I AM GRATEFUL to more people than can be named here for reasons of privacy; but biggest thanks go to my mother’s siblings for their generosity in sharing their memories with me, and to their children, awesome people one and all.
To Fay, for welcoming me into her house and looking after me a long way from home, and for her extraordinary courage in blessing the writing of this book.
To Tony, for his warmth and frankness; Steven, for his kindness and incredibly thoughtful insights. To the memory of the magnificent Doreen, and to Liz, for her strength and talent for seeing the funny side.
I’m grateful to my cousin, Caroline Walker, another writer in the family, for her generosity in sharing material from her grandfather with me.
Gloria and Cyrille Motet continue to be a great source of sanity and their encouragement made all the difference.
To my mum’s friends: the wonderful Joan Borrill, and in fond memory of Danny, her husband, who died in 2009; to Jennifer and Terence Zinn; Denise and Reg Lander; Bob Salmon, Nick Young, Edward Mendelsohn, Roger Hearne, Len Sash, and Ken Mellor.
To Marion Smith, for kind encouragement and good advice.
To those who helped me in Johannesburg; Dee Rissik, Adam Roberts, and my late friend, Heidi Holland.
Thanks to loyal friends and early readers in London: Liese Spencer, Sam Wollaston, and Ian Katz.
To the particular genius of Merope Mills, for suggestions that made all the difference.
To Jat Gill for his generous early feedback; to Kate Fawcett, with whom I seem to have been talking about this book forever; and to Hannah Pool, whose friendship, then as now, I couldn’t do without.
In New York, thanks to Janine Gibson for tolerating what might generously be called my fluctuating productivity while writing the tail end of this book. Oliver Burkeman listened to more of my brain melt than most and never failed to talk me down off the ledge.
Zoe Pagnamenta is the best agent a girl can have. I am very lucky to be at the Penguin Press, where Ann Godoff and Benjamin Platt made a difficult process so much easier.
To the late Nora Ephron, who with characteristic generosity came up with the title of the book for me and was the kind of encourager and role model you only get once.
And with love and admiration to Carin Fox, who always saw what was missing, and who made me press send.