Adira surged toward me immediately, her expression crumpling. I stood, the pain in my leg forgotten as she fell into my open arms. I crushed her against my chest, cradling her head and pressing my nose into her hair. She smelled like cinnamon and strawberries, and stars above, I had missed her so much. The scent of her filled me with memories of summers spent traipsing through forests and swimming in lakes.
A better time. A freer time.
Adira fisted the fabric of my tunic as she wept into my chest, her shoulders shaking. I stroked her hair, allowing her to cry for as long as she needed. I wouldn’t rush her. She carried so many responsibilities, so many expectations… For just right now, she could be who she wanted. She could take the time to process her emotions around me. I would always be a safe harbor for her, and I needed her to know that.
At long last, she withdrew with a loud sniff, her eyes red-rimmed as she gave me a watery smile. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to fall on you like that. It’s just… the moment I knew we were alone, I couldn’t hold it in any longer.”
I let my fingers trail along her upper arm. “Don’t apologize. You are always allowed to unload your burdens with me, Adira.”
She rolled her eyes. “You can call me Addie, you know. After all, I call you Mango.”
I snorted. “I wish you wouldn’t. No one in their right mind would take me seriously if they heard you call me that.”
“If you hate it, I’ll stop.”
Something warm worked its way into my chest as I said, “Don’t stop.” As embarrassing a nickname as it was, it was something only we shared. And for that reason alone, I treasured it.
Adira’s eyes brightened. “Very well then. I’m so pleased you’re here, Mango.”
I laughed. “It’s good to be here. I wish it were under happier circumstances.”
Adira’s face fell. “Yes. So do I.” She stepped away from me, and my hands instantly yearned to reach for her again, but I dropped them to my sides. She sighed, massaging her temples. “I was so careful. But with this damn tonic—oh! Excuse my language.” She covered her mouth, her cheeks reddening.
“Say what you like in front of me, Addie. I’m a soldier. I’ve heard far worse.” Although, from what I remembered of our childhood, her language rivaled even the foulest mouths.
She dropped her hand, a bashful smile spreading across her face. “Right then. If not for this damn tonic, I might have been able to stay up to prevent it from happening.”
“What did happen, exactly?” I asked, leaning against the poster of my bed to ease the weight of my leg.
Adira’s eyes widened. “Oh shit, your leg! Forgive me… Come, let’s sit.” She snatched my hand and dragged me over the settee in the corner, all but shoving me onto the cushion as she occupied the armchair opposite it. I collapsed with a dramatic “oof,” which elicited a brief giggle from her.
“To be honest,” Adira began, slumping backward in the armchair in a very un-princess-like fashion, “I’m not entirely sure what did happen. For weeks, I tried to catch the triplets to see where they were disappearing to. I once even managed to lure Juliette away from the others with a sweet roll, hoping I could slow them down. But Kat and Laurel merely continued on without her, and when I tried to probe her with questions, she fell asleep in my arms. It was quite odd. One moment, she was licking the cream from her fingers, and the next, she was dozing.
“The night they disappeared, I’d been trailing after them, like usual. And, without warning, I found myself waking in the corridor by their rooms. I was in a heap on the floor, my head propped up on the wall. I think the tonic had finally kicked in, and I’d fallen asleep during my pursuit. By the time I’d woken, they were gone. And this time, they did not wake safely in their beds.”
“Did you try skipping your tonic?”
“Yes. The maid reported me to Father, and he practically forced it down my throat.” Adira’s face twisted in a disgusted grimace. “He’s very strict about me taking it. You remember how adamant he was about finding a cure.”
“Yes, I remember,” I said, frowning. Damn. That certainly complicated things. “How difficult would it be to trick the maid into thinking you’d taken it?”
“On my own? Very difficult, especially with Father so vigilant after what’s happened. But with you and the prince here, I’m hoping the staff will be too preoccupied to notice.”
I nodded. “Good. Because I think you’re right. I think there is magic at work here. But unless I see it for myself, I can’t…” I wiggled my fingers in the air.
She nodded, understanding my meaning. “I know. But you can sense traces of magic, right? You’ll still help us investigate?”
“Of course. But you have to know, my magic only goes so far. Detecting even traces of a spell isn’t nearly as useful as being exposed to the spell itself.”
Adira nibbled on the edge of her fingernail, her blue eyes going distant.
I cocked my head at her. “I know that look. What are you thinking?”
“Irene has been acting strangely,” Adira admitted. “I’ve found her rousing from her sleep and wandering the halls, just like the triplets did.”
I straightened, alarm pulsing through me. “Why didn’t you say anything?” I thought of Irene, with her bouncy golden curls and an abundance of freckles. She was twelve—not much older than the triplets.
“I didn’t want to upset Father any more than was necessary. Besides, we might be able to use this to our advantage.”
I arched an eyebrow. “You mean use your own sister as bait?”
