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Once again I’m alone in the Hellscape, well kind of. Agro is a ninja of sorts always doing as he pleases, but each time I leave a Hellscape he never gets left behind. He always seems to know when I’m going to leave even before I do. Still, the Hellscape is silent when it’s unshaped. Any noise made didn’t seem to echo in the Hellscape unless it’s close to taking on a shape. Sometimes even without the marble it feels like a paper thin wall is all that kept me from the next dimension within the Hellscape.
I look down at my shoe to see Agro has just been riding on it as I walk.
“Is that how you do it buddy, you just ride around on my shoe and I don't even notice,” I say with a chuckle.
Argo gives me a thumbs up right before adjusting his grip. I really can't complain how I have faced five out of seven sins already, and have made friends with a severed hand. I have been through all this, and with each test my concern for my mother has become less. Not because I didn't care, but because I somehow know everything is going to be ok. In my gut I know focusing on these trials is how I’m going to free her.
Reaching into my pocket I withdraw the now flimsy bag of marbles. Cupping the bag in one hand I reach into it with two fingers to retrieve another marble. The marble is warm in my palm and is filled with a dancing purple light.
“Hey Agro I was able to crush the last marble in my hand no problem. Do you think you could do the same just being a hand?” I say with just a touch of sarcasm.
Agro just holds still at first like he isn’t going to respond and then stands up on the stub of his wrist. Agro presents me with a salute from his middle finger before performing the severed hand version of a death drop.
“That was very dramatic Agro but I’m sure you feel proud of your performance.”
Agro pops back up on his fingertips and takes a bow obviously very proud of his performance.
“We just left pride’s place and we can most likely still turn back Agro.”
Agro responds with a jerking motion followed by him quickly opening up his hand spreading his fingers wide.
“Come on Agro,” I exclaim in disgust.
Squatting down to Agro I put the purple flame marble in front of him on the ground.
“Lets see what you got Agro!”
Agro walks around the marble a few times like he’s looking down at it. Picking it up he rubs the marble between his fingers a few times then Snap. Purple flames engulf Agro’s body causing his body to convulse.
“Oh God Agro, no!”
The purple flames effect him unlike myself. His hand just laid there motionless. This is such a tragic way to lose a friend over something as stupid as joking with them. I would have just crushed it myself if I knew he...
“Wait! I just saw your pinky twitch. Agro you bastard I know your playing possum,” I shout in a combination of amusement and anger.
Agro didn’t move. His body just laid there the same as before.
“I see how it is. If you're dead you wouldn’t care if I stepped on you to just make sure.”
I lift my foot preparing to step on the center mass of Agro just to have him jump up at the last second and give me the thumbs up again.
“Agro, I don't say things like this often, but you truly are an asshole.”
Agro stands up once more and takes a bow. Agro had distracted me so much I didn’t notice that we now stand in a back alleyway. The wet stone streets reflect the neon lights hung overhead, piercing the night sky.
“That was quite a performance from your friend there David. That means a lot coming from me because I know a thing or two about performance,” a woman’s rough voice echoes through the alley.
“Show yourself!” I shout.
“Thats always what the eager want is to see me, to show myself to them. The cover of night is just as seductive as any see through lacey undergarment. You always want to know what lurks in the darkness beyond the point of your vision. Your imagination could bring you into pleasure or cast you into disgust, but in the end they’re always curious to see what lies beneath the darkness.” The woman’s voice reverberates off the brick walls whispering through the streets with its echoes.
“Ma'am You can't miss what you never knew, so with that being said I'll be on my way.”
“Oh David, if it was only that easy to dismiss lust. Primal forces course through the veins of humanity. Adolescence transcending into the mature phases of life still hear the call of flesh, but yet they do not know of it. The mystery of the unknown is enough for many to abandon their ambitions.”
“I have never been too keen on mysteries or puzzles, so again if that’s what you're leading with, I’m done with...”
“Kell. My name is Kell David. Now that you know me, maybe we should get to know eachother even better,” Kell says while stepping into the light from a dark branch off the main alleyway.
