The alternative to this truce-marriage is to . . . treat [your selfishness] more seriously than you do your spouse’s. Why? Only you have complete access to your own selfishness and . . . complete responsibility for it. So each spouse should . . . stop making excuses for selfishness, . . . to root it out as it’s revealed to you, and to do so regardless of what your spouse is doing. If two spouses each say, “I’m going to treat my self-centeredness as the main problem in the marriage,” you have the prospect of a truly great marriage. (Hardcover, pp. 64–65; paperback, p. 64)
THE ONLY PERSON. The truism “the only person you can change is yourself” is a hopeful thought for any married person, but particularly for those in difficult marriages. No amount of finger pointing, yelling, shaming, or arguing will change another person. But if you, with God’s help, begin to change, at the very least life will become bearable; and at best your spouse may choose to begin making changes as well. Some people may need to change in the direction of speaking the truth in love; for others, it may mean giving your mouth a rest and loving with your actions.
Reflection: Do you tend to talk and nag people as a strategy for change? What would be a better place to start?
Thought for prayer: Meditate on Ecclesiastes 3:7 about “a time to tear and a time to mend; a time to be silent and a time to speak.” Then ask God to help you know the difference, when it is time to do what.