The week went by fast. I got settled into my classes pretty easily. I saw Joe Styles around every day. He would make it a point to come over to me, say something, annoy my friends, and walk away. I found out Amber Wray wanted to beat me up. I had forgotten how much girls at that age would do for a guy they liked. She worked full-time at the salon, but I would see her around town. When she was with her dirty little friends, she would call me a bitch. Kayla and Jenna gave it right back to her when they were with me. Maddie almost got into a fight in Freddie’s with two of Amber’s friends over the whole thing. I was glad they were sticking up for me, but I didn’t want anyone to come to blows over nothing.
By Wednesday, as soon as I got home, my phone was buzzing a hole in my back pocket. Kayla would text, then Jenna or Maddie. Then it would become a group text. By Thursday they were all borrowing my clothes. Kayla stopped down at seven o’clock in the morning to raid my closet. I marveled at how fast we had all become friends. I realized that, unlike in the city, where everything was cliquish and groups were hard to break into, this town was so small that just being the chief’s niece meant I had to be all right, included, one of them.
I really liked these girls. They weren’t tough and streetwise like some I’d met in the city schools. They were nice people and they were scared. The missing girls were always in the back of their minds. The sense of security they enjoyed had been destroyed.
I was a little nervous about going to the party because of Amber. She’d been telling anyone who would listen that she was going to kick my ass. I wasn’t afraid of her, but if I really had been eighteen and new in town, she probably would have terrified me. After being on the force for a little over two and a half years and going through everything I had gone through, this girl was a day at the beach.
I put my cold-weather gear on, knowing how bitter it gets in the woods. People will do anything to drink alcohol, even brave subzero temperatures. I slipped on my thick knitted gloves with the tips of the fingers cut out for better grip, just in case.
Rob and Tyler picked Kayla and me up at seven. Kayla was kind of dating Tyler. It was one of those on-again, off-again things that seemed more often off than on. He was a member of the hockey team. Most of the players lived in the dorms on campus and they didn’t have a house or anything fancy like real fraternities, so a beer blast in the woods was the best they could do. They were all in those twilight years between eighteen and twenty-one, when you’re an adult but not allowed in bars.
Kayla was giving me the lowdown on campus politics when we heard a car horn out front. We ran down the porch steps and hopped into Rob’s car.
“Are you scared of Amber?” Rob asked, fiddling with the rearview mirror to see me in the back seat. I immediately readjusted my jacket to cover any stray cleavage.
“No,” I said. “And I think we’re a little too old to be fistfighting over boys.”
“Right? And she’s just jealous because she thinks Joe wants you,” Kayla piped up.
“Yeah, well, she can have him. I think he’s gross.” What a word: gross. I felt ten years younger just saying it.
“I hope I’m not gross,” Rob said, pulling away from the curb. “That would be such a buzzkill. Wouldn’t it, Ty?”
“Absolutely,” Tyler agreed, giving me a little elbow in the arm.
“Shea likes my cousin, Nick.” Kayla twisted around to talk to me and Tyler in the back seat. Her seat belt was half strangling her as she hung her head between the seats.
“Shut up, Kayla,” I said, pushing her back toward the front with a laugh. “Where is this place, anyway?”
“It’s called the Straights; don’t ask me why. There’s a dirt road off the main street where we park; then you follow the path out to this clearing in the woods. Someone starts a fire and we’re all set,” Tyler explained.
And that’s exactly what it was like. It sure brought back memories, trudging through that muddy path to the clearing in the woods. Getting hit in the face by branches bouncing back from the person in front of you. The smell of pine needles, smoke, and spilled beer. I used to party at a place like it when I was in high school, called the Pitts. I guess every town has its underage party place.
The path led to an oval-shaped clearing with a huge bonfire in the middle. Everyone was huddled around it to keep warm. One guy passed out the plastic cups while another collected five dollars for each, which allowed you to drink off the keg. All the funds were supposed to be for renting a barn on the outskirts of town so the hockey team could throw their next party out there. A lot of people had brought their own coolers or backpacks filled with beer, though. I think it pissed off the guys trying to fund-raise.
