[Many argue] that striving for permanence through traditional marriage stifles freedom. . . . But Smedes argues eloquently that promising is the means to freedom. In promising, you limit options now, in order to . . . be free to be there in the future for people who trust you. When you make a promise to someone, both of you know that you are going to be there with and for them. “You have created a small sanctuary of trust within the jungle of unpredictability.” (Hardcover, p. 93; paperback, p. 98)
MONOTONY. We want the freedom we feel when we are in a great love relationship. But learning to give love in the particular ways that your spouse wants and needs, to give love that grows rather than diminishes through conflict, is learned through the discipline of sticking with each other at times when the marriage is, frankly, somewhat monotonous. A famous trumpet instructor said: “There are no shortcuts to learning how to play the trumpet. It takes practice and patience. I know that it is monotonous. But finally comes a time when you [are free to] express your emotions through music. And this brings such a pleasure that all the dull hours are forgotten. All you have to do is practice scales . . . scales . . . and more scales.”76 A good marriage grows in the same way.
Reflection: To extend the metaphor—what are the somewhat boring “scales” to be practiced in marriage that can lead to a relationship of the greatest delight?
Thought for prayer: Meditate on Romans 15:5. Then ask God to give you his endurance and encouragement so you can patiently but gladly love your spouse and others even when there is little reward for doing it.