There was said to be a serpent in every paradise, but all they’d found, so far, were little green worms. The worms bothered Captain Gringo more than they did his sardonic fellow soldier of fortune, Gaston, as they watched the sun go down from a sidewalk cafe on the main plaza of San Jose, the highland capital of Costa Rica. Gaston had promised his younger American friend that the evening paseo would begin just after sunset, and that the girls of Costa Rica were the prettiest in all of Central America. Captain Gringo had to admit he’d been right about Costa Rica, so far. The climate was pleasant; the government seemed stable, at least for the 1890’s. And best of all nobody had tried to kill them since they’d arrived. But the worms were a pain in the ass.
The worms were in the peanuts they’d been served with their cervesa in the otherwise clean cafe. They were little crawly green caterpillars and Captain Gringo found at least one in every other peanut shell he opened. Across the table, Gaston seemed to be having better luck. The American noticed his French sidekick hadn’t discarded a single nut. Captain Gringo cracked open another peanut, swore, and said, “They must have seen me coming. How come I got the bowl with all the wormy peanuts?”
Gaston shrugged and answered, “You Yanquis are so tedious about sanitation. Merde alors, was not the late Louis Pasteur a Frenchman? There are, how you say, germs and germs. One must not be a fanatic about such matters, hein?”
As Gaston popped another peanut in his mouth with obvious relish, Captain Gringo gagged and muttered, “Jesus Christ, you’re not even looking! How do you know you didn’t just eat a worm?”
Gaston shrugged again and said, “If one does not look, one has no way of knowing, hein?”
“For God’s sake, Gaston, those fucking worms are alive!”
“Mais non, not if one chews one’s food most carefully. Personally, I find more complaint with the cervesa. Beer at its best is a poor substitute for wine, but the local brewmasters have surpassed you Americans in the making of flat and tasteless liquids.”
A waitress passed in view as Gaston passed judgment on their cervesa and the Frenchman held up two fingers to her as he nodded at their half-empty glasses. As she went to get more, Captain Gringo asked, “If you don’t like the stuff, why are you calling for more?”
Gaston smiled crookedly and replied, “When one is thirsty, one drinks what is available. I see they just lit a street lamp across the way, the girls will soon be promenading for our approval, and, as I have promised you, the girls of San Jose are tres chic. You must promise me not to go off, as you say, half-cocked. The first girls coming out to stroll the plaza will be the more desperate ones. We must remain most calm and make no advances until well after dark. I did not drag you all this way to see you waste your youth on a cow.”
As if to prove his point, two women in flounced skirts and lace mantillas passed the cafe, arm in arm, and Captain Gringo smiled. He said, “I’d hardly call the one on the left a cow.” But Gaston snorted and said, “Merde, I’ll take the one in the middle. Neither of them will ever see twenty again and, while the one you admire has a nice derriere, she has a most distressing walk. I have never known a woman who is awkward in an upright position to be any better, reclined. As for the fatter one you obviously meant for me, she had a moustache.”
The taller and younger Captain Gringo laughed and popped a peanut in his mouth without thinking. He hastily washed it down with cervesa as he remembered the worms and, if he’d swallowed one, he’d swallowed one. It was getting too dark to be sure and, what the hell, when in Rome and all that.
Two other girls passed, not looking at them, and Gaston pursed his lips to say, “Better, but not perfect, hein? How do you like Costa Rica, so far?”
Captain Gringo sighed and said, “Wormy peanuts aside, it’s the best I’ve seen since they ran me out of the States. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, but you were right. It’s cool and clean up here in the highlands and nobody’s pointed a gun at us since we sneaked across the border. Are you sure they’re not having at least a little revolution here in Costa Rica?”
Gaston smiled sardonically and replied, “Mais non, they are tres civilized, here, as I warned you. I know you feel uncomfortable unless someone wants to fight with you, but I, personally, have had my fill of action since meeting up with you in Mexico. I was beginning to fear you traveled under some family curse, but, as I told you on the way, the people here are mostly of pure Spanish blood and that, along with the more reasonable climate; makes for a less dramatic view of life than we encountered last month in the swamps of Nicaragua.’’
Two more girls passed and Gaston added, “Ah, that’s more like it! What do you think of the blonde on the outside, Dick?”
Captain Gringo said, “Not bad. How come so many of the locals look like American girls?”
“I just told you. They are pure Spanish and despite what you may have heard, Spain is a European country. The Visigoths were blondes. The Celtiberians were redheads. Costa Rica was settled by Spanish soldiers who sent home for their wives when they failed to find the usual Indian women up here on the mesa lands. One must assume they were small holders for the most part. They didn’t have the money to send for slaves and so the local peasants remained white. The name of the country was a cruel Spanish joke.”
“I don’t get it? Doesn’t Costa Rica mean Rich Coast?”
“Mais oui. It was given to this part of Central America in disgust when the Spanish failed to find anything worth stealing. There was no gold. There were no Indians to enslave. There was only the land, to be settled by less fortunate Spanish soldiers to be pensioned off.”
Captain Gringo swept his eyes across the plaza in the purple light of gloaming as he sipped more cervesa and digested Gaston’s history lecture. San Jose was a clean well-built little town. The tile roofs were all the same terra-cotta red, but the stucco walls were every shade of pastel from mint green to lavender. The tree-shaded plaza had been paved with brick and seemed clean enough to eat off. He nodded and said, “Those old Spanish soldiers seem to have done all right for themselves. Their grandchildren can’t be poverty stricken.”
