Stomping Out the Darkness: Discover Your True Identity in Christ and Stop Putting Up with the World’s Garbage

11

HEALING EMOTIONAL
WOUNDS FROM YOUR PAST

Look again at the story of Cindy and Dan.

· What misunderstanding of Romans 8:28 did Cindy have?

· What did I (Neil) explain to Cindy—and you—about God’s promise in that verse?

· What truth (it’s a recurring theme in this book!) did Cindy need to get a grip on before she could be free of the crippling effect of being raped?

Jesus Christ, not our past hurts, determines our identity. When Cindy learned that, she was able to move on from the rape and serve the Lord. Are you still working on learning that lesson? The next few pages can help.

BAD THINGS DO HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE

All of us have a number of hurtful, upsetting experiences in our past that have scarred us emotionally. And one or more of the events may have caused deep inner pain that has hindered your growth as a Christian.

· What bad things have happened to you?

· What feelings do you still have as a result of one or more of the events you listed?

We’re calling these long-term feelings, which hide deep inside you, primary emotions, and their power is determined by our past experiences. The more painful the experience, the more powerful the primary emotion. Anything in the present that links you with your past experience can trigger those primary emotions.

· What can trigger the primary emotions you listed above— certain words, situations, smells, topics of conversation, dates, locations, activities, and so forth?

We can’t completely isolate ourselves from triggers, so we need to learn how to resolve past hurts.

LEARNING TO RESOLVE PRIMARY EMOTIONS

We have no control over a primary emotion when it is triggered—so don’t feel guilty when those emotions arise.

True Thinking. True thinking about the trigger can help you deal with the emotions you’re feeling as a result of that trigger.

· When has someone (like the football player talking to his meathead teammate) helped straighten out your thinking when emotions were overwhelming you?

· What kind of right thinking can you arm yourself with in anticipation of experiencing once again the primary feelings you know are lurking inside?

Coping. Think for a moment about how you are coping with serious hurts in the past.

· Which options have you chosen or are you choosing?

— You have no conscious memory of the pain.

— You avoid people or experiences that bring back bad memories.

— You remember what happened but you act as though it never did.

— You try to cover up the pain with food, drugs or sex.

— Other (list):

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· God is light. What does He want us to do with pain from the past?

God knows our hidden hurts, and He knows that His light—His love, His truth, His power—can bring healing to those hurts. If those dark areas are beyond conscious memory right now, trust that God will bring them to light at the right time.

SEE YOUR PAST IN THE LIGHT OF WHO YOU ARE

God gives us two guidelines when it comes to resolving the painful experiences of the past. First, look at those experiences in light of who you are now as opposed to who you were then.

· Why is this a good guideline for resolving pain from the past?

· What truth does God give you in 2 Corinthians 5:17 to help you follow this guideline?

· How have you resolved the question, “Where was God when all this was going on?”

“Where was God when all this was going on?” is a fair question to ask God—He knows you’re thinking about it anyway. As you ask this question and wait for an answer, accept the truth that God was with you when others hurt you or when you made some bad choices. Beyond that, let the answer be a mystery this side of heaven.

· What can God do for you in the present despite the deep hurts?

God is in your life right now desiring to set you free from your past. You can’t fix your past, but you can let God set you free from it. Seeing past events through your identity in Christ is what starts the healing, freeing process.

FORGIVE THOSE WHO HAVE HURT YOU IN THE PAST

The second step toward resolving the painful experiences of the past is to forgive those who have hurt you.

Why Should I Forgive Them? But why should you forgive the one(s) who hurt you? Let’s look at three reasons.

· First, forgiveness is required by God. What does Jesus teach in Matthew 6:14-15?

· Second, forgiveness is necessary to avoid being trapped by Satan (see 2 Corinthians 2:10-11 and Ephesians 4:26-27). How can Satan use our lack of forgiveness to trap us and cause greater pain and suffering?

· Third, forgiveness is to be the normal way of life for all Christians. Why do we as Christians need to be forgiving people?

Forgiveness frees us from the past. Forgiveness keeps our relationship with God open. And forgiveness needs to characterize all our relationships because all of us need forgiveness.

What Is Forgiveness? In order to understand what forgiveness is, we must first see what it is not.

· List two or three things that forgiveness is not and circle those that are new to you.

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Forgiveness is not forgetting. Forgiveness is not putting up with someone’s sin; it isn’t being a doormat or continually allowing yourself to be hurt by another. And forgiveness is not revenge or a demand for repayment.

· Forgiveness means deciding to live with the consequences of another person’s sin (something you’re doing whether or not you forgive the one who hurt you). What is freeing about this definition? What freedom will you find if you decide to live with the consequences of another person’s sin?

