Sometimes I heard a wife say, . . . “Pleasing [his parents] is far more important to him than pleasing me.” Or I would hear a husband say, . . . “Being a mother is much more enjoyable to her than being a wife.” I could also hear . . . “His (or her) career is what’s really important. The career is the real spouse.” . . . If your spouse does not feel that you are putting him or her first, then by definition, you aren’t. And when they feel that way, your marriage is dying. (Hardcover, pp. 127–28; paperback, p. 140)
THE PRIORITY OF YOUR MARRIAGE. The quote above extends the Genesis 2 metaphor of “leaving” to mean establishing the priority of your marriage relationship. You must not put your job, your parents’ wishes, or even your children ahead of your wife or husband. You must “leave” them for your spouse—who must take precedence in regard to time, emotional satisfaction, and loyalty over every other human relationship. For example, if your job gets the lion’s share of your creative energy and intellectual engagement, leaving little for your marriage—then you have not “left” your career to be united to your spouse. What is the acid test to determine where you are on this? “If your spouse does not feel that you are putting him or her first . . . you aren’t.”
Reflection: Do you feel that the acid test is a fair one? Why or why not? Ask each other if you are passing the test.
Thought for prayer: Ask God for the self-control you need to give your spouse and marriage first place ahead of other pursuits and relationships that might provide a more immediate emotional satisfaction and payoff.