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I walked into the room and could physically feel the tension rolling off of each man.
"Alex, ain't really a great time," Gunner said with tightness to his voice.
I locked my eyes on Ace, who sat behind the desk. For the first time, I noticed all of the video cameras that looped both the club and his home. I'd seen security, but this was incredible. It moved so fast; screens flicked from one location to the next and were split up into sections of the large computer screen.
"I need to tell you a few things." My mask was up, and I squared my shoulders. I needed to be strong for this. I watched as Ace, noticing the change in my body language, sat up straighter.
"Alex," Shane began, but was cut off by Ace.
"Think we should all sit down."
"Then get the fuck out of my seat," Shane grumbled.
Ace gave Shane a chin lift and moved from behind the desk, then he grabbed a folding chair from against the wall and opened it, positioning it between another open chair. Gunner sat on one side, and Ace sat on the other. The placement felt strategic in some way as if Ace was somehow saying they both had my back. I sat, and Ace grabbed my hand, linking our fingers. I started to talk, but then stopped because I didn't feel right with him holding my hand. What if what I was about to tell them seemed like a betrayal? I couldn't live with myself.
Releasing Ace's hand caused him to jerk. Shocked that I would do that, he stared at me, in a way that made me unsure of myself and made my voice falter when I finally spoke. "I know a lot just happened with Hades, but I think I have a lot to tell you. I think you need the full picture. But to tell you the entire story, I think I need to start at a place that is going to hurt and be difficult for me to talk about."
"You don't need to talk about anything you're not ready to talk about." Gunner placed his hand on my shoulder and gave me a slight squeeze then dropped his hand.
I nodded. I knew I needed to do this. "Growing up, my childhood wasn't like young Gun's. I was either around Enrico, my grandfather, men, or staff. I was educated by a tutor, and if I didn't get answers right, they would hit the back of my thighs with a switch that left welts for days. It was not a kind life. I did not have people around me like you." I looked to Gunner, and then turned to Ace. "Or you.”
"I had seen Hades on several occasions. He was not kind. He was not fatherly. I was twelve or thirteen when the men around me began noticing me. I remember my grandfather talking to Enrico, telling him not to let the men touch me, because I would be of more value when I was fully developed. After that day, my training included more. I was taught how a woman should dress, how a woman could seduce. I couldn't question why. I wasn't allowed to question anything. I was only to leave my room with a guard and never on my own. They would leave erotic romance stories for me to read. It did not make sense to me why they would let me read something that I actually enjoyed. The only thing I could figure is that they wanted me to be exposed to sex. It was their way of preparing me.
"I was sixteen when they sold my virginity for a business deal. These were powerful men. Men who had specific desires."
I was too lost in my story to feel how wired the room had gotten. I continued to tell them my story. My truth. I hoped that if they understood how my life had been that they would understand why I agreed to work with Hades.
"I was their whore."
Ace's metal chair scraped against the cement floor. "The fuck you were. You were a girl being taken advantage of. Not a whore. A-fuckin’-girl."
"Ace," I said calmly, even though my heart beat wildly. "A girl has toys and is carefree. I was never a girl. I was a slave, or I was a whore. I hated it. But I knew my place."
Shane lit a cigarette, and I could tell that even though we hadn't established a bond, my story bothered him too.
"My point is some of the world's most powerful men have done things to me. Things I did not want, but had to do."
This time, it was Gunner who stood and paced. I could see he was barely hanging on. I just needed to get this all out. Then, whatever happened, happened.
"I was not in the house when you came for Charlie. I was away," I looked down, hoping they would understand what I meant by that without me having to go into detail about where I was. "When I got back, Enrico was a mad man. He was so consumed with how his home had been invaded. He murdered three of his men in front of me.
"Grandfather was even more irate. He felt like Enrico had failed him, and that I was too important to his business. He moved me out in the woods with just the guards and me. It was... unpleasant."
"How were you important?" Shane asked.
Ace shot Shane a glare.
"What, it's not like they couldn't have other women do the same thing. What was it about you?"
"Are you fucking whack?" Gunner questioned Shane with more than a small bit of anger lacing his voice.
"No, it's a fair question. You're right. There were a lot of women who were used for sex, and my family is very good at that. One of their associates has a thing for me."
Part of me wanted to tell them how Sokolov was slightly obsessed with me, and I knew he hung his business deals with my grandfather over his head as long as he had access to me. He grew so attached, he would get wild with rage when he would discover they used me with someone else. It was one of the only times I saw my grandfather get upset. No, best to not bring my demons into this.
"Fuck," I heard Ace curse under his breath. I paused to make sure Ace was okay. This was so incredulous. I was the one who had been through so much, but somehow, I felt like I needed to protect these men from it. I could see it affected them, and that further cemented that me being here was the right thing.
"Get it together," Shane ordered Ace and Gunner. Gunner stopped pacing and sat back down.
"Give me a smoke." Gunner held his hand out to Shane.
"Charlie will kill me."
"Don't worry about that shit. Give me a smoke."
Shane handed Gunner a cigarette, and the room slowly filled with smoke.
Now to tell them the extremely bad part. God, I hoped I was doing the right thing. My voice trembled with fear as I finished the story. "Hades visited me. He came to tell me Enrico and my mom were dead, and that you would be coming for me. He had leaked my location and said that he would give me my freedom and make sure I had a better life, if I came with you and got him information on you."
"Fuck." I wasn't even sure who muttered that.
"I don't want to be his pawn. After meeting all of you, I don't want anything to happen to you. He gave me a phone that I've had with me. I haven't given him anything really. So today, when we were at the diner, one of his men was waiting for me in the bathroom. He threatened me, threatened you, and then grabbed me."
"I'm going to fucking kill him," Gunner spat.
"I'm sorry," I finally said. "I don't want to be used anymore. I just wanted to be free."
"I need a minute with her," Ace spoke low, but it didn't matter; both Shane and Gunner heard him, and they didn't argue. They just got up and left me there with Ace.
"Have you been playing me? Has this time together been you, or have you been playing a role to be a snitch for your dad?"
"It's me, Ace."
He sat quietly, and I waited for him to say something, and when he did, it hurt. "I don't blame you for going along with Hades. Who wouldn't do the same thing as you? But Alex, you fucked with our trust, and although you had your reasons, I need to think." He ran his hands through his hair; I could see the frustration written all over him. "I think it would be best if you stayed at your brother's tonight."
Ace stood and left. I was all alone, feeling bereft without him.
I sat in his office for some time, all alone in my thoughts that had turned dark. I knew it was a risk telling them. Still, Ace needing space from me stung. It seemed like we had been building something, and then he just left. Maybe I wasn't worthy of his forgiveness. Maybe hearing about the highly paid prostitute I was raised to be was also the problem. There had been a lot of times in my life that I was alone, but for some reason, my solitude felt emptier than anything really had before.
Before. What a joke! Before my five seconds of feeling like a regular woman. Before Ace rescued me. Before, I momentarily thought about a future so vastly different than how my life had been.
I didn't understand why the darkness crept in; I just knew that it had. Perhaps when you have happiness, even tiny glimpses of it, once it was taken away, it creates a bigger hole than what was there before. I thought that by confessing my sins, I would be saving everyone; but as it turned out, I would be sacrificing one.