks she’s doing me a favour by letting me sleep in the room. No, Teddy, Harry. It breaks me heart to say this. But I can’t take you to live with me. I hardly have anywhere to go. I have to be careful not to lose me job, or then I’m sunk! I’d have nowhere to live.’
‘Oh, yeah,’ they said, the two of them shaking their heads, understanding what I’m saying, and looking at the ground feeling very miserable.
We headed out of Woolworths, the pair of them sticking their noses into the white bags and taking out a boiled sweet to suck on. ‘Come on! Let’s go up to Parnell Street for the bus out to Finglas.’
‘Oh! Yeh didn’t know, did yeh? We moved outa our old house!’ roared Teddy, getting all excited.
‘Yeah, yeah!’ shouted the two of them together.
‘We swapped wit a man an he gev us money!’ Teddy explained.
‘What? Are you not living in Finglas any more?’
‘Yeah, yeah, we are,’ they said, shaking their heads up and down, getting outa breath and all excited.
‘We only moved down the road,’ puffed Teddy. ‘It’s just a bit far down. But we don’t like it, and me ma an da doesn’t like it. Everyone is very rough! An one day me da got inta a fight wit another man, an me ma tried teh help him an a gang a people jumped on her, an beat her up somethin terrible.’
Oh sweet Jesus! I could feel me heart drop down into me belly, the shock making me head go light and the colour leaving me face. ‘Was the ma all right?’ I whispered.
‘Yeah! It happened before she had the new babby. An she had a go inta the ambulance teh hospidal. Tha’s why we came down teh you! In the convent. Me da said we was teh keep our traps shut and not teh tell you or the nuns. So we kept quiet,’ Teddy said, his voice trailing off into a whisper. The memory of that time hurting him.
I looked at Harry, his eyes standing out of his head, and his mouth open, listening and remembering. ‘Come on! You’re OK here and now with me,’ I said, pulling the two of them under me arms, one each side of me. ‘Do we still get the bus on Parnell Street?’ I said.
‘Yeah! We know the bus teh get. It’s still the same one. We just have teh get off sooner!’
‘OK, here we are,’ I said, making for the bus stop. ‘Now, here’s the bag with the three bags of sweets, one each for Dinah and Sally and Agnes. I got a packet of silvermints for the ma because she likes them. They’re in the bag, too. OK? Now, Harry. You carry them. Listen, Teddy, I want you to do something for me. I am going to trust you to do this for me, OK?’ I said, opening me bag and taking out what money I had left. ‘First of all, this is for your bus fare. It’s twopence each. Right?’
‘Yeah, right,’ Teddy said, looking at me handing him the fourpence for the bus.
‘Here’s two shillings each to spend on yourselves. Now, I want you to give this two pound to me mammy. She needs this to buy food because I bet she hasn’t got a penny left after that bandy aul bastard spent the lot on the fucking drink. So give her this and don’t lose it! Are yeh listening teh me carefully? Here, have yeh got pockets in them short trousers?’
‘No, there’s a hole in me trousers, Martha.’
‘Fuck, I don’t want you going and losing all this money.’
‘Give it teh me, Martha! I promise I’ll take care not teh lose it!’
‘OK, here’s what I’ll do. Harry. Give me that bag with the sweets. I’m going to put the money in here. You carry it, Teddy. Make sure you give it to the ma, and don’t let that bastard Jackser get his hands on it, will you!’
‘No,’ he said, shaking his head up and down, listening to me very intently.
‘Now, will you give me ma that money? You wouldn’t keep it for yourself, would you?’ I asked him, kneeling down and looking into his eyes.
‘No, I promise we won’t spend it on ourselves! I cross me heart and hope teh die,’ he said, looking at me, his little face so serious.
‘I want the ma to buy you a bit of dinner,’ I said, in a whisper. ‘Especially Dinah and Sally and Agnes. You wouldn’t want them to go hungry after you had a lovely time, would you?’
‘No, we will give me ma the money. I promise on me word a honour, Martha.’
‘Right, love,’ I sighed, knowing they would.
I stood up, drawing the two of them close to me, holding them under me arm. Trying to wrap them in me coat, treasuring the minutes we had together, waiting on the bus. With nobody saying a word. We just stood in out of the cold, in the doorway of a house. The three of us, holding onto the warmth of each other, me wishing I could protect them and take care of them meself and they standing hanging onto me, snuggling closer in behind me, trying to shelter from the cold wind blowing up from the Liffey, feeling safe now just for the moment, knowing I would protect them with my life, but soon we will be going our own separate ways. Them back to the hell on earth, and me going back to a job where I was not going to last. Molly’s trying her best to get rid of me. I didn’t suit her ways.
‘Here we are,’ I whispered in a sigh, seeing the bus pull into the terminus. ‘Come on, sit on the seat next to the driver.’ I got on the bus with them and put them sitting down where the conductor could see them. ‘Sit there for a minute. Give me the name of the stop where you get off,’ I said.
‘It’s four stops before our old one,’ they said. Looking very small and tired now. The pair of them looking lost. They look so rundown and neglected, and they’re only little. Jesus! Teddy and Harry are too small for this, far too little to be running around wild.