Gaston nodded and said, “They were fortunate not to have been saddled with the mines and vast haciendas of Mexico. It makes for a peaceful country when everyone tends his own modest farm and has no rich neighbor to envy, hein! Wait and see, my old and rare. As I promised, you will find nothing here, but serviceable beer and the best screwing in all of Latin America!”
Two more girls walked by and the American whistled softly and said, “I see what you mean.”
“Bah, the show has not really started. It is considered tres anxious to make the pass before ten or eleven. Notice how few men are out on the plaza at the moment.”
“I have. Aren’t we likely to have trouble with jealous Latin types if we wait to cut a pair of putas from the herd?”
Gaston shook his head and said, “You must forget about the more primitive customs of Mexico, my young friend. Any unescorted woman on the plaza during paseo is, how you say, fair game. These Costa Ricans are out for the good time, not the fight. Why do you think I brought you here? Didn’t we have enough fighting in the last few countries you dragged me through?”
Captain Gringo frowned and said, “Hey, that’s not fair. It was your idea to mix me up in that revolution in Nicaragua. Come to think of it, it was your idea to visit Panama, too.”
Gaston chuckled and said, “Well, that was before we had any money. As you can see, a soldier of fortune would starve in Costa Rica, but since our recent adventures were not without profit—”
“I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that.” Captain Gringo cut in, adding, “We left Nicaragua with a couple of thousand, which was way less than we were supposed to get for that gunrunning caper that went sour. How long do you figure our funds will last, here?”
Gaston shrugged and said, “Six months, perhaps. Prices are a bit higher than I remembered from my last visit.”
“Right. So, what do we do then?”
Gaston shot him a hurt look and asked. “In six months? Merde alors! How am I to know what we shall be doing in six months? Is it not enough that we sit here, alive and well, with triple-titted reward posters out on both of us?”
The tall American nodded, but said, “I guess you’re right. But I still feel edgy as hell, tonight. I keep feeling the hairs on the back of my neck sort of tingling. I know I should relax, but I can’t.”
Gaston nodded and said, “Oui, it is all too good to be true, hein?”
“Right. I keep telling myself nobody’s looking for us, here. I’ve only seen a couple of cops since we arrived and none of them seemed interested in us. But I don’t know, I still keep expecting trouble.”
Gaston chuckled and said, “I felt the same way when I first deserted the Legion, long ago. When a man has been fighting for his life, on the run, the sudden letdown is rather uncomfortable. Would it make you feel better if I started a fight with someone, here in San Jose? I warned you the people were peaceful, but perhaps if I were to throw a bottle through a window—”
Captain Gringo laughed and said, “I’ll pass on that idea. You’re right. I’m just nervous about the sudden silence.”
Gaston nodded but didn’t answer as the two of them lounged there, watching all the girls go by. Captain Gringo leaned back and lit a smoke as he tried to force himself to relax. It seemed a million years since he’d been able to. Yet he knew it was less than a year since he’d been the safe and perhaps somewhat smug Lieutenant Dick Walker of the U.S. Tenth Cav, free to enjoy a beer and a smoke in the officers’ club back home. How could so much have happened in the past few months? It couldn’t have been such a short time ago that he’d escaped from an Army guardhouse after being court-martialed and condemned to death. Yet a year had not gone by since then and, since jumping the border with a price on his head, he’d been mixed up in three revolutions and acquired his new name and reputation as a machine gunner for hire. Perhaps, he thought, a few months here in peaceful Costa Rica would allow the world to forget him and the murder charges Uncle Sam had saddled him with. Hell, in a year or so, it might be safe to sneak back to the States. They might think he was dead if he could stay out of trouble for a while. He knew that anyone tracing him and Gaston as far as their last adventure would lose the trail in the lowland .jungles of Nicaragua, where they’d last been seen wading through a reptilian swamp under an artillery barrage. Sure, what the hell, no lawman would expect anyone to live through a mess like that. If he and Gaston didn’t turn up on any more wanted posters for a while, they’d be written off as dead.
Gaston broke in on his thoughts to say, “Sacre! That one is yours, my old and rare!”
The tall American blinked himself from the past and frowned after the dark willowy form that had just passed. Gaston said, “She walks alone, and she smiled right at you. What are you waiting for?”
“For God’s sake, I didn’t even notice the dame!”
“You must be blind. She’s beautiful beyond endurance and, as I said, she was giving you the eye. Observe, she is walking tres slowly. Are you going to disgrace your nation by letting a thing like that get away?”
“Come on, I thought you said it was too early to make a play for any of them.”
“Merde alors, such rules were not meant to include a goddess! Go after her, you species of an imbecile! You could sit here all night without seeing anything as good!”
“Hell, Gaston, I don’t even know what she looks like. Maybe when she circles back around the plaza...”
“Bah, do you think anything that nice will have to circle twice? On your feet, mon brave! Take your beating like a man! Look! She has paused under that street lamp to wait for you! Do you want her to think you like boys?”
Captain Gringo grinned crookedly and got to his feet as he asked his older companion, “What’s the form? Do I speak to her or do I wait for her to ask me for a light or something?”