The neon lights harshen her appearance with each step she takes. The light shows through her thin blonde hair revealing its brittle structure and unnatural color. The luminance reflects off of her pale greasy skin. She wears a loose fitting red dress that leaves little to be known about her boney structure. She is not beauty or grace. She is shameless and knows no discomfort.
“Don’t worry David, I won't bore you with the normal speech of how desperate a man must be to want me like this. That making strong men fall to desire this makes the sin so much better. You have pretty much got the gist of that from the other sins. I can be whatever you want David no matter how taboo it is. Do you want something young? Maybe you want someone you saw in your church, but you couldn’t bring yourself to it. No, you want something familiar, something you don't have to rediscover the ins and outs of.”
Kell’s body begins to slowly change before me. Her blond hair comes to life with a thick vibrance dancing throughout it. Her breasts fill out as her skin regains a healthy glow softening the harsh effects of the neon lights. What was once a bony body has become full and gleaming with presence. Kell’s face slowly changing into someone I once knew so intimately. I no longer saw Kell standing before me, but the face and body of my ex wife Cathy.
“Isn’t this much better David? Oh how I have missed you.”
Kell’s voice even sounds like hers. My emotions swirl inside of myself as a tempest against my soul. I want to love her for the time we had, but hate her for the time she stole from me. I want to hold her close and just fall apart in a current of anger, pain, and loneliness. Seeing her made me want to die all over again.
“David, my sweet thing, I can see the storm of tears building behind those eyes. I can feel the pain swelling up inside you. Oh baby,” Kell says while opening up her arms to embrace me.
With all my heart I want to feel her embrace again. I want to feel like all this never happened. That all the pain and loss was a bad dream that I just had to wake up from. That upon waking I would have my family back, and that I never had taken that life, but I couldn’t. I didn’t know God as I did before. In the past if something happened I would have seen it as a test, or prayed for guidance over the most mundane of things. Now I feel we were always meant to figure it out for ourselves. That prayer is always meant to be a form of reflection that brings us to God in all things in life, not to cry out for him to solve our problems. Before I saw it all as destiny, but now I see that it has always been about choice.
“Kell, thank you for letting me see my Cathy with a loving look on her face again, but that time has come to pass. If I dwell in my feelings of the past I'll never see what is before me in the now, and the future will always be just out of reach. I’ll always love Cathy because we made a beautiful boy together. For that I choose to feel love for her and the future she chooses. I can’t hate her for doing what she felt was right for her and our son. I will always choose love Kell for love is what lust wishes it could be.”
“It's not that easy David. If I touched you right now, would your body not respond? Let me touch you David.” Kell moans while reaching towards my leg.
I grab her hand stopping her from grasping me, but when I look up I’m met with a passionate kiss. My defenses drop from feeling the warm rush of blood surge through me. I pull her in tight, wrapping my arms around her. Kell’s fingers claw at my upper back pulling her body closer to mine. I want this so badly. To be one again with the woman I loved so long ago, but it isn’t her. With tears in my eyes I push Kell away from me.
“I can’t. Cathy has moved on. I still love her but because I love her I do have to let her go to find someone that she can love and pour her soul into. If I’m to do this it would just prove my love for her is selfish. No matter how much it may hurt me I want her to find love and learn to trust in that love. Kell thank you again because you have helped me let the past go by facing it, and in a way I love you too for helping me realize this.”
Kell’s eyes begin to water, fighting back emotion she must have forgotten from her own past. The tears burn her skin as they run down her face. She covers her face sobbing into her hands.
“It didn’t have to be this way,” Kell says, speaking through her tears.
“All I ever wanted was to just be loved. Each time I thought I found love I would just get used until I stopped trusting. As soon as I stopped trusting, sex, and emotions just become the currency of security. A way to stay alive. All that time I thought there was always this glimmer of hope that I would be found and someone who would save me, and give me a reason to love. That person never came and I died alone, all used up.”
“Kell, was what you did truly lust if you did it to survive?”