“I’m not drinking tonight,” I told Kayla when she went to buy a cup.
“Why not?” she asked in disbelief, like you’d have to be loony not to drink. “Rob is the designated driver.”
“My parents were killed in a car accident. If everyone else is going to drink, then I’ll stay sober and be a designated driver too.”
“Oh, okay.” I felt bad because I had made her feel bad. I hated lying to her, but it was necessary.
I spent the next half hour meeting people. Everyone seemed to know Amber wanted to beat me up. Everyone also thought I was going to get my butt kicked. I tried to laugh it off, not provoke anything. It seemed everyone was waiting for her to get to the party, like our fight was going to be the main event of the evening. I thought I might have gotten lucky, because at ten thirty she still hadn’t shown up.
But of course, I’ve never had much good luck.
Someone had brought a Bluetooth speaker and was playing songs from their playlist off their phone. A lot of people were vaping, sucking on their Juuls as they stood around the fire. From inside the tree line, the smell of weed wafted out. I was glad whoever was partaking was out of my line of sight. That was another issue I didn’t want to have to deal with.
At five to eleven, Joe came strolling in, Amber and her friends tagging along behind him. I inwardly cringed as Amber and her two besties took up positions directly across from me, eyeing me up the whole time.
Joe was with his buddy, Charlie. Charlie was an older guy, maybe twenty-five. He was short but built wider than Joe, one of those stocky fireplug types. He had a nasty-looking scar under his right eye that twisted over his nose. I had heard he had gotten it from fooling around with fireworks and was missing a finger too. He had gloves on, so it was hard to tell which one. They had brought their own bottle of Jack Daniels and a two-liter of Coke to wash it down with.
Joe made a beeline right to me. “You’re not drinking?” He asked when he saw that I didn’t have a cup. He wore a heavy flannel under his leather jacket. His brown hair was loose tonight, hanging down to his shoulders.
“No. If someone needs a ride, I can drive. My parents were killed in a car accident.”
“That really sucks. I’m sorry. Here.” He handed me his plastic cup and twisted the cap off his Coke. “Now you won’t be thirsty.” He poured in some soda for me. It fizzed and bubbled up, making me stoop in and sip it before it could spill over.
His sweetness kind of shocked me. I looked up into his gray eyes. “Thank you.”
“Bitch,” I heard from behind me. Joe and I both turned to see Amber standing behind us with two of her girlfriends.
“Really, Joe. I appreciate this.” I turned back around, trying to ignore her.
“Don’t turn away from me,” she said, getting into my face. Her two friends pushed their way through the crowd that had begun to form around us to back her up.
Joe grabbed Amber by the arm. “What the hell are you doing? I was just talking to her. You’re not my girlfriend, got it? Huh?” But somehow I think he was enjoying the attention.
“When people are around, you say that, but not when it’s just me and you.” She shook him off. “You whored around on me with Skyler, and now you want to whore around with her. Look at her,” she demanded.
“I’m looking at her.” The attitude came rolling back in as he eyed me up and down. “She looks pretty good to me.” Laughter burst from the crowd, egging her on even more.
She stepped between us, cutting off his line of sight. “She’s nothing but a stuck-up bitch from the city.”
“You’re ridiculous,” I told her, throwing my half-full cup into the flames. The plastic crinkled into itself as it melted with a hiss. My friends were trapped on the other side of the fire, blocked by the burning logs and gathering crowd.
“Trailer-park-trash Skyler was ridiculous,” she spat out.
“Don’t you ever say anything about Skyler Santana ever again,” Maddie screamed from across the fire, trying to get over to us. Tyler grabbed her and pulled her back. I could see Kayla trying to push her way through the crowd, but the guys were holding her back, wanting to watch the whole thing play out. All around me people whipped out their cell phones and started filming, including Amber’s friends. That’s when I realized she had planned this whole thing. Amber had talked up wanting to beat me up because she wanted to make some kind of fight video to post on YouTube or Twitter. She had orchestrated this whole thing so she could make a potential viral video.