‘Ma, fuck yeh!’ I muttered to meself, going over to talk to the bus conductor. Then waiting, seeing him lift his left leg, dropping himself against the wall, letting the wall take the weight of him. I watched him light up a cigarette, then went over to him. ‘Are you going to be the conductor on this bus out to Finglas?’
‘Yeah, she’ll be going out in five minutes,’ he said, taking a deep drag on his cigarette, and holding his breath, letting the smoke go down into his lungs. Then letting it out slowly, lifting his head back to watch the smoke going up into the air.
‘Listen! Do you see the two little fellas there sitting on the long seat just inside the door?’ I said, pointing at Teddy and Harry watching me out the window. ‘Will you make sure they get off at the right stop?’ Then I gave him the name of the stop. ‘Don’t let them off before that. Keep your eye on them. They’re a pair of ramblers! Do yeh know what I mean?’
‘Yeh mean they were mitching from school today?’ he said, holding the cigarette halfway to his mouth.
‘Yeah! Yeah, that’s exactly what I mean. I want them to get home in one piece.’
‘Right, you needn’t worry yourself any further. I’ll take care of them. Don’t you worry! I’ll keep me eye on them like a hawk,’ he said, leaning around me to get a better look at Teddy and Harry watching us out the window. ‘Ah, they’ll be all right. I’ll make sure they get off at their own stop!’
‘Oh, thanks very much, mister! That’s very good of you,’ I said happily, me heart lifting, knowing they would get home.
‘Now, eat your sweets and be good for me. The bus man is going to keep his eye on the pair of you to make sure you don’t get off at the wrong stop.’
‘But we don’t need tha! We know our own ways home! Don’t we, Harry?’ Teddy said, screwing his face up at the thought I was treating them like babies.
‘Yeah, course you do. But I don’t trust anyone else! You’re not the problem. Someone else might be watching yeh. You are too young to know the world and its ways. That’s why you have to promise me you won’t run off again. It’s very dangerous! Do you want me worrying about youse and having me hair turning grey before me time?’
‘No,’ they laughed, not used to the idea of having people fussing over them so much!
‘Well, give us a kiss and a hug! The bus is going to be going any minute now!’ I wrapped me arms around Teddy, feeling his skinny little frame with the ribs not having a bit of flesh on them. ‘You two mean the whole world to me. Just because you don’t see me doesn’t mean I have forgotten about you or I don’t care! I’ll always be your big sister, and I’ll always look out for the lot of yehs. Tell Charlie I hope I run into him one of these days. I’m going to be looking out for him. Will yehs tell him that when yeh see him?’ I said, looking at them and grabbing Harry in a bear’s hug and kissing the face off him. I could smell the dirty, manky clothes off them. Jesus! The ma hasn’t washed them rags since the day she put them on the poor kids. Me heart bled, looking at the state of them, with the little white faces half-starved, and the eyes looking huge. Hanging outa their heads from years of neglect and the fear and worry of living with them two fucking good-for-nothing bastards. There’s times when I hate that ma. She does fuck-all to help the kids.
‘Right, we’re moving off,’ the conductor said, jumping on the platform and steadying the money bag around his neck. Holding his hand on the bell ready to give it a whack.
‘Right! Be good! Go straight home,’ I said in a panic. Looking at the two of them staring at him, the pain and fear in their faces at the thought of me going away without them. I couldn’t think of anything else to warn them about, or how much they meant to me. I had to get off the bus. ‘Goodbye now! Straight home!’ I shouted as the bus moved off. I saw them jumping up on the seat to wave at me, the pair of them pressing their heads to the window, trying to keep me in their sights as the bus moved up Parnell Street.
I stopped looking and waving when the bus turned left at the top of the road, heading up through Gardiner Street making its way out to Finglas. I turned slowly, looking down across O’Connell Street towards Capel Street, feeling a terrible sense of loss. I feel completely empty inside meself and cold. Me vision was blurred and I could barely make out the people and the traffic all around me. The noise seemed very far away. I suddenly felt I had been part of a different world for a few hours. I was a part of me own family. Me brothers! Then it was gone, just like that. I was on me own again, but not on me own. Jackser and the ma was back in me life. Just a bus away! It made me feel like I had never escaped.
I walked on, wanting to get somewhere. Away from them bastards. The ma and Jackser. Feeling a slow burning rage with the thought the boys were going to end up getting killed or something terrible was going to happen to them.
And Charlie! Where the hell is he? I have to find him! But then what? What can I do with him? How would I be able to keep him with me working in the shop? He would have to go to school. On top of that, if I start taking meself out to Finglas, what good would that do? There’s nothing can be done to help the ma. She doesn’t want to change anything. She would only be happy with me giving her money. Fucking Jaysus Christ! There’s nothing I can do. I would change nothing, and instead end up in the clutches of that aul fella again. No, Martha! Keep well away from them bastards. I would only end up destroying meself. Right, leave it be. Maybe I could talk to Sister Eleanor about it. If she could take them into the convent. Yeah, I’ll give her a ring. Right, I’m going to do that straight this minute.