“Just march on and play it, as you say, by the ear. Few Latin girls are as bold as that one. She smiled at you with dripping fangs. I am sure she is a tigress who needs little in the way of introductions. “
The American hitched his gunbelt under his linen jacket and said, “Well, it beats just sitting here waiting for them to wake me up and tell me I’m still m jail.
He strode after the girl who’d given him the eye. She strolled away from the street lamp as she saw he was heading her way. But she wasn’t walking fast. Captain Gringo wondered if she was going to ask for money. He hadn’t been down here as long as Gaston, but he knew few Latin women acted eager unless they were out-and-out whores. Gaston considered him a romantic, but the big Yank didn’t like to pay for it. If she was a business woman, all bets were off.
The willowy girl stopped to look in a shop window and as the soft candlelight illuminated her profile, Captain Gringo started to revise his code a bit. Her perfect cameo features topped a breathtaking figure under that too-tight maroon silk dress. She wore the flouncy skirt in a Dolly Varden gathered over her rump, but a pair of trim ankles promised that the legs concealed by the draped silk went with the wasp waist and proud breasts under the tight bodice.
He joined her at the window, to stare soberly at the silly looking hats on the other side of the glass as he wondered how to start. She glanced sideways at him and said, “My, they are showing last year’s styles, aren’t they?”
He blinked in surprise and replied, “Your English is perfect. Are you American, too?”
“Australian, actually, but I went to school in San Francisco. My name is Patricia Nolan, but my friends call me Pattycake.”
“I’m Dick Walker. What’s this all about, uh, Pattycake?”
The Australian girl looked puzzled and he insisted, “Come on, you know the paseo is a local Hispanic custom.”
“Of course I do. Don’t you?”
He grinned, sheepishly, and said, “All right, I thought you were a señorita and I was about to try and pick you up.”
“I was hoping you would. The local Don Juans seem a bit bashful when they hear my Aussie version of Spanish. I’ve been here almost two weeks and I must say this paseo business has been overrated.”
Captain Gringo studied her as she met his eyes without a hint of shyness. She was too good to be true. He could see, now, that her eyes were hell-fire green and the dark hair under her mantilla was tinged with red highlights where the candlelight hit it. She said, “My place is just off the plaza, shall we
“Just like that? What’s your story, Pattycake? Are you stranded here or what?”
She laughed and took his arm to answer, “I didn’t ask your story, did I? Don’t worry, I’m not going to ask you for money.”
He allowed her to lead him from the window, but he was still puzzled and he said so. He said, “I’d heard you English girls were sort of bashful, Pattycake.”
She said, “Bite your tongue! I told you I was Aussie. I don’t think I’d like to visit England. That’s where all those criminals came from.”
He laughed and asked, “How do you know I’m not a criminal, too?”
“Pooh, I’ve nothing for you to take but my fair white body, and I assure you that you won’t have to fight me for it.”
“This is weird.” He muttered, walking a bit faster. Pattycake laughed and said, “I know. I have this conversation all the time. I thought you men were expecting to get laid when you ogled us.”
“Yeah, well, most girls make us work a little harder. You’re sure we’re talking about true love instead of business, aren’t you? It’s not that I don’t think you’re the bee’s knees, but I haven’t much on me.
“I assure you I’m just wicked,” She soothed, adding, “Around this next corner. I rented a house for the month.”
As they strolled arm in arm down the darker side street, Pattycake slowed and said, “Uh, there’s just one thing I left out.”
He stopped and sighed, “There usually is. What’s the catch, Honey?”
“Well, if you must know, I’m married. My husband will be joining me here in a week.”
“But he’s not here now?”
“Of course not, and I’ve been going crazy. You see, it’s all very well for Queen Victoria to suggest we close our eyes and think of the Empire, but I like to screw!”
“I never would have guessed. What you’re getting at is that you want a one-night stand, right?”
She squeezed his arm and said, “Oh, we should be able to work in more than one night, but, well, I can’t afford to get involved in anything, uh, sticky. Do you follow me?”
“To the ends of the earth. You picked up an obvious passing ship in the night because you don’t want anyone serenading under your window once hubby arrives.” Then he added, “Wouldn’t it be even safer if you held out another week?”
She laughed and said, “Safer indeed, but not as much fun. I never betray my husband when he’s at my side where he belongs, but I must say a few discreet adventures when we’re apart adds spice to our life-She led him to a wall gate and opened it with her free hand to say, “This is the place.”
“The patio is black as a bitch.”
“I know. My comings and goings are not the business of my nosy neighbors. But, speaking of coming, let’s get inside and out of this ridiculous vertical position!”
Captain Gringo let her lead him across the dark patio, but as she stepped away from him to unlock the heavy door with both hands, the hair on the back of his neck tingled a warning. He waited until she’d unlocked the door. Then he suddenly shoved it open, hard, and ducked inside low and fast.
