Audrey beams as she calls the executive leadership meeting to order. I’m so proud of her and grateful for all she’s done for this company. And me. I feel my eyes well up a bit as she says, “I’m so excited to gather here with a full roster on such an important day. I cannot wait to see what we all achieve together.”
In the past month, Audrey, Logan and Shane have set up entire teams in marketing, Human Resources, finance, and business development. That last one makes me feel the most grateful, even as it makes me clench my jaw. I’m working really hard on admitting to myself that delegating these tasks is a sign of success. This is still my company, even if I’d rather hole up with my tech team and continue developing our products.
“We’ve had some amazing feedback from our board of directors,” Audrey continues. “Major kudos to our marketing team for propping up the recent social media excitement about Vinea! Sam, do you want to be the one to share the good news with the group?”
I press my lips together. I’m still sort of waiting for someone to say they’re just kidding and the SEC said no thanks to Vinea joining the stock market. “Shouldn’t this be Logan’s time to shine? She did most of the work on this.”
Logan shakes her head and pats my hand. “Go on, Sam. Say it out loud. Say the words.”
I look around the table at my friends, and colleagues I hope will soon be my friends. All I’ve wanted for so long was to create a place where everyone felt like their work is valued and seen. I take a deep breath and glance at the sticky note I’ve been clutching since Logan met me at my office door this morning. “Well,” I swallow. “About 16 million shares of Vinea stock will begin trading on Wednesday morning.”
The room erupts in cheers and everyone stands, walking around to pat me on the back and hug one another.
When all the shouting dies down, I notice Logan and Shane calling their spouses. Audrey video chats her mom. I feel a wave of grief wash over me. My family doesn’t even know this is happening and my mother…I honestly can’t remember enough about her to guess how she’d respond to this news. My thoughts drift briefly to AJ’s hands on my shoulders, the feel of his furry chest against my cheek. He’d probably take me out to dinner if he didn’t think I was—I’m not actually sure what it is AJ thinks of me. I step out of the conference room and tackle some emails ahead of the wave I know is coming. At least I can save my new assistant and marketing team a little busywork that way.
The work day is a blur of questions and joyful conversations. Logan leads an information session with the entire staff explaining how many shares of the company they’ll each get and what they are and are not allowed to do with them the first day. I feel like hot garbage and want to go home, change into leggings, and watch The X Files for about 30 hours.
But Logan strides into my office and tells me we have to go to Bridges and Bitters. When I shake my head, she leans across my desk. “Remember a few years ago when I wanted to go crawl in a hole or move back to my hometown and live with my mother?” I shake my head again. “Yes, you do. I know you remember how you showed up at my office and dragged me to a Foof meeting and changed my life.”
I purse my lips. “My life has already changed,” I tell her. I gesture around the room. “I have everything I ever wanted.”
She crosses her arms and glares at me. “No, Samantha. No you don’t. Come on.” She physically hoists me from my chair and walks me down the hall.
“I don’t want to ride in that ridiculous jalopy your boyfriend drives.”
She laughs. “That’s a cheap shot, madam. You know he’s my fiancé now.” She hustles me outside and into one of the giant white buses I had reserved for AJ’s students. I really can’t seem to get away from him, or rather the memories of chasing after him in hopes of…what? What did I expect from him other than what he gave me. How did he phrase it? Good dick.
That’s all I have mental space for anyway. I’m not sure why I’m this worked up about it going away. I sink into the first seat behind the driver as the entire staff loads into the bus. I perk up when some of the developers climb aboard, waving at me.
When we get to Bridges and Bitters, Esther greets us with a tray of fragrant drinks. She sets the tray on a table and points at me. “This girl is on fire,” she shouts, and lights the tray of drinks with a match as the Alicia Keys song blasts from the sound system. My staff bursts into applause.
I have to admit this is an amazing greeting. And by admit, I mean I start crying. Esther rushes around the table and pulls me into a hug. “Sam, come on. I told you it’s apple cider season. Are you sad your special drink isn’t pumpkin spice?”
That makes me laugh and I shake my head. “Apple cider is perfect, Esther. Thank you.”
Logan wheedles her way into the hug. “Esther told me about the grand entrance and I was a little worried. But…it’s really true, Sam. You’re on fire! You’re a fucking smash hit.”
I gasp. “Logan, I didn’t think you used language like that.” We both laugh and I sip the cocktail, a mix of Fireball whisky, hard apple cider, and true love from my true friends. “I was told there’d be cakes?”
Esther gestures toward the bar, where there’s a display of tiny, decadent desserts from Le Beau Gateau. “You’ve got a choice between bete noir, lemon cake, and burnt almond torte.” Seeing my face, Esther laughs and hands me a plate. “Or take one of each. It’s your party!”
I do just that and park myself in a cozy booth with cake and whisky, watching wistfully as my entire staff gets hammered.
Only it’s not just my staff. I look around, confused. My friends are all here. All of them. All the Brady ladies, all the Stag ladies, Esther, Chloe, Piper…we haven’t had a full Foof showing like this since Orla’s baby shower. Every woman is beaming and shaking a shiny green pompon. “Samantha Vine! You did it!” Nicole smacks a kiss on my lips and hip checks me. “You’re all over the news.”
