LEO AGREES TO meet up for breakfast at the bakery near school. Provided I buy, of course. My hands are still shaking as I approach him, seated at the little cafe table on the sidewalk. I can’t even pretend it’s because I had too much sugar last night.
Leo taps his chin and then crosses his arms over his chest as I sit down. “You look like shit, Trachtenberg.”
I nod. “I’ve been eating my feelings. I think I understand what that means now.”
He arches a dark brow at me. “You’re going to have to elaborate. You just used the F-word with me, man.”
I puff out my cheeks as a server stops to take our orders. I roll my eyes as Leo orders a week’s worth of pastries in a to-go box. “Well,” I start again. “Lara was there last night.”
“Oh, shit!” He beckons for the server to come back and orders an entire pot of coffee for us. “Was this the first you saw her since…everything?”
I nod and tell him about her ring, her smug expression and my snowballing emotions, ending with me leaving Samantha alone on the desk with all that cake.
“You left her there? Just licked and left?”
I close my eyes and nod. When I open my eyes, he’s got his phone out, tapping away furiously. “Who are you texting? This is private, Leo.”
He talks with his mouth full. “I have to at least get Doug’s take on this, man. This is advanced. This is honors-level friend work and I’m more of a remedial pal.”
I shake my head rapidly. “No, Leo, please. You’re not remedial. You’ve been such a good friend and I just want to forget that this ever—“
“Oh, good.” Leo drops his phone back into his jacket pocket. “Doug is on his way. Oh, wait, yep! There he is. He did say he was close. Doug!” Leo waves his arms as our colleague parks across the street and then drags a chair over from the next table. It’s early enough that we’re the only people seated outside.
“I hear my services as a married man are required?” Doug grabs a pastry from the box and Leo nudges the coffee pot closer to him as Doug opens his travel mug to fill up.
“I have no explanation for walking away from Samantha Vine last night,” I moan. “Hell, I have no explanation for kissing her in the first place.”
Doug laughs. “No explanation? Come on, AJ.”
I stare between them, waiting for one of them to offer some sort of advice. Something to make me feel human again instead of this quivering ball of…what have I become, exactly? When neither of them says anything, I admit, “She’s intoxicating.”
Leo nods. “And you’re into her, man. You find her attractive.”
“Yes, obviously. So what do I do about it?”
Leo shakes his head and Doug groans. Leo leans forward and slaps the side of my head, causing me to yelp.
Doug says, “AJ, I’ve been married for a long time. I’m married to a very loud, very assertive woman. I’m here to tell you to be straight with this woman.” I wait for him to continue.
This is evidently the wrong response because Leo smacks me again. “Call her,” he says. “Tell her you’re an idiot and you want to apologize to her.”
“In person,” Doug adds. Leo nods.
What they’re suggesting sounds so logical, and yet more difficult than I think I can manage right now. “I don’t think I can call her. I humiliated her.”
Leo takes a long sip of his coffee and sets the white mug down gentle on the metal table. “I know you don’t want to hear this right now, but all of this shit about Lara? How she made you feel like you’re trash? You need to work on that.”
“Work on that? I’m working on trying to forget her, actually.”
He shakes his head. “You still believe all that shit she said, deep down. That’s why you walked away from Samantha last night and that’s why you’re hesitating about calling her. Because you don’t think you’re worth her time.”
I feel my guts churn as his words hit a little too close to home. I swallow as Doug pats my hand. “I agree with that assessment. And if you were one of my writing students wrestling with imposter syndrome, I’d assign you some mantras.” He nods and leans over to his shoulder bag, pulling out a pad of sticky notes and a pen. He quickly scribbles “I’m an awesome person” on one of the notes, peels it off, and tries to stick it to my sweater. It falls into my lap.
Leo moves to pick it up and I swat his hand away. Doug says, “It’ll stick better to your mirror. That wool you’ve got on is something else. But really, AJ. You’re a catch. She’s a catch.” He shrugs. “Just call her.”
I look at the note, trying to decide if he’s right, if I’m letting my baggage from Lara interfere with … everything. Leo gestures for Doug’s pen and writes in scratchy handwriting “I’m a dead sexy, hairy wolf.” I laugh and feel a little better, which I suppose was the entire goal of calling Leo this morning.
“I still don’t feel like I can just call, though. I need, like, a warm-up gesture to smooth things over.” I take a nibble of a scone and watch Leo’s face transform into a wide grin.
“Send her some cake, man.” He points at the bakery. Doug holds out a hand for a high five, which Leo offers with a resounding smack.
“Cake,” Doug grins. “Who doesn’t like cake?”
Leo snickers. “We’ve already established that both AJ and Samantha are fans of the medium.” Doug checks his watch and they gather up their stuff to leave. “See you in a bit, man.”
I brush off the table and open the door to the bakery, hearing the bell tinkle as the door shuts behind me. The woman working behind the counter smiles, recognizing me from outside. “Get ya anything else?”
I stick my hands in my pockets and wince. “I need a good apology cake.”