CONCLUSION: AUTHORING YOUR LIFE

“A dog too old to learn new tricks always has been.”

—ANONYMOUS

“I sure was frightened 12 years ago when I told a friend that I had no idea what I was going to do after I made my last call. But I had a big awakening when he said that this was just one more new chapter in my life.”

—LARGE-ANIMAL VETERINARIAN RECALLING HIS FEARS ABOUT RETIRING

“To exist is to change; to change is to mature; to mature is to create oneself endlessly.”

—HENRI BERGSON, FRENCH PHILOSOPHER AND 1927 NOBEL PRIZE LAUREATE

Life as Perceptual Reality

How do you conceptualize your life? Do you see yourself more as a passenger on a vessel or as captain of your own ship? Are you just a character in a story scripted by forces beyond your control, or are you the author of your own life story? Do you consider becoming a senior citizen to be the beginning of a lackluster slide into oblivion or an invitation to a delicious banquet of the best life has to offer?

Our experience of life comes more from our mental perceptions than from any physical reality. Two individuals experiencing the same event often perceive it and its impact on their lives as different realities. For instance, many of those who weathered Hurricane Katrina were devastated and depressed by the tragedy. They saw themselves as hapless victims, buffeted about by the whims of nature, politics, and luck. But there were other hurricane survivors who responded with newfound determination to return and rebuild better than ever. The huge scale of destruction also became a marker event that motivated many residents of the area to move on and create a new life in a new location.

The inner realm of the mind shapes the outer world of the physical into our reality. Without self-perception we would not know we existed. Without conscious thought and self-awareness, we wouldn’t know whether we were camels, rocks, or roses. As consciously aware individuals, then, we are all authoring a unique book of life based on the way we interpret each of our encounters.

How you mentally perceive your life determines both your state of emotional well-being and how actively you are inclined to assert creative control over your future. The fact that you have read this book probably indicates that you are invested in reinventing yourself and creating a new future. You can’t, of course, control everything that happens to you. But, for the most part, you can manage how you respond to what you encounter along the way.

Your mind is the most powerful tool you have for creating an energizing vision for your future. Creating an energizing vision for your future means that you are more likely to achieve your aspirations and enjoy a positive perception of your life day by day and overall. I often ask my coaching clients what they see as their mission in life. One of my clients said it was simply “to get through it!” Another said it was “to be a great husband and father/grandfather and do some creative writing.” Which of these two people do you think was more fun to be with?

How do you conceptualize your past life story? Have you been a courageous adventurer, a cautious traditionalist, a lucky stiff, or a good soldier? Do you see yourself as having enjoyed a life of abundance, survived under noxious influences, or worked hard to stay ahead of the curve? Does your book of life relate a success story, a mundane existence, or a hodgepodge of ups and downs? Is your sense of your past one of coherence and continuity, or one of chaos and confusion?

Regardless of the way the book of your past life looks to you, it is now history, a past that lives primarily within the confines of your mind. If you don’t like your history, you can change the way you perceive it. Doing so may be an important step in creating the future you want, especially if your past has a negative impact that keeps you tied to a former “you” that you want to leave behind. Now is the time to free yourself for authoring a new book of life that features the best you you’ve ever been.

Intelligent Design

One theme of this book is that even though you can’t know exactly what your future will bring, you can know what you will bring to the future. You can set the stage for the course of your future through the choices you make and your frame of mind as you approach the forthcoming years. Make no decisions about your future, and the random events of life will write your story for you. Take no control over your mental reference for life, and you settle for being an emotional reactor to everything that comes your way. Although you can’t force your life to follow a particular or precise trajectory, you can be a co-creator of your future through intelligent design. In this context, intelligent design applies to the opportunities we all have for influencing the outcome of our future.

At the park the other day, our three-year-old grandson took on a new challenge by climbing up a rather complicated piece of playground equipment for the first time. After he successfully navigated his ascent, he stood on a platform at the top and shouted, “Look Garba Dave, I DID IT!” He was obviously proud of himself and wanted the world to know it! I was proud of him, too. And I couldn’t help thinking how wonderful it would be if those of us entering our senior years could design our future around those playgrounds where we, too, can ascend to new heights and exclaim with childish wonder and glee, “Look everyone, I DID IT!”

