3
SEE YOURSELF FOR WHO
YOU REALLY ARE
“Your perception of your identity makes a big difference in your success at dealing with the challenges and conflicts in your life.”
Claire attended a church college ministry I (Neil) was involved in several years ago. On an earthly level, Claire had absolutely nothing going for her. She had a dumpy figure and a bad complexion. Her father was a drunken bum who had deserted the family. Her mother worked two jobs just to make ends meet. Her older brother, a drug addict, was always in and out of the house.
Was there any way she could compete for acceptance in a world that seems only to be attracted to physical beauty and material success? I didn’t think so. But to my surprise, everyone in the college group liked Claire and loved to be around her. She had lots of friends. And eventually she married the nicest guy in our college department.
What was Claire’s secret? Claire accepted herself for who God said she was in Christ: a child of God. And she confidently committed herself to God’s main goal for her life: to be like Christ and to love people. She was so positive and caring toward others that everyone loved her.
BELIEF BEFORE BEHAVIOR
Claire’s experience reminds us how important it is to base our Christian lives on what we believe instead of how we behave. We need a firm grip on what God says about who we are before we will experience much success at living the Christian life. A healthy Christian lifestyle is the result of a healthy Christian belief system, not the other way around.
For example, the Bible tells us to “stand firm against the schemes of the devil” (Ephesians 6:11). But how can we hope to stand firm against the devil if we don’t understand that God has already raised us up with Christ and seated us victoriously with Him in heavenly places (see Ephesians 2:6)? How can we rejoice and be strong during trials (see Romans 12:12) without the confidence of knowing we have been made right with God by faith and enjoy peace with Him through Christ (see Romans 5:1)?
If what we believe about God and ourselves is shaky, then our day-to-day behavior will be shaky. But when our belief system and our relationship with God are based on what He says is true, we’ll have very little trouble working out the practical aspects of daily Christianity.
Get a Grip on God’s Grace
The importance of believing what God says about us in spite of difficult experiences was brought home to me (Dave) through the life of a very special young girl named Myndee Hudson. Myndee was a junior high girl with long, beautiful blonde hair. I met her while speaking at a camp in Montana. She was unable to attend some of my talks and later apologized for her absence, saying she was sick.
As it turned out, Myndee was more than sick. Just two days after camp, Myndee was rushed to Denver, Colorado, for delicate emergency surgery to remove a malignant tumor invading her brain stem and spinal cord. The surgery lasted 12 hours. During recovery she developed pneumonia. Myndee’s condition was so serious that doctors offered her family little hope that she would live out the rest of that year.
But Myndee was a believer and a fighter. She found a portion of Scripture to guide her through her battles. Romans 8:35-38 seemed to be written just for her:
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? … No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord (NIV).
Myndee held on to these words because they were more than words to her. They were truth. She recovered from surgery and pneumonia and started chemotherapy. The radiation treatments made her sick and she lost most of her hair.
When I visited Myndee in her home, she met me at the door wearing a blonde wig. She had lost over 20 pounds. Her voice was raspy from the radiation treatments, and she looked very weak.
“How are you doing, Myndee?” I asked, fighting back my tears.
Myndee broke the pain of the awkward moment with a smile, saying, “Do you want to see my wig?” Before I could respond she pulled the wig off her head and thrust it toward me. Her beautiful, long blonde hair was gone except for small patches draped from her head like thin strands of ribbon.
This was no vain girl who was devastated at the loss of her physical beauty. This was a girl who had found a new and greater beauty inside because of her relationship with God in Christ.
“Dave, I wish every kid could have cancer,” Myndee said as we talked.
I couldn’t hide my look of shock. “Myndee, why?”
She smiled her cute little smile and said, “Because then they would realize what’s really important in life. The only things my friends seem to care about are things that don’t last: boyfriends, what your hair looks like, who likes you. It’s all so unimportant compared to knowing God. I used to be that way too.” She paused for a moment and then smiled at me. “But when you know you’re going to die, you only care about things that are going to last. Before I was sick, Jesus was only a part of my life. Now He’s everything to me.”
Myndee Hudson died before she got out of junior high school. But she learned more and affected more lives for Christ than many Christians who live decades longer. Her message to us is: “Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness” (Matthew 6:33). Nothing else is very important compared to getting right with God and knowing who you are in Christ.
Getting right with God always begins with settling once and for all the issue that God is your loving Father and you are His accepted child. That’s the basic truth of your spiritual identity. You are a child of God, you are created in His image, you have been declared righteous by Him because you have put your trust in Christ.