“Look,” I said, backing up. “I don’t want to fight you.”
“Maybe I want to fight you,” she said, getting in my face again. She was so close I could see her black eyeliner and blue eye shadow sparkling. “Maybe I want to kick your ass.” She pushed me, and I took another step back. She was angling me toward her friend’s cell phone. I turned my face the other way.
“Really? How old are you? Ten? Grow up,” I told her, sounding exactly like my mom. “Who fights people in the woods?”
“’Cause you’re so mature, right?” She was so close she was spitting on me when she talked, and it was grossing me out and pissing me off at the same time.
“Amber!” I heard Joe yell from behind. “Stop with your bullshit!”
“I’m leaving now. I don’t have time for this,” I said as I tried to push past her. One of her friends came up right alongside me, trying to stick the camera in my face, blocking my way. I twisted my body from her, and Amber shoved me with both hands.
The crowd let out a sinister “Ooooooo,” and she pushed me again. I had already sized her up as the hair-pulling, face-scratching type. I kept trying to retreat and keep my face off camera.
I guess I wasn’t putting on enough of a show, because she kind of pushed me by my shoulder and tried to punch me at the same time. I took one step back, grabbed her arm, and took her—face first—right to the ground. Everyone was screaming and cheering and egging us on. I peeled my gloves off as she got up.
She was so mad, she screamed like a crazed lunatic and tried to rush me. Big mistake. I grabbed her again, using her momentum against her like I’d learned in the police academy, and dumped her in the mud. This time when she fell to the ground, I sat on top of her. Straddling her with my knees pinning her elbows, I grabbed her face. “Now, you listen to me. I don’t want your boyfriend. I don’t want to fight you. Just leave me and my friends alone, okay?”
I got up. Her friends stopped filming and rushed over as I backed away. Covered in mud, with twigs stuck in her hair, Amber was still trying to come after me. They literally had to drag her away. I could see a nasty mark spreading across her jaw from where her face had hit the ground.
“You’re dead!” she screamed. “You’re going to be the next one to disappear!”
“Screw you, Amber!” Maddie burst out, and tried to stumble across the fire to get at her. Kayla intercepted her before she could fall headfirst into the flames. A shower of sparks exploded from the logs, making the crowd scatter a little.
With the help of the hockey guys who were throwing the party, Amber’s friends managed to get her to leave. Not quietly, but away she went down the path, yelling and screaming.
All around me people were toasting me and clapping me on the back, trying to hand me beer. I waved them off, looking around for my friends, who had disappeared with the distraught Maddie. Thankfully, everyone had put their phones away.
“Where’d you learn to fight like that?” Joe asked, walking up to me.
My adrenaline was flowing so bad my hands were shaking. “Buffalo. And I wasn’t fighting. I was defending myself. Shouldn’t you be with Amber? Or do you still want to hang out because I look so good?”
“I’m sorry about that, okay?” He grabbed me by the shoulders, hard. “She’s not my girlfriend. I just hook up with her.”
“Wow,” I said bitterly, trying to pull away. “What a nice guy you are.”
“I know how that sounds,” he said. “But it’s true. I can’t help it this hellhole is so small she can’t find someone else to leech on. I didn’t think she’d really hit you.”
“You sure stood around and did nothing to stop it.”
“Was I supposed to tackle her? After everything that’s happened? You think I’m going to put my hands on any girl in this town?” But his fingers were digging into my shoulders as he said it.
“I don’t know. I don’t even know you, Joe.”
“I wouldn’t want someone like Amber for a girlfriend.” His eyes caught mine. “I’d want someone like you.”
I finally shook him off me. “That’s a good one. Did you tell that one to Skyler?”
“It’s not a line. And I loved Skyler. I’m not as bad as everyone thinks I am.” He bent over, grabbed the stuff he must have put down during the fight, then handed me another plastic cup with Coke in it.