Her cheeks flushed again. “Stars, when you put it like that…” She covered her face with her hands. “Oh, Marek, I just want to end this! I want to find my sisters and vanquish this threat for good. If they’re after Irene, what’s to stop them from coming after all of us? And Juliette, Kat, and Laurel are so young…”
I winced, thinking of the triplets when I’d last seen them. Their eyes were always bright with curiosity and wonder, and they had such clever, imaginative minds that they could always keep themselves entertained.
“You must think me a terrible sister,” Adira whispered, lowering her hands, her expression full of despair.
“Addie, no.” I leaned across the small table between us and took her tiny hands in both of mine. Where hers were pale, smooth, and delicate, mine were large, tan, and calloused, roughened by the hard work of a lowborn laborer.
Compared to her, I was nothing. Compared to her, I was foul and filthy. The contrast between our hands said as much.
Hating where my thoughts had turned, I found myself releasing her fingers, but she clung to me, squeezing my hands, her thumb tracing over one of my knuckles. I met her gaze and found her leaning forward, just like I was.
Clearing my throat, I continued, “You aren’t a terrible sister. You’re doing everything you can.” I paused, considering my next words. “I think we should ask Irene what she wants to do. If she consents to our plan, we’ll proceed with it.”
Adira’s eyebrows lifted. “You’ll help me?”
“Of course. That’s why I’m here, isn’t it?” I offered a half-smile.
“And what of Father? He wouldn’t like this.”
“No, you’re right. He wouldn’t.” I heaved a sigh, thinking of Fenn, who was waiting for me to come to his rooms to talk strategy. As much as I wanted to include Fenn in this plan with Adira, the last thing he would want to do would be to anger the monarch of another kingdom and cause tension between the Twilight and Midnight Courts.
No, this had to stay between Adira and me.
My eyes found hers again. Her face was solemn but determined. A familiar glint shone in her eyes, one I knew all too well.
She would see this plan through. Whatever the cost.
“Speak with Irene,” I said in a low voice. “Tell me what she says. If she agrees, I’ll station myself outside her rooms with you alongside me. Do you still have that iron blade I trained you with?”
She lifted her chin. “Of course. I spar every morning in the training barracks while Father is in council meetings. I’ve even started training Beatrice with it as well.”
Pride swelled in my chest, and I had the sudden urge to seize her and kiss her full on the mouth.
Cheeks flaming, I hurried onward before she noticed my blush and started asking questions. “Sleep with the dagger under your pillow, starting tonight. I don’t trust what’s going on here, and whatever happens, it will make me feel at ease, knowing you’re armed.” I paused. “Would you feel comfortable skipping your tonic for a few nights?”
“Of course,” she said at once. “Whatever it takes to keep my sisters safe.” Her gaze turned thoughtful as she chewed on her lower lip. “And what of Father? Assuming this goes according to plan and we locate the magic, will we bring him our findings?”
I hesitated again, absently running the pad of my forefinger along the edge of her thumb. “Let’s replicate the spell first and inspect it ourselves before we tell him anything. Is that all right with you? I don’t want to encourage you to deceive your own father, but…”
“But you need to keep your magic a secret,” she finished with another nod. “I understand, Marek. But why? Your magic is so useful. You can duplicate any godsdamned spell out there. Why wouldn’t you want to share that with others?”
“Well, I can’t replicate any spell…”
She rolled her eyes. “Semantics.”
I sat back, releasing her hand and rubbing the back of my neck. “It makes me nervous, that’s all. I feel like if people knew about it, they’d try to use my abilities for their own gain.”
She crossed her arms over her chest and gave me a dubious look. “Are you sure that’s the reason?”
My brows furrowed. “What other reason is there?”
“Come on, Marek. Ever since we first met, you’ve been so focused on your worth as a soldier that you never bothered to explore your worth as a magic wielder.”
“That’s not true.”
“Isn’t it? Why did you leave Allsburg?”
“To work for Queen Sonara.”
“No, to become a guardsman of the Queen’s regiment. Even though I urged you to speak to my father about becoming an official court mage here in Allsburg. Instead, you insisted on taking employment in a kingdom that’s a two days’ ride away from me.” Something akin to hurt stirred in her eyes.
I sat up straighter. “Addie…” Stars, I hadn’t ever considered that my choice of employment had hurt her. Reginald had begun traveling to other kingdoms with Adira in tow, looking to parade her in front of eligible princes and nobility in hopes of making a match when the time came for her to wed.
And I didn’t want to be around to witness it. When Adira returned from her first trip gushing about the handsome lord she’d danced with, that was when I knew I had to leave. Not only was she traveling several months out of the year, but now she was showing an interest in potential husbands. Potential kings to rule by her side.
“Addie, I never realized my decision mattered to you so much,” I finally said in a weak voice. “You were traveling across the realm, visiting various kingdoms, looking for a potential courtship, for stars’ sake. What was I supposed to do, just wait around for you to come back?”
Her eyes narrowed. “Of course not. I always wanted you to live your life, Marek. But did it have to be in another kingdom?”