As long as we believe that and walk accordingly, our daily experience of walking with Christ will result in growth. But when we get our eyes off our identity and try instead to become something we aren’t, or wish we were somebody else, we’ll struggle. We need to learn as Myndee learned that we don’t serve God to gain His acceptance; we are accepted, so we serve God. We don’t follow Him in order to be loved; we are loved, so we follow Him.
That’s why we are called to live by faith (see Romans 1:16-17). The key to the victorious Christian life is believing who God is, believing who we are in Christ and believing what God says about our relationship with Him.
Do we have a choice? Of course! Satan will try to convince us that we are unworthy, unacceptable, sin-sick people who will never amount to anything in God’s eyes. Is that true? Absolutely not! We are saints whom God has declared righteous. Believing Satan’s lie will result in a defeated, fruitless life. But believing God’s truth about our identity will set us free.
The Fallout from God’s Grace
The paraphrased list below further describes your identity in Christ. Read this list aloud to yourself repeatedly until it becomes a part of you. Pray through the list occasionally, asking God to cement these truths in your heart:
Since I am in Christ, by the grace of God …
I am now acceptable to God (justified) and completely forgiven. I live at peace with Him (Romans 5:1).
The sinful person I used to be died with Christ, and sin no longer rules my life (Romans 6:1-6).
I am free from the punishment (condemnation) my sin deserves (Romans 8:1).
I have been placed into Christ by God’s doing (1 Corinthians 1:30).
I have received God’s Spirit into my life. I can recognize the blessings He has given me (1 Corinthians 2:12).
I have been given the mind of Christ. He gives me His wisdom to make right choices (1 Corinthians 2:16).
I have been bought with a price; I am not my own; I belong to God (1 Corinthians 6:19-20).
I am God’s possession, chosen and secure in Him (sealed). I have been given the Holy Spirit as a promise of my inheritance to come (2 Corinthians 1:21-22; Ephesians 1:13-14).
Since I have died, I no longer live for myself, but for Christ (2 Corinthians 5:14-15).
I have been made acceptable to God (righteous) (2 Corinthians 5:21).
I have been crucified with Christ and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live is Christ’s life (Galatians 2:20).
I have been blessed with every spiritual blessing (Ephesians 1:3).
I was chosen in Christ to be holy before the world was created. I am without blame before Him (Ephesians 1:4).
I was chosen by God (predestined) to be adopted as His child (Ephesians 1:5).
I have been bought out of slavery to sin (redeemed) and forgiven. I have received His generous grace (Ephesians 1:7-8).
I have been made spiritually alive just as Christ is alive (Ephesians 2:5).
I have been raised up and seated with Christ in heaven (Ephesians 2:6).
I have direct access to God through the Spirit (Ephesians 2:18). I may approach God with boldness, freedom and confidence (Ephesians 3:12).
I have been rescued from the dark power of Satan’s rule and have been brought into the kingdom of Christ (Colossians 1:13).
I have been forgiven of all my sins and set free. The debt against me has been cancelled (Colossians 1:14).
Christ Himself lives in me (Colossians 1:27).
I am firmly rooted in Christ and am now being built up in Him (Colossians 2:7).
I am fully grown (complete) in Christ (Colossians 2:10).
I am spiritually clean. My old sinful self has been removed (Colossians 2:11).
I have been buried, raised and made alive with Christ (Colossians 2:12-13).
I died with Christ and I have been raised up with Christ. My life is now hidden with Christ in God. Christ is now my life (Colossians 3:1-4).
I have been given a spirit of power, love and self-control (2 Timothy 1:7).
I have been saved and set apart (sanctified) according to God’s plan (2 Timothy 1:9; Titus 3:5).
Because I am set apart (sanctified) and one with Christ, He is not ashamed to call me His brother or sister (Hebrews 2:11).
I have the right to come boldly before the throne of God.
He will meet my needs lovingly and kindly (Hebrews 4:16). I have been given great and valuable promises. God’s nature has become a part of me (2 Peter 1:4).
Kristy, a high schooler, attended a Bible study at my (Dave’s) home. We were studying one of Neil Anderson’s other books, The Bondage Breaker. After the Bible study, Kristy asked if she could talk with me. It was a warm night, so we stepped outside and left the crowd in the living room.
Gazing up at the sky, Kristy’s eyes filled with tears. “I don’t think anybody loves me,” she said. Her words reflected her continuing struggle with her family, an eating disorder and an allaround poor self-image.
“Kristy, do you remember the two lists I shared during the study recently, ‘Who Am I’ and ‘Since I Am in Christ’?”
“Yes,” she said softly.
“Do you believe that those statements are true of you?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” she said. The frustration in her voice was obvious.
“Let me read them to you again. Better yet, why don’t you read them to me?”
