Knowing that a man is not justified by the works of the law, but by the faith of Jesus Christ, even we have believed in Jesus Christ,
that we might be justified by the faith of Christ, and not by the works of the law: for by the works of the law shall no flesh be justified.
Galatians 2:16
When they got home, Mr. and Mrs. Stauffer were still not home; the house was in darkness. Cora struck a match and lit a kerosene lamp that was by the door, and then proceeded to turn on the main overhead gaslight in the living room.
“Is it unusual for them to be so late?”
“They’ve been this late before.”
“I might go to bed now,” Bree said.
“Take this with you.” Cora picked up the kerosene lamp and handed it to her.
“Thank you. I guess I’ll need this.”
“Good night, Bree.”
“Night, Cora.” Bree trudged up the stairs, suddenly feeling very tired. She pushed open her bedroom door and placed the light on the nightstand. When she heard noises outside, she hurried to look out the window. It was Andrew doing something with his horse. She stared down at him and by the light of the moon she saw a handsome well-muscled man. Growing fond of Simon’s brother was definitely not in her scheme and she wasn’t about to ruin her plan. If Simon’s parents adopted her baby, she’d be able to walk away knowing everything would be all right.
Bree recalled the only advice her mother had given about men: there were nice rich men and nice poor men so why settle for a nice poor man?
That had been her mother’s sales pitch for Ryan. The only thing was that Ryan was not a nice man, but at least Bree had found that out sooner rather than later. Bree hoped that her parents would not tell Ryan about the child she was carrying. Ryan just might put two and two together and realize the baby had to be his.
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Bree was pleased when she woke early the next morning, without anyone else having to wake her. The sun was only just peeping over the horizon.
She turned on her phone to check for messages, but still, there were none. As she switched her cell phone off, she felt guilty for turning it on in the house after Andrew had asked her not to. Sick and tired of feeling either guilty or mad with herself, she changed into a dress, brushed her hair and headed downstairs. At the bottom of the stairs she was faced with Andrew, who looked as white as a snowstorm.
“Bree! I was just on my way up to let Cora know that I’m heading out to look for Mamm and Dat.”
“They didn’t come home?”
He shook his head.
“I’ll tell her.”
“Denke. I’m going now.” Andrew turned and headed out the front door, then seconds later, Bree heard the sound of rapid hoofbeats.
Bree walked into the living room and collapsed onto the couch wondering where they could be and what might have happened to them. She was nibbling on her fingernails when Cora ran down the stairs.
“Where’s Andrew going so fast?”
“He said to tell you your parents didn’t come home last night and he’s going to look for them.”
Cora’s mouth fell open. “Did he call anyone?”
Bree shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know. That’s all he said, he was in a hurry.”
“I think they were probably too tired to travel home and stayed at someone’s house.”
“Has that happened before?”
Cora shook her head.
“I’m sure they’re all right.”
Cora nodded. “I’ll fix you some breakfast.”
“I’ll help,” Bree said as she pushed herself up from the couch.
Bree tried her best to keep Cora’s mind off what might have happened to Mr. and Mrs. Stauffer.
It was an hour later when Andrew came home followed closely by his parents’ buggy. Cora ran out to meet them.
Mrs. Stauffer stepped down from the buggy looking ghostly pale, like she hadn’t slept a wink.
Bree stood at a distance, staying near the front door, and heard Mrs. Stauffer say, “We were at Henry and Ruth’s house when Henry had a heart attack right in front of us. They didn’t have a phone to call out so your vadder had to run to the Millers’ haus next door. Then Henry was gone before any help could reach him. He died right in front of us. We stayed the night with Ruth.”
Cora put her arm around her mother. “Come inside.”
Bree didn’t know what to do or say. She felt like an intruder at that moment. She hurried back to the kitchen and sat down. When Cora guided Mrs. Stauffer into the kitchen, Bree said that she was sorry about her friend and Mrs. Stauffer nodded politely.
“Can I do something, Cora?” Bree asked.
“Nee, you just finish your breakfast.”
When Mr. Stauffer and Andrew came into the kitchen, Bree felt she should make herself scarce. She was at a loss to know what the appropriate thing would be to say to everyone.
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A week later, Simon’s family was attending another funeral and this time they were joined by Bree. They entered the Fullers’ house, where the body had been laid for people to pay their last respects. Bree hung back and stood just inside the front door. She’d never seen a dead body before and she didn’t feel the need to see one now.
“You okay?” Bree looked up to see Andrew.
“Yes. I just don’t like funerals.” Bree knew that the whole thing had been hard on Andrew’s mother, seeing Mr. Fuller drop dead just weeks after her son had died tragically. She’d been in bed with a headache two days straight when she’d come home from Ruth Fuller’s house on that Monday morning.
“Not many people do. We’ll be heading to the graveyard soon.”
“That’ll be good. I need some fresh air.”
He took hold of her arm. “Come outside now. You don’t have to stay inside if you don’t feel well.”
Once the sunlight reached her face she felt better. “I didn’t want to appear rude. I’m not sure how all the rules go.”
“We don’t have rigid rules about things.”
Bree nodded, while thinking that Andrew was so entrenched into the Amish way of life he didn’t realize just how many rules he was following.
When more people followed them outside, Andrew said, “Come over to the side. They’ll be bringing the coffin out soon.”
“Is that the buggy it’s going in?” She pointed to a large buggy that looked like it’d been made for carrying coffins.
“Jah. Then we’ll all follow it to the graveyard.”
