10

YOU MUST BE REAL IN
ORDER TO BE RIGHT

Is there a little bit of Matthew in you?

· Is your sense of self-worth dependent on your performance in a certain area?

· What do you tend to do with your negative feelings about yourself or about life in general?

· What did you learn from Matthew’s experience? What encouragement do you find in his story?

Matthew had some wrong beliefs, and when Satan convinced him to stuff his feelings inside, he couldn’t discover that those beliefs were based on lies. As soon as Matthew recognized his false beliefs and got rid of them, his depression lifted.

OUR EMOTIONS REVEAL WHAT WE’RE THINKING

In general, our emotions are a product of our thought life. If we don’t think right—if we don’t see God accurately and clearly understand His Word—we won’t feel right.

Jeremiah’s Story. Is there a little bit of Jeremiah in you?

· Do you feel as if God is against you?

· What problems are you seeing Him as the cause of?

· Are you feeling trapped by certain circumstances that are occuring in your life?

· Are you feeling afraid to trust God to protect you and therefore afraid of what life holds?

At this point, Jeremiah’s beliefs about God are off because of the pain he’s suffering. God wasn’t the cause of his problems—and He isn’t the cause of yours. But Jeremiah wasn’t thinking right, believing right or seeing his circumstances right, so he wasn’t feeling right either.

· Look again at Lamentations 3:19-24. What emotions does Jeremiah express here?

· What caused the turnaround?

· What lesson can you learn from Jeremiah?

Once Jeremiah was honest with God about his pain and his feelings, his wrong thinking became right thinking and his emotions followed.

What You See Is What You Think. We are not shaped as much by what’s happening around us as we are by how we view what’s happening around us. Life’s events don’t control who we are. God determines who we are, and our view of life’s events determines how well we handle the pressures of life.

· Think about the last event that got you really down on yourself. What was your perspective on that event? Why did your view of that event lead you to feel so bad?

· Looking back at that same event, what perspective would have helped you deal with the situation and prevented such negative feelings about yourself?

Although we have very little control over our feelings, we do have control over our thoughts, and our thoughts determine our feelings and how we act. That’s why it is so important to fill our minds with knowledge of God and His Word.

· Our feelings always react to what we think is true, whether it’s true or not! Thinking your parents won’t let you buy a car brings out different emotions than realizing the truth that they are going to buy the car for you, doesn’t it? What half-truth or full-on lie do you believe about certain circumstances in your life? (Don’t hesitate to call on a trusted friend or pastor to help you answer this question.)

Now determine (again, help is allowed and even encouraged!) God’s truth about the situation. Think hard about that truth and let that right thinking guide your feelings. The order of Scripture is to know the truth, believe it, walk according to it and let our emotions be a result of our obedience. When you believe what you feel instead of the truth, you can’t help but stumble in your walk of faith.

DON’T IGNORE THE WARNING SIGNS OF YOUR EMOTIONS

Our emotions are to our souls what our physical feelings are to our bodies. Just as physical pain keeps us from more serious injury and infection, emotions such as anger, sorrow and joy let us know what’s going on inside.

· What do you usually do with your feelings?

· What attitude toward feelings did you grow up with?

· Are feelings good? Bad? Just part of being human? What happened to help shape your attitude toward feelings?

Now hear the truth. Feelings are neither good nor bad. They’re just part of being human. Just as you respond to the warnings of physical pain, you need to learn to respond to emotional warning signals. Each of us can choose from among the following three options: (1) stuffing our emotions, (2) letting it all hang out, or (3) acknowledging our emotions.

Stuffing Our Emotions. We stuff our emotions when we ignore our feelings. This is the choice not to deal with them.

· According to David’s account in Psalm 32:3,6, what happens when we stuff our feelings?

· How has your body reacted when you’ve stuffed your feelings? Have you experienced headaches? Nausea? Sleeplessness? Loss of appetite?

· Why do you sometimes choose to stuff your feelings?

· What truth about who God is can encourage you to open up to Him about what you’re feeling? (See, for instance, Psalm 51:1 and Romans 8:38-39.)

Problems can seem bigger than God, but they never are. Know that truth—and know, too, that bottling up your feelings can hurt you and short-circuit your relationship with God. Stuffing your emotions is not a wise or healthy choice.

Letting It All Hang Out. Another unhealthy way to deal with emotions is to let them all hang out, telling anybody and everybody exactly how you feel.

· When have you lost control of your emotions and exploded with hurtful words and anger?

· Was that outburst healthy for you? Why or why not?

· Was your outburst healthy for those around you? Explain.

· What guidelines for dealing with anger does God give in Ephesians 4:26 and James 1:19-20?

Take comfort that the apostle Peter also got into trouble due to unbridled expressions of his feelings. Nevertheless, God used him in the New Testament church, evidence of the kind of powerful change that the Holy Spirit can produce in us.

Acknowledging Our Emotions. If we go to prayer feeling angry, depressed or frustrated, but pretend to be happy, God isn’t pleased. He already knows how we feel. If we’re not real, we’re not right.

· Read again David’s prayer for (against!) his enemies in Psalm 109:8-13. What surprises you most about his words?

