Fulfillment is on the far side of sustained unselfish service, not the near side. It is one of the universal principles of life. [As C. S. Lewis says:] Even in social life, you will never make a good impression on other people until you stop thinking about what sort of impression you are making. . . . The principle runs through all life from top to bottom. Give up yourself, and you will find your real self. Lose your life and you will save it. . . . Nothing that you have not given away will be really yours. (Hardcover, p. 60; paperback, p. 59)51
CULTURAL CONTRADICTION. This message is a direct contradiction to all the movies, television, self-help books, and messages of our culture. They tell us that the only path to fulfillment is to care about ME, and ignore the wishes and needs of everyone who might stand in our way. The end result of concentrating on ME is that all I end up with is myself—no love, no sustaining friendships, no viewpoints to challenge my own. The plunge in the fertility rate is directly tied to this attitude. Our culture tells us that no relationship should be a binding obligation, but of course parenting is—we can’t divorce our children.52 Children cannot be negotiated with. Their needs take priority no matter how busy or stressed we are. If you are unpracticed at sacrifice, children will come as a shock. So will marriage.
Reflection: Does “losing your life” sound like an invitation to abuse? When Jesus says “No one takes my life, I willingly lay it down” does that clarify things?
Thought for prayer: Thank the Lord that when he was dying on the cross and he saw us rejecting him, he stayed anyway and loved us. Ask him for the same faithfulness in all your relationships and especially marriage.