The man was by the door with his back to the inside wall and one hand held a blackjack aloft, as if he’d been posing for that new State of Liberty in New York Harbor. Captain Gringo dove headfirst and rammed the breath out of him with his hard angry skull as the blackjack came down to thud harmlessly on his rump. Captain Gringo had heard at least two ribs crack, but as he moved back from the ambusher, he kicked him in the balls for good measure. The man who’d been set up to club him slid down the wall without a sound. The big Yank kicked him in the head and whirled to see where Pattycake was. Pattycake was moving across the patio outside, as if her life depended on it. It did. Captain Gringo caught her at the gate, grabbed a handful of lace mantilla and dark red hair, and hauled her kicking and sobbing into the house. He stood her on her feet and shook her the way a terrier shakes a rat as he pointed at the man on the floor and said, “I figured you had to be setting me up. Now you’re going to tell me the whole story, aren’t you?”
“You’re hurting me!” She protested. He drew his S&W .38 with his free hand and said, “Not as much as I may have to. Before you lie some more, let’s have a guided tour of the premises. I want to see how many other playmates you have.”
“I swear I don’t know what’s going on, Dick! I never saw this man before. We must have surprised a burglar in the act!”
“Oh, balls, I’ll slap the truth out of you later. What’s in that next room?”
“Nobody, I mean, nothing. It’s the kitchen!”
He half led, half dragged her through a doorway and said, “Give the little lady a cigar. It is a kitchen. I see the back door’s locked and barred. No burglar from that direction, eh?”
He forced her through room after room of the bare-walled and one-storied house before he was satisfied they were alone. He said, “You have bars on every window. The guy out there in the hall had a spare key, right?”
“I don’t know. Please let go of my hair, Dick. I promise I won’t run away again.”
He let go, but waved the gun as he said, “That’s for sure. You try another break and I’ll put a slug in your pretty ass. Do you have any rope in this joint?”
‘Hope? There’s some clothesline in the kitchen. Do you want me to get it for you?”
“No. There are knives in the kitchen, too. Just stay right beside me where I can keep an eye on you.”
He led her back to the kitchen and got the coil of cotton rope from a peg in the stucco wall. He led the way back to the hall and handed it to her as he said, “Tie our friend up. It’s only fair to warn you I’ll be able to check the knots with one hand.”
She looked relieved and said, “Oh, for a minute I thought you were going to tie me up.”
“First things first. Tie that guy’s hands behind him and then lash his wrists to his ankles like a good girl.”
Pattycake knelt by the fallen man and gingerly felt his neck before she said, “I think you might have killed him, darling.”
“I hope so, but tie him anyway, and don’t be so informal. You can call me Captain Gringo, now that I’m apparently back in business.”
Pattycake started to tie the unconscious man’s limbs with the rope as she smiled up at him and asked, “Captain Gringo? What an odd name.”
He said, “Sure, I’ll bet you never heard it, huh? You and your boyfriend were just going to slug me for the hell of it.”
“Damn it, I told you I was as surprised about him being here as you were! How do you know he was waiting for you? Everyone knows I’m a woman alone, here. He might have been waiting for me, to …well … rape me or something.”
Captain Gringo stared soberly down at the man he’d knocked out. There was just enough light from the other room to make out his clean-cut features and muscular build. He was either a northern Spaniard or another gringo, like himself and the girl. He said, “If you were telling me the truth about your idea of fun, I don’t see why he’d have had to rape you.”
“Pooh, he’s not as good looking as you, dear.”
“Oh, sure, nobody’s as pretty as me. How are you coming with those knots?”
She stood up, brushing her hands on her skirts as she said, “That’s the best I can do.”
He motioned her over against the wall and covered her as he dropped to one knee to test the bonds. He nodded and said, “Pretty good.” as he rose. Then he barred the front door securely and said, “Bedroom.”
She hesitated. Then nodded and led the way into the bedroom off the central hallway. She turned near the four-poster bed and stared wistfully at the gun in his hand as she asked. “Do you want me to strip before you tie me up?”
He said, “Just throw your clothes over in that corner. I’ll decide my next move when I make sure you don’t pack a whore pistol in your garter. By the way, if you intend to tell any other sucker that you’re married, you’d better start wearing a ring.”
Pattycake held her hands up to the light with a puzzled frown as she insisted, “Of course I don’t wear my wedding band when I go out for a paseo, Dear.”
“You don’t wear one at all, doll. This may shock you, but I’ve bent the Seventh Commandment in my time. Your hands are suntanned, but the tan is fading, up here in the cloudy mesa country. If you’d worn a ring in the past few months, there’d be a pale stripe on that finger. Let’s shuck those duds and see what else you’ve lied about.”
Pattycake fumbled with the buttons of her bodice as she blushed and said, “I feel so silly. Can’t we snuff the light?”
“Hardly. I thought you were raring to go when you picked me up just now.”
“I was, I am, but … I like to do it in the dark.”
“Start peeling. Do you want me to hum a hurdy-gurdy number for you?”
“You … bastard!” she swore, peeling out of the bodice as she glared at him in her chemise. She pulled the skirts over her head and threw them in the corner after the discarded bodice. He saw she still had on her chemise, knickers, and silk stockings. She had no weapons in either lace garter, so he nodded and said, “Keep going. You can leave the stockings on, if you want to be formal.”
She licked her lips and said, “I’m not wearing anything under this chemise.”
He said, “I noticed. Take it off, babe.”
Pattycake bit her lip and suddenly pulled the thin silk chemise off over her head. She held the gathered folds over her breasts for a moment, then threw them after her other clothes to face him, bare breasted, as she snapped. “There, are you satisfied?”
