My name is Alfie and I am a cat; or more accurately, I am a doorstep cat. This means I have one main family that I live with, but I also visit other families. I am a bit like a part-time pet, with many different homes and lots of humans to hang out with. I get fed well (pilchards are my favourite), I get stroked and fussed over, and I also get to play with lots of children. I really like children. I have many friends, both human and cat, and I love them all. I like to think I am a very lucky cat.
You see, I like to help people and cats. I am very good at helping, which is what any good cat should do.
Everyone knows cats are cool. They’re possibly the coolest animal around. So below is my step-by-step guide to show you how to be as cool as a cat.
1. BE KIND
The coolest thing any cat or human can be is kind. This means being nice to others and doing good deeds for people. Cats have big hearts and people have big hearts, so put them to good use. Never be mean. There is nothing cool about being mean.
2. BE FUN
I love fun. I play lots of different games. I climb trees – although not too high, of course – and I like to run around in the outdoors and play with my friends. I’ll be honest: I’m not keen on dressing up (most cats aren’t), but we do love hide and seek. Playing games with our friends is one of the coolest ways of passing time.
It is so cool to make people laugh, because it makes people happy. Here are a couple of jokes you can try:
What’s a cat’s favourite game?
Mousetrap!!
What’s a cat’s favourite colour?
Purrr-ple!!
Why do you have to be careful when it rains cats and dogs?
In case you step in a poodle!!
There are many non-cat jokes, but obviously cat jokes are the best!
Some people don’t know that being healthy is cool. I ensure I get a good amount of exercise – one of my favourites is playing cat football. It’s like human football only better because of course it involves cats! It is also important to eat well. Us cats appreciate our food, and we are grateful for what we are given. We eat very healthily (fish is especially good). You probably prefer human food … there is no accounting for taste, although I am partial to a bit of scrambled egg.
5. SLEEP LIKE A CAT
Oh, my friends, sleep is very cool. I love sleep. In fact, I might go as far as to say that sleep is one of my favourite things in the world. It enables me to have enough energy to be kind, play games, make people laugh, and be healthy. Therefore, sleeping well is one of the most important aspects of being cool, because being this cool takes work, so you definitely need to get plenty of rest. Now that I’ve shared the foundations of how to be cool like a cat, it’s time to put it into practice. Your task for today is to see how cool you can be.
Do something kind today – give someone a gift (I favour a mouse or bird, but that might not work for you), perhaps try flowers or even a hug, or offer someone a compliment.
You could tell someone how lovely their fur is looking – that never fails to make a cat happy!
Play a good game with your friends. I highly recommend hide and seek, but whatever you do choose, play fairly and have fun with it!
Make someone laugh. If you can tell them a good cat joke, then I would highly recommend that. If not, just tell your favourite joke.
Eat something healthy, like fruit, vegetables or pilchards, and do some exercise. Running in circles can be surprisingly good for you.
And to end this very busy, kind, fun, healthy day, tuck yourself into bed, read a good story and fall asleep, knowing that you’ve had a very cool day, and that you will wake up refreshed and ready to be cool again tomorrow.
If you follow these rules, you really will be as cool as a cat one day. You might even be as cool as me!