Seventeen

Alone in a room full of people, I drew my knees up to the bench beside me and closed my eyes, listening to the music from the gramophone. I longed for William to return and hold me again, so I could tell him that he had a place in my otherwise empty heart. Sleepily, I sang along with the melody, so faint I could barely hear my own voice as I thought of William. Not knowing the song's words, I sang my own – calling him to return and claim me.

"Maria."

The unfamiliar voice made me jerk my eyes open. A forest of hands extended toward me as the assembled crew all asked the same thing – requesting that I dance with them.

No. This wasn't possible. They couldn't have heard me – how could they have known what I wanted, from the one man who wasn't among them? I jumped to my feet and shrugged off their pleas. William – where was William? I couldn't see past them to find him.

"No. NO!" I insisted, trying to push through them. I could see the door, but there were too many men in my way. I stumbled on anyway, shoving through them and stepping on my sarong skirt. My knee got caught in the fabric and I fell heavily to the deck. The men seemed to hesitate, before a clamour of voices rose again, offering to help me up. Every man's hands seemed to want to assist, like a million tentacles curling around my body. Between them, they lifted me to my feet, but the sarong had somehow come untied, so it slid to the deck and almost tripped me again as I struggled to escape their kind but misguided attention. I fought my way free from its folds and hurried to the exit. I wanted to scream at them to leave me alone and not touch me, but I didn't know the words.

I almost made it before a dark shadow barred my way. Two more hands grasped my shoulders and my tears of fury spilled over. "NO!" I cried, trying to push the man out of my way.

"What's wrong, Maria?" William asked gently, taking in my messy appearance. When his gaze reached my bare, bruised knees, his expression tightened. "What happened? Where is your skirt?"

Now the tears had started, I couldn't seem to turn them off. Faster they fell as I tried to pull out of his grasp so I could go hide in my cabin. I'd had enough revelry and dancing for one night – for all my nights.

"It's all right, lass," he said. I cried out in alarm as he swept me up in his arms. My feet grazed the bulkhead – the passage wasn't wide enough for this.

"McGregor," the captain began. I hadn't seen him standing in the shadows beside William. Had he witnessed my weakness, too? I struggled to be set on my own feet again.

Looking hurt, William gave me my freedom. "I swore I'd keep her safe and I won't break my promise. It's your ship and they're your crew – you sort them out. All I'm worried about is Maria."

Captain Foster sighed. "Take care of her, then, and find her some clothes. God only knows what happened this time and she surely won't tell us. Go on." He waved his hands in the direction of the sleep cabins.

Cautiously, I took William's hand. I took two steps toward our cabin, but he hadn't moved, letting my arm stretch out behind me. One more step and I'd have to let go. I didn't want to. "No hurt," I said slowly. "No more dance." I laid my cheek on the back of my hand, as I'd seen him do when he slept, and closed my eyes. "Rest."

Perhaps in the morning I'd have the courage to tell him the secrets of my heart.