“I’m in charge of the team fundraiser, and I need your help,” Helen announces on the bus to our first road game.
“Why is she in charge?” I whisper to Rocky. The way it usually goes is that Coach Cray asks for volunteers, nobody volunteers, and then I do it.
“It’s about time you let someone else do it,” Rocky whispers back. But volunteering is a way to feel part of the team because I get healthy-scratched so often.
“This year, we need to raise $3000,” says Helen.
Again, I’m shocked. Usually, we need to raise about half that amount. “Why so much?” I ask.
Helen frowns. “There was an… unexpected shortfall in the team funds. If we want new training gear, this is what it’s going to cost.”
And we do want new team training gear. Last year’s championship celebrations involved alcohol, pink Biosteel sports drink, and silly string. The result was that our white and green tracksuits are now pink and green. And nobody on the team likes pink. Still, I’m surprised that the team can’t pay for part of this.
Suddenly, I put two and two together. The women’s team has a sudden shortfall in finances just after Noah gets a bursary! Obviously, the men’s team took money from us. The women’s team comes second in everything even though we won the championship last year.
“What’s wrong? Your face is a big storm,” Rocky says.
I whisper-hiss my theory to her.
Rocky frowns. “That’s crazy. You have no proof that he got our money. Coach Cray would never let that happen.”
“We’ve been shafted by the men’s program before.” Besides getting better practice times and equipment, they get more publicity and press.
“Men’s hockey also makes more money. Not only ticket sales but alumni donations,” she points out.
“But whose fault is that? If we got more publicity, we’d get bigger crowds too. And if our best graduating players were getting paid millions to play hockey, I’m darn sure that they would give more back to Moo U.”
My voice rises, and someone calls out, “Is Zee on her soapbox again?”
Everyone knows I hate the inequities of the two programs. Since my brother plays, I get exposed to the differences constantly.
“Calm yourself,” Rocky says. “And don’t take this out on Noah.”
I won’t, but this doesn’t make me like him more. Everything good happens to him. I still don’t understand why he has so little money when his family has so much, but he certainly doesn’t deserve a bursary when we have to fundraise for every little thing.
Helen sticks her fingers in her mouth and whistles so loudly we’re shocked into silence.
“I’ve decided that we’re going to do an auction,” she says in her best dictatorial manner. “Everyone is going to have to arrange for at least one prize. And good prizes, no crappy $25 gift certificates.”
There’s grumbling on the bus. Good donations are tough to come by.
“But you haven’t heard my best idea yet,” says Helen. “This year, we’re going to have a bachelor auction!”
My stomach drops. I know exactly where this is going, and there’s not a snowball’s chance that I am asking Noah to strut his stuff as most eligible bachelor.
“That’s a dumb idea,” I say.
“It’s an awesome idea,” Helen says. “We’ll get guys from the men’s hockey team. Everyone on campus wants to date them.”
Our goalie, Faith Devereaux, shakes her head. “Some of those guys have girlfriends who aren’t going to like that idea.” Dev dates Seb Hunter from the men’s team.
“We’ll just ask the single guys then,” Helen says.
“Get real, Helen,” I say. “We’re all poor students. It’s not like a movie where some rich woman pays a zillion dollars for a date. How embarrassing will it be for some poor guy to go for twenty bucks?”
Helen is seeing her chance to bid on Noah go down the drain. “Okay, you have a point. We’ll do it by draw. Everyone buys tickets and deposits them in the box for the prize they want.” She beams at her own brilliance.
“Now, I’ll assign jobs to everyone,” Helen declares. I can’t help but admire her directness. My fundraising method is pleading for volunteers and then doing most of the work myself. She tells some people to hit up local merchants and services, campus businesses, and online retailers. She’s already prepared marketing packages.
“God, she’s really good at this,” I admit to Rocky, but not loud enough for Helen to hear.
Finally, she gets around to the bachelor auction. “Dev and Zee, you’ve got connections to the men’s team. Lean on them and get me some tasty bachelors.” She shakes a finger at me. “Make sure that Noah Goodwin does it. He means mucho bucks for us.”
Imagining Noah on an auction block makes me feel queasy. Which is ridiculous because if anyone can defend himself against unwanted advances, it’s Noah. Exhibit One is still waggling a finger at me.
“I don’t see how I can make Noah do anything he doesn’t want to,” I protest. “But I can deliver my brother.”
Derek is easy, because I can bribe him with food. Besides, it’s exactly the kind of thing he would love—being up front and desirable.
Helen scowls. “No offense, but until your brother makes the Burling-ten-ten, he’s not going to be a big draw like Goody.”
“The Burling-what now?” I ask.
“Oh. My. God. How can you be a senior and not know this? You need to spend less time milking cows.” Helen moves on to give instructions to Dev.
“Enlighten me, please,” I say to Rocky.
“The Burling-ten-ten is a secret list of ten guys on campus who are a perfect ten. It’s a big deal. They do it every October. There’s a list for girls too.” She pulls out her phone and goes to a surprisingly professional page with photos, descriptions, and ads.
“Even ads?” I ask. How secret can it be if they’re selling advertising?
“Everyone on campus checks it out.”
Could my mother be right? Am I missing out on the whole university experience in some vital way? I shake off that thought and look at Noah’s profile. There are candid photos, and as someone who sees him daily, they do not do him justice.
Exotic cutie Noah Goodwin hails from L.A. This hot as puck stud plays defense for the Moo U hockey team. Teammates call him Goody and he has all the goods. We’d love to sample his California roll.
“Exotic cutie? California roll? He’s not going to like that,” I say, remembering his remark about othering. I look down the list and see there’s another hockey player, a blond freshman from Minnesota called Matthew Rose. He looks about 16 years old in the face and 25 years old in the body. I guess that’s better than the reverse.
