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"How is she?" Gunner asked the second I stepped foot out of my truck. He always inquired about her. I never really had much to say because the truth was, we may have rescued Alex, but some huge part of her was left behind in Russia.
"Charlie is going to stop and see her after her class today."
I nodded. Charlie had been trying to get through to her for quite some time, but she wasn't getting anywhere. Neither was I. She was distant. From me. From Gunner. From Gun. And from Charlie. Gone.
"Doctor's visit went well. Said her voice is working just fine."
"Then why doesn't she use it?" he snapped.
"That fancy shrink Charlie found just quit. She said it doesn't do any of us any favors for her to come to the house and sit there with Alex in silence for hours at a time."
Gunner nodded his head. "I was afraid that'd be the case."
I shrugged, "So was I, but we had to try."
"Shane's got some news for us. He's in the office."
I hoped they'd located Hades. Hades got wind that Sokolov was after him, and for once in his miserable life, he was running scared. The Hades Runners left in Ohio had all seemed to be on the run or laying low. I was biding my time with killing Sokolov, which hurt me to do, but he was getting rid of our other problem. We still kept Alex hidden, and the way Hades' men ran, I had no question that Sokolov didn't buy the set-up.
I followed Gunner down the hallway to Shane's office, passing Reggie and giving him a chin lift on my way there. He raised his chin back at me, not caring one bit that he had to wear a patch over his left eye. He was on a transplant list for an eye. Who knew there was such a thing? That creeped me the fuck out, but I wasn't going to tell him that. I was just glad he recovered the way he did, and that he hoped to be able to see again as if nothing happened. His attitude about it was very nonchalant. The only real change for him now was that young Gun was following him around, and hanging around him so much more than he had before.
Shane was seated at the desk, a cigarette hanging from the side of his mouth. "You want one?" he offered Gunner.
"Nope. Been ten days. Charlie would literally kill me."
"Good for you, man. Way to stay strong." He exhaled, stubbed his cigarette in an ashtray then began. "Got word that Hades made it to Colombia and tried to claim the Santos fortune, only Sokolov had men waiting for him. I got reports that he was hit, but not certain if it was fatal or not. Sokolov took him, and my reports say that Sokolov is on his way back to Russia."
"About time," Gunner said, breathing out a long sigh of relief. "Hope he drags out killing that fucker."
"That's not all."
I perked up at this.
"Sokolov didn't take any of it. Santos's men were waiting on an heir. From what I'm hearing, the money is still there. Some of Santos's men are still in place, but the cartels are circling. If we're going to take a shot at getting that money, we need to move, and we need to move fast.
"I'm in," Gunner said quickly.
I looked down. "Don't know if I can leave her."
I watched sympathy cross through both of their eyes. "Maybe it will do her some good for me to go. Maybe she needs a break from me. Do you think you can get Charlie and Gun to hole up in the house with her?"
"Charlie would be all over that."
I felt guilty even as I asked, but the truth was, maybe, I needed a break too.
"Then, we need to bring this to the table. It will be risky, but in the end, I think it will be worth it," Shane said, and we all agreed.
We called Church. The men agreed, and our plan commenced. I worked hard for the rest of the afternoon, and well into the evening. I dreaded going back home, but I needed to tell Alex I was leaving for a few days. I didn't think she would actually care, and maybe that's what hurt. I thought that there was this bond between us, but since she's been home, no matter what I do, I can't find her in there. Any notion of us is long gone. I've slept beside her, hoping that she would see that I wasn't going anywhere and that I care, but she pulled away, further and further each night until I'd wake and find her on the couch. I wasn't going to force it, but that burned deep in my soul in a way that was difficult to shake.
God, I couldn't wait to kill Sokolov.
I made one final arrangement and closed my laptop.
I took extra side streets on the way to my house, prolonging the drive. The house was dark as I drove up. I wasn't surprised. She often sat in the dark. The garage door opened, and not for the first time, I wished the woman I met was inside waiting for me.
She was staring out the window when I walked in. She didn't even look up and acknowledge that I was home. That burned too.
"Alex."
Nothing.
"Dammit, Alex, look at me. I need to talk to you."
She turned her head from the window to look at me and stared silently. I knew her voice worked, so her silence only infuriated me more.
I sighed. I shouldn't be annoyed. I knew more than most people the lasting effects PTSD could have on someone. But I got help. It was like she wouldn't even try.
"I have to leave for a few days, maybe a week. I'm going to leave early in the morning." I watched for a reaction to see if that even made a difference to her.
Nothing.
Again, that burned.
She was gone.
"Charlie and Gun are going to come and stay with you."
Her eyes widened the smallest amount. I kept talking. "Gunner, Shane and I are going, along with Knuckles and Donnie. We're going to steal your grandfather's fortune."
Nothing.
"It will be your money, but the club will want a take."
"I don't want it," she said quietly. Even though it was quiet, it was still her voice. I struggled not to close my eyes and savor the sound.
"There's enough there that even our take will be worth it." I ignored her protest. "You'll be safe in the house, but we don't want you three to leave while we're gone. We'll have men stationed around the house for added security. You'll be safe."
Her eyes winced as I said that word. Safe.
There was nothing else from her. I waited to see if she would say anything. I stared at her, pleading for her too. She didn't.
I couldn't keep living like this.
I moved to her on the couch and sat beside her.
"Maybe while I'm gone, you can figure out what you want to do? I can't seem to help you, and each day you seem more and more distant. I don't know what to do. Gunner suggested that maybe we see about moving you to an in-patient mental health facility. Do you think that would help?"
Still fucking nothing.
"I'd do anything to have you back. Fuck, I'd take the promise of you."
I got nothing again. I hung my head low and briefly thought of her broken in the shower after we rescued her. I thought of how it felt like I left a piece of her there, and I blamed myself for that. I thought I was helping Alex. Maybe since the moment I rescued her, all I'd really been doing was holding on to her. Maybe it was really time to set her free.
That burned so badly, and she didn't fucking care. Who the fuck was I?
Without another look from her, I stood and walked away, and went to my room to pack a bag. I knew this trip would be dangerous. I knew that there were risks, but a small part of me wondered if something happened to me, if she'd even care, and that was fucked.