I made me way down O’Connell Street and into the General Post Office. I need tuppence for the telephone. How much have I got left? Jaysus! Ten shillings! I looked at the ten-bob note, and one shilling and sixpence left. That’s all I have left outa the four pounds I had. Jaysus! It didn’t take me long to get rid of that money. Still, it was money well spent. Teddy and Harry were delighted to be eating in that café, and the ma needs the money for the children.
OK, I better watch me money carefully from now on. Thank God I still have all me savings left. I have a whole ten pounds saved up, hidden in me suitcase. That’s including the double money Greg gave me as a going-away present. Instead of the two-pound ten shillings they owed me, he handed me a whole five-pound note. I was gobsmacked. Some people are very good. They certainly were. I still miss them!
So, anyway. I’m doing grand. That should keep me going if anything ever happened. Now I know why it’s always good to save me money. It means I’ll never be stuck if I end up out of a job and need to find somewhere to live. As the ma used to always say, you can eat and drink on the streets, but you can’t sleep on them! Fuck that! No, I had enough of that as a little child. Look what happened to her! She ended up with that fucking Jackser because of that. Not me. Not on yer nelly!
OK, I only need two pennies for the phone. I looked around, wondering who I could ask for change of a sixpence, and went over to the counter. ‘Will you give us change for the phone out of that sixpence, mister?’
‘Do yeh want all pennies?’
‘Eh, yeah, I might want it for the bus fare.’
I went into the phone box and shut the door. I knew the number off by heart and dialled it after putting the money in the box and waiting for it to ring. I held me finger on the A button, ready to answer, then looked at the B button. ‘I hope this box gives me back me money if I don’t get through. Some of them bleedin boxes rob yer money!’ I snorted to meself.
‘Hello, Holy Redeemer Convent!’ I heard a squeaky voice say, then hold her breath.
‘Yes, I would like to speak to Sister Eleanor, please.’
‘Who is it? She’s not available at the present moment,’ a young one’s voice squeaked down the phone, trying to be posh.
‘Where is she then, please?’ I said in me best voice.
‘Who’s this?’
‘One of the girls,’ I said. ‘Where’s Sister Eleanor?’
‘Who’s that?’ she roared.
‘Jaysus! Will you hurry and get her? I might be cut off. It’s me. Martha Long!’
‘Oh, how’re yeh, Martha? What are you doing? Are you working?’
‘Yeah, I am. Now, listen. Who’s that?’
‘It’s me! Remember me? Sofie, from the middle group.’
‘Oh, yeah! Listen, Sofie, where’s Eleanor?’
‘Oh, her! She’s gone off on her retreat.’
‘Ah, Jaysus! When will she be back?’
‘Not until next week. My nun is in charge of your old group. Do you want to talk to her?’
‘No,’ I said, me heart sinking down into me belly button at the terrible loss of her not being around when I wanted her. ‘OK, thanks,’ I said, feeling weak with the disappointment.
‘OK, bye!’ Sofie roared down the phone.
‘Bye,’ I said, putting down the phone and making me way out into the crowds now rushing home from work.
The noise of the traffic hit me straight away. I barely knew where I was for a minute. Not being able to take anything in. Jaysus! She’s gone away. I really feel empty. I don’t know anyone, and I have nowhere else I could go to talk to someone about what to do. I feel sick at the thought of the poor children. If only I knew what to do! I thought Sister Eleanor might be able to take them into the convent. So that’s the end of her! She’s gone away. What will I do? Ah, to hell with it. I’ll go over to Caffola’s and buy meself a white cup of coffee and sit there in the comfort of the bit of heat, and maybe somebody might put sixpence in the juke box and I can listen to a bit of music. Some hope! That very seldom happens. Sixpence is too much money for people to be wasting on bleedin juke boxes.
I made me way across Nelson’s Pillar and walked into Caffola’s. Most of the seats were full. Then a country woman stood up, and the husband came back from paying the bill, and I dived on the seat. Getting meself a table right by the window. Now I can sit and stare out at the passing traffic and people for hours. I am not in any hurry, there’s no one waiting for me. Me time is me own. So, thank God for that. I can please meself. If only I could have the kids with me!
Yer bleedin mad, Martha. Stop the nonsense. There’s fuck-all you can do. Jackser and even the ma would kill you first. They need them children to get the social welfare and everything else they can get! The convent in its own way is not the answer. They might do more harm than good. The children might fret. Them little bastards in the convent would bully them, the clannish little fuckers! I could take it, but the poor little children couldn’t. They might even end up getting split up. Sent off to different homes! So, it looks like their suffering will go on for another while, until they are old enough to leave. Judging by the look of things, they are already doing that!
Jesus! Please take care of my little brothers and sister. Especially Charlie! He’s now on his own, by the way things are going. What age would he be now? Eleven. Jaysus! He won’t find the time flying until he can start getting himself a job just like me. I wish I could see him. No, I can’t go out to bleedin Finglas looking for him. That would bring me into dangerous territory! I don’t want to get caught by that bastard Jackser on his own home ground. That would really be looking for trouble. No, he would only come after me. It would only draw his attention onto me. He’d probably think I am interfering in his business. He knows now where he stands with me. Ever since I wouldn’t leave the convent for him. So, as far as he is concerned, I’m his number-one enemy!
