Who teaches kids disgusting things?

Like the joy a fresh-picked nose can bring,

Or the fun contained in just one fart?

Who taught you this? Where did it start?

Who told you phlegm could dangle down

Then slurp back up with slippery sounds?

Who showed you how to flick that snot?

Or worse, to eat it? Oh, you grot!

Well, here’s the rub kids, yes it’s true

Your mum and dad were once like you

With scabby knees and snotty noses

They didn’t always smell like roses!

They may pretend that they’ve forgotten,

But Mummy’s farts were super-rotten,

And Daddy used to eat his snot,

He really loved it, quite a lot!

So, all this yucky information

Started with their generation!

They invented all that stuff,

And so, it might seem rather rough,

That kids like you can get in trouble

For blowing lovely green snot bubbles,

‘Do as I say, not as I did!’

I hear them yell, but hear this kid,

For every time your parents shout,

‘Good lord, your fart has stunk us out!’

Just keep in mind, you’re not the worst,

Your dear old parents did it first!