As you can see, there are many ways to approach anger. This week’s exercise will focus on the final strategy explored by Seneca: changing your behavior. The way to do this is by mimicking a calm demeanor whenever you feel anger building.
To make things easier, we suggest that you first think a little bit about how to implement some of Seneca’s advice about behavioral change; such as taking some time to relax, or avoiding socializing when you’re hungry, tired, or thirsty. Brainstorm some ideas of what reliably relaxes and refreshes your mind that you can easily incorporate into your daily routine.
Next, think about your week ahead. In what situations might you find yourself around other people when you may be exhausted or hungry? Plan how you can cope with these sensations in advance, either by postponing the encounters or trying to be well rested and fed before the encounter.
Great! Planning to cope with anger in advance will help reduce your anger levels over the course of the next week. Now let’s come up with a plan for how to behave if you notice your anger rising.
First, brainstorm ways to notice when you’re getting angry. Think back to when you’ve been angry before—how did you notice anger rising? Was it a physical tension or a flash of heat? Was it some thought, like cursing? Do you usually get angry in a certain situation or around a certain person?
Next, consider how a calm person would behave in the situations you listed above. Be sure to stick to just their behavior. Imagine what a camera would see if it were filming the person, not their thoughts or feelings. We’ll start you off with a few suggestions that Seneca mentioned.
Now that you’ve thought about telltale signs of anger, and some ways to behave when you feel anger rising, make an implementation intention or two combining the trigger with how you’d like to behave. For example: “Whenever I start cursing in my head, I’ll relax my facial muscles.”
Write your own down.
Review your implementation intentions daily for the next week. It may also be helpful to set reminders to relax and eat regularly to avoid being hungry or tired.
While many of us think that “venting” anger by acting on it is useful, scientific evidence suggests that the reverse is true.3 In fact, there’s some evidence to suggest that acting the opposite of anger helps people prone to anger reduce the emotion.4 A type of therapy called dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) trains people in the “opposite action skill” for a range of emotional issues.5 The theory is that by acting the opposite of how you feel, you can reduce both the negative outcomes of acting out as well as the emotion itself.
From a Stoic perspective, methods to head off anger allow you to better fulfill your role as a human being: You can be both more rational in the moment and more prosocial.
Take some time to write about your experience of acting the opposite of anger. Did you find that you were able to relax and not engage with people when you were tired or angry? Did this help prevent or reduce anger?