Right! So, I’m keeping well away from his territory. No, I have to watch meself. I’m not home and dry yet as far as that bastard is concerned. He could still come looking for me. Start hounding me the way he hounded the ma when she tried to escape him. Searching the streets night and day, looking for her. Dublin is a very small place.
Oh, Jesus! I gave an almighty shiver, with the sudden cold fear running through me, making me see stars and everything turn black, at the thought of having him come after me. I would have to run to England. Or, God forbid, kill the bastard! No matter what it took and I know I would! He is never getting the better of me again. I am a match for him.
I felt meself gritting me teeth. A rush of rage flying through me. The picture of me ma letting him get away with murder. It made me want to crucify the bastard, nice and slowly. Watching the fear in his eyes and the thought that it was a woman doing it to him. Yeah, he better not ever cross me. I’m no Sally!
I blinked, shaking me head to clear the terrible picture of getting involved with them all over again, wanting to put them clean out of me mind. I stared out at the passing traffic. It’s easing off now. I could see people starting to congregate outside the GPO across the road. Fellas and girls lined themselves up outside the big building of the post office, waiting for their dates to turn up. Gawd! I’d love to be standing over there now waiting for a lovely fella to come and take me out. Probably to the pictures, then back here for a plate of fish and chips. He would have to be really nice. Definitely have a good job and be very respectable. Yeah, someone who dressed nice and spoke lovely. Imagine that. Or me turn up and he’s waiting for me. Yeah! It will come, everything takes time.
The door pushed open and an icy-cold wind blew in with two girls laughing their heads off. ‘Blind date, me eye! Did you see the cut of him?’ roared a young one. Wearing a midi-long black coat with a belt tied around, and tight white-leather boots that clung to her legs. I looked up at her hairstyle. It was back-combed, going nearly two inches inta the air, looking like a bird’s nest. She had gathered the hair up, pinning it in place with loads a clips. I stared with me mouth open at her false eyelashes, flapping against her eyebrows they were so long. She had half a box of blue eyeshadow on her eyebrows and one was smudged with black eyeliner! The pink lipstick was smudged on her front teeth. Jaysus! She looks a holy show, I thought, staring at her with me mouth open.
‘That was your fella!’ the other one said, wearing a Mary Quant look, with the wide tent frock, looking like she was expecting. And red boots the same as her friend with a trench coat like mine. It didn’t suit her, with the big fat legs and the massive chest! Her hair was cut in a page boy, and she wore false eyelashes and thick eyeliner, curling up at the edges, heading for her ears. One side is longer then the other, I thought, turning me head to look after them.
‘Jaysus! I wouldn’t be seen in a dead fit goin out with the likes a them. Your fella was covered in boils!’ roared the bird’s nest.
‘Yeah, but it was only a date, for Jaysus sake! We weren’t expected teh marry them!’ the page-boy one roared.
‘Well, we left them standin there,’ the bird’s-nest one said. Sounding a bit down at the loss of the fellas. ‘Jaysus! I wonder if they’re still waitin for us teh turn up?’ she said, with her eyes widening and a laugh spreading across her face.
‘Gawd! Oh, Mammy! Do yeh know wha just came inta me head?’ the page-boy one suddenly said. Letting the eyes hang outa her head in sudden shock, and putting her hand over her mouth. ‘I hadn’t thought a this. It just struck me this minute.’
‘Wha? No, wha? Tell us!’ the bird’s nest said. Staring at your woman with her mouth hanging open, waiting for page-boy to get over her shock.
‘Yer man will get me tomorra when I turn up for work. An your fella is his best pal! Jaysus! There’s goin teh be ructions for us after makin the fool outa them.’ There was silence for a minute, while the two of them stood there staring at each other, thinking about this. Then they suddenly threw back their heads and screamed with the laughing, slapping and falling against each other, getting hysterical. Then they staggered their way over to a seat at the back of the café, and collapsed into it, still laughing their heads off.
I took in a big sigh, looking back out onto the street to see what was happening. The street lights were on, and all the buildings had lights blazing against the darkness outside. People were hurrying past, with their shoulders hunched, and their heads stuck inside their coats, against the icy-cold wind blowing up from the Liffey. I looked at their faces, seeing them throw their eyes into the warmth of the café, hesitate for a second, then face their head, set for home. Hurrying on, wanting to get home in a hurry. In safe, out of the treachery of the cold, dark January night.
‘I should think about moving,’ I muttered to meself, having no intention of moving just yet out into the cold. The bright lights in here, and the lovely heat, with the murmuring of the voices of the two waitresses, standing at the counter staring out into the night, like they were miles away, tired after running on their feet all day, was sending me off inta a doze. I’m content to just sit here and be with all the other people doing the same. A lot of people were sitting on their own. Just staring out, lost in their own thoughts. No one in a hurry anywhere. Not wanting to leave the comfort of the place, enjoying being a part of people, even if you were not with anyone.
