Chapter 18

Evangeline

EVANGELINE’S ARMS AND legs stayed locked with Ceven’s, his wings folding around them, less for privacy and more because the bed was small. Too small. But she didn’t want to move or break the silence, drinking in the moment. She felt revived. Warm. Safe. It was hard to imagine anything was wrong in the world as she lay in Ceven’s arms.

Ceven ran his fingers through her blond hair, which was now a knotted mess. Completely his fault. She enjoyed strumming her hands over the palm-sized scar on his naked hip and up to the thick jagged one at his chest. The pink outline showing it was fresher than the others she’d explored on his naked body tonight.

His fingers brushed her hair, and she took his palm, kissing it. Her lips grazed the coolness of his ring, the gems twinkling at her even in the dark room. It was almost familiar. As if—

Red painted walls and marble floors enfolded Evangeline. A warm breeze touched her shoulders, her strapless dress brushing her knees. Funny how she felt free, like she could dance, run, and skip anywhere, but her own decision to do what was right had her trapped here. If she was right.

Will you be my queen?

Evangeline traced the fine lettering in the gold band in her palm. The kaleidoscopic gems encrusting it, dazzling and mesmerizing her with all their colors, reminded her of Jaden’s eyes in the heat of battle. It was also heavy and distracting. The ring a bittersweet reminder of everything she had done, and what she was going to do. What was the point in doing the right thing if it felt so wrong?

Strong arms wrapped around her torso; whispers caressed her ear and hair. “My love, you’re awake early.”

Evangeline quickly put the ring back on and spun to see Jaden, with his dark hair tied back and eyes burning, true to the name Anali had given him, like jade in the morning sun. She swayed her hips and hid her feelings with a coy smile. His eyes darkened, and her gut tightened. Please, don’t look too closely at me. I don’t want you to see the truth.

“You’re always up at dawn; I’d figured I might try it for myself. And get some things done,” she murmured.

He sashayed closer to her, and as much as she wanted to step back, she didn’t. That would make it too obvious. “Hmm . . . yes, being queen comes with its handful of responsibilities.”

She twisted the ring on her finger. Its words burned into her flesh. Yes, she was the queen, and as a queen, she had to choose—her people, or the man she loved.

“Eve? Eve!”

Evangeline kept her eyes closed, but she chanted, “I’m fine, I’m fine.” When she peeled them open, Ceven was hovering over her, his hands on her shoulders. She blinked up at him and smiled. He didn’t smile back.

“What happened?”

A lump of guilt hit her stomach. Her secret was exposed. Another one she had kept from Ceven.

“It’s nothing.” She tried to roll away, but he held her tight.

“Really? We’re going to go through this again? Now?”

She frowned, but he was right. She’d be a hypocrite if she shut him out now after everything. “I know, I know, but this . . . this is personal, Ceven.”

For the longest time, she hadn’t told anyone about this besides Ryker. After all, he had threatened to kill anyone who found out, but now . . . This was about admitting something she didn’t fully understand herself. Avana had told her these were memories from a time before her, but it still made little sense to her. How could Evangeline have grown up here, a human in Peredia, but also somehow lived a life centuries ago? And with strangers she didn’t know: Raiythlen and Avana’s grandmother, Anali, and a man she was supposed to love, Jaden?

And what if Ceven didn’t believe her? Or worse, thought she was crazy?

“This isn’t the first time this has happened,” he said, pulling her out of her panicked thoughts. “Remember when we were kids and played hide-and-seek from Tarry and Xilo?”

She nodded.

“Behind the mantel in the fireplace, we found that hidden tower?”

 The memory rushed her. Long-haired Ceven, before he had grown two heads taller than her, giggled and ran ahead of her in the halls. They ignored the dirty looks and nasty remarks. Already being despised came with its perks. No matter what they did, Nytes and humans didn’t like them anyway, so might as well do what they wanted, like climbing bookcases and hiding in fireplaces. It was pure accident they stumbled upon the hidden entrance into a part of the castle neither knew existed. They had climbed the winding steps, but when they reached the top . . .

