When you first fall in love, you think you love the person but you don’t really. You can’t know who the person is right away. That takes years. You actually love your idea of the person—and that is always one-dimensional and somewhat mistaken. . . . [R]omantic flings are so intoxicating largely because the person is actually in love with a fantasy rather than a real human being. (Hardcover, pp. 94–95; paperback, pp. 99–100)
THE HIDDEN SPOUSE. Every person is created in the image of God, “made a little lower than the angels” and “crowned with glory and honor” (Psalm 8:5). Yet Jesus can say casually, “you are evil . . .” (Luke 11:13). He is addressing his apostles! Jesus is saying that every human being is evil and capable of terrible things. In short, human beings are infinitely complex, contradictory beings. The more sinful aspects are usually not the first things we see in a person. So when you begin your marriage you have only a superficial grasp on both how good and how flawed your partner is. No wonder we need a marriage vow to help us learn to love the real person we married.
Reflection: Set aside some time to be alone and to talk to each other, in great charity and grace, about the strengths and weaknesses you have discovered in each other.
Thought for prayer: Ask the Lord that your knowledge of your own evil heart and of your spouse’s would increase at the same pace, so that together you can offer each other accountability yet humble grace.