Romance, sex, laughter, and plain fun are the by-products of this process of sanctification, refinement, glorification. Those things are important, but they can’t keep the marriage going through years and years of ordinary life. What keeps the marriage going is your commitment to your spouse’s holiness . . . to his or her beauty . . . greatness and perfection . . . honesty and passion for the things of God. That’s your job as a spouse. Any lesser goal than that, any smaller purpose, and you’re just playing at being married. (Hardcover, p. 123; paperback, p. 135)
RIGHT ORDER. A by-product is something created in the manufacture of something else. When Jesus says, “Blessed [happy] are those who hunger and thirst after righteousness,” he is saying, “Happy are those who want something more than happiness, namely, righteousness.” Aim at loving God and you get happiness thrown in. Aim primarily at happiness and you will get neither. Now apply this principle to marriage. Commit yourself to your spouse’s good and growth into Christlikeness and you will also get romance, fun, and laughter thrown in. Aim primarily at the fun and romance, and you’ll get none of it.
Reflection: C. S. Lewis wrote: “Aim at heaven and get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you will get neither.”88 Think of the many other areas of life in which this basic principle plays out.
Thought for prayer: Meditate on Matthew 6:33. Then ask God to show you what it means particularly for you to “seek first the kingdom of God and its righteousness” so that all other things you need are added to your life.