“That's what I asked myself in the beginning, but I fed into the lust of others and used it against them in order to survive. I never wanted or enjoyed any of it. I was just a broken shell of a person trying to make it through the day.”
“Kell that's not true.”
“What are you talking about,” Kell says in awe.
“You said it yourself. You lived for love hoping it would find you one day. You always had hope even in the darkest of times or you would have just given up. You kept pushing because if there was even a chance, it was enough to keep going.”
“You're right David, it's all I ever wanted.”
I pull Kell close and hold her tight. Maybe this is a common thing in Hell. People become agents of sin because they’re too strong to quit, but don’t know enough of the truth to set themselves free. Maybe I can do something about this. Maybe it is possible to escape Hell if you forgive yourself and let go.
While I’m in thought a door appears. The door is always different, never appearing the same way twice, or at least as far as I have experienced. I take Kell by the hand and walk to the door with her. Maybe she can get out of here with me or at least start the process of finding a way out. I open the door and turn around to face Kell to say a few words before we part.
“Kell, maybe you can come with me and find freedom from this place, maybe khawk...”
Kell slashes at my throat with her nails drawing blood. She screams at me making the most horrific sound I have ever heard. Her body begins changing again but not into something beautiful, but something monstrous. Her fingers grow longer as her limbs elongate, creaking with each inch they grew. Her skin becomes translucent as it stretches, pushing her veins to the surface. Hair thinning and falling out in clumps.
“So so close David. I played you like all the others. When you can't lead them by the genitals you just tug on the heart strings instead. Now, like the rest of them I’ll devour your soul,” Kell speaks in a garbled voice.
Holding my throat I panic. I have really let my guard down. I thought I was really getting to Kell and helping her work through the memories that were keeping her trapped in Hell. I must have become too gullible along the way forgetting the nature of this place, and those who dwell within it. I thought I found good in some of these agents of sin, but it's about to get the best of me.
I press my back to the door gripping my throat tight feeling the crimson warmth seep through my fingers. Kell raises her arm like a tree branch whipping in the wind, claws exposed seeking to end my existence. I’m afraid to remove my hands from my neck not knowing the severity of the damage done.
THUD.
Kell strikes the door near my head leaning in closer. Her musty breath warms my forehead making me feel ill to my stomach.
“David, you didn’t want me before but now you don't have a choice. You know what they say, if you can’t handle me at my worst you don’t deserve me at my best.” Kell bursts out in laughter.
“Just kill me already. I will never give you what you want Kell. I’ll never love you. I’ll never lust for you, and I will never grieve for you. You are right where you belong!”
Kell becomes infuriated with my show of defiance and raises both clawed hands in the air above her head. Screaming at the top of her lungs she swings down and...
CLICK.
I fall backwards as the door I had my back pressed against opens. Landing on the other side of the door frame I see Agro do a little dismount from the door knob landing on my stomach. He did it again showing up when I needed him the most.
Kell stands on the other side of the door staring at me with fire in her eyes. She can’t walk through after me. She is stuck. Her power must be limited to the Hellscape created for it. The door bleeds away into the darkness of the new dormant Hellscape leaving my wounded self and Agro all alone.
Agro rushes up to my neck slapping at my hands. Trusting Agro I remove my hands from my neck assuming he wants to take a closer look. Agro pokes at my neck with his thumb then holds still like he is assessing the wound. I start to stare at him intensely looking for some sort of response from him.
SMACK.
The little shit slaps me across the face. I place my fingers to my neck gently to feel the damage Kell had inflicted. The marks were deep but missed anything vital. I'm sure when Agro saw this he thought it was a good time to make another one of his famous points.
“If you keep slapping me Agro, I'm going to leave you somewhere in the dark for some monkey bat demon thing to find you. Who knows how dating in Hell works, it could work out for you.”
Agro in response just walks over to my foot and hops up onto my shoe. Once he found a comfy way to hold onto my shoe he taps on the sole of my shoe to let me know he is ready to go. I'm still taken aback by the fact I have a friend that is a smart ass severed hand. If I can make friends in such circumstances I'm sure God does truly work in mysterious ways.