“Well, as I recall, I ended up spending the best part of the summer of 2000 in that dang hospital. I eventually got up and going on my own, and the doctor signed my release papers. Very begrudgingly, I think, but he let me go home. Well, not to my own home, but out of that place anyway. Jackie agreed to let me go to her house to stay for a few weeks to make sure that I would be capable of staying alone in my own home. I was in agreement to that.
The doctor also had me sign up for homecare so that it was in place for my move back to my home, and, of course, I had to agree to put my name on the list for a bed at the nursing home, in case I needed to consider moving there in the future. It seems there was quite a lengthy list of folks trying to get in there. I could only hope that my name never made it to the top of that list!
Anyway, Jackie was willing to take me to her house to convalesce. I was able to get around pretty good with just the aid of a cane. It helped to give me support and balance, and I felt a little more secure having it. I was well able to look after myself in regards to dressing and hygiene and such. I just needed to rebuild my energy and stamina so I would be able to do all my household chores and cooking once again.
Jackie took me out to the old house to help me pick up a few clothes and things the day after my discharge. It was so good to get out of the car and see my home. I walked all around the yard. I felt sad to see my flower gardens. Nancy had watered and weeded them during my absence, and I was thankful to her for that, but they needed a little loving. I felt like I had abandoned them.
I went inside the house. Oh, it was so good to be home! Home at last. All my things were waiting for me. Everything was just as I had left it. I felt overwhelmed. I looked around the walls at all the family pictures. The familiar smiling faces looked back at me, just as they always had. I was so happy I just sat down and cried. There’s no place like home! It’s true. Home is where the heart is.
Jackie gave me a minute, then helped me pack the few things I’d need. I didn’t really want to leave, but I knew I’d be back in a few weeks to stay for good. I had been away this long, so a few more weeks would be bearable. Then I would be back to stay.
Oh, how wonderful it felt to get back to normal living. It was so quiet and peaceful. No commotion or chaos going on all around at all times. There were no call bells buzzing or anyone hollering. There were no nurses bugging me with medications or medical procedures. Heaven it was, simply heaven.
Jackie and Eric had pretty busy schedules and weren’t often home. They were both involved in many organizations now that they were retired, and they both had hobbies and such that kept them active. I didn’t need twenty-four hour supervision, so their absence gave me some solitude. How delightful that was. I had been craving alone time for weeks, and it gave me a chance to do things by myself, for myself in my own time without someone overseeing.
How wonderful to regain my independence. It was great to be able to go to the fridge and get a glass of juice or plug in the kettle and make a cup of tea. I was able to butter some bread and make myself a sandwich. Simple things, perhaps, but I finally felt like I was living again.
The homecare nurse stopped by the first week to supervise my bath and make sure I was capable of accomplishing the procedure. She gave me the green light, but made the recommendation to install a grab bar in my tub at home which Jackie assured her would be taken care of. The nurse felt quite certain I was capable of looking after my own meds as I was totally cognitive and only took a couple anyway. The nurse was very adamant that a homecare worker would be stopping by every week to do my light housekeeping and laundry, and she wanted me to take my bath while this person was there so I wouldn’t be alone in the house while I was in the tub. I thought that I could live with those orders.
The following week Jackie packed me up and took me home to stay. She was satisfied that I could manage on my own. Jacob and Nancy had stocked my fridge and pantry and made sure the house was clean and ready for my return. Everything was in good order. I was so thankful for all they had done, and for Jackie and Eric’s hospitality, as well. Without all their help I would have had to go to the old folk’s home for sure, and I wasn’t willing to go there. I sure appreciated everything.
I couldn’t wait for them to leave so that I could just sit quietly in my favourite chair and savour the moment. I slept like a baby that first night home. It was sheer luxury to sleep in my own bed in my own linens. After Logan had died, I took to sleeping on his side of the bed, and on my return, I felt like he was there welcoming me back. There’s nothing like resting in your own bed. I had made it home! With any luck at all, I’d never have to leave.
After a few days, I had settled back in to my old routine. It was nice to be home and be surrounded by all my own stuff. It was thrilling to walk around each room and look at all the pictures, furniture, and other things. Each and every item brought back precious memories. I could still recall where or from whom I had acquired each piece. Though I never owned anything of great value, I valued everything I had.
