Last week you sat on me.
I never said one word about it.
Even though
you farted in my face
and
didn’t flush afterwards.
That’s just me. It’s who I am.
I never complain.
But
when I sat on your face
you said a lot
of very hurtful things.
I’m just letting you know
I don’t appreciate
being screamed at
so early in the morning.
OR
ANY TIME
And
Ugly.
Or
Fat.
Or
Twit Head.
My NAME is CLIVE.
And DAVE,
For your information:
I’m extremely good-looking.
Even though three of my eyes
are a bit sideways.
With the girls from the garden shed
It’s not FUNNY.
Unlike someone
else I could mention –
DAVE.
And
thanks to that
‘Cockroach-free-low-fat-NO-fat-some-fat diet’
I’m definitely not FAT.
I’m not even cuddly.
I’m THAT skinny
I almost can’t SEE me.
As for a Twit Head:
Last year
I was voted
TOP of my class
By
My
MUM.
Are YOU top
of your class, Dave?
I DON’T think so.
Remember
that time you
used your school report
for toilet paper?
I read it.
And
I know what F
stands for.
One final thing, Dave.
I didn’t like
you trying to kill me.
With BIG-BOY deodorant.
Which, by the way,
Didn’t work.
DAVE
And
I’m on your pillow
smelling
fresh
as
an
armpit.
Don’t worry,
DAVE
That’s just me.
It’s who I am.
Your best (and only) friend,
CLIVE
PS: If you promise not to KILL us,
Mum says you can come and play anytime.
RSVP: The downstairs toilet.