Epilogue
If it is true that good wine needs no bush, ‘tis true that a good play needs no epilogue.
—William Shakespeare
And in real life endings aren’t always neat, whether they’re happy endings, or whether they’re sad endings.
—Stephen
King
Recently, I had lunch with a musicologist. Somehow, our discussion drifted to the differences in the composing style of Mozart
and Beethoven
. She told me that Mozart
would get a complete composition in his head without writing it down. Often, it meant he had to hurry home to be able to put his composition on paper before he forgot it. Beethoven’s
composition style seems to have been very different. His compositions would emerge as he went along.
Not that I want to compare myself to these two giants of the musical world, but her comments made me reflect on my own writing style. Often, when writing, I have a general idea about a topic but never know where that idea will end up. I free-associate while I meander along. However, there have also been many times when I would write a short note to myself, as I was afraid that I would forget what I wanted to say.
I admit that when I began writing this book, I had no idea about its structure—what its composition was going to be. The chapters weren’t neatly arranged in my head. Each chapter emerged only gradually. To some extent, I was following the psychoanalytic tradition—I was free-associating. While writing, the only Leitmotiv that I had was that I wanted to explore various aspects of CEO “whispering.” I wanted to give my readers an idea of the way I work with executives and what it means to embark on a journey of change. I came to realize that while free-associating in responding to knotty questions presented to me by executives, I had to deal with micro, meso, and macro issues—which is reflected in the various chapters in this book. Also, I didn’t want to write yet another general textbook on leadership, coaching, or organizational transformation. I wanted to write a book that would be simple and personal. I also wanted to include some of my personal reflections
on life, as I did many years ago, when I wrote a book called
Sex, Money, Happiness and Death
. With these ideas in mind, I began to write, not knowing where it would end. It was an interesting exercise, as over the last few years I have practiced writing mini articles for the Harvard Business Review and INSEAD Knowledge. Compared to writing a full-fledged book, you are constrained by the number of words when writing these kinds of articles.
I also wanted to point out that CEO whispering isn’t easy. Although, at times, the work seems magical, doing it well takes a lot of practice. And making it really work takes its toll. Playing the role of the “wise” fool, in other words the morosophe, can be difficult. To be a truthsayer to executives when they seem to derail can be stressful. Playing psychological judo with executives—to nudge them toward taking action steps to change—isn’t always easy. It has sometimes been a challenge keeping my sanity when faced with the many resistances that come my way. At the same time, I always remind myself of the stress experienced by my clients. I always ask myself how I would feel if our roles were reversed.
In this book I have tried to give you a snapshot of what it means to take on the role of whisperer. In addition, I have made a number of observations
about the challenges leaders face. I have also made some personal reflections
on what it means to live a fulfilled life. To help my readers understand why I do what I do, and how I do it, I have included various conceptual schemes but, as I wrote at the outset, I don’t want to be ideological. I prefer to be practical. As I always say, I will do anything that works. Nevertheless, I do realize that concepts taken from the clinical paradigm
loom large in this book, with reason. I have seen how, all too often, out-of-awareness behavior has derailed executives. Failing to recognize the rationale of the irrationalities of life will have serious drawbacks. We need to have the courage
to go from the known to the unknown. We need to be prepared to explore our inner theater
. We need to be willing to identify the various scripts that drive us—that make us who we are.
Throughout this book, keeping this thought in mind, I have emphasized the importance of self-awareness
. I have suggested that we shouldn’t be strangers to ourselves. We need to have an understanding of the reasons of why we are what we are today. We also should appreciate our differences. Although we all belong to the Homo sapiens community
, there will always be differences in character and culture, creating different needs and wishes. It is the reason why a fulfilled life will be different for every person; why we have different dreams
and goals in life.
Without dreams
and goals, we are merely existing, not truly living. Therefore, as I mention repeatedly in this book, you the reader shouldn’t just wait for life to happen; you shouldn’t expect opportunities to just knock at your door. It is up to you to make it all happen. It is up to you to take the kinds of actions that suit your needs. As has been said many times over, the purpose of life is a life with a purpose. Purpose helps you to stay the course. Purpose helps you to transcend the absurdities of life. Without purpose, however, you will be unable to deal with the various psychological challenges that life has to offer. Without purpose, you are just living to die.
Living a full life means finding your true potential—to search out new experiences. It means getting out of your comfort zone. To quote the Russian novelist Fyodor Dostoevsky
, “The mystery of human existence lies not just in staying alive but in finding something to live for.” And if you really want to be really challenged, you shouldn’t just push the boundaries to better yourself; you should be prepared to take up larger issues. To transcend narrow self-interests
, you should consider the question of how you can make a difference in the world, even if only in a small way. And this thought reminds me of the parable of the starfish.
One early morning an elderly man was taking his dog out for a walk on a near-deserted beach. The day before there had been a terrible storm. Due to the high tide, thousands and thousands of starfish had been washed ashore. While walking on the beach, the man came upon a young woman who was picking up these starfish one by one and throwing them back into the sea.
Puzzled, the older man looked at the woman and asked, “What are you doing?”
Her response was, “I’m throwing these starfish back into the water. I’m trying to save them. They cannot get back by themselves. When the sun gets high, they will die, unless I throw them back into the water.”
The man laughed. “But there are thousands of these starfish and there is only one of you. How can you make a difference?”
Holding one of the starfish in her hand, the young woman turned to the man and, tossing the starfish far into the sea, said, “It will make a difference to this one!”
Often, we find great things in little things. Often, small things are steppingstones to giants’ causeways.
I have been extraordinarily lucky to have been able to help many people deal with the questions that really matter most, to help them lead more fulfilling lives. And doing so, I have very much appreciated the power of education. As an educator, I have seen how education can be the most powerful means through which we can change the world. Thus, it is only proper to end this book with the words of the philosopher John Dewey: “Education is not preparation for life; education is life itself.”