Well, we were almost into August by that time. All seemed to be back to normal. I was savouring each day. I knew I wasn’t able to get around as spryly as I had before I had broken my hip, but I was capable of doing all I needed to do. The little homecare nurse that came weekly took care of all my cleaning and laundry. That lightened my load, and I was able to make my own meals. And I had lots of visitors. Someone was always stopping by to check in on me. I was managing very well, and every day I made a point of going outside and spending time in my gardens. That was very therapeutic, and by the time autumn rolled around, I had managed to get them back in order.
We decided to meet up at James’s that year for the Thanksgiving feast. Their family all made it home, and we were joined by Janice, Charity, Jacob, and Jackie with their broods. Some of Murray and Mary Beth’s family made it, too. What a full house!”
“It sure was, Gran. We ate in shifts. No one was bothered by that though. We were just glad to be together,” Beth comments.
“It had been some time since we had all managed to sit down together in the big dining room at the back of the old store and enjoy a meal,” I continue. “Logan had always loved that room. He had said it was the heart of the store. All the important business was discussed there over supper. I couldn’t recall the last time so many of us had broken bread there together. I was thankful to be there to enjoy the festivities with those I loved.
Before we knew it, October was gone, and we were well into November. Winter arrived with a force, and the snow piled up. We were all gearing up for the festivities of the Christmas season. Then, just like that, December was here. The first started out like any other day. I woke up and put the coffee on. I checked the calendar and saw that it was Charity’s birthday. She was eighty that day. I thought I’d give her a call around nine to wish her happy birthday. I had my coffee and toast and about nine fifteen I called. There was no answer. I figured she had gone out early to run some errands and would try a little later. I saw the mail man go by around eleven and went out and got the mail. I was just in the middle of reading the flyers when Jacob stopped by. I knew by the look on his face that it was no social call.
I wasn’t prepared for the news he had brought to me. I was stunned. How could it be? Charity was dead. She had died of a massive stroke. She had slumped over at the dinner table the night before. Her husband had called the ambulance and got her to the hospital, but she never came to. She died at two in the morning. She died on her eightieth birthday. I was in shock. My baby was gone. My third born. Another child gone before me. How could a mother bear such news? Royce’s beautiful little girl was gone. Oh, how he had loved his baby girl. That’s all I could think of!
Jacob knew that this would be hard for me. How could it not be? A few years earlier when we had lost Mary Beth and Murray, I had felt such deep anguish. They were all that had preserved my sanity after Jed died. They had been my focus and my reason to go on. They were all that I had left of Jed. He had been the love of my life! It’s not the proper succession for an old woman to remain and have her children depart. Why, was all I could say? Life was just so hard to figure out, and sometimes it was just so very hard!
Everyone tried hard to console me during the days that followed, but in truth, I had given up. That had been the last straw. I could no longer find anything to hold on for. Charity’s passing had broken my spirit. I was a very old woman, and suddenly I felt very old. I just felt that there was nothing left in this world for me. I wanted it to be my time. My time to go.
Charity’s visitation and funeral service was a very fitting tribute to her life. Her husband and family had done right by her, for sure. Charity would have approved of all their choices. It was truly a celebration of her life, but none of that made it any easier for me to accept. I sobbed my heart out through the whole service. I still had tear filled eyes as I was leaving the church. That’s how I ended up on the sidewalk on my head. I didn’t notice the ice on the church stairs and lost my footing. Down I went. I went down hard. I was a lump on the sidewalk with blood pooling under my face. What a calamity!
I knew I had done some serious damage right off. My right arm was in a lot of pain, and when I tried to get up, I couldn’t use it. The pain radiated up into my shoulder. My glasses had dug into my face when I landed on them, and blood was running down my cheek and dripping onto the cement. Oh Lord! What had I done! That’s all that I could think about.
Jackie and Jacob were right there to help. The huge crowd descending from the church gathered around to see what all the commotion was. I was very humiliated by my clumsiness and just wanted to hide. Several gals who are nurses were there, and after they did an assessment of my condition, they made the decision to call an ambulance. They knew I had broken my arm and maybe my shoulder, but it was mostly due to my head injury. They said I may have a concussion. Of course, I tried hard to protest. I just wanted a ride home, but I got a ride to the emergency room instead. I knew right there and then, this change of circumstance was going to be a game changer, and not one that I would be very accepting of. Oh my, what had I done! That’s all that I could think of.”