“I’m stuck here. Just like you.” Standing in the firelight with one hand stuffed in the pocket of his ripped jeans and the bottle of whiskey dangling from the other, he looked like a modern James Dean, or at least James Franco.
I didn’t know what to say. The best I could do was, “Thanks again for the soda.”
He gave me a halfhearted shrug, like he had just really opened up to me and I’d shot him down hard. Which I guess I had. Then he turned around, slid into the crowd by the fire, and was gone.
I went to find Kayla. She and Jenna were taking care of Maddie at that point, who was drunk and crying.
“No, that’s wrong. That is so wrong. I can’t even—” She was slobbering all over herself. “If she ever says anything about Skyler again, I’ll kill her.” She sobbed even harder when she saw me.
“Are you okay?” I asked, putting my arm around her. They had leaned her up against a tree so she wouldn’t fall down.
She grabbed on to me with both hands. “Thank you. Thank you. You didn’t know Skyler or Olivia or Emma, but thank you.” She cried on my shoulder for a few minutes while everyone tried to comfort her. She was a hot mess. Sob after sob racked her whole body. When I finally pried myself away from her, Jenna convinced her it was time to go and took her home.
Kayla suggested we leave. The party had started dying down. Once the battle was over, all the excitement had gone, too. I didn’t feel like staying anyway. I was still pumped up from the fight. I felt like I wanted to run three miles, uphill, in a snowstorm.
It turned out that I didn’t have to drive at all. Rob had indeed stayed sober and wasn’t in the mood to go home yet. He suggested we go over to Freddie’s, since it was only eleven thirty. Kayla said she was starving and hopped in the back seat with Tyler after we trudged back to Rob’s car.
Freddie’s stayed open until one AM on the weekends, and it was packed when we pulled into the parking lot. As we got out of the car, we could hear the band playing in the bar down at the other end of the plaza. Kayla spotted Nick’s truck as we were about to walk into Freddie’s. “Nick is at Bingo’s,” she said excitedly.
“So?” Tyler said. “Let’s go inside. It’s cold.”
“Come on, Shea. Let’s go say hi to him.” She pulled on my hand and started to drag me across the parking lot. Looking back, I motioned to the guys who were watching us from the doorway. “What about Rob and Tyler? They sounded pissed.”
“Who cares about them? I wish my fake ID worked here. We have to go all the way to Alfred to go to the bars. Everyone knows us here.”
I stood by Nick’s truck while Kayla looked for him in the window. I figured I’d let her make a fool of herself first. She finally got his attention by frantically waving to him, and he came outside. I looked down at my shoes, highly embarrassed.
“What are you guys doing here?” he asked. He seemed surprised, but pleasantly so.
“We saw your truck from Freddie’s. We stopped by to say hello,” she gushed. I wanted to poke her and tell her to calm down and be cool.
“Come on inside, then; it’s cold,” he said, starting for the door.
“We can’t go in there; we’re not twenty-one,” Kayla told him, as if he was absolutely nuts.
“I know all the guys who work here. Just don’t drink, and they’ll let you in with me.” He looked right at me and smiled. “Don’t you want to come?”
I looked over at Kayla and she at me, and we fell into step right behind him. As soon as we walked through the door, the huge bouncer held out his hand. “ID, ladies?”
We both looked at Nick. He leaned over. “They’re with me, Jim. They aren’t drinking.” Jim nodded and with one meaty hand waved us in. From the look on Kayla’s face, you’d have thought she’d died and gone to heaven.
Bingo’s was small and dark, but actually pretty nice as far as plaza-style drinking establishments go. It had a long, polished wood bar and a big dance floor in front of the stage, where everyone was dancing to the band. The whole place was decorated with hot-air balloons—on the walls, suspended from the ceiling, behind the bar; they were hanging everywhere. Which was strange to me, since it was called Bingo’s and not Balloons. But what did I know? Maybe the owner had a hard-on for hot-air balloons?
As I peeled off my layers to get down to my thermal top, it was easy to see that Nick was the big man at that bar. Everyone acted like he was some kind of celebrity, buying him drinks and girls asking him to dance. Nick’s friend took our coats and hung them up for us. As soon as we sat down with them, every girl in the place was shooting us the side eye.