Orla scowls as Esther hands her a cocktail. “Why do you look like that?” She glances at Logan, still holding on to my arm. “Why does she look like her rabbit has pinkeye?”
And then something terrible happens. I start to cry.
“Oh, hell,” Esther says. She puts the whiskey down on the bar and walks around. She wraps me in a firm hug and pats my hair and I don’t know why I’m crying, but I definitely get mascara tears all over her shirt.
After a few minutes of this Esther guides me down the hall to the meeting room where we usually gather so the regular patrons don’t have to endure our cackling. It’s mostly me cackling, usually.
With a gentle nudge, Esther pushes me into the chaise lounge and I sigh. As she sits beside me I see that everyone else has followed her in, with Celeste bringing up the rear carrying a tray of snacks. I smile at that. She’s really leaning in to being a mom and grandma these days.
“Tell us what happened,” Esther says.
My lip wavers as I look around the room, at all these women I fiercely defend on the regular. All these women who have offered me advice every step of the way as I launched Vinea from nothing. “I should feel happy,” I tell them. “I just reached the pinnacle of success in my business.”
“Damn right you did.” Nicole pumps her fist in the air.
I shake my head. “I realized the other day that…I don’t like what I’m doing anymore.” I think about all the time I spent this past month reassuring board members that our work was the same it has always been. That our product has not changed in its usefulness. “I’m just not cut out to be a figurehead like this.” I shake my hands in the air. “It all feels like constant bullshit and all I want to do is talk about data and stretch my fingers over a really tricky data correlation map.”
Piper smiles. “I know a little bit about how it feels when your dream job doesn’t turn out quite how you imagined it.” Logan grunts her agreement. “Sweetie, it’s okay to change your goals.”
I scrunch up my face. “I don’t think my goals are different. I want Vinea to be everywhere. I want everyone to be able to access this software, to collaborate and share data and change the shape of research.” I take a swig of the signature cocktail Celeste offers. “This is really good.”
Esther squeezes my leg. “I splurged for you, friend. You’re worth it.”
I shake my head. “You shouldn’t have done that.”
She recoils. “What the hell do you mean? You’re the most supportive Foof in this whole group. You’ve been fresh out of fucks longer than anyone else here.”
“Ha!” I shake my head. “It’s all a lie. I have so many fucks, Esther.” I hiccup. “So many.”
Orla says, “Why don’t you tell us a little bit about your fucks and we’ll see how we can help you release them.”
Everyone nods and so I take a deep breath and I tell them about my family. How I can’t seem to stop doing everything for them despite their utter lack of appreciation for that effort. “And now work is starting to feel a little bit like that. A huge responsibility I wasn’t expecting to take on…” I take a huge, shaky inhale. “And when I stopped just once to do something nice for myself, it all turned to shit and he yelled at me and said I was using him.”
I start sobbing again as my friends stroke my hair and rub my arms. I’m not sure who all steps in to support me, but when I open my eyes again I see a sea of faces in front of me, looking concerned. Nicole pats my leg. “Tell me who we need to kill, Sam. I have pregnant lady hormones and I’m not afraid to use them.”
I whimper a little and give them a summary of how AJ assumed I disseminated the thank-you video from his students. How he accused me of being nice to them to gain positive press. “And then he acted like he was just giving me sex to be nice to me or something.”
At this, the Foof members collectively gasp and Esther smashes a bottle against the table. She brandishes the jagged neck. “Let me at him,” she says. “I stood up for him!”
I shake my head. “He really did give me good sex.”
Celeste taps her nails on the wooden table and scrunches up her face. “You know what I think?”
I shake my head. “No, but I’d love to hear.”
She nods. “I think you should be so proud of yourself, honey. You did all this.” She gestures around the room. “You made this group for all these women! You’ve all done so much for each other. And you built that whole company to boot.”
“Hear, hear!” Juniper raises her glass and smacks the table.
Celeste nods. “I watched my husband and then my son deal with jobs that made them miserable, with people who made them cringe.” She shrugs. “Life is too short for either of those things.” She walks over to me and squeezes my shoulder. “Let’s celebrate today’s success, send you to bed, and get you a career coach tomorrow.”
Nicole perks up. “I love this advice,” she says. “Who do we know who coaches high power executives?”
Maddie and Emma trade glances and everyone starts murmuring, trying to think of someone to help me sort out my feelings about work. I sip my drink and stare at my friends, loving them all so much I don’t know what to do apart from try to buy them anything their hearts desire.
“But guys,” I say, waiting until the din dies down. “What the hell do I do about AJ?”
Esther snorts. “Fuck him.”
I sob-laugh. “I want to! I really, really want to…”
Orla shakes her head. “Huh-uh. He’s gonna need to grovel before that can happen.”
Logan nods. “Big time. Nobody says mean things about my boss.”
I let out a final long moan and I really do feel a little better about everything when I’m done. “You guys are the best thing in my life,” I tell them.
Chloe leans in for a hug and kisses me on the forehead. “Right back at you, sweetie.”