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La Strada non Presa - The Road Not Taken
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Bagheria, Sicily
“I THOUGHT WE SHOULD all go together?” Belinda pleaded.
“We’ll be home tomorrow before you wake. Your mom wants you to travel with her. Leo will see to your safe arrival.” Mirabella accepted a too-tight hug from Belinda. And while locked in her young cousin’s embrace her gaze slipped over the girls’ shoulder to the car where Minnie sat looking forward. Since Marietta’s disappearance Minnie could barely stand to be in the same room with Mirabella without fits of tears and demands for answers to her never-ending questions.
“What about the kids?” Belinda asked as she pulled away. “Cecilia and Nico are off visiting family. Zia is so sad she can’t watch them. Maybe I can be of help to you? Think on it. I stay and play with the kids while you and Giovanni have some time for yourselves? I'd love too. It’s so pretty in Sicily. I always wanted to come here, when I was a kid. You know? I read some books and stuff about this place in our encyclopedia. I always wanted to be here. Did you know Godfather III was filmed here? Leo said—”
Mirabella chuckled. “The children have almost a hundred cousins here today. They will be fine. And it’s just as pretty in Sorrento as it is here. Go, we’ll talk when I return.”
“You promise? Momma wants to leave to go home. She said she wants to go now.”
“You won’t leave before I return. I can promise you that.”
“I... well I’d like to get a work visa... and—”
“Work visa?”
“Kyra and Jamie both said I can apprentice. Maybe even go to Paris. I asked Mama and she said no. I was thinking... maybe you can talk to her?”
“It’s not the right time.”
“Mama really does want to go home,” Belinda whimpered.
“We’ll talk, that’s all I can promise right now.” Mirabella said more firmly.
Belinda ran her hand back through her long braids and moved them from her face. Her white summer halter top and blue jean cut off shorts with thong sandals made her look like a teenager instead of an adult. Maybe it was best she returns to America. Belinda’s troubled nature was a problem to solve for another day.
Today belonged to Rocco and Zia. After seeing Giovanni back to the villa where he changed from the wet soggy clothes he wore on the beach she shifted her focus back to the family. Where it was most needed.
“Okay then. I’ll see you in the morning, I guess.” Belinda sulked. She walked back to the car. Leo wore dark sunglasses, but his head moved slightly, and Mirabella could see him watching her. He stood as still as a statue with his gloved hands clasped before him. The car door was left open for Belinda. She stopped before it. Whatever passed between them felt brief. Belinda got inside the car obediently. She waved. Mirabella did so in return and then she nodded to Leo that he should follow her instructions. She stood there under the shadow of the trees watching the last car drive off the property.
Inside the palazzo there was plenty of family noise, and welcoming chatter to greet her. And the mothers of the family were always present. Today would be the last day the Battaglia women all wore black. The last day Donna Mirabella wore black.
“Where is she?” Mirabella asked.
“Bedroom, she wanted to be alone, to pray,” Zia Saverina said.
Dinner would be served when Mirabella approved, the menu had to be of her choosing, and even the drinks for the family were chosen by her. Mirabella kissed the older woman’s cheek and whispered her wishes into Saverina’s ear. Saverina nodded. Mirabella had to stop several times to answer a question or console someone before she made it to the room where Zia slept. She hesitated before knocking. Her knuckles then did a gentle tap on the surface. When Zia didn’t answer she decided to go in. Inside the barely lit room she found Zia on her knees before a homemade altar. Rocco’s picture was in the center of candles. Above the altar was a crucifix with Christ impaled. The savior looked down sorrowfully upon her. Zia still wore the black lace veil over her hair but not her face. She prayed.
It was with care and respect that Mirabella closed the bedroom door. She joined Zia before the altar. She closed her eyes and said a prayer for them all. When she prayed she found the compassion in her to ask God for his mercy for her brother Armando’s soul. Prayer allowed herself to feel the remorse over Catalina and Marietta she swore to Giovanni she didn’t carry. Because before God she could hide nothing. And even still she dug deeper with humility to ask God for his grace in protecting her sister and her unborn child. When she was done praying she felt a shift at her side. Mirabella opened her eyes to see Zia dabbing at her own tears.
“How are you?” Mirabella whispered.
Zia did not answer, but she extended her hand for help. Mirabella obliged. Together they managed to stand. Zia’s hand slipped from hers and she went to the bed. She sat with a burdened sigh. Mirabella sat in the chair closest to the bed. For ten minutes they remained that way. Locked in silence. Then Zia’s gaze slipped over to her and she spoke.
“Has everyone eaten? You must eat for the baby.”
“They will eat soon. I want you to join us.”
Zia declined with a deep sigh.
“We are all grieving. And we all want to be there for you, Zia.”
“I need this time alone.”
“I was told you didn’t want to go back to Sorrento with the family. I know you may not want to go Chianti, but Melanzana is home.”
“I will stay here,” Zia said. “My home was here long before I ever stepped foot into Melanzana.”
The news was like a dagger to Mirabella’s heart. Not because it was unexpected, but because she dreaded it. The request sounded final.
“For how long Zia?” Mirabella asked. Her tone meek, almost childlike.
“I don’t know. My sister and I have made peace. She has welcomed me to move in with her and her daughter in Carina. But this war of families has put a target on the back of anyone named Battaglia, even a defenseless old woman like me. I think I will.” Zia voice faded. Mirabella waited for her to say more. This time Zia looked her in the eyes and held her stare. “I will stay in Bagheria, until you find my Catalina and bring her back home to me I will not return to Italy.”
“How can you expect me to find her?”
“She is out there, and she belongs with us. You sent her away Mirabella and look what has happened. You had the power to forgive her sin, but you chose revenge.”