Suddenly, music rose up, and I turned me head, seeing the bird’s nest singing along quietly with the song, while page-boy tapped her fingers and shook her head up and down in time to the music. ‘Gene Pitney! Oh, I love him, I do! I can’t get enough of him,’ moaned the bird’s nest, closing her eyes and dropping her head back on her shoulders. Looking like she was crying and singing mournfully.
‘AND THEN SOMEHOW BACKSTAGE I’MMM . . . LOHONEH- LEEEE!’ The singer’s voice rose. I listened, holding me breath. Gawd, he has a powerful voice! The music made me heart rattle inside me chest. He was singing like he was crying with the pain of loneliness. It made me feel like I wasn’t the only one feeling like that! Him and me. We feel the same. Somehow it made me feel better. I knew what was wrong with me, and I wasn’t alone.
The song ended, and there was a silence, like everyone had been holding their breath. A woman sitting in the other corner shifted herself slightly, catching my eye. She had a tight perm in her hair that was beginning to grow out, making the top look straight, and it was thin and straggly-looking. She looked about in her thirties, I would say. Her brown overcoat was folded up nice and neat and left sitting beside her on the seat. Making it clear she didn’t want anyone sliding in beside her and disturbing her peace. Her headscarf was loosened, and she let it slide down and sit around her neck, on top of a baby-blue matching twin set, a thin nylon jumper and cardigan. The top buttons of the cardigan were open, showing off a gold chain and cross. She was wearing that over a dark-blue wide skirt.
She’s a country woman, I thought, seeing her barely move her mouth in a little smile over at me, then shift her head back to stare out the window again. She looks very lonely to me, too. Just like meself. I suppose she has no one in Dublin to go out with. Probably all belonging to her are back down in the country, or maybe gone away to England. She was sitting here when I came in. That was hours ago. It must be her day off work. I bet she does housework. or shift work, like me. Most people don’t get their day off work until Saturday afternoon, then go back on Monday. Ah, God help her! She’s not married, there’s no ring on her finger. I don’t suppose she has any chance now. What has she got to look forward to? She’s already given up, by the look of her.
Her eyes stared into the distance, seeing what was happening, yet not seeing anything. She was looking beyond the here and now, probably far back into some distant loss at what might have been. Maybe in her younger days she had some fella. But he went off to England or America, and she didn’t go with him. Maybe she regrets it to this day. He was probably the only one she ever had any time for. So now she thinks no man will ever match up to the first fella.
God, all the lonely people! You only notice them when you have time to sit and stare, seeing in them what you are going through yourself! Only I have me whole life just starting ahead of me. I’m very lucky! I stirred meself, getting up and slowly made me way out the door, seeing the woman shift her head, letting her eyes rest on me, like the two of us had been part of something for a while. I nodded over, giving her a smile, and she smiled back, nodding her head at me. Much as to say, ‘It’s a pity when the lovely comfort of sitting here comes to an end.’
I pulled up the collar of my trench coat, gripping it tightly around me neck, and took off out the door. Straight into a blast of freezing-cold wind that knocked me backwards, taking the breath out of me. Oh, I can’t wait to get out of this cold and into me bed. Right, I better get moving fast down to the bus stop. I don’t want to be late back. I’m raging I don’t have me hall-door key. I should have stuck to me guns and not given it up. I’m going to go to that aul Murphy and demand it back. They have no right to tell me what to do. I’m only working for them! The bleeding cheek a them. Acting like they’re me lord and masters. Thinking they can take it on themselves to tell me what to do.
Anyway, back before eleven, she said. It can’t be any more then after ten. I looked back, seeing the Clerys clock. Twenty past ten. That’s grand. I should be back in time. I hope I’m not waiting too long for the bus.
I stood waiting at the bus stop, getting more and more frostbitten by the minute, hopping up and down, stamping me feet to keep out the cold. Bloody hell! When is that bus ever going to come? I stared into the distance, seeing no sign of it. Oh, for Jaysus’ sake! The one night I’m wanting to get back in a hurry, and I’m going to be late. Usually I’m back well before this.
At last! Me eyes lit up at the sight of the bloody bus coming. I could see it flying up the road, looking like it might not stop. I leaped off the footpath, putting me arm out wide, leaving him in no mistake I wanted to get his bus. It stopped a good bit ahead of me and I had to run to catch it. I swung onto the platform and the conductor smacked the bell hard a few times, and the bus took off flying.
I looked, seeing another bus flying past. Two bleedin buses at the same time! My bus took out after it. The two of them looking like they were racing each other. Fucking eejits. Taking their time getting here, then coming together!
I snorted at the conductor, taking out me tuppence and handed it to him as he rattled his machine in me face.
Right, I’m here. I stood up in good time to make sure the driver didn’t fly past me stop with the speed he was going. I jumped off, with the bus barely slowing down, and headed up the road, seeing the lights going off in the shop. ‘Just on time! I made it, no thanks to that bus!’ I snorted, looking at it vanishing up the road in a puff of black smoke.
