Love without truth is sentimentality; it supports and affirms us but keeps us in denial about our flaws. Truth without love is harshness; it gives us information but in such a way that we cannot really hear it. God’s saving love in Christ, however, is marked by both radical truthfulness about who we are and yet also radical, unconditional commitment to us. (Hardcover, p. 48; paperback, p. 44)
THE WOUNDS OF A FRIEND. Since God’s relationship to us is meant to be our model for marriage, speaking the truth in love would be our goal even if we were not commanded to do it in Ephesians 4:15. Harsh denunciations, no matter how truthful, never change anyone. Sentimental—or, worse, fearful—approval of everything your spouse does is a form of stealth cruelty. It is not loving to see someone’s faults, see how they hurt him or her and those around them, and yet say nothing. At the very least a marriage ought to be as good as a good friendship, where “iron sharpens iron” (Proverbs 27:17) and “wounds from a friend can be trusted; but an enemy multiplies kisses.” (Proverbs 27:6)
Reflection: Couples, do you lovingly dare to help your beloved even if you know the truth will hurt? What measures do you take to make your communication as gentle as possible without compromising the truth?
Thought for prayer: Meditate on which side of Ephesians 4:15 is harder for you temperamentally—the truthfulness or the graciousness? Then ask God to strengthen you where you are weak.