Throughout this book, I have presented numerous examples of individuals who have elected to author exciting, new chapters in their lives. Remember Rahbi, a disillusioned orchestra conductor who now facilitates regenerative health through the healing power of music? How about Pamela, who retired from the corporate world and recreated herself as a social worker? Or Joe, who transformed a lackluster career as a military analyst into a sparkling life as an artist/teacher and a community builder? Stories like these have, I hope, inspired you to envision the creative possibilities in your own life, work, and overall well-being.

You are the only one who can author your own story authentically. Only you know how different you want the next chapter of your life to be from your past or current one. Do you envision your next chapter as a smooth continuation of the past? Or is your life narrative about to veer in a new direction? How big a role will work have in the next chapter? What roles will love, fun, charity, and overall well-being play in your basic design?

REINVENTING YOUR STORY

In thinking about the next chapter of your life, which place along the continuum of options best describes your vision for the future?

From Veterinarian to Historian

To further spur your interest in self-reinvention, here’s one final story of someone who moved on from a career he loved to a new, fulfilling role in his senior years. For 40 years before creating his current chapter of life, Dr. Jim worked as a large-animal veterinarian. The grin on his face and the sparkle in his eyes clearly convey the love he had for being a vet in the West Virginia hills and “hollers.” With pride he talks about his former veterinary hospital-on-wheels—fully equipped with hot and cold running water, X-ray and surgical equipment, and even a portable potty. He could pull up to a farm and perform a full-service operation from diagnosis to post-op treatment, all in a single visit. He relished his autonomy and was grateful to be of service. He says there comes a time however, when the bones grow weary of the heavy physical challenges involved in this kind of work and when the emergency calls in the middle of the night and the disruptions of social activities finally take their toll. Like many of us, Dr. Jim knew when the time had come for him to leave the life from which he had gained so much satisfaction.

Leaving a profession that had been so close to his heart for so many years was not easy. Dr. Jim recalls the feeling of tremendous loss on the day he realized the time had come to retire from his arduous profession. He was bewildered by what he was going to do and who he was going to be. He sought out a wise acquaintance to discuss his deep concerns about what he was going to do after making his last visit and parking his high-tech veterinary hospital-on-wheels for the last time. His friend listened attentively and then counseled him to think of this as just another chapter in his life. That was several years ago, but Dr. Jim still credits that conversation as a dramatic awakening. Ever since then, he has seen life as an ongoing process of change. And for Dr. Jim, change has come to represent opportunity for new possibilities.

Fortunately for Dr. Jim, his contacts with wise friends helped him recreate a new life. He was recently honored as the local “Historian Laureate” and awarded a sizable grant to develop a history of West Virginia’s oldest town, Shepherdstown, where he can trace his family back for several generations. In addition to his current book project, Dr. Jim has already authored a number of books on local history and the town’s Presbyterian church. He continues to be a student of Civil War history and a popular storyteller of local lore, in addition to speaking at various meetings, writing a newspaper column recounting historical anecdotes, and participating in the Rotary Club. On a long summer day you might be able to join him on one of his tours of a nearby Revolutionary War cemetery, Antietam Battlefield just across the river, or a bus tour of other historical sites in the area.

Dr. Jim loves what he is doing and states with certainty that he would not trade his new chapter of life for another round of his old career. “If you don’t know how to reinvent yourself,” he says, “you have missed something rewarding to look forward to.” Dr. Jim was fortunate to have had a wise friend to help him see new possibilities. In times of change, the sage counsel of a trusted friend or a professional coach can give you the extra little twist you need to focus the kaleidoscope of your future into a beautiful new vision. My hope is that this book has also helped you to do that.

Steps to Renewal

I hope that, like Dr. Jim, you have found what you need to author a new chapter of your life—one that you can truly look forward to with energy and enthusiasm. In recreating your future and authoring your book of life, you might want to keep the following themes in mind as reminders of all the processing you’ve done up to this point and the changes you’ll continue to process along the way:

1. Your life is a book of chapters. Moving through the journey of change and reinvention that you experience throughout life is like moving through the chapters of a book. In your book of life, however, you are not just a reader. You are also your own best author, and you want to exercise intelligent authorship in writing your future chapters rather than delegating them to the haphazard authorship of happenstance.

