When I was a kid, The Magic Faraway Tree was my favourite book. I say was because it isn’t anymore. It was my fave until Year One.

See, one day in Year One, I was at the library with Jodie Thomas, who was my best friend. I say was because she isn’t anymore either. Why? Because she’s a total DUH! Let me explain … We were drawing characters from our favourite books, and I wanted to do an awesome abstract illustration of Silky the fairy. Who doesn’t love Silky? Or fairies for that matter? Anyway, I’d gone up to the borrowing desk to borrow, you guessed it, The Magic Faraway Tree. Meanwhile, Jodie Thomas was totally flirting with these Year Two boys on the other side of our table. Because she’s a DUH! She was all like: ‘Yeah, my ambition in life is to become an astronaut, or a Kardashian … maybe both.’ See what I mean? DUH!

Anyway, as I returned from the borrowing desk, nose in book, Jodie, who was still all: ‘I KNOW! Roblox is just so 2018!’ had rested her hand on my seat, holding her freshly sharpened HB pencil, with the point pointing UP!

Can you guess what happened next?

Yep. I sat, and that pencil stabbed me fair in the left butt cheek.

I jumped so high, I could have pulled off a moon landing then and there. Once I landed and proceeded to do what any self-respecting Year One kid who has been stabbed with a pencil in the butt would do, I ran around the room crying ‘I want my mummy!!!!’

Then, forgetting I was in sight of the entire population of Year One and Two, I dropped my daks to check out the damage. Rookie mistake.

See, kids can be cruel – not that there is anything wrong with kids. Some of my best friends are kids. All my kids are … well … kids.

BUT kids don’t forget. For the rest of my primary school career, I was given a nickname because of what happened that fateful day in Year One in the library. Can you guess what it might be? Think about a character with a pencil where, like me, you wouldn’t usually have one …

Yep. Mr Squiggle. ‘Squiggs’ for short. I was even called Squiggs by kids who came to the school after the fateful Magic Faraway Tree episode! They didn’t even know why I was called Mr Squiggle, but it didn’t stop them calling me it! Sheeesh!

Anyway, I still have a piece of pencil lead in my left butt cheek, like a memento from a time I’d rather forget. I still get shivers whenever anyone mentions Mr Squiggle and I’ve never been able to read The Magic Faraway Tree again …