XXXVI

Annals of Volusius, shit-smeared sheets,

Release a vow on my girl’s behalf.

For she vowed to holy Venus and Cupid

That if I were restored to her

And ceased to circulate torturous iambics

She would give the choicest writings

Of the very worst of poets to slow-footed Vulcan

For burning in the merciless flames.

And the very worst girl perceived she

Was making this vow to the gods as a classy joke.

So, goddess, born from the blue-green sea,

Dweller of holy Idalium and exposed Urii

And Ancona and reedy Cnidus

And Amathus and Golgos

And Dyrrachium, marketplace of the Adriatic,

Receive the vow and see it is fulfilled

If it is neither inelegant nor lacking in charm.

Meanwhile, you, come forth to the flames,

Full of rusticity and crudities,

Annals of Volusius, shit-smeared sheets.