She agreed and began to read the statements. At first her tone lacked enthusiasm. But gradually a change occurred. Her voice became more confident and a smile began to appear. By the time she finished the lists, she was even laughing.
Isn’t that incredible? Did any of Kristy’s circumstances change as she read the statements? No, nothing changed except her understanding of who she is in Christ.
Your perception of your identity makes a big difference in your success at dealing with the challenges and conflicts of your life. It is very important to your growth and maturity that you believe God’s truth about who you are.
THERE’S A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN
RELATIONSHIP AND FELLOWSHIP
With all this emphasis on God’s complete acceptance of us in Christ, you may be wondering, what happens to our relationship with God when we sin? Doesn’t our sin block God’s acceptance of us? No, as the following story illustrates.
When I (Neil) was born physically, I had a father. His name was Marvin Anderson. As his son, I not only have Marvin Anderson’s last name, but I have Marvin Anderson’s blood flowing through my veins. Marvin Anderson and Neil Anderson are blood-related.
Is there anything that I could possibly do that would change my blood relationship to my father? What if I ran away from home and changed my name? What if he kicked me out of the house? What if he disowned me? Would I still be his son? Of course! We’re related by blood and nothing can change that.
But is there anything I could do that would affect how we get along as father and son? Yes, indeed—and by the time I was five years old I had discovered almost every way! My relationship with my father was never in jeopardy, but the harmony of our relationship was interrupted countless times by my behavior.
What was the key issue to harmony with my father? Obedience. The relationship issue was settled for life when I was born into Dad’s family as his son. The harmony issue was addressed repeatedly as a result of my behavior and misbehavior. I discovered very early in life that if I obeyed Dad, I lived in harmony with him. If I didn’t obey him, we were out of harmony. But whether we were in harmony or not, he was always my father.
In the spiritual realm, when I was born again I became a member of God’s family. God is my Father and I enjoy an eternal relationship with Him through the precious blood of Christ (see 1 Peter 1:18-19). As a son of God, is there anything I can do that will change my relationship with Him? No! I’m related to God by spiritual birth and nothing can change that blood relationship. As Myndee Hudson discovered in Romans 8:35, nothing can separate us from the love of Christ. Jesus declared, “My sheep hear My voice … and I give eternal life to them, and they shall never perish; and no one shall snatch them out of My hand” (John 10:27-28). My relationship with God was forever settled when I was born into His family.
But is there anything I can do that will interfere with the harmony of my relationship with God? Absolutely. Harmony with God is based on the same issue as harmony with my earthly father: obedience. When I obey God, I live in harmony with Him. When I don’t obey God, the harmony of our relationship is disturbed and my life is usually miserable as a result.
I love my heavenly Father and I want to be in harmony with Him, so I try to obey Him. But even when we are not in harmony because of my disobedience, my relationship with Him is not at stake because we are related by the blood of Jesus Christ.
So where should you place your effort in the process of spiritual growth and maturity? Not on your relationship to God, because there’s nothing you can do to improve upon it other than continuing to believe that it is true. You are a child of God—period. You can’t become any more of a child of God than what your spiritual birth made you. The harmony of your relationship with God that is determined by your diligent efforts to obey Him will result in spiritual maturity.
BELIEVE WHAT YOU PERCEIVE IN OTHERS
Tony Campolo tells a great story about a boy named Teddy Stallard. Teddy was an unattractive, unmotivated child whose mother died when he was in the third grade. Nobody liked Teddy, including his fifth-grade teacher, Miss Thompson.
It was Christmastime of Teddy’s fifth grade and the children in Miss Thompson’s class brought her Christmas presents. They piled their presents on her desk and crowded around to watch her open them. Among the presents was one from Teddy. She was surprised that he had brought her a gift. Teddy’s gift was wrapped in brown paper and was held together with scotch tape. On the paper were written the simple words, “For Miss Thompson from Teddy.” When she opened Teddy’s present, out fell a gaudy rhinestone bracelet, with half the stones missing, and a bottle of cheap perfume.
The other boys and girls began to giggle and smirk over Teddy’s gifts, but Miss Thompson at least had enough sense to silence them by immediately putting on the bracelet and putting some of the perfume on her wrist. Holding her wrist up for the other children to smell, she said, “Doesn’t that smell lovely?” And the children, taking their cue from the teacher, readily agreed with “oohs” and “ahhs.”
At the end of the day when school was over and the other children had left, Teddy had lingered behind. Slowly he came over to her desk and said softly, “Miss Thompson … Miss Thompson, you smell like my mother and her bracelet looks real pretty on you, too. I’m glad you like my presents.” When Teddy left, Miss Thompson got down on her knees and asked God to forgive her.