· What comfort do you find from David’s honest expression of his feelings? What does his example give you permission to do?

· When we are open with God about our feelings, we aren’t so much at risk of clobbering ourselves or other people with them. What emotions do you need to honestly acknowledge before God right now? Take 3 minutes (or 33 minutes) and do so. After all, He already knows exactly what you’re feeling—and He loves you anyway!

Being honest with God is crucial to your mental and spiritual health. So is being honest with a trusted friend or two.

With whom can you be totally honest emotionally? Do you let yourself do so? If you’re not sure there’s anyone in your life right now with whom you can be emotionally honest, make that a topic of prayer. Ask God to help you take the risk of trusting your feelings to someone—and ask Him to bring that person into your life.

Paul and even Jesus Himself modeled having a few intimate friendships with people who can help you through the emotions and struggles of life’s hard times. Don’t hesitate to follow their examples. Be open and honest with God and with one or two trusted friends. It’s crucial for your mental health.

EMOTIONAL HONESTY:
HOW TO DISH IT OUT AND HOW TO TAKE IT

We can acknowledge that emotional honesty is important, but living out that truth is not always easy. It’s not always easy to be honest, and it’s not always easy to deal with another person’s honesty.

Dealing with Emotional Honesty. One of our challenges in the area of emotions is learning to respond to others when they honestly tell us their feelings.

· Do you shy away from people in pain because you worry about not having the right words? What does my (Neil’s) experience tell you?

· When has someone come alongside you in your pain and cried with you? What did that action mean to you?

· What specific acts of kindness have encouraged you when you’ve gone through hard times?

Words aren’t the important issue when someone is experiencing great inner pain. We shouldn’t respond to their words; we should respond to their pain (see Romans 12:15).

Dishing Emotional Honesty. While it’s challenging to deal with other people’s emotional honesty, we also face challenges when it comes to being emotionally honest ourselves. Here are some guidelines. First, when it comes to acknowledging emotions, honesty is the best policy—but speak the truth in love (see Ephesians 4:15). Second, know your limits and give yourself permission to delay making a decision or talking through an issue until you’ve calmed down emotionally. Finally, recognize that a lot of physical factors (hunger, tiredness, hormones) affect your emotional limits.

· Which truth have you learned the hard way in life?

· Which guideline do you most need to work on?

· What will you do the next time you have emotions you want to share honestly with someone?

· Who is someone trustworthy of your honesty? Thinking through the possible scenario ahead of time can help you act the way you want to—and the way God wants you to!

The important process of renewing your mind includes acknowledging your emotions honestly and expressing them in love. Dealing with your emotions properly is an important step in keeping the devil from gaining a place in your life.

START STOMPING!

What You Think Is What You Feel. Still trying to get a handle on the fact that emotions follow thoughts? It’s true, and recognizing that fact may keep you from becoming your own worst enemy as you deal with the ups and downs of life. Practice seeing the thoughts-precede-emotions pattern with these three scenarios:

1.   The cashier at McDonald’s can’t even crack a smile and seems to growl when asking whether you want fries with your burger. What thoughts lead you to feel down on yourself? To feel compassion for the cashier?

2.   You’d studied hard for the biology test but the questions seemed to be from a different chapter, if not an entirely different book. What thoughts cause you to beat yourself up mercilessly? What thoughts help you accept the results and strive to do better next time?

3.   The relationship had been going well—at least that was your perspective. What thoughts lead to depression? What thoughts lead to sadness rather than a total lack of self-worth?

It’s Not Just for Trains. Get with a friend and blow off steam! That may mean playing a game of one-on-one basketball, or going for a hard run, or (fill in the blank). God won’t mind what you do as long as you don’t hurt yourself or anyone else. He already knows what’s inside!

Random Acts of Kindness. Who in your life needs some kindness today? Someone who’s having a bad day? Someone who’s received the fallout from some of your “emotional honesty”? (First apologize and ask for forgiveness. Then be kind!) Someone who serves behind the scenes and could use a pat on the back? Someone in your family whom you’d rather tease than be nice to? Choose a person and a random act of kindness for each day of the week. (For ideas, consider who that person is, but also look above at your answer to the question, “What specific acts of kindness have encouraged you when you’ve gone through hard times?”) But be warned. This kind of behavior can be gratifying to the point of addiction!

I guess it shouldn’t surprise me that You who made me and who gave me my emotions don’t mind hearing about them. I’m relieved, God, to learn I don’t have to hide from You or pretend to be something I’m not. It seems awkward to be angry or depressed or frustrated or irritable with You, but I know You can help me deal with those things. Teach me to be honest with my emotions—and to be loving when I am. Help me learn to listen to my emotions and understand what they’re telling me. And, God, give me a friend who will accept me and all my crazy emotions—and help me be that kind of friend, too. I pray in Jesus’ name. Amen.

STRENGTH GIVERS

These words are for you and about you! As you read each day’s verse, ask yourself, “How would my life be different if I could live out this truth?”—and ask God to help you do so.

Monday:	Colossians 3:4
Tuesday:	Galatians 3:26,28
Wednesday:	Ephesians 4:15
Thursday:	Ephesians 4:26
Friday:	Romans 12:15