Practice Stoic sympathy stealthily
It’s natural to want to share your Stoic practice with others as you begin to see results. After several months of practice, Lewis has experienced the benefits, both for himself and those he interacts with, and has started offering Stoic advice to his friends and coworkers, often unsolicited. Some have found this input helpful; others have decidedly not. Lewis knows that other people’s reactions are beyond his control. But regardless, many early Stoics would not agree with Lewis wearing Stoicism on his sleeve. This week, you’ll explore why.
"Try, in your dealings with others, to harm not, in order that you be not harmed. You should rejoice with all in their joys and sympathize with them in their troubles, remembering what you should offer and what you should withhold. And what may you attain by living such a life? Not necessarily freedom from harm at their hands, but at least freedom from deceit. In so far, however, as you are able, take refuge with philosophy: She will cherish you in her bosom, and in her sanctuary you shall be safe, or, at any rate, safer than before. People collide only when they are traveling the same path. But this very philosophy must never be vaunted by you, for philosophy when employed with insolence and arrogance has been perilous to many. Let her strip off your faults, rather than assist you to decry the faults of others. Let her not hold aloof from the customs of mankind, nor make it her business to condemn whatever she herself does not do. A man may be wise without parade and without arousing enmity.”
Seneca, Letters to Lucilius, 103.3–5
Whenever we discover something exciting that makes a positive difference in our lives, it is natural for us to want to share it with others. Sometimes we share it because we genuinely want to be helpful, and other times because it feels good to brag (the latter is not a Stoic value, incidentally). So if you are finding Stoicism to be helpful, you may feel the urge to “witness,” as people say in some religious traditions. And why not? Stoicism is a great tool, and you wish someone would have told you about it years ago!
A philosophy of life, however, must first and foremost be lived. The best way to spread the word about Stoicism is not by talking about it (unless you are a teacher; even Epictetus made an exception in that case), but by acting according to its precepts. Talk is cheap, as they say, but actions speak volumes. If you are really practicing, it will show in your behavior: You will be less prone to anger or impatience, and you will be a better listener, a better friend, and more concerned with others’ well-being—whether close by or on the other side of the world. It won’t take long for those who know you to notice these changes, at which point they may ask, “Hey, what’s going on?” At which time you can reply, “Well, let me tell you about this guy Seneca I’ve been reading . . .”
As Seneca reminds us, it is far better to embody our philosophy than to merely talk about it, and few people appreciate being told what to do by a zealot. Going around chiding people that “that’s not the Stoic thing to do” will fall on deaf ears, and likely turn people off altogether. That would certainly be a pity, as they may indeed benefit from it. So don’t go around brandishing Stoicism as a stick to beat others on the head with whenever they are doing something you don’t think is virtuous. Keep your own soul in order, so to speak, and let it shine through your practice.