“You look like hell.”
Pax glared at Mason over the rim of his beer stein. The guys had invited Pax to lunch at The Getaway while the girls got ready for the party tonight.
The party Pax would be going to stag.
“I’ve been better,” he admitted after a long pull of his favorite craft beer.
“What’s going on?” Kahlil asked, easing forward in the large, round corner booth. “Something with the ranch?”
He wished it was something that simple. If the ranch was the issue, he could throw money at the problem and make it disappear. Unfortunately, handling hearts was out of his wheelhouse and nothing he could pay to fix.
“Ranch is good.” He set his frosted mug down and leaned back against the leather seat. “On track to open fully in the spring with new livestock, updates to the stables and cabins, and I’m bringing in any of the old staff who wants their positions back.”
“That’s great.” Mason nodded. “So why do you look like you’d rather be anywhere else than here.”
Pax didn’t know if his old buddy meant here at The Getaway or here in Willowvale Springs. Regardless, Pax did want to be anywhere else. Someplace away from the pain and guilt that consumed him here. He’d left remorse and sadness here once before when he’d been a teen outrunning his family’s drama.
But this ache in his chest was nothing compared to anything he’d ever felt in the past. How had Kira gotten so deep into his life in such a short amount of time? She’d impacted him in a way he never thought possible, yet he still couldn’t tell her what she wanted to hear. He didn’t know if he wanted a commitment and honestly had no idea what the hell that even looked like.
“Women issues,” Vaughn muttered. “We all had the same look not long ago.”
“I don’t have woman issues,” Pax all but growled.
“Damn.” Mason patted the table with his hand. “The girls really love Kira. Are you telling me you guys had a falling-out?”
Falling-out? Out of what? They weren’t in love and they hadn’t professed anything toward each other, so there was nothing to fall out of.
“What the hell happened?” Vaughn demanded. “Allie won’t like hearing this. I know the girls were all excited to decorate and get ready for the party tonight. They seemed to form a fast friendship with your woman. I was looking forward to meeting her.”
Yeah, well, he’d been looking forward to having her on his arm. He’d wanted to introduce her to his friends and see how well they all interacted together. Having her integrate further into his world hadn’t been part of any plan, but everything with them just seemed to keep clicking into place.
Until he broke that bond of trust.
“She’s probably leaving town now,” he told them, staring at the half-empty glass. “Or tomorrow. Hell, I don’t know when. She’s done with me.”
“I’d make a joke, but you look like you can’t get any lower,” Kahlil muttered. “What happened?”
“I screwed up.”
No need in sugarcoating it or trying to save his pride. He’d messed up anything he’d had with Kira and the last thing he worried about now was his ego.
“Then fix it instead of moping around.”
Pax jerked his attention to Mason, who nursed a soda. The former celebrity baseball player returned his gaze with one of command.
“Fix it?” Pax snarked. “Why didn’t I think of that?”
Kahlil shifted in the booth to face Pax a bit better and look around Vaughn.
“What our well-meaning friend means to say is, we’ve all been there and if you want her, you have to fight for her.”
Silence settled between them, but the bustle of the pub carried on. Music pumped from the hidden speakers, patrons laughed and chatted, happy in their own little worlds while his continued to crumble.
“Do you want her back?” Mason asked after a bit.
That heavy ball of guilt seemed to grow inside Pax’s chest. He’d not wanted their time together to come to an end, but he hadn’t thought beyond that. He’d always vowed not to let his heart get involved or to let anyone have such power over him that he dropped so low emotionally.
Somehow, he’d lied to himself and allowed all of that to happen.
“Does she look as miserable as you?” Vaughn asked.
Pax shrugged and glanced to his friend. “I honestly have no idea. I know I hurt her, but that wasn’t my intent. I just... I couldn’t tell her what she wanted to hear.”
“Will you ever be ready?” Mason asked. “Because if not, then you have to let her go.”
“I don’t want to let her go,” Pax insisted without hesitation.
“Then you have your answer.” Kahlil stretched his arm along the back of the booth and smiled. “Now what are you going to do about it?”
Did he have his answer? Could things be as simple, yet as complicated, as that? Just because he wanted her didn’t mean she’d return the feelings. He’d left a bruise on their relationship, so even if he went back to her, that pain still lingered.
“I promised her I wouldn’t bother her if she stayed,” Pax explained.
“Listen.” Mason smacked Pax on the shoulder. “You’ve given yourself the pity party you needed. I get it. But now you have to man up and go get what you want. If that’s Kira, then get off your ass and do something.”
Vaughn and Kahlil raised their beers in mock cheers at Mason’s demand. They were right, and if the tables were reversed, he’d be telling them the same thing. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and go after what you want. Isn’t that how he handled every business transaction in his career? Only this was the most important “deal” of his life. He had to know exactly what to say and how to deliver the message. But he couldn’t do it alone.