He said, “No. Take off the pants.”
“For God’s sake, I don’t have a gun down there!”
“Let’s see what you do have. Get ’em off, babe!”
Pattycake closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and dropped her knickers around her ankles. Captain Gringo’s own breath caught in his throat as she kicked the discarded under drawers out of the way and faced him naked, save for the silk stockings. She was even better, nude, then he’d imagined. Her tan only covered her arms and as far down as the tops of her milk-white breasts. He could see from the pink-ness of her nipples that she was aroused, too. But she kept her eyes down at the floor between them as she asked, “May I sit down and, well, cross my legs?”
He said, “Sure.” and as she lowered herself to the bed he added, “Now that we can see you’re not packing any concealed weapons, I’m ready to hear your story. Let’s start with your partner out in the hall. Was he waiting for me in particular, or were the two of you just out to roll any tourist you could lure here?”
She flushed a deeper shade and said, “He made me do it. It wasn’t my idea.”
“It never is. Is he Australian, too?”
“No. Sam’s a Yank, like you.”
“Sam’s a good name for a Yank. Now you’re going to tell me he picked you up in San Francisco and that the two of you ran out of money down here when you found out how hard it is for a gringo to get a job in Bananaland, right?”
She looked up at him in surprise and said, “That’s right! How did you know?”
He said, “I’ve heard the story before. You can hardly find a decent cantina where some stranded Yank doesn’t sidle up to sell you a treasure map or offer to fix you up with a great little lay. I don’t mind the con men so much, but it sort of steams me to have another gringo trying to roll me.”
She signed and said, “I thought it sounded mean, too, but what were we to do? None of the natives have any money!”
Captain Gringo shrugged and said, “You could have been more honest if you really needed money that badly. You’re not a bad looking gal. I told you I didn’t pay, but plenty of guys would. Hell, most of these Latin Americans are crazy about gringas. A doll like you could pull down a couple of hundred a night, easy.”
She grimaced and said, “That’s a nasty thing to say! I’m no whore, damn it!”
“Luring suckers to be clubbed silly by old Sam is more respectable?”
“That’s different. Sam said he’d never let me sell my body, no matter what. Can I get dressed, now?”
Captain Gringo shook his head and said, “No, I haven’t made up my mind about your story.”
“Good Lord, isn’t it bad enough? I’ve admitted we were trying to rob you, but you got the better of us and I’d like to have a doctor look at Sam. You really are a terribly rough sort, you know.”
“Sam will keep just fine. He was breathing when I checked those knots. But you’re right about me being bigger than he was. Didn’t it occur to you that I wasn’t a very reasonable victim? Bringing me here was dumb, too. What was I supposed to do when I came to without my wallet and an address to give the police. Or, was I supposed to come to?”
Pattycake looked horrified and gasped, “You don’t think we meant to kill you, do you?”
“Lady, I’ve seen men killed for a pair of worn-out shoes. You set me up too neatly for rank amateurs. No pros would leave a rolled and robbed victim alive after telling him where they lived.”
“Oh, for God’s sake, we were leaving town in the morning in any case. If you must know, we’ve been asked to leave by the landlord. We owe a month’s rent and—”
“Jesus, you sure think fast, don’t you, honey? If I point out that the two of you have a local witness who could identify you, you’d tell me tonight was the first time you set anyone up in San Jose and that good old Sam told you it would be my word against yours.”
She smiled wanly, under her lowered lashes, and said, “As a matter of fact, you’ve guessed right again. I told you it was Sam’s idea. I didn’t want to do it, but he said it would be a harmless lark and, well, I did run away with him for adventure!”
Captain Gringo holstered the gun, hung it out of reach on a wall peg, and started to undress as he said, “Well, far be it from me to spoil an adventure.”
Pattycake looked up, her eyes widened, and she gasped, “Oh, no! I lied when I told you I wanted to make love.”
He threw his shirt after his jacket and unbuttoned his pants as he nodded and said, “I don’t like to make a liar out of a lady, either.”
Pattycake drew her knees up and started edging backward across the bed spread as she pleaded, “No, I don’t want to. Sam and I have an understanding. I … I’m in love with him and he’s in love with me!”
“I sure hope so,” said Captain Gringo as he got in bed with her. As Pattycake ran out of bed and stared, wide-eyed, with her naked back against the rough stucco wall, he added, “I figure kicking the shit out of him and laying his girl ought to settle our score, don’t you?”
“He’ll kill you if you rape me!” She gasped, as he took her in his arms.
Captain Gringo said, “He already tried, and he wasn’t very good at it.”
She started to struggle. He ran a soothing hand down her quivering flesh and said, “Easy does it, I don’t like to wrestle, even when I have fifty pounds or more on a gal. Look at it this way; you said you liked adventures and we know you’re a great actress. Let’s pretend we’re in the opera … Tosca … right?”
She sobbed as his hand slid between her tightly pressed together thighs and gasped, “What are you talking about? This is no opera, this is outright rape!”
“Oh, shit, don’t tell me you don’t like opera. Don’t you remember how Tosca had to give herself to the villain to save her lover’s life?”
“That’s ridiculous! Sam’s only tied up. He’s not dead.”
