CHAPTER 20

Mega, Massive Or Mammoth?

Malcolm’s Genie bustled in.

‘Did you see the way I bustled in?’ he said.

‘Yes,’ said Malcolm. ‘That was good bustling in. Felt better than when you come out of my nose.’

‘You did that, guys. Well done. You cracked that puzzle really well.’

Malcolm and Crackersnacker got a proud feeling.

The Genie went on, ‘I am the Genie of the Magic –’

‘Never mind that,’ said Malcolm.

‘Fair enough,’ said the Genie. ‘On with my amazing news, then. I’ve been nosing around and I have seen something “extraordinaire”.’ (Which means ‘extraordinary’ in French. More Helpful Information there.)

Malcolm’s Genie cleared his throat and announced, ‘Doctor Roop the Doop, doop dee doop, has walked out on Uncle Gobb. He has broken the Genies’ rules and gone. Left him.’

What?!!!!

Malcolm and Crackersnacker looked at each other with very big eyes.

Was this good, or what?! Or was it totally good? Amazing? Mega? Massive? Mammoth?

(Note: Mr Keenly would know if it was mammoth because mammoths lived in the Stone Age.)

‘Crackersnacker,’ said Malcolm excitedly, ‘this is even bigger than mammoth! UNCLE GOBB HAS NO GENIE TO HELP HIM!!! That means he doesn’t know that the one thing he’s got to do is to split me and you up.’

‘Wow,’ said Crackersnacker quietly, ‘wow, wow and wow again.’

Malcolm could feel his heart thumping away like a heart going very fast. Which it was. It was going to be much easier now to do the Dad/Uncle Gobb swap at the top of the tower.

Then he and Crackersnacker walked out of the room and on up the stairs, leaving the Genie behind while he checked his cheek muscles in the little hand mirror that he always carried around with him.

Malcolm and Crackersnacker looked down. There was Uncle Gobb, climbing, stopping, panting, gasping, trying to climb some more, stopping, his chest heaving, his face sweating, hoping that his big moment was coming at the top of the Tower.

Suddenly, Malcolm thought that Uncle Gobb looked very small. And very weak. Just a little Uncle Gobb. Who wasn’t very good at climbing. A little tiny Uncle Gobb who had no Doctor Roop the Doop to help him. Just a little Uncle Gobb who shouts questions that people didn’t want to answer. A little Uncle Gobb whose name was on all these education things but only because Joe Big stole his name off him.

Malcolm could feel the big swap moment was just a few moments away. This is the ‘later’ that Dad meant, he thought.

After much more climbing and singing ‘Far and few …’ Malcolm and Crackersnacker reached the top of Laetitia von Bildungsroman’s Tower.

Wenda and Lizard and Mum were already there. They all looked out of the windows, over what seemed like the whole of America.

Far, far below they could see the woods, the lights in the camp and even the tree trolley, but not the lizards, it was too dark. Malcolm felt good. At any moment now, the swap would happen, and Uncle Gobb had no Doctor Roop to stop it happening. Where was Dad?

What seemed like ages later, Uncle Gobb arrived, gasping and panting. And panting and gasping.

‘Now – (gasp) – now – (pant) – I’m – (gasp gasp) – going to get – you two – (pant pant) – OUT OF MY LIFE!’

‘No you’re not, Uncle Gobb,’ said Malcolm. ‘You’re out of breath.’

‘Sit down and get your breath back, Derek,’ Mum said, ‘before you do any more talking.’

‘Have a raisin,’ said Wenda.

‘Look at my lizard,’ said Lizard, taking a lizard out of her pocket.

Uncle Gobb was too much out of breath even to eat a raisin, or look at a lizard. All he could do was sit down and puff.

Malcolm knew at that moment, even though Dad wasn’t there, they had won this part of his struggle. He and Crackersnacker gave each other high fives. And high tens for luck.

And, wahay! Malcolm knew that it was only because Mr Keenly had told them about the Jumblies and that him and Crackersnacker had liked the Jumblies so much that they had been able to solve the Jumblies puzzle. And they knew that it was because they had solved the puzzle that Malcolm’s Genie could come back. And it was because he could come back, they heard that Doctor Roop the Doop had left Uncle Gobb. And they knew that without Doctor Roop the Doop, Uncle Gobb never got to hear that the one thing he needed to do was come up with a way to split up Malcolm and Crackersnacker. And now, because he didn’t do that, he was nothing more than … than … a little Gobb.

A little Gobb.

Hah! That’s a win, Malcolm thought. A victory, for us.

Then Malcolm looked round. He thought, now, surely this is the moment when Dad does something that means that Uncle Gobb will stay here and not come back with us??? The swap …???

Where is Dad? Malcolm thought.

Where is Fender? Uncle Gobb thought.