“I’m going to need your help.”
Every one of his buddies nodded, and he only hoped with them having his back, that he could convince Kira to stay.
“I don’t know why I let you all talk me into this.”
Kira smoothed out the gold tablecloth and turned to her new friends...friends she likely wouldn’t see again once she left Willowvale Springs. Well, unless they came to Portland to see her. She highly doubted she’d be back. She loved the town, but returning would only run the risk of seeing Pax again and she couldn’t take that chance.
“Because we promise Pax isn’t coming now,” Allie stated as she brought over a clear vase with white roses for the table. “According to the guys, he’s moping and not in the mood for company.”
That sounded like him. Moping. That’s exactly how he was when she’d met him. Looking back now, she realized the stress he’d been under with inheriting the ranch, having a guest, trying to keep his businesses growing and going global.
He’d had so much on his plate and clearly too much to feed into any type of permanent relationship...which is what he’d told her and she’d still ignored those red flags and fallen too hard, too fast.
“I’m not sure I’m the best company, either,” she admitted, turning to face Darcy and Dray as they continued to set up the champagne bar along the exposed brick wall of the resort great room.
“Being alone will only make you feel worse,” Dray stated, turning the bottles around with the labels out. “At least you can ring in the New Year with people who adore you and we’ll pamper you with food and drinks.”
Kira couldn’t be in a bad mood with these amazing ladies. They’d each texted her and insisted she come help them decorate while the guys finished their lunch. Kira had to admit, she was thrilled to see this amazing resort Vaughn and Allie had transformed. The grand room had an entire wall of windows that overlooked the patio area with a vast pool perfect for a summer lounging area. But it was the surrounding snowy mountains that stole the show for the view. Everywhere she looked, there were tall evergreens and mountain peaks. Nature seemed to paint the perfect backdrop for any event held here at the ranch resort.
Like weddings.
Goodness. Why did her mind go straight to a wedding? It wasn’t like she was walking down the aisle anytime soon. Maybe it was just the whole idea of love that she’d been surrounded with the past couple days. The women she’d met and instantly clicked with were all headed toward their own ‘I do’s’ soon and nothing was more romantic than a snowy setting and the holidays. Love just seemed to be in the air. Not the air she was breathing, but still.
“You know you have to come because you looked too good in that outfit,” Darcy stated as she adjusted her glasses. “This is going to be a memorable night. I promise.”
Kira nodded. “Well, I am glad I was still invited, but I couldn’t have come if Pax was going to be here.”
“We can see him anytime.” Allie clasped her hands together and glanced around the spacious room as if figuring out what to do next. “We need to soak in all the time you’re here.”
“When are you leaving?” Dray asked. “Not that we’re in a rush to see you go, but we’ll need at least one more get together before you go.”
Kira pulled out the white chair and took a seat. She was both mentally and physically exhausted and just wanted a short break. She was glad the girls invited her to decorate, this beat sitting in her cabin staring out at the snow and wondering what Pax was doing.
“I was going to leave today, but I might stay a few more days. Pax said I could stay as long as I wanted in the cabin and he’d leave me be, but I don’t know.”
“I’m sure he’s miserable,” Allie added. “You two have something.”
Kira shook her head and rested her arm on the back of the chair as she crossed her legs. “Had. Or at least, I thought we had something. Now I just look foolish and desperate.”
The ladies all shared a look and Kira glanced between them. She had no clue what silent language they all spoke. Clearly their years of friendship had given them a deeper bond.
“You’re not foolish or desperate,” Dray scolded. “We’ve all fallen in love and it just leaves you in a vulnerable spot and you feel exposed to the world. I swear, we get it.”
Kira sat straight up in her seat. “I never said I was in love.”
Silence settled over the room, then the women burst into laughter.
“You can try lying to yourself, but we’ve all recently been through the highs and lows of love.” Allie crossed the room and stood before Kira. “There’s nothing to be ashamed of, but if Pax is as miserable as you are, I have a feeling this will all work out.”
Kira opened her mouth to argue that statement, but Allie held up her hand.
“No arguing,” she demanded. “I’m just saying that if an opportunity presents itself, don’t turn away a second chance.”
Before Kira could ask what that even meant, Allie reached for her hands and tugged her to her feet.
“Let’s finish this room so we can start on our makeovers. We need to look our absolute best tonight.”
Maybe this distraction would help Kira at least think of something else for the day. She wasn’t really in a festive mood, but at the same time, the idea of ringing in the New Year with only her new books—books that Pax had bought her—really didn’t hold any appeal, either. So getting her hair and makeup done, plus putting on an outfit that made her feel sexy and confident and beautiful was definitely the better option.
She had no doubt she’d look fantastic on the outside, but how did she gloss over the ugly she held on to inside?