He got his fingers going in the moist hair between her thighs and he noticed she was having trouble not responding as he said, “Well, maybe I’ll just have my wicked way with you and let old Sam live, and then, again, the motherfucker was trying to bash my skull in, so—”
She gasped and pleaded, “Don’t hurt him! I’ll do anything you want if you’ll promise not to hurt him!”
“I figured you might.” Captain Gringo grinned as he rolled his legs between her suddenly docile thighs. She grimaced and hissed as if in dismay as he entered her. Then her eyes opened wide and she wrapped her arms and legs about him to respond to his first teasing thrusts. He’d expected that, too, but he was too polite to say so. He kissed her instead. Her warm soft lips welcomed him as eagerly but, even after tonguing him, the first time they came up for air, she gasped, ‘This is terrible!”
“Do you want me to stop?”
“Of course ... I mean, I don’t know, you have me so confused and if Sam finds out I’ll die and … could you move a little faster, darling?”
He did, and he’d been right about her already being aroused. She might have thought it was embarrassment when he’d first made her get undressed, but while Pattycake seemed to lie a lot, her body told the truth as she gave it all to him. She was great in bed as well as beautiful and he hadn’t had a woman since Nicaragua. So, though he tried to make it last, he knew he was coming. Her own contractions told him she was, too, but she gasped, “No, I don’t want to. Not all the way. I must be true to my lover out there and ... Oh, Jesus-s-s-s-s-s!”
For a time, neither said anything as he lay there, soaking it to stay hard while he recovered his breath. Pattycake was breathing hard, too. She licked her lips and said, “That was horrid of you. You made me come and, worse yet, you made me like it!”
He didn’t answer. He started moving again. Pattycake’s vaginal muscles clamped down hard, but she said, “No, really, I satisfied you as you asked, but we have to stop, now. Sam may recover consciousness and it would be just awful if he caught me in another man’s arms!”
Captain Gringo said, “If you tied him right, he can’t get up to catch anyone doing anything.”
“Perhaps not, but what if he hears us?”
“He won’t, if you’ll just shut up and screw.”
“You bastard, I’m not used to being spoken to that way! I’ll have you know I was raised a proper girl!”
He withdrew and rolled her over as she stammered, “What are you doing, you brute?”
He rolled her on her breasts and belly to mount her from behind as he said, “Just turning your face away to save you from blushing so coyly, doll. Has Sam ever put it in the back door?”
“Of course not! What a beastly thing to suggest! I’ll thank you to leave my bum alone, sir!”
He guided his wet erection against her tightly pursed rectum and said, “Come on, Tosca. You said you wanted adventures!”
She pleaded, “No, not in my arse! I’ve given you my pussy, damn you! What more do you want?”
He said, “Revenge!” in mock ferocity as he forced the head in and added, “You enjoyed it in your front door too much to call it revenge. When you tell your boyfriend the sucker you lined up threw the shaft to you, I want you to let him know I even got the parts he’s missed!”
She started to cry as she said, “I’ll never tell him about any of this, damn you! Sam loves me and he made me promise to be his alone forever!”
“Yeah, well, forever won’t be all that long if you two don’t start picking better suckers. The little guy I was with at the cafe could have taken Sam. And speaking of taking, you’d find it hurts less, back there, if you relax and sort of try to fart.”
“Oh, I hate you!” She sobbed, even as he felt her anal muscles open to welcome him all the way. He grinned and started pumping as she moaned and groaned that he was killing her. He decided to experiment by drawing back a little and, as her body had promised, Pattycake’s ivory rump rose to meet his thrusts. He got her up on hands and knees with his own feet on the floor and as he started really pounding, she said, “My God, I do think we’re committing sodomy!”
“I noticed. How do you like it?”
“It’s terrible. It’s disgusting. But as long as it’s what you want—”And then her legs stiffened and she fell forward across the bed, with a great sigh. As she rolled over he remounted her, normally, and she gasped, “Oh, my God, I thought I was coming and now I know I am!”
They shared a long mutual orgasm and she lay quietly in his arms for a time before she suddenly giggled and said, “I didn’t know it felt like that, back there.”
He sighed and said, “Hell, I can’t win. Don’t tell me you enjoyed that, too?”
“Well, it was exciting, in a nasty sort of way. Do you have any other tricks to teach me, darling?”
“A few. I thought you hated me.”
“Oh, but I do. Up here in my head. You beat up my lover and you’ve raped and sodomized me and I’ve never met anyone as wild and wicked before.”
Then she moved her hips experimentally and said, “But, what the hell, as long as I’m being ravaged by a brute—”
Pattycake ravaged well. Once she’d made up her mind she might as well enjoy it, she had suggestions of her own to add and they took well over an hour to wear each other sane. He could tell she was ready and willing for more when he finally rolled his feet off the bed, wiped his groin clean with the rumpled sheet, and suggested she save a little for good old Sam. She said, “That was really low.” as she stared heavy-lidded up at him while he dressed. He said, “Yeah, I’d like to stay and torture you some more, but I’d better get out of here before the real show begins.”
“Real show, darling?”
He didn’t answer. She’d lied like a pro through the whole performance and, as she must have guessed, true torture wasn’t his line. He strapped on his gun, put on his linen jacket and panama hat, and said, “It was a swell party. Pattycake, but I’ve learned, the hard way, to always leave early.”