You can choose to live in bitterness and unforgiveness or, by deciding not to hold the offense against the offender, in peace and forgiveness. The latter, of course, is God’s way.

Twelve Steps to Forgiveness. We don’t truly forgive someone without admitting the hurt and hatred involved. But until you forgive, you will continue to be hurt because you have not released yourself from the past. Forgiveness is the only way to stop the pain, and here are 12 steps you can walk through to forgiveness. Let’s look at them closely.

1. Write on a sheet of paper the names of the persons who hurt you.

· Why do you think it is important to be specific?

· Why is it wise to get God involved in this step?

· Why do you and God probably need to be on this list of people you need to forgive?

2. Face the hurt and the hate.

· It’s not a sin to admit the reality of your emotions. In fact, why is it healthy to write down how you feel about these people and their offenses?

3. Realize that the cross of Christ makes forgiveness possible, fair and right.

· Why is this important fact crucial for your journey to forgiveness?

4. Decide that you will bear the burden of each person’s sin (see Galatians 6:1-2).

· Write what this step means in your own words—and explain why it is key to true forgiveness.

5. Decide to forgive.

· What does this step suggest about the relationship between feelings, the will, and actions when it comes to forgiveness?

6. Take your list to God and pray the following: “I forgive [name] for [list of offense(s)].”

· Why is it important not to rush through this step?

7. Destroy the list.

· What does this step represent?

8. Do not expect that your decision to forgive will result in major changes in the other persons.

· Whom will your decision to forgive have the greatest impact on? Why?

· What are we called to do regarding those people we are forgiving?

9. Try to understand the people you have forgiven.

· What do you know about the people who have hurt you that helps you understand that they have been hurt, too?

· Why is this an important step to take toward freeing yourself from bitterness?

10. Expect positive results of forgiveness in you.

· What are some of the positive results that can come with extending forgiveness to those who have hurt you?

11. Thank God for the lessons you have learned and the maturity you have gained as a result of your decision to forgive the offenders (see Romans 8:28-29).

· What lessons can be learned from forgiving those who have offended you? And why is forgiveness a step toward maturity?

12. Be sure to accept your part of the blame.

· What action often needs to follow accepting responsibility (see Matthew 5:23-26)?

Forgive and Be Free. Forgiveness really can heal the hurts of the past.

· Read again the account of Corrie ten Boom facing a guard from her Nazi concentration camp. What message did God have for you personally in this story?

When we forgive, we throw off the chains of bitterness and start the process of healing emotions that have been damaged. When we have forgiven the people who have hurt us, we find that we have really set ourselves free.

START STOMPING!

Live and Learn. Bad things do happen to good people. Bad things do happen to God’s people. Talk to someone who has walked with God a long time, through good times and bad. Ask that person to share what God taught him or her through those bad times. Ask that brother or sister in the Lord what he or she has learned along the way about forgiveness and the freedom that comes with forgiving.

A Picture Is Worth … You’ve read a lot of words about bondage to pain from the past and the freedom that comes from forgiveness. Make that contrast more real for yourself by drawing a picture, writing a poem, creating a collage, fashioning a sculpture, putting a new tune together—anything that will help remind you in a tangible way the transformation from bondage and darkness to freedom and light that is available when we obey the command to forgive. (Like all of God’s commands, this one is given for your benefit!)

Take a Walk. Review the 12 steps to forgiveness and start walking. This path will indeed take you to the point where the pain from the past no longer has a hold on you. You will probably always remember the incident, but the intense emotion will be gone. It’s a gift of grace from God who heals. These 12 steps show you how to receive that gift.

God, this forgiveness stuff is a tall order! I’m glad You’re by my side to help me walk the path I need to walk to be free from the pain of the past. Please be at work in my spirit to make me want to forgive. Give me the strength I need to choose to forgive. And, as You did for Corrie ten Boom, transform my heart so that I can reach out—at least in prayer—to those who have hurt me. And as I walk this path to forgiveness, make me very aware of all that You’ve forgiven me for and all that You continue to forgive me for, and may that awareness motivate me to give to others the kind of forgiveness You have given to me. I pray in Jesus’ name. Amen.

STRENGTH GIVERS

These words are for you and about you! As you read each day’s verse, ask yourself, “How would my life be different if I could live out this truth?—and ask God to help you do so.

Monday:	Matthew 6:14-15
Tuesday:	Romans 8:1
Wednesday:	Galatians 5:1,13-15
Thursday:	1 Corinthians 2:12
Friday:	Colossians 3:1-4