Evaluate your goals
There are two types of goals that the Stoics believed to be harmful to pursue: those where you aren’t likely to succeed, and those you will likely regret if you do succeed. As he slips off his wedding ring and approaches the attractive woman at the bar, Troy’s current goal checks both of these boxes, although checking only one would have been more than enough for the Stoics to consider it harmful. But Stoicism isn’t about judging Troy’s desires; it’s about judging your own. This week, you’ll examine your own desires to see how fruitful they really are.
"Take care that we do not labor for what is vain, or labor in vain; that is to say, neither to desire what we are not able to obtain, nor yet, having obtained our desire too late, and after much toil, to discover the folly of our wishes. In other words, that our labor may not be without result, and that the result may not be unworthy of our labor, for as a rule sadness arises from one of these two things, either from want of success or from being ashamed of having succeeded.”
Seneca, On Tranquility of Mind, 12
The Stoics may come across to some as the killjoys of ancient philosophers. Far better to be an Epicurean and go for sex, drugs, and rock ’n’ roll, right? Except that the Epicureans never actually pursued hedonism of that sort, quite apart from the fact that rock ’n’ roll had yet to be invented when they roamed the agora. Although Stoicism is often perceived as a demanding moral philosophy, you’ll be hard pressed to find a philosophy (or religion) that isn’t ethically demanding. That’s a big part of their job, and if you think it is more difficult to be a Stoic than a Christian, or a Buddhist, you have not entirely understood what the latter two are all about.
Troy should not take his ring off, or chat up the attractive woman, regardless of whether he is trying to pursue Stoic virtue, achieve Epicurean ataraxia (tranquility of mind), or be a good Christian. Why not? Because he is being disloyal to his wife, and lying to the woman, too, by hiding his marital status. All in the pursuit of lust. That is what Seneca means when he says that we should not labor for what is vain. And lust is a vain pursuit, because it does not improve you as a person even under the best of circumstances (i.e., when you are not married and not lying in order to get in bed with someone). Suppose Troy does succeed: he will feel good in the moment, and perhaps somewhat smug about his accomplishment for a little bit afterward. But if he is a decent person at all, eventually his conscience will begin to speak up, demanding to know why he betrayed the trust of his wife, possibly the mother of his children. Even if his conscience should stay silent, he may face consequences if his wife finds out: his marriage will be in ruins, and everything he has built up to that moment, including his relationship with his children, if he has any, will crumble or be radically altered, and not for the better. As Seneca puts it, Troy will discover the folly of his wishes, and be ashamed of having succeeded.
But there is a second side to this coin: Seneca says we should not labor to achieve things that we are not able to obtain. This is often interpreted by critics of Stoicism to mean that we should not dare to achieve new heights—and without that sort of spirit, where would the human race be? But that’s not at all what is meant here. The Stoics are simply advising us to calibrate our efforts to the likelihood of the results we may obtain, based on our best judgment of that likelihood. To attempt the impossible, or what is clearly not achievable for us, is to waste a lot of time and energy. If there is something we have in short supply, it is time. Incidentally, if you’ve heard of someone achieving the impossible, by definition whatever was achieved was not impossible. Modern Stoic Larry Becker writes about the “axiom of futility” in his book A New Stoicism: Do not feel compelled to do things that are not possible for you to do. It seems to be eminently reasonable advice, and Stoicism is all about being reasonable.