Before she could answer, he opened the door and stepped out in the hallway, closing it on her nakedness. The thug she called Sam had come to and had managed to brace himself in a seated position against the wall. Captain Gringo nodded pleasantly to him and said, “She told me the whole story, Sam. So don’t look so anxious. I could kick a few loose ends out of you, but what the hell.”
Sam said, “Goddamn you, Walker, if you’ve harmed Patricia—”
“Right, you’ll jump up and bite my nose off, won’t you? Were you two supposed to deliver me to Greystoke or was he coming here?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Sam lied.
The door behind Captain Gringo opened and Pattycake came out, still naked. Then she saw the tall American was still there and stopped, ashen-faced. Captain Gringo nodded and said, “I was just leaving. Sam told me who you’re working for, babe.”
The tied-up man on the floor shouted, “That’s a lie! He’s trying to trick you, Patricia!”
The girl stood in the doorway, no longer the least bit coy about her nudity as she said, “For God’s sake, Sam. Not another word!”
The tall American nodded and unbarred the front door before he ducked out into the dark patio with no further comment. He dropped behind a century plant and drew his revolver. But there was nobody waiting for him. He eased over to the gate and risked a peek out. The walled-in street was deserted in the moonlight. He muttered, “Delivery,” and reholstered his gun as he jogged away from Pattycake’s house, not the way he’d come.
He didn’t go back to the plaza. He and Gaston had rented a suite of rooms at the hotel near the cathedral before going out to explore the local night life. The people who’d sicced Pattycake on him might look for him near the plaza. He doubted it would take Gaston this long to pick his own companion for the night up, either.
He found his way to the alley behind the hotel and entered by the back door. The hotel had been chosen with such a move in mind. He moved quietly up the stairs, got to the right door, and pressed his ear against it as he silently slid the key in the lock. On the other side of the panel, a feminine voice was protesting in Spanish, “I could never do such a thing with another girl watching.”
That sounded like Gaston, all right. Captain Gringo unlocked the door and stepped inside. The room was dark, but he could see well enough by the light through the open window near the grass bedstead. Gaston was in the wrong bed, with two naked ladies. The little Frenchman laughed and said, “Ah, it’s about time you got home, my wayward lad! Allow me to present las Señoritas Angelita y Dolores. Señoritas, the gaping youth is the friend I told you about. Neither of you would be able to pronounce his name, but he is tres formidable, and what are the names among friends, hein!”
Captain Gringo sighed and said, “Gaston, what the fuck are you doing in my bed?”
“Fucking was the term I was groping for. As to the choice of beds, we broke the other one an hour ago.”
“You’re kidding,” groaned the American, stepping over to the doorway between their rented rooms. Then he saw Gaston’s mattress had, indeed, collapsed to the floor between broken bedsprings. From behind him, Gaston observed, “As you’ll remember, we selected the stouter looking bed for your massive frame. Alas, that other one was not designed for three people. This one, I am sure, will hold up four, if we use it crosswise.”
Captain Gringo walked back to Gaston and the girls and said, “We have to move out on the double. Greystoke’s in town.”
Gaston swore softly and said, “Greystoke, from British Intelligence? What on earth are British spies doing here in Costa Rica?”
“I don’t know, but they just tried to grab me. That girl you were so nice about pointing out to me was a plant. She tried to deliver me neatly wrapped, but they’re getting sloppy, or I’m getting better.”
He quickly filled Gaston in on his recent adventures and the Frenchman was silent, for a change, until he’d finished. But then Gaston shook his head and said, “Mais non, you are becoming, how you say, paranoid?”
“Gaston, they both had English accents. The girl tried to cover hers with some Aussie and Yank slang. When old Sam came to, he was too befuddled to sound like the American he’s pretending to be. She told him to shut up, but not before I caught his Oxford accent.”
Gaston frowned and said, “Hmm, British Intelligence does recruit its top agents from Oxford, but why couldn’t they have been a pair of common English criminals, disguising their accents to … how you say … make the red herrings? Why could they not have been mere adventurers, as they said?”
“Damn it, Gaston, you weren’t listening! I told you they knew my name, and when I threw Greystoke’s name at the one called Sam I thought he’d shit.”
“Ah, then forgive me, you are not paranoid, There really are spies after you. But it still makes no sense, Dick. Costa Rica has a stable government. What action could anyone be looking for, here?”
“Beats the shit out of me. I didn’t hang around to ask. Knowing how smooth Greystoke and his limey like to work, I gave myself time for a little counterespionage before I lit out. By now, Pattycake and Sam will be on Greystoke’s carpet for messing up. Meanwhile, we’ve got to haul our asses out of here!”
One of the whores asked, in Spanish, “For why are the two of you speaking English so rudely? Are you saying bad things about us?”
Gaston reassured her and, switching to Spanish, told Captain Gringo, “We are paid up, here, for the rest of the month. The species of insect you are so worried about does not have this address and Dolores, here, is insatiable.”
The one called Angelita said, “That’s not fair. He’s very good-looking and she’s already been fucked more than me tonight.”
Gaston said, dryly, “I stand corrected, Angelita is insatiable, too. One can only hope your misadventure with the British spy did not wear you out, my wild Yanqui bull?”
Captain Gringo said, “Goddamn it, Gaston, the last time I crossed swords with Greystoke, he tried to ship my ass back to the States for a hanging!”
