Erasmus blows out a breath. “Do you recall the time we were all pups? Before I was Alpha?” he asks, seemingly changing the subject.
I nod in affirmation but say nothing.
“We used to chase each other all the time,” he continues. “You were faster than I when we were on two legs, but none was faster than I on four. Oh, how you hated that! You would chase me for hours, hoping to become faster than me.”
“I did become faster,” I mutter.
He howls with laughter. “That you did!”
“Just never faster than you.”
“No.”
“You do not only have speed,” I say.
“I have always had the drive to protect my pack,” he says. “You cannot deny that.”
I swallow hard, thinking back to one particular occasion that had never quite sat well with me.
“You are thinking about it, are you not? That pack of hunters who came, certain there was a predator to bring down. They threatened us, all of us, but we managed to confuse them and send them packing. They never returned.”
“Did they never return because they thought the predator had gone elsewhere, or…” I trail off, not meeting his gaze.
“You think differently of me now since you learned about Roger.” Erasmus wrinkles his nose. “You think I truly did kill him, and now you wonder if I killed those hunters.”
“Did you?” I demand bluntly.
“Did I do what?”
“Kill those hunters.”
“No.”
“Did you kill Roger?”
Erasmus inhales deeply. “Yes.”
“Why?”
“Why does not matter.”
“It most certainly does matter!” I explode, leaping to my feet.
“Leonard, sit,” Erasmus says mildly.
I do, but my body trembles with barely contained rage. I grip the armrests, trying to contain my wolf within me for fear that I will lash out and attack my alpha and former friend.
“Who was it that brought you into London to buy your first suit?” he asks. “Your father died only recently, but he chose to be more werewolf than gentleman. You sought to be equally human and wolf, noble and werewolf.”
I blow out a breath. “Yes, you took me to buy my first suit,” I admit.
“I did not know the latest fashion, but I stood with you. It was not within my area of expertise at all, but for you, I would have done anything. I still would. I always will. You and I are kin.”
Not by blood.
Through the bond of our pack.
I swallow hard.
“Your father…” Erasmus grits his teeth. “I know how much it pained you. I tried so hard to reach out to him to get him to return… I think he lost himself. Toward the end…”
“He was a wolf and a wolf only,” I supply, my words bitter but also empty. “He forgot who he was, forgot how to turn back. He… He forgot he had a son. He forgot me.”
“I have not,” Erasmus says urgently. “I have not forgotten anything. You were the very first to bow to me, to submit when my father stepped down and allowed me to rise up as alpha. You did not do that because we were friends. You did that because you believed in me.”
I had.
Then.
But now… if he truly thought that killing Roger was necessary for the sake of the pack, why not admit what he had done? Why not come clean and explain himself to me? Why kill Roger in such a manner? He could have hidden the body, buried Roger, and everyone would have thought he had gone missing. He could have used a pistol and so it could have been any human to have killed Roger. Instead, he put not only our pack but all werewolves at risk of discovery…
“You and I and some of the others used to have friendly competitions,” he says. “Do you recall?”
“Brawls, yes.”
“And who would win then all?”
“You,” I say.
“Yes, but…” He wags a finger. “You alone gave me the honor and the respect of giving your best every time, and you almost pinned me several times. Leonard, I have never chosen a beta. I do not have a second, but I want that to be you. I have for some time.”
I do my best not to react physically to his words and merely draw in a deep breath. “Why me? Why now?”
“Why you? Have you not been listening to me? You alone challenge me, and I welcome that.”
“You welcome that,” I repeat dryly. “Yet you did not answer my question. You will not tell me why you killed Roger.”
“As for why now,” Erasmus continues, ignoring yet another one of my questions, “why not? I have always wanted you to be my beta, my second, but the others…”
He lets his words hang in the air, and I know precisely what it is that he is hinting at.
“The others did not want your second to be a noble,” I say.
“They share a fear that I do not possess,” Erasmus says. “They are concerned that your loyalty will be split between the werewolves and the nobles.”
“And you do not share that fear why?”
“Because I know you.”
“And my father who lost himself to his wolf, do you not worry that I might do the same?” I challenge.
“No, because again, I know you.” Erasmus stands. “Do you need more brandy?”
I grunt and point to my untouched mug.
My alpha chuckles. “Did you have your fill to eat and drink at the ball then?”
“You could say that,” I murmur, although if pressed, I could not say what I ate nor drank. My thoughts of the ball all center on one particular lady.
A lady I will not dare tell Erasmus about.
I have lost all faith in him, but the truth of the matter is that if he will only confide in me and have a reasonable explanation for his actions, all might be well between us once more.