2. You are an interesting subject. What gives life a sense of meaning and purpose is in knowing that who you are and what you do matters. You are interesting and important. Nobody else can be who you are and contribute the unique gifts you have to share. Nobody else has your story to author and to tell. If you don’t like your story up to this point, you may need to change yourself and your view of yourself in the world. To do that, you might want to try envisioning yourself as the lead character in your book of life. What makes this character interesting? Is this character on a heroic journey? If not, why not? Successfully navigating through life is, after all, a challenge of sufficient magnitude to warrant heroic status to all.

3. You are more than old titles. When and if you leave your work behind, you gain something and lose something. You gain freedom and new opportunities but lose your work-world titles. But hanging onto a title or an identity that defined you in the past may keep you from seeing who you are in addition to that. A title is, in effect, a label—a type of shorthand for a particular role that a person fulfills. Don’t you want to see what’s beneath and beyond your old labels? Stories with characters that never change are usually dull and boring. So how will the lead character in your book change and grow when the old titles and labels are gone?

4. Values of the past may become outdated guides for your future. Most of us make life and work choices out of youthful values and seldom look back thereafter. Your values as a senior are unlikely to be the same as those of your youth. Consciously reprioritizing what success means now and in the years ahead is a fundamental step toward self-renewal. Remember to take nothing for granted, including your relationships, your health, your creative nature, and your spiritual life. Your conscious priorities will determine how and in what ways you invest your time, energy, and talent. If you overlook what’s truly important, what you value most, you may unwittingly find yourself spending the most time on what you value least. Ongoing appraisal of your true values is more likely to keep your course in line with what brings you the greatest satisfaction and fulfillment.

5. It’s never too late to develop a latent talent. Grandma Moses didn’t tap her artistic talents until late in life, nor did Beethoven allow deafness to stop him from composing some of the most beautiful music ever heard. What highly developed talents is it time for you to leave behind or use in new ways? What undeveloped talents might you now have time to enjoy? Is there a Grandma Moses, an inner musician, a historian, or a nurturing presence waiting to burst out of a closeted part of your being?

6. Old dogs can learn new tricks. The behaviors that supported your success in the workplace may not serve you equally well in a new life. Your behavior is the outer manifestation of your inner motives and learned habits. It’s your behavior that people respond and react to—not what motivates your actions. Will modifying some of your behaviors enrich your life and the lives of those around you? There is only one way to find out: Ask those affected by your behavior what they see as the positives to capitalize on and the negatives to modify. Undertaking some behavior modifications may make you a more enjoyable person to be around, and in the process, your relationships are likely to become more enjoyable to you. One small behavior change I’ve found beneficial is to count my blessings at the end of each day. My wife and I enjoy doing that verbally with each other as we relax before dinner.

7. Locate where your new life can flourish. If you’re a golfer, you are going to want to reside near a golf course. A sailor needs to find a home by the sea. But if your aspirations involve running for mayor of a town, writing books, or expressing yourself with a paintbrush and canvas, you may want to find a community where your aspirations can more easily become a reality. Be wary of clever marketing ploys promising the perfect retirement place. If a fulfilling, meaningful life is important to you, the right community for you will not only be one that enables you to live safely and comfortably; it will also be one that offers inspiration, support, and the companionship of kindred spirits.

Last but not least, remember that you are the magnificent sum of everyone you’ve ever known, all that you’ve ever been and done, and every dream you’ve ever dared to envision. You wouldn’t have come this far if you hadn’t already been successful in many areas of your life. Once you were an infant, but you learned to walk and talk as a toddler. Then you were a schoolchild, a student, a young adult, and, finally, a mid-lifer. Each stage required that you successfully navigate new experiences. You made it through all of that, and now you have the opportunity to use all of it, every last piece of it, to enjoy being the new you.

With every passing moment, your life story is unfolding. What’s it saying about you and the world you live in? Do you see a world full of possibilities? I hope so—because all my professional experience and my own life story have shown me time and time again that in becoming the best you that you have ever been, the world will surely be richer for it.