“You started talking to yourself, your eyes looking at me, but not really. I kept calling your name, but you didn’t hear me.” Ceven’s nose wrinkled.

It had been the second time in her life that she’d had a hallucination. And like all her visions, it wasn’t a pleasant one. She had been facing a man with skin the color of almonds, eyes the color of the forest in summer. Jaden. He yelled at her while she cried, but before she could figure out about what, Ceven pulled her back to reality.

“It happened that night, too. When you were in my shower,” he said in sudden realization. “When you screamed . . . It happened again then, didn’t it? And when I rescued you from the dungeons, it was as if you were wrapped up in another world.”

“Please . . . I don’t want to talk about it. It . . . it makes me feel too vulnerable.”

I don’t want you to think I’m crazy.

His shoulders squared, and she readied herself for another argument, but the tension rolled out of him in a sigh. Propping himself on his arm, he lay beside her. He stared at her, then at the wall behind her. Thinking. “I won’t press you about it, then. But just know, nobody’s perfect.” His lips twitched. “Not even me. I know—hard to believe.”

Despite herself, she cracked a smile.

His eyes returned to the wall, his lashes falling halfway. “When I left . . . no, when the king forced me to leave Peredia, I felt worthless. Unwanted.”

She brushed his hand, tracing the back of it with her thumb.

“I failed you. I didn’t even have the power to stay by your side.”

“Ceven, that’s not your fault. I didn’t expect you to always be there to protect me.” Except she had. But now she realized she needed to rely on herself, because there could come a time when she was alone. Like she had been for two years. Like when she was lost in the west wing, surrounded by Wretched.

“I just feel like I’m constantly trying to prove myself. To everyone. That I’m not just a worthless bastard. That I could be a great king too, if given the chance. If my mother never had that affair. If her best friend had never betrayed her secret—” He paused, his teeth clenched. “I could’ve been respected.”

Evangeline had always wondered how the queen’s affair got out but assumed the king had caught them in the act. Not that someone close betrayed her. “But you already are respected. I respect you, and so does Barto, Xilo, Tarry . . .”

He sighed. “I know, it’s just . . . I sometimes wish I could do more than I can.”

Evangeline almost laughed at the irony. How she, a human, had wished she could be as strong as him, as any Nyte. To be an equal. “At least you’re not human.”

His eyes widened. “No, I didn’t mean . . .” He turned away. “I know my struggles don’t compare with yours, or Lani’s. It wasn’t fair of me to complain.”

She squeezed his hand. “It’s different, yes, but they’re still real to you. They still bother you, as much as my own weakness bothers me. And you’ve tried to do so much for me and Lani. I know not being able to change anything is frustrating. Trust me. I know that feeling well.”

His hand left hers and curled around her hip. Hair rose where he touched her naked skin. “It’s why tomorrow I’ll be leaving for the castle.”

She froze, even as his fingers continued to move along her backside. “Do you have to?”

He sighed. “I want to figure out what the king is planning. No, I need to. I can’t let him, or anyone, continue this . . . whatever is happening. I feel like I may be able to stop this—”

“Ceven, it’s not up to you to save everyone—”

“But what would that make me if I turn a blind eye to it? If I did nothing? I could stop the king, maybe even my brother. I can save this city. This kingdom.”

Evangeline pressed her lips. She wanted to say: who cares? All this kingdom had done was treat him like dirt. Both of them. He owed them nothing. Even as much as she wanted to save those humans, she only wanted to save her friend. It would be easier to just leave now and forget about everyone.

You’re the kindest, most selfless person I have ever met.

Ceven’s words sank to the pit of her belly. She couldn’t tell him how she really felt. Ceven, you’re far more worthy of kindness and selflessness than I have ever been.

“I wish you could stay here with me. That none of this was happening. That we were already in some small cabin far away from here, with that garden you promised me years ago,” she finally said.

He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “Me too. And soon we will be.”

But if he returned to the castle, she had a feeling it would never be.