If singles accepted this principle, it would drastically change the way people seek a marriage partner in our day. It is typical for a single person to walk into a room and see a number of people of the opposite sex and immediately begin to screen them, not for companionship but for attractiveness. . . . The problem is many of your best prospects for friendship were likely among those you ruled out because they were too tall or too short, too fat or too skinny. (Hardcover, p. 125; paperback, p. 137)
THE FILTERS: 1. A spouse is a romantic lover, an economic partner, and a co-parent. When a single person in our culture looks for someone to marry, these roles are preeminent in their minds. Therefore, looks and financial capacity tend to be the standards for assessment. They are like two filters by which many candidates of stellar character—but who are ordinary in the physical and financial categories—are screened out. However, if we realize that spiritual friendship is at the core of marriage, and is the thing that sustains us through the ups and downs of the other roles and pursuits, it will give us a new set of eyes to see great potential in people who otherwise would be virtually invisible to us.
Reflection: You may yourself be looking for someone to marry or you may know someone well who is doing so. Take off the filters and look again at the people you know. Who now shows up on the list?
Thought for prayer: Pray that singles (especially in the church) would not unnecessarily delay marriage or miss great prospective partners because of these “filters” given to us by our culture. Pray secondly that they would not have a residual negative effect on you yourself in your marriage.