“How do they choose these?” I ask.
Rocky shrugs. “That’s a secret too. But they have rules. You can only be on the list once. That’s why it’s mostly freshmen or transfers.”
“I don’t know why Helen thinks I can deliver Noah. It’s pretty clear that we can’t stand each other,” I say.
Rocky laughs. “You’re so funny, Zee.”
The road trip has its ups and downs. I’m a healthy scratch for the first game of the season, so that’s a huge downer. But I get to play the second game, and I play reasonably well. And we defeat New Hampshire in both games, which is definitely an up since they’re our perennial rivals. I wonder if I’m going to play every other game all season.
I huddle with Dev on the trip home about approaching the men’s team. “Do you think we’ll actually get any players to agree to do this?”
She seesaws her hand. “Depends on the guy, I guess. It’s a bit of an ego boost.”
Well, if there’s one person who doesn’t need an ego boost, his initials would be N.G.
“I wonder what the minimum number of victims we can get so Tsarina Helena will be satisfied?” I say.
Dev laughs. “One, if it’s Noah Goodwin. The Tsarina has a big old crush on him. Seriously, three or four would be the right number. No guy wants to do something like this alone, but in a group, they’d be more relaxed.”
I groan. “I really don’t want to do this. It’s too objectifying. ‘Can we sell your body so we can get new track suits?’”
“After we take out the guys in relationships, there will only be eight or nine players left. If they say no, they say no. But a good strategy is to ask the guys most likely to say yes first. That will help convince the next guy.”
I like the way Dev is strategizing this mission like a game. It takes out the ick factor.
“I’m pretty sure I can get my brother to agree,” I say.
“Perfect. Let’s get this done after their practice tomorrow. We’ll ask your brother first.”
Dev and I head over to the rink on Monday afternoon. Of course, I’ve already seen Noah multiple times since getting back. Apparently, the weekend chores went fine, and all the goats appear unharmed.
Our advantage is that the guys won both their weekend games, so they’re bound to be in a good mood.
“Hey, Derek,” I call out when he exits.
My brother lopes over and musses my hair. “Hey. Sup, sis?”
With Derek, I keep things simple. “Our hockey fundraiser includes a bachelor auction. We want you. Are you in?”
He crosses his arms and grins. “What’s in it for me?”
Ah, the negotiations begin. “Besides a date with a gorgeous co-ed?” I ask.
“You can’t guarantee that. What if some swamp monster bids on me?”
“Actually it’s a draw, so anyone could win.”
Derek taps his toe.
“How about I deliver one of my pizzas for your dinner one night?” I offer.
“I live with a bunch of hungry, hungry hippos. One of your pizzas would last five seconds. How about you cater a pizza dinner for the whole house?”
I calculate how much work that would be. “Here’s my counteroffer: I’ll make a whole dinner if you convince at least three of your teammates to participate in this auction.”
Derek closes one eye to think. “Okay. They’re going to benefit too.”
I give Dev the good news, and the three of us start talking to the guys as they emerge from the room. Forward A.J. Scoville agrees to do it.
Matthew Rose emerges next. The other Burling-ten-ten is good looking in a pretty boy way that doesn’t appeal to me. Still, I babble so much that Dev elbows me out of the way and takes over. It turns out that he has a girlfriend back home, so that’s a no. Dev’s boyfriend, Seb Hunter, comes out and stays to help us. Justin Murphy agrees quickly and becomes victim number three. We strike out with two more players.
Spenser Briggs, being a goalie, is one of the last guys out. He’s a cute ginger, but so shy I feel almost cruel for even asking him. He blushes bright red as he politely refuses.
“Well, we have three now,” I say. “That’s enough, isn’t it?”
Dev gives me a look. “You have to at least ask Noah.”
Derek snorts. “As much as I want one more player, he’s not going to do it.”
“Why not?” I ask.
“He was pretty pissed off to find out he’s on some hot guy list. I don’t get it, I would be hyped,” says Derek.
“Yes, he’s a grouch. Tell me something I don’t know,” I say.
Noah walks out at this moment, and we all stare at him.
He stares back. “Is something going on?”
Dev pokes me in the side.
My words come out in a whoosh: “The women’s hockey team is doing a fundraiser would you be interested in being in the bachelor auction which is really more of a draw than an auction but if you don’t want to do it that’s fine.”
Everyone is staring like I’m so weird, which I am.
Noah doesn’t even blink. He’s used to my run-on sentences. “You’re only auctioning bachelors?”
“Oh no. There will be other things too. Like gift certificates and prize baskets,” I say.
“Are you in it?” he asks me.
“What? No way. Who would want to bid on a date with me?” I’m not exactly fighting off dates when they’re free.
“Oh. So, it’s okay to auction off dates with men, but not with women? That seems pretty sexist,” Noah replies.
Seb nods. “Yeah, he’s right. Why aren’t there female hockey players in this?” Then he puts an arm around Dev. “Not you, of course. Single ones.”
“That’s crazy. Why—” I begin, and then realize that guys would love to bid on dates with someone like Rocky. Maybe this could work for other members of our team.
“I’m not doing it if you’re not doing it.” Noah shoulders his backpack and turns to leave.
There’s no way he’s goading me into doing this. How humiliating would it be if nobody bid on a date with me?
“You scared? Bok, bok.” Derek accompanies this taunt with flapping elbows.
I can feel myself getting upset at my brother’s taunts, and I breathe in. Do not fall for this, Zoe. Do not let Derek press your buttons. Keep your mouth shut, and don’t—
“I’m no chicken,” I declare. “Get ready to be auctioned, Goodwin. I’m in.”
When Noah turns around, he’s got a big grin on his face. I just got played by two cocky defensemen.