I rang the new hall doorbell and waited. Nothing happened! I rang again. Still no sound of anyone coming to let me in. I kept me finger on the bell. Nothing! Jaysus! She won’t open the door. I rattled the letter box. Nothing! Then I shook hell out of it. Still no answer. I rang and rang but nobody would let me in. Then I ran around to the front of the shop. I was left looking in at the dark shop. It’s all closed up. Nobody there. I felt like crying with the rage. The fucking bastards! That fucking Molly one won’t let me in. She promised she would open the door. Why is she doing this?
I went back and rang the bell and rattled hell out of the letter box at the same time. Still no answer. Then I kicked the door, screaming me lungs out. ‘MOLLY! OPEN THE DOO R! LET ME IN!’ I could hear someone coming. The bolt was pulled across and the door whipped open. The grey-haired man stood looking at me, then opened the door wider and let me through, into the hall and up the stairs. ‘Thanks very much! I was locked out. Molly was supposed to let me in,’ I said, nearly crying
‘Come on. That’s all right,’ he muttered, then locked the door.
I tore up the stairs and belted into the room, switching on
the light. ‘WHY DIDN’T YOU LET ME IN, MOLLY?’ I
screamed at the lump hiding under the blankets. She didn’t move.
I tore up the stairs and belted into the room, switching on the light. ‘WHY DIDN’T YO U LET ME IN, MOLLY?’ I screamed at the lump hiding under the blankets. She didn’t move. ‘I’M SPEAKIN TO YEH! ANSWER ME, YO U CULCHIE LYING FUCKING COW! YO U PROMISED ME YO U WOULD OPEN THE DOO R WHEN I GOT BACK! MORE FUCKING FOO L ME, I BELIEVED YEH!’ I was sweating with the rage, and the fright. At thinking I was going to be left out there, stranded in the street all night. She just completely ignored me. I stamped over to me bed, taking me clothes off after switching out the light. Then stamped out, banging the door after me, heading down for the bathroom. When I stamped back in, making as much noise as I could to annoy her and get me own back, she was gone. Her and the mattress! I gaped at the springs on her bed. She’s gone! Taking her mattress with her. That was quick. I was only a few minutes cleaning me teeth.
Jaysus! Imagine stripping your bed this hour of the night. Wonder where she’s gone? To hell with her. I climbed into me bed and was out for the count in no time.
The grey-haired man appeared in the shop as I was serving a customer and made straight for me. ‘Hmm, eh, Martha,’ he said, trying not to look at me, his eyes slipping over mine, then landing somewhere on the far wall. ‘Mrs Murphy wants to see you straight away, over in her office at the bookies.’
‘Me? Now?’
‘Yes, you better run over.’
I looked at Molly listening, then turning away quickly from me. Making herself busy with the bread delivery, putting it on the shelves. ‘OK,’ I said weakly, getting a fright. It must be something to do with last night. Molly not letting me in. Wait until I tell her what that Molly one did. I rushed around the counter and out the door, making for the bookies across the road.
‘Missus Murphy is looking for me,’ I said to the girl behind the cage taking in the bets.
‘Hang on and I’ll let you through,’ she said, coming out of her little office. I could see men with the arse out of their trousers looking like they could do with a good feed. Studying the newspapers hanging on the walls. Everyone looked very intent. ‘Go right through and up the stairs,’ the girl said, lifting the counter and letting me walk through, in a door and up the stairs. Onto a little landing with two doors. I knocked on the one straight ahead.
‘Come in,’ a voice said from the other door. ‘Oh, it’s you! Come in and sit down for a minute,’ Missus Murphy said, counting wads of green pound notes, and red ten-bob notes, and even big fivers and ten-pound notes. Jaysus! I wonder who would have gambled with ten-pound notes. Imagine that! Someone having whole ten-pound notes to throw away!
She went back to examining her notes along with the bags of silver coins, leaving me sitting there with me eyeballs springing outa me head. They were left hanging, sitting on me cheekbones, at the sight of all that money. I blinked away the fog in me eyes, getting a better look. Gawd! Yer woman is rolling in the money! That’s all on the back of the poor, judging by the poor unfortunate wasters downstairs, spending the only few bob the family have! I looked up at her fat red ugly face with the greedy look in her beady little eyes that had sunk into the back of the mound of flesh that passed for a face. She pulled all the notes and coins away from me, wrapping her big fat arms around the money and dragging the lot towards her, looking to make sure there was nothing left at arm’s distance for me to rob. As if I would even bleeding think about it. I didn’t like her not trusting me, miserable aul cow.
‘I got a bad report about you,’ she said, looking at me.
‘About what, Missus Murphy?’ I said, keeping me face steady and looking her straight in the eye. She stared back at me, her little beady eyes narrowing, taking me in. I waited.
‘You came back at all hours last night and drove poor Molly out of her bed.’
‘What? I did no such thing, Missus Murphy! I was back by eleven o’clock and she wouldn’t open the door to let me in. I was left standing out in the freezing cold nearly half of the night,’ I snorted, feeling very annoyed she was taking that one’s part.
