Forty-One

 

I lay on my side, facing Aidan, sated and sleepy. My fingers still stroked his chest hair, even as he started to snore.

Rain drummed on the roof, washing away with it my willpower to leave. With every passing moment, more and more I wanted to lie beside him 'til Monday morning dawned. Just one more loving encounter and I'd leave, I told myself, but I lied.

I loved this man too much.

The sky started to lighten and still I stared at him. I leaned over him, holding my breath, and brushed my lips lightly across his.

One last kiss. No more.

I had exams tomorrow and a long drive home today. Were he awake, he'd tell me to go, to become the qualified midwife I wanted to be. Did I still want that?

Of course, I told myself. All this effort for a qualification. That was why I was here. Aidan wouldn't ask me to throw that away. Two weeks, is all. I could return once I finished my exams.

And tell him the words I couldn't say.

Sticky and smelling of sex, I should have showered. Instead, I savoured Aidan's smell on my skin. I dressed and packed up my things. The brown-bagged bottle of whiskey clinked as I lifted my bag, a reminder.

I lifted it out, torn between giving it to Aidan as I'd intended or keeping it for myself, to remember him.

I will return to drink it with him, so I'll leave it here. I folded the bag and slid it like a notecard beneath the bottle. Taking a pen from the desk, I carefully wrote two heart-felt words:

 

Thank you

 

It seemed like so little when he'd given me so much, so below it I scrawled three more:

 

I love you.

 

With one last glance at the room where Aidan slept, I left his house, forcing every step I took to my car. The sooner I left, the sooner I could return.

And I'd never have to leave again, as long as he lived.