Nick introduced us to his equally attractive friend sitting at the table. “Zach, do you know my little cousin, Kayla? And this is her friend, Shea. She just moved here from Buffalo.”
“Nice to meet you, Shea.” He stuck out a hand, and I shook it.
“Do you go to RIT, too?” I asked.
“Naw, I go to Alfred State. I try to get back to town on the weekends now that I know my boy Nick is here.”
“You’re a good friend,” Kayla said. “Getting him drunk and keeping him busy.”
“And what about you, Kayla? Partying with the big boys tonight?” he teased. She laughed, lowering her eyes in a flirty way. I could tell she had a thing for him and it hadn’t started just then.
I sat back and took a long look around while Nick ordered some Cokes from the waitress for us. There was one of the huge missing posters hanging in the back room of the bar along with an announcement for a fund raiser to help support the information center at the local church. I was so absorbed in the poster, I lost track of the conversation.
“I thought my little cousin could use some supervision tonight,” Nick was saying to his friend.
“I think she’s the one who needs it,” Kayla laughed, pointing at me. “She almost beat up Amber Wray at the party.”
I shot her a look and tried to shush her. “Why’d you do that?” Nick asked, his eyes wide in surprise.
“Because that idiot Joe Styles has been paying attention to her and Amber likes him. So she decided to start a fight,” Kayla explained.
“I didn’t want to fight her,” I insisted. “We’re not eight-year-olds in the playground. I mean, who does that? Really?”
“Amber Wray,” Kayla answered in a disgusted voice.
“We sure are two lucky guys,” Nick commented, taking a sip of his beer, then reached over to feel my bicep. His fingers wrapping around my upper arm felt like an electric shock.
“We got the toughest girls in the bar right here with us tonight. No one better start any shit.”
“You got that right,” Zach agreed, and they clinked their bottles together. “Absolutely savage. Too bad they’re only seventeen.”
“Eighteen,” Kayla corrected. “And I’ll be nineteen in two months.”
“So that makes you legal, right?” Zach asked. Nick socked him in the shoulder for talking to his cousin like that.
“Hey man, I’m sorry. And I’m sorry, ladies.” He half stood up, leaning forward toward Kayla. “You feel like dancing, Nick’s cousin?”
The band was playing a slow eighties metal ballad. “Sure.” She smiled so wide I thought her face would crack. Off they went, leaving me alone with Nick.
“I’m sorry if you feel like you’re babysitting,” I told him, fidgeting with a paper straw wrapper on the table nervously.
“Oh no,” he said. “Believe me, I’m really glad you guys showed up. I was hoping I’d run into you again. I’ve been so busy with my sister. I mean, I really want her back, and I’ve been going crazy trying to find out what happened to her. She’s an awesome person and I miss her.” He polished off the rest of his beer in one gulp. “Look, I’m sorry. I can’t stop talking about it. She’s on my mind all the time.”
Apologizing for agonizing over your missing sister? I should have been apologizing for not getting a flashlight and going to search for her right then and there. “That’s okay. I understand.”
He gave me a sad smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “You want to dance?”
Taking my hand in his, he led me out to the dance floor. I put my arms around his neck, and I felt his hands fall around my waist. His shoulders were broad and well built. I could feel the muscles work under his striped rugby shirt. “You smell really nice,” he said in my ear.
“Thanks,” I replied softly. “So do you.” Like Irish soap and clean linen. After I realized what I’d just said, I wanted to go jump off a cliff. He was making me lose my power of witty comebacks. And when his rough cheek touched mine, all power of resistance. What the hell was he doing to me? I was turning to mush.
The song ended and we drifted away from each other, but he still held on to my hand as he led me back to the table. Kayla noticed and gave me a look. That knowing holding-in-a-girly-squeal-with-all-my-might look.