“You blame me?”
Zia lowered her gaze in shame.
“Answer me. Do you blame me?”
“No. I’m sorry for my words. It’s not your fault, I blame Rocco.” She glanced to the picture of her husband. “He and his brothers have caused more misery than happiness in life. There are so many things you don’t know. Things I wish I could say. Things I must take to the grave if this family is to survive what is dead and buried.”
“Like who is the real father of Lorenzo?”
Zia glanced at Mirabella and frowned. “Rocco has told you the truth.”
“Has he? Giovanni doesn’t think so. He needs answers. He says you refuse to talk to him. He isn’t pushing you Zia because Rocco is dead, but you will have to tell us the truth soon.”
“My coming to Gio and confessing my sins won’t solve anything, Mirabella. Giovanni and Lorenzo will kill each other before it’s done. All I have left is my Catalina. She was here, in Palermo. I’ve heard the rumors of her and Armando marrying. If it’s true she’s coming back here. I’ll be here when she does. I’m not going home with you. I won’t ever step foot into Melanzana unless Catalina is welcome. That isn’t because of you, it’s a message I send to Giovanni. He will understand it.”
“So, you want to manipulate Giovanni after everything he’s been through? The more I think about it Giovanni is right not to trust any of us.”
“You’re wrong. Giovanni should trust you. I saw you fight for him harder than even his madre did when his father made him jump from the cliffs. I saw how far you’d go to protect him. I wish I had that strength long ago before my only son died.”
“Oh, Zia!”
“Giovanni is in an impossible position. The only power I have to save Catalina is my obedience. He will eventually welcome us both back. You will learn that soon.”
“Zia we need you.”
“Basta!” Zia clapped her hands and silenced Mirabella. “No tears now. No apologies. No regrets. Quel che fatto è fatto—What’s done is done. You are much stronger today than you were yesterday. You saved his life, and that came at a price. We all pay Mirabella. It’s how we atone that matters. Now is our atonement, and it won’t be easy. It shouldn’t be easy, for any of us—including you.”
“Why are you seeking atonement? What have you done?”
“Non ne voglio discutere con te,” Zia waved off the question.
“You will discuss it with me,” Mirabella insisted. She sat forward. “Look at me, Zia. Please! You were there. In this family, as his wife, you were here the entire time. You tried to burn Eve’s diary—.”
“I did nothing.”
“There’s something you’re hiding. What is it? You knew Rocco’s crimes, Tomosino, Isabella, all of them. And you did nothing. How did you meet Rocco? Was it the same way? Did he take you from your family like Tomosino took Eve? What is the secret this family is protecting? Che palle!” Mirabella spat.
“You’re right. I was here. I know my husband was a rapist because he raped me. I’ve known what kind of man Rocco was long before he found enough weakness in my spirit to enter my heart. You have no idea what I have lost and how I was punished for marrying him. My only son, my only child, the only one God will give me died from a bullet to the face with his own fathers’ gun. And instead of consoling me he went after another woman, and another, and another. I have been punished enough in life to know I could change nothing if I didn’t repent. And I never repented because despite it all I loved him. You’re stronger than me, than your sister, than Eve. We all see it. You can use that strength to save us or help Giovanni destroy what’s left of us. Either way my time has passed. Learn from my mistakes, Mirabella! Learn! All I want to do is keep my promise to Eve and protect Catalina the best way I can. You have to do the rest.”
Zia wiped her tears. There was a finality in her words that was too much to bear. First Mirabella lost her mother, then her grandmother and Fabiana. She lost Catalina and Marietta. All she had left was Zia. Not anymore.
Mirabella pushed up from her seat and went over to Zia. She kissed her brow and then her cheek. “I will do everything I can to heal our family. And when the time is right Gio will bring Catalina home.”
“Grazie Donna Mirabella,” Zia said in a bitter tone. “For your mercy.”
“I love you, Zia,” she said and left the room.
Before Mirabella reached the doors to the palazzo she was in tears. But she made sure to wipe her cheeks dry, so her pain could be buried with all the other emotions. She drove the golf cart down to the villa where she and Gio stayed with the kids. And the pain lessened at the thought of being alone with her family. Mirabella too needed this break.
“Mama,” Eve ran over to her the moment she got out of the golf cart. “Mama, can we go swimming with Ella and Bella, the twins?”
Mirabella glanced over to see the twin girls Ella and Bella with their mother. The girls were seven and already had their swim suits on.
“I thought we’d eat with Papa, have our own little party in Mondello.”
“Papa’s gone,” Eve said. “Please! I want to go.”
“It’s okay Donna, she can come I’ll be with the girls and the men too.” Amy said. Mirabella sighed. The beach was heavily armed with their men. Even though these were dangerous times she felt safe on their property.
“Please, please, please,” Eve whined.
She glanced to Gino who was sucking his two middle fingers. She didn’t see Gianni but guessed he was in someone’s arms.
“Okay, but you put on your floaters and stay near the shore, mi capisci?”
“Sì capisco!” Eve grinned. She ran off toward the girls.
“Amy? They need their swimsuits that are up at the house. Saverina can get them for you. Dinner is going to be served soon, so don’t stay long. Make sure they stay close to the shore,” Mirabella yelled.
Amy nodded and put Eve and Gino in the golf cart. The kids buzzed like honey bees with excitement. Mirabella felt a sense of calm after seeing her children so happy. She closed her eyes and settled her emotions. She then went inside the villa. The half-smoked cigar on the coffee table was the only thing left behind. Giovanni was gone. His promise for a night in Mondello was broken. Something more important must have come up. She went to the back of the villa and laid down on the bed. It took little to no effort for sleep to claim her.