The next day when the children came to school, they were welcomed by a new teacher. Miss Thompson had become a different person. She was no longer just a teacher; she had become an agent of God. She helped all the children, especially the slow ones and especially Teddy Stallard. Teddy showed dramatic improvement. He had caught up with most of the students and was even ahead of some.
She didn’t hear from Teddy for a long time. Then one day, she received a note that read:
Dear Miss Thompson:
I want you to be the first to know. I will be graduating second in my class.
Love,
Teddy Stallard
Four years later, another note came:
Dear Miss Thompson:
They just told me I will be graduating first in my class. I wanted you to be the first to know. The university has not been easy, but I like it.
Love,
Teddy Stallard
And four years later:
Dear Miss Thompson:
As of today I am Theodore Stallard, M.D. How about that?
I wanted you to be the first to know. I am getting married next month, the 27th to be exact. I want you to come sit where my mother would sit if she were alive. You are the only family I have now; Dad died last year.
Love,
Teddy Stallard
Miss Thompson went to that wedding and sat where Teddy’s mother would have sat. She deserved to sit there; she had done something for Teddy that he could never forget.1
As important as it is for you to believe in your true identity as a child of God, it is equally important that you see other Christians for who they are and treat them the way they should be treated. We often treat people the way we see them. If we believe they are losers, we treat them like losers, and so many of them act like losers. But if we see our brothers and sisters in Christ as children of God, we will treat them as children of God and they will find it easier to live like children of God.
The New Testament clearly states that we are saints who sin (see 1 John 1:8). But we are not to focus on one another’s sins. Instead, we are called to accept each other and build each other up. In fact, if we could memorize just one verse from the New Testament, put it into practice and never violate it, we would probably resolve many of the problems in our homes and churches. The verse is Ephesians 4:29: “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, that it may give grace to those who hear.”
Isn’t it amazing that you and I have the power to give grace to others through the proper use of our words? If we said nothing to put others down, and only built up others as Ephesians 4:29 commands, we would be part of God’s construction crew instead of members of Satan’s wrecking crew.
BELIEVING THE TRUTH ABOUT YOURSELF
One of the most dramatic turnarounds I (Neil) have witnessed in someone occurred in Jenny. Twenty-three-year-old Jenny was a pretty Christian girl with a seemingly pleasant personality. She had loving parents and came from a good church. But she was torn up inside and deeply depressed. She had bombed out of college and was on the verge of being fired from her job. She had suffered from eating disorders for several years without relief.
Jenny claimed to be a Christian, so I challenged her with the biblical truth of who she was in Christ. I kept sharing with her the good news of her spiritual identity. Finally she said, “Are you always this positive?”
“It’s not a matter of being positive, Jenny,” I answered. “It’s a matter of believing the truth. Because of your relationship with God, this is who you are in Christ.” She left our meeting with a glimmer of hope. Several weeks later Jenny attended a one-month spiritual retreat at my invitation. Shortly after we arrived, I sat down with Jenny privately. “I didn’t invite you here to change your behavior, Jenny,” I said. “Your behavior isn’t your problem.”
“I’ve always been told that my behavior is my problem,” she answered, looking a little surprised at my statement. “Everyone I know is trying to change my behavior.”
“I’m not worried about your behavior. It’s your beliefs I’m interested in. I want to change your beliefs about who God is and who you are in Christ. You’re not a failure. You’re not a sick individual who is a problem to your parents and to your church. You are a child of God, no better and no worse than any other person at this retreat. I want you to start believing it, because it’s the truth.”
For the first time in her life Jenny had been affirmed as the person of value to God that she was. And she began to believe it. During the next 30 days, a miraculous transformation took place in Jenny. The changes were nothing less than dramatic.
What changed in Jenny? Her beliefs about God and herself. She was a child of God by faith all along. She just began to walk by faith, seeing herself for who she really is in Christ. Her behavior began to conform to the truth about her spiritual identity. Will Jenny’s behavior continue to improve? Yes, as long as she continues to believe God and live in harmony with Him by obeying His commandments.
You are a righteous, accepted child of God. No matter what else you have been taught or believe about yourself, your identity in Christ is solid Bible truth. Read and reread the identity statements listed in this chapter and the last. See yourself in them. Believe them. Walk in them. And your behavior as a Christian will conform to what you believe as you walk by faith.
TRUTH ENCOUNTER
1. What did you learn from Claire’s and Myndee’s stories?
2. What is the difference between your relationship with God and living in harmony with Him?
3. How should you perceive other believers? Who do you need to “accept” and how can you do it?
4. Why is what you believe more important than how you behave? What Scripture verses and truths about yourself do you need to memorize?
Note
1. Anthony Campolo, Who Switched the Price Tags? (Dallas, TX: Word, 1987), adapted from pp. 67-72.