I scoffed. “The Court of Midnight isn’t that far away.”
“It’s far enough. We never see each other.”
“We never saw each other anyway because you were too busy cavorting with Lord Pufferfish or whoever the hell he was—”
“It’s Lord Pettifer, and I was not cavorting—”
“I don’t give a damn what his name is,” I seethed, rising to my feet and ignoring the throbbing pulse in my leg. “The point is, how can you be angry at me for leaving when you were the one who left first?”
She shot to her feet, too, eyes blazing and hands fisted at her sides. “But I always came back!”
“So do I! I’m always coming back to you, Addie. Always.”
“It’s not the same thing! This place isn’t your home; it’s just part of your journey. Every time you’re here, I can tell you’re just yearning to go back to the Court of Midnight.” Tears glistened in her eyes.
I inhaled a sharp breath, my hands falling limply by my sides. “Is that what you think?”
“It’s obvious. Every time I’m around you, you’re finding excuses to be elsewhere. I’m surprised you haven’t ducked out of your room to go do something else instead of standing here arguing with me.”
My head reared back in surprise. How could she think that? “Addie, that’s not true. You…” A hard lump formed in my throat, and I had difficulty swallowing around it.
I stepped around the table so I stood next to her. She turned to face me, a single tear streaking down her face. I caught it with my thumb and brushed it away, allowing my hand to linger on her face. She leaned her cheek into my touch, her eyes closing.
Finally finding my voice, I whispered, “You are my home, Addie. I was only ever trying to give you the space to—to—” Stars, how the hell was I supposed to say this without admitting I was deeply, madly, and devastatingly in love with her? “To become the queen you needed to be,” I finally finished.
“Why do you think I need space from you to do that?” she asked, her brows puckering in confusion.
My face was on fire again. Gods, this was so difficult. Adira had always been someone I could speak my mind to. It wasn’t until I developed feelings for her that our relationship had changed.
I was such a fool. If I hadn’t let these feelings grow, then I could still be the friend she needed. The friend she could rely on.
I exhaled, my shoulders slumping. “Addie, what happens when a handsome noble comes along, someone even more handsome than Lord Pettifer, and you’re absolutely smitten with him… but he notices me by your side, never giving you a moment alone with him? What do you think he will presume about us, if I’m always around?”
Adira’s lips parted, her eyes locking onto mine and flaring wide. “I—You—” She faltered, her breaths turning shaky. She dropped her gaze, wringing her hands together in uncertainty.
“Do you think he will accept that I am merely your best friend looking out for you?” I went on, ignoring how much I hated the words coming out of my mouth. “He will want to have you all to himself. As he should. You deserve that kind of love and devotion, Addie. You deserve it all. And I don’t want to be the one to stand in your way.”
I took a step back to emphasize my point, but she snatched my hand as if desperate to keep me closer.
“Marek,” she breathed. “You are never standing in my way. Whatever the future brings, I want you by my side. Always.”
My stomach flipped at the conviction in her words. She couldn’t possibly mean that…
“And—and if my future husband, whoever he may be, takes an issue with that, then he will merely have to accept that you are an important part of my life,” she finished.
My stomach dropped, dragging my heart down with it. I shook my head, knowing it was no use arguing with her. In no world would it be appropriate for a guardsman of another kingdom to remain this close to a princess, especially if she was betrothed to another.
In fact, even sharing this private, enclosed space with Adira was beyond inappropriate. Why had she snuck into my rooms? And why was I allowing this to continue?
I forced a smile. “You should go before someone notices you’re missing.”
“Marek.” She drew nearer to me, and I found myself leaning closer to her, just to share breath. Just to occupy the same space as her, if only for a moment.
I knew I shouldn’t. But I couldn’t help myself. I loved her too damn much to resist.
To my surprise, she inched even closer, as if encouraged by my subtle movement. Her chest was flush against mine, and she gazed up at me, eyes burning with an intensity I hadn’t seen there before.
“Marek,” she said again, but it sounded more like a sigh on her lips. Her full, luscious lips that I wanted to capture with my own…
A resonant banging on my door jolted us apart.
“Marek!” came Fenn’s impatient voice. “What are you doing, powdering your nose? Come on!”
“Shit,” I whispered, running a hand through my hair. I’d forgotten I was supposed to be meeting with Fenn right now. “Addie, I—”
She shook her head, her face pink, as she offered a smile that seemed sad and full of… regret? Before I could decipher the emotion, it was gone, wiped clean and replaced by her demure, princess mask.
I hated that mask. Because it meant I wasn’t seeing the real Adira.
“You have duties to attend to,” she said softly. “And so do I. As soon as you leave, I’ll slip out. No one will notice.”
I nodded, though my chest twisted at the inexplicable distance separating us. Not just physically—though I did yearn to close that gap between us—but emotionally. Something had fractured our friendship tonight, and I couldn’t tell how or why.
But she stood there expectantly, so I bid her a quick farewell before striding for the door, letting it close shut behind me.