[Lewis Smedes wrote:] “My wife has lived with at least five different men since we were wed—and each of the five has been me. The connecting link with my old self has always been the memory of the name I took on back there: ‘I am he who will be there with you.’ When we slough off that name, lose that identity, we can hardly find ourselves again.” (Hardcover, p. 92; paperback, p. 97)
IDENTITIES IN FLUX. This quote by Lewis Smedes observes that identities are inevitably in flux over time. An older man who cannot admit his age, who wants to appear and be treated as much younger, is refusing to accept this process. When you change careers, or you move to a different country, or retire, or have grandchildren, you become a slightly different person than you were. When you suffer—if you go through the death of loved ones, or a debilitating illness—that makes you a different person, too. But the change must not be total. There needs to be a core identity that doesn’t change and that stabilizes and anchors you through life changes. The wedding vow is one of them. It becomes the thread keeping your different “selves” united in love to one another.
Reflection: If you have been married for a number of years, what personal changes in you has your marriage had to weather? If you are newly married, think of the changes that are coming.
Thought for prayer: Meditate on Psalm 116:17–18. Ask God to help you fulfill the vows made at your baptism and at your wedding. Ask him to make you the same kind of promise-keeper that he is.