“Ah, but you escaped and foiled him, non? As a matter of fact, I remember you ravaging another of his female agents that time, hein?”
“Yeah, and he’s going to be as sore as hell about tonight, too!”
“Merde alors, what do we care? Queen Victoria does not rule Costa Rica. No Englishman can arrest you here.”
“He wasn’t trying to arrest me, damn it! It’s the same as the last time, in Panama. British Intelligence want to shanghai me back to the States as a favor to U.S. Intelligence. Both sides have gotten thick as thieves since both the Americans and British bought into that canal company down Panama way. I think they’re both worried about the new German Kaiser, too. The Queen’s agents would do anything to butter up Uncle Sam and the U.S. Army wants me for—”
“Careful!” Gaston warned in English, adding, in Spanish, “The ladies are not interested in politics. Dolores, here, tells me she likes tall blond men no matter how big they are.”
Captain Gringo swore and said, “Haven’t you heard a word I’ve just said, you horny old goat?”
Gaston said, “I have every word engraved on my heart. But what of your own ears? The people you’re so worried about do not know we are here in this hotel, for one thing. For another, there is no better place to go. We can’t go back to Nicaragua and the, ah, climate is still hotter than I like in Panama.”
“That’s for sure, but how do you know they don’t have this hotel spotted?”
“Merde alors, they picked you up in the plaza, blocks from here.”
“How did they know we’d be in the plaza tonight?”
“How do we know they did? Whatever Queen Victoria has in mind for M’sieu Greystoke in this country, it could hardly have concerned you or me! We just got here, and your little friends have apparently been … how you say … set up for some time.”
“Hmm, you have a point there. Greystoke or one of his agents must have spotted us over at the paseo and decided grabbing me was serendipitous.”
“They might have thought it was a good idea, too. But enough. Let your British friends go on about such business as they were really sent here for, while you and I make more important decisions. Do you want to start with Angelita or Dolores. I can personally vouch for either and, of course, we can always trade.”
The one called Angelita slid out of bed and came over to Captain Gringo, stark naked, as she took him by the arm and said, “I saw him first!”
She was a pretty little thing, he noticed for the first time, and, what the hell, he wasn’t about to get Gaston out of that bed before morning.
But he was wrong.
He was saved having to make up his mind by a loud knock on the door. Gaston was already out of the bed and going for his gunbelt as Captain Gringo drew his own gun and called out, “¿Quien es?”
“Police! Open up!” replied a harsh voice from the other side of the panels.
Captain Gringo muttered, “Oh, shit!” and then, in a louder tone, he called back, “Just a minute, we have to dress.”
The mystery voice consulted with someone else in the hall before it answered, “Very well, you have exactly three minutes, señores. If you are not prepared to open up after such a generous interval, we are coming in, the hard way!”
Captain Gringo turned to see how the others were making out. Gaston had his boots, pants and gunbelt on. The rest was bundled under an arm as he helped one last naked lady out the window, carrying her own clothes and shoes. Captain Gringo called, “Just a minute.” and moved over to the window. Gaston said, “Across those tiles to the alley beyond, hein?” Then, without waiting, the little Frenchman was off and dancing across the terracotta.
Captain Gringo followed, his own heavier weight crunching the tiles alarmingly as he wondered where in hell he was going. Gaston had pointed out the rooftop just under their window when they’d checked into the hotel, but neither of them knew just who or what was under it. Ahead, Gaston swore as his own boot heel shattered a tile and nearly sent him over the edge into whatever lay below in the darkness. The two girls, running lighter as well as barefooted, were having better luck.
Behind him, Captain Gringo heard what sounded like the bite of a fire axe into heavy oak paneling. He paused and turned to cover Gaston’s and the girls’ escape. But he couldn’t tell, in the darkness, which window they’d just crawled out of. If he couldn’t see worth a damn, it hardly seemed likely the cops could. He smiled thinly and followed after the others.
He caught up with Gaston as the Frenchman was lowering one of the girls over the end of the roof. The other had already dropped into whatever. Gaston said, “I know there’s an alleyway here, but I don’t know where it leads.”
Captain Gringo saw the girl was down and moving dimly away. He said, “Anything’s an improvement. You go first. I’ll cover you.”
Gaston dropped into the darkness without comment as the tall American shot another anxious look back the way they’d just come. The cops hadn’t followed them out on the tiles. They probably had more sense.
He heard Gaston’s heels hit the gravel below, followed by a quiet curse. He reholstered his gun, sat down on the tiles, and turned to lower himself over the edge. It was black as a bitch and he couldn’t see how far he had to drop. But he let go and hoped for the best.
He fell for what seemed a mile, and then the alley floor slammed up into his boots and he sprawled in the gravel, trying to get his bearings. He staggered to his feet and then, as he looked around, he saw Gaston flat on his face and not moving.
Captain Gringo ran over to him, knelt, and whispered, “What’s the matter? Are you okay?”
Gaston didn’t answer. Captain Gringo cursed and started to pick his smaller comrade up. Started to, but didn’t make it. He sensed he was not alone and tried to duck the blow from behind, a fraction of a second too late. And then his head exploded in a galaxy of pinwheeling stars and he managed to mutter, “Shit, I’ve been sapped!” before he fell down and down into an endless sea of cold black ink.