‘Nooo, that’s not what I heard. You were certainly not back by even half-eleven at the latest. I asked her. She said it was well after twelve.’
‘Yes, it was well after twelve by the time I was let in, frostbitten, by the grey-haired man, Mister O’Brien. Only for him I would still be left standing out there waiting to get in.’
‘Well, you were not in by eleven o’clock, that’s for sure! I believe what Molly tells me. I know she is very honest.’
‘How could I not be back by eleven? Or even half-eleven, if it comes to that? The buses stop running after eleven o’clock,’ I snorted, trying to get her to believe me.
‘Well, anyhow,’ she puffed, ‘that poor girl had to sleep in the storeroom all night. It was freezing cold in there. You came in making an almighty racket. Roaring and screaming at the poor girl in her bed, which is where you should have been!’
‘But she took me key and said she would let me in,’ I said, trying to make her understand. ‘She had no right to do that!’
‘Yes, she did. I told her to take the key off you. I didn’t realise you were only sixteen! Where are you from? You are a Dublin girl, aren’t you?’
‘Yes,’ I said, on me guard. ‘So?’
‘Why don’t you live at home with your mammy?’
I said nothing, thinking it’s none of her business. She studied me, her beady little eyes trying to work this out. ‘Are you by any chance out of a convent?’ she said slowly, making it sound like I had killed someone. Her eyes lighting up, then narrowing like I had definitely done something wrong.
‘No,’ I said quietly, shaking me head slowly and holding her eyes.
‘Well, I don’t want to know your business. But whatever it is, I don’t want to be involved. You are too young. I’m going to have to let you go.’
The shock hit me like a blow in the stomach. I felt the blood drain outa me. ‘But . . . surely you had no complaints about me work? I’m a hard worker! What complaints could you have had with me? Why are you letting me go? I’ve never interfered with anyone. I’m always behind the counter on time . . . I’m—’ I was desperate to plead me case. But she just stared at me.
‘Look,’ she said, interrupting me, ‘I can’t have my staff getting upset by you. They have worked for me for years. Molly has been with me these last ten years. Now, I can dispense with you, but I can’t afford to lose someone of her calibre! She’s very experienced. Now, you needn’t bother working out the rest of the week. You can pack up your stuff and collect your wages, I’ll pay you the back week you’re owed and for the rest of the week. So, go on! Get ready,’ she said, throwing her head to the door. ‘I’ll get your wages made up for you now, you can collect it from downstairs. I’ll leave it with Collette.’
‘Right, OK,’ was all I could say with the shock.
I stood up, walking to the door, staring at the floor, trying to take in what had just happened. I went down the stairs and through the door into the bookies, hearing the tinkle of money jangling in an aul fella’s pocket as he stared, looking nervously up at the racing paper on the wall, moving himself from one side to the other, searching for a winner.
I ducked under the counter, not waiting for the girl to lift it, and went out the door, heading back to the shop. I walked through, seeing Molly serving a customer, her eyes flicking up, seeing me then suddenly looking very shifty, pretending to be all business while serving the customer and not taking any notice of me. I went up the stairs into the room and stood looking around for a few minutes. So, that’s it! I’m gone from here. Just like that. I liked working in this place. Having me time off and going into town every second day, with no one to bother me.
Jesus! I’m going to have to find another job today, or I’m out on the streets! Me heart leaped with the fright. No, I’m all right. I can pay for somewhere to stay for a few nights. I have me savings and whatever Murphy gives me. OK, I had better get a move on. I’ve no time to waste.
I headed over and opened the wardrobe, taking out me suitcase, putting me night stuff and hot-water bottle and wash things in. I put in me two books. I haven’t finished The Carpet Baggers yet. It’s good, and I still have the second one to look forward to. Oh, me coat. I took all the stuff out again and left me green school coat sitting on the bed. Gawd, I’m still wearing that for everyday wear. But it’s better then me new trench coat for keeping me warm. This one is wool. Right, I’ll wear me old clothes, the ones I’m wearing now, and put the good clothes in the suitcase. I folded them, keeping them nice and neat, and put them in the suitcase, with the rest of the stuff sitting at the side. Then closed it shut and took down me handbag from the shelf in the top of the wardrobe. Nothing left! I looked up and down the wardrobe, seeing it empty, and shut it, watching it swing open.
‘Right, Molly! Yer welcome to the aul wardrobe back,’ I muttered, looking at me bed and stripping it. I was doing this out of habit from the convent, when we had to change the sheets. I folded the blankets and left the pillow sitting on top, and took one last look around the room. It really did grow on me, I thought, looking sadly around at the room, feeling empty at me loss. Reminded of all the happy times I spent here on me days when I had to start work in the afternoon. I never went out on that day, knowing I would have to start work at three o’clock.
