Hello and welcome. Here, at the Kids’ Institute, our team of brilliantly bratty boffins have been hard at work coming up with super-duper tips, tricks and hacks to help kids like us get the absolute most out of life.
So, without further ado, I give you: The Kids’ Guide to Better Living.
Having a bath is fun when you’re young. But it gets boring very quickly. You older kids are probably so over it by now, you would happily go an entire week without a single rub-a-dub scrub. Well, the brainiacs at the Kids’ Institute have come up with a brilliant way to skip it once in a while: just as Mum or Dad calls ‘bath time’, tell them that there is absolutely no need tonight, because ‘today was National Wash at School Day’. Let them know you had a very long shower and even washed your hair (tip: earlier in the afternoon, rub a tiny bit of shampoo into your hair to give it that just-washed smell). Then explain that the only problem was you forgot your gold coin donation – which you’ll have to take tomorrow.
Ever since the very first television broadcast in 1928, kids have wanted to watch more TV, and parents have wanted us to watch less. Parents think too much TV isn’t healthy. But a very wise person once asked, ‘If TV is so bad for us, why is there one in every hospital room?’ The bright sparks here at the Kids’ Institute have come up with an ingenious trick to get your mum and dad to let you watch more. The next time you’re in computer class with your schoolmates, create a fake newspaper report. Try a headline like, ‘Studies Show Kids Who Watch TV, SMARTER!’ Make sure you – and all your classmates – take it home and leave it where your parents can read it. After that, your parents will probably move the family TV into your room!
You don’t need to be a rocket scientist to know that kids love treats! And our studies show that kids want MORE! NOTE: If you’re a kid who doesn’t, we’d like you to put this book down right now and go directly to your family doctor for a full medical examination. Right, back to treats, and getting more of them … For eons, parents have made us kids earn our treats. We’ve had to behave ourselves, do our homework, clean up our room and fill our star charts. Doing these things has usually been rewarded with a treat. At the Kids’ Institute, we’ve had a creative brainwave to help maximise daily treat consumption. Getting treats seems to be all about us kids doing the right thing. So, it only seems fair that kids should also get treats when parents do the WRONG thing! Mum swears? That’s at least two lollies. Dad forgets to sign your excursion form – that’s a whole packet. You get the idea … Introduce this new rule and it will rain treats!
We at the Kids’ Institute hope you have found these tips, tricks and hacks helpful. Put them to good use and begin your journey to BETTER LIVING, today.