There was such a sense of formality and tradition associated with the Amish that Bree knew the members would have a sense of belonging to something larger than themselves. That was something she’d missed out on in life – belonging to something or someone. She looked down at the bump under her dress and hoped her baby would be happy with the decision she’d made. Her baby would belong to a loving group of people and never know loneliness like she’d known. One thing she knew for certain was that her baby would never be called a mistake.
Bree stood still next to Andrew as four men carried the coffin out of the house on their shoulders. They lowered the shiny wooden coffin into the buggy.
More people came out of the house, and then Andrew said, “Okay, let’s go.”
She walked with him to his father’s buggy and she traveled with Andrew’s family as they fell in line with the funeral procession. The buggy with the coffin led the way followed by a long trail of buggies.
It brought back memories of Simon’s funeral, but then she’d been an outsider, and now she felt like she was somehow a part of Simon’s family. They didn’t have far to go before they were getting out of the buggy once more.
The crowd gathered around the open grave while Bree stood back. The bishop spoke words about life and death. When he ended his words by saying that now Henry Fuller was safe in God’s house, chills ran up and down Bree’s spine. How good it would be if what the bishop had said was all true. What if there really was a loving creator who cared for everyone individually? Whether it was true or not, it did seem to give all the Amish people some hope.
Bree looked on as the men lowered the coffin into the grave. Out of the corner of her eye she saw someone lift his head. It was Andrew; he was now walking over to her.
“You okay?”
Bree knew he was concerned. “Yeah. It’s just a bit sad. Someone’s alive one minute and the next they’re gone.”
He nodded. “I know. It’s hard not to be a little fearful of the unknown.”
Bree was certain he was going to give her a spiel about how believers were better off with God, but how would it be better to be dead? “How’s your mother handling it?” Bree asked. “Everyone was so quiet in the buggy I was too afraid to say anything.”
“I’m sure Simon’s death has all come back to her since we’re all at another funeral so soon. As the bishop said, death is a part of life and it’s something we accept as being a cycle. We’re born and then we die.”
Glancing up at the sky, Bree said, “That’s something no one can escape. No matter how rich they are.”
“You thinking about your parents?”
Bree gave a small laugh. “I try my best not to think about them, but I still find it hard to believe they sent me away.”
“Maybe they’ve had time to cool down and think things through. Perhaps they see things differently now.”
She shrugged her shoulders. “Who knows?” One thing was for certain, Bree didn’t want to find out. She was not going to risk hearing one more time what a disappointment she’d been to them since she’d been born.
“I’ll go with you back to your place if you still want to go. You mentioned collecting some things from your parents’ house.”
“Would you?”
He nodded.
“I should do that soon. Thank you. Maybe some time next week?”
“You let me know.”
“What happens now? Is it over?” Bree asked.
“We go to Mrs. Lapp’s house to eat. There’s always food after a funeral. Mrs. Lapp is a good friend of Mrs. Fuller.”
She stared into Andrew’s eyes.
He laughed. “What is it that you’re thinking?”
“You’ve been such a good friend to me since I’ve been here. Thank you. I haven’t had many great friends.”
“I told you I’d be your new best friend.”
Bree knew their friendship had developed into something genuine and Andrew was not being kind to her out of a sense of duty alone.
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They arrived home late in the evening on the day of Mr. Fuller’s funeral. Mr. and Mrs. Stauffer went straight to bed while Andrew tended to the horse and buggy.
“Has your mother got another headache?” Bree asked Cora when they sat together in the kitchen.
“It seems like it. She’s not been herself ever since Mr. Fuller died. I was going to spend a couple of days with Susan, a friend of mine, but I thought Mamm might feel a bit off for a few days.”
“I can understand that. It must have been an awful shock to have the poor man die right in front of her.”
Cora stood up and headed to the stove. “I’ll make us some hot chocolate.”
“Thank you. That sounds good.”
Just as Cora had placed the third cup of hot chocolate on the table, Andrew came through the back door that led into the kitchen. “Ah, hot chocolate. Do we have marshmallows?”
“Jah, we do.” Cora reached onto a top shelf and pulled down a jar of pink and white marshmallows. When she sat down, she pushed the jar over to Andrew.
When Bree saw Andrew’s face light up, she smiled. “You have a sweet tooth?”
“I guess I do.” He shook four marshmallows into his hot drink and stirred them. “Would you like some?” he asked, looking across at Bree.
“I’ll try some.”
He pushed the jar over toward her. “You’ve never had marshmallows in hot chocolate?”
“Never.”
“You don’t know what you’re missing. Put at least two in and let them melt.”
When Bree took two out, she offered the jar to Cora who shook her head. “They’re too sweet for me.”
Bree picked up her spoon, stirred the marshmallows, and then watched them melt.
“Now take a sip.” Andrew brought the hot chocolate to his lips.
After Bree watched him she took a sip herself. “Mmm. It is delicious.”
“I know. I can’t believe you’ve never tried it.”
“I don’t normally have hot chocolate at all. I used to be a coffee drinker before … well, before it made me sick to drink coffee.”
“I think it’s horrible to have the marshmallows,” Cora said. “It’s much better plain.”
When Cora finished her drink she went to bed leaving Andrew and Bree sitting at the table. Bree was glad to be left alone with Andrew. If things in her life had been different, she would’ve liked a man such as he. She wondered how she looked to him by the soft glow of the overhead gaslight.
“Are you okay?”
She nodded. “Yes. I am. You’re teaching me some important things in life. Like how to drink hot chocolate. Although, it looks like you’re eating yours you’ve got so many marshmallows in there.”
He looked into his drink. “Only four. I would’ve had more, but I knew Cora would’ve turned up her nose at me.”
Bree laughed at him. They talked for at least another hour before Bree thought she should call it a night and go to bed.