Now I better go across and collect me money. I’ll leave the suitcase here. I’m not going out the front carrying this, letting Molly think she’s got the better of me, with her thinking I’m going with me tail between me legs. Anyway, I want to make sure Murphy gives me the money she owes me. I don’t trust them bastards, not one little bit after the fast one they just pulled on me. They know only too well I was back on time. Taking the key off me was just a ruse to walk me inta a trap! Fucking Molly didn’t like me, that’s the long and the short of it. No matter what I did, she always found fault with me. I was quick with the till, being able to calculate a bill like greased lightning, even faster then her. I learned very fast the prices of everything, not making the same mistake twice with the ready-rubbed tobacco once I found out what was what. I even stopped eating the expensive sweets, knowing you can’t do that. The first time I had the stupid idea that if you worked in a shop you could help yourself to the sweets and loose cakes. But Molly soon put a stop to me gallop there. No, she just didn’t want to be working with me and having to share the room. I think she treats this shop as if it’s her own, and she could run it by herself. Stand morning, noon and night behind that counter, not bothering to take her day off. She never went out anyway. So aul Murphy was right. If I had a gobshite running me shop for me like Molly, then my feet wouldn’t touch the ground I’d be out the door so fast! But, then again, I don’t think I would throw someone out onto the street. No, I know I wouldn’t, not even for money. I’m not that bleeding heartless! I’d give them time to find another job. Me ma was right. The more money people get, the more they want!
Right, better get me money or that aul one won’t be moving me until I do. So, I’m leaving me suitcase here. I went down the stairs, out the side door and across the road to the girl behind the cage. ‘Hello, did she leave me wages with you?’ I asked the girl, holding me breath in case of trouble.
‘Yeah! Here, she left that.’ I took the little brown envelope with the wages and opened it, checking to see what was in it before I left the bookies. I took out three green pound notes and four half crowns. Three-pound ten shillings? How did she work that out? A back week is three pounds and three pounds for this week. That should be six pounds. Hold on. She stopped the money for the electricity and the rent for the room in the back week. So that’s one pound ten shillings she owes me. So she’s giving me two quid for this week and only stopping thirty bob. OK, that will do me. ‘Thanks,’ I said to the girl watching me count me wages from behind her cage.
I flew back into the shop, catching Molly’s eye, and she turned away from me with a shifty sleevin look on her face, expecting me to start fighting with her. I ignored her and dashed up to the room, grabbing me suitcase and lifted me handbag. I opened it and put in the three pound notes, putting them together with the ten pounds I had saved. Grand. I have thirteen pounds saved to keep me going until I get a new job. I will use the five shillings for bus fares and eating. Oh, and to buy a newspaper to look for a job. Dear God, I hope I get one today. I need somewhere to stay.
Right, have I got everything? I looked down at me handbag and suitcase sitting on the bed and checked me pockets. Me cigarettes and matches! I left them downstairs under the counter for when Molly’s back was turned. Then I usually had a quick puff. Huh! I’m not leaving them behind.
I raced down the stairs and into the shop, coming up behind Molly staring at herself trying to squeeze out a blackhead in the mirror over the wall advertising Coca-Cola. ‘Don’t waste yer money on face powder, Molly! It’s Polyfilla you need for the bleeding cracks!’ I shouted up behind her. She screamed and jumped with the fright.
‘Aaah! You nearly frighted the life out of me!’ she roared.
I grabbed me cigarettes from under the counter and waved them at her, saying, ‘Mine! Tell aul Murphy yeh don’t want a cheap aul pine coffin when they carry yeh outa here, Molly. And don’t forget teh tell someone where yer burying the money yeh never spend. She might spend a bit of it on a headstone for yeh. Otherwise she’ll fling yeh inta a pauper’s grave, yeh aul haunted and hunted-lookin spinster! Stick yer shop up yer fat arse!’
Then I was gone, hearing her spluttering insults after me, tearing meself back up the stairs and making for me suitcase. No, wait!
Them fuckers are not having the last word. I rushed over and whipped up the mattress, looking at the spring. Yeah, as I thought. The springs all tie in together! I uncurled them, taking out as many springs as I could, and put them in me bag. Then I went over to Molly’s bed and pulled up the mattress. I took out seven springs, leaving a great big gaping hole in the middle, then I let the mattress fall down. It sank right in the middle, falling through to the floor. Then I flew down to the kitchen and brought back a pot of cold water and soaked the two mattresses. Now, see how you like being without a bed tonight, Molly, seeing as you’re doing the same to me. And yeh can’t even sleep in mine, because that’s gone the same way. You too, aul Murphy. You’re going to have to go out and buy a whole new bed, just to shut Molly up. That should put your nose out of joint, having to part with a few bob. Hah!
I tightened the belt around me coat and took off down the stairs again and out the side door, not letting Molly get the satisfaction of seeing me go. I stopped down the road on the way to the bus stop and took all the springs out of me pocket and handbag. Then I emptied them into an ashbin waiting outside a house for the dustbin men to collect.
Right, I’m off. I picked up me suitcase and handbag, heading down to the bus stop to wait for the bus. I better go straight into town and get the evening newspaper! Hope there’s a job waiting for me. I still can’t understand why they threw me out. Too much trouble? Too young? What trouble? Young? What’s that got to do with anything? I did me job.
Ah, teh hell with it! Molly just didn’t want me there. So forget it. Let’s see what turns up next.