The bars in Kelly’s Falls closed at one o’clock, so it was almost last call. We got our coats off the pegs and put them on. Of course, Nick helped me with mine. We excused ourselves to go to the ladies’ room as the band began to pack up their equipment. The bass player, sporting a sweet, sweet mullet, gave us a wink as we walked by.
“Do you think Rob and Tyler hate us?” I asked Kayla in the bathroom. We were trying to make ourselves look presentable just in case they turned the house lights, aka the Ugly Lights, on at last call.
“Yes, but who cares? I had the best night. This has been the best night since Olivia left.” I noticed she said left and not disappeared. Maybe it was something, maybe not. I was reading into every word, every sentence. I had to remind myself that not everything was a cryptic, revealing clue.
Satisfied that we wouldn’t horrify Nick and Zack, we filed out of the bathroom. I followed Kayla to the bar, where the guys were waiting.
“So,” Zach said, half jokingly, to Nick. “Do you mind if I take your cousin home?”
“You put a hand on her, and I’ll break it off,” he warned him.
Zach turned to me. “Sorry, I’ve only got a two-seater. You’re going to have to go with Nick. I know that’s horrible and everything, since he’s so repulsive, almost squidlike, but it was nice meeting you.” Before I could say anything, he grabbed Kayla and walked her out the door.
“Looks like it’s you and me,” Nick said, taking his keys out of his pocket. I was so nervous, I really thought I was eighteen again. He said good-bye to all his friends who worked there, which was just about everyone, and we walked out to his truck. I hopped in next to him, but now with just the two of us, he seemed like he was a million miles away from me. We sat in silence while the truck warmed up, sputtering and dinging and clanking. The radio had kicked on, the Alfred State station, which played everything from rap to Mozart. A Beyoncé song was playing, his fingers lightly tapping to the beat as he pulled out of the parking lot and onto the road.
“I’m really glad you showed up tonight,” he said, finally breaking the silence.
“I had a really good time,” I told him, and I meant it.
His eyes never left the road. “Me too, for the first time in a long time.”
The ride back to the boardinghouse was over in what seemed like three seconds. Before I knew it, the beast rattled to a halt and we were parked out front. He turned the truck off. “I’ll walk you to your door,” he said. “Just to make sure you’re safe.”
He got out, came around, opened my door, helped me out, and then held my hand as he walked me to the porch steps. This guy was unbelievable.
We stopped and were awkwardly facing each other in front of the boardinghouse. “Thanks again,” I told him. “I really did have a good time tonight.”
“Look.” He sounded a little nervous now. “Could I text you tomorrow? Maybe we could go to the movies or hang out or something sometime?”
My cheeks flushed red, and I dipped my head down a little to hide the width of my smile. “Sure. I’d love to.”
He fumbled in his back pocket for his phone and added me to his contacts.
“I’ll send you a text so you know my number,” he said, thumbing the keys.
My phone buzzed immediately, and I saw one word on my screen: Hi.
“I got it,” I told him, standing there, holding my cell.
He stuck his in his pocket and hesitated for a second. “I felt guilty at first for having a good time tonight, because I still don’t know where my sister is. But I did have a really great time with you, and if you don’t want to deal with all this, I understand. Hell, I wouldn’t be able to deal with it if I were you. So if you really don’t want to go out with me, I get it.”
I reached over and put my hand over his mouth to stop his ramble. “Nick, I really want to hang out with you.”
He put his hand over mine, pulling it away from his mouth, holding it in midair. Before I knew what was happening, he tugged me to him, kissing me. My palm was flat against his chest, feeling the thumping of his heart. My whole body ignited at that kiss, like the electrical shock that had gone through me when he touched my arm earlier.
“Good-night.” The word came rushing out against my lips as if he was trying to restrain himself. “I’ll call you,” he added as he pulled away. I wanted to pull him back, tell him I wasn’t done with him, that it was okay, there was more, but I managed to control myself.
He stood on the front walk as I unlocked the door, standing sentry, his hands stuffed deep into his pockets. As I slipped into the hall, I gave him a little wave. Walking back to his truck, it was my turn to